“Sincerity,” is my motto, I am therefore compelled to begin, by
declaring that the early seeds of vanity were sown in my breast by the
praises of a doating mother. I was scarcely ten months old, when I
overheard my mama repeating to my papa, all the handsome things farmer
Howel had said of me. I now recollect her voice faultered as she closed
her recital, and conclude she anticipated our certain separation. For
myself, I was so elated with the words, “He is a remarkably handsome
Donkey,” &c. &c. that I took no account of the price set upon my head,
but gamboled from morn till night, and while my parents pursued their
accustomed labours, remained a stranger to the cares inseparable from
servitude.
Description would fail me, were I to attempt to pourtray the attachment
_our_ mothers feel for their offspring. I well remember exciting the
alarm of my mama one evening.
I had pursued some Ducks into a barn and was enjoying the fright I
occasioned, when her well-known voice echoed through the meadow. I fled
at the summons, and to this day have not forgotten the tender chidings
and affectionate caresses she bestowed upon me as her fears subsided.
Farmer Howel, though a humane man, was sedulously attentive to his
own interest; thus, in the absence of my parents I found myself an
object of some moment to his visitors. Modesty induces me to omit the
flattering comments which occasionally reached my ears. Whether this
organ in our species, from its size, is more exposed to the admission
of vanity, I presume not to decide, it is sufficient to say, _I_
listened with delight, and retained _all_ I heard.
Various opinions were passed upon my capacity. One thought it would
be a pity, to harness me--another recommended taking me to Tunbridge,
where there could be no doubt of my selling well--a third declared a
private family where there were children, would be the most profitable
plan.
The farmer seemed pleased with this last suggestion, and I suppose
believed he knew a likely purchaser, for I was released from further
scrutiny and again scampered at liberty. I ought to blush while I
add, that I buried these consultations in my own bosom, and if this
concealment ultimately spared my parents some unnecessary pangs, it
must be confessed my _motives_ were highly reprehensible.
Ambition however had pervaded my every feeling; I had thrust my head
through an aperture in some old pailings one day, and was snuffing
the air in listless vacancy, when a Donkey smartly caparisoned (and
on which sat a beautiful young lady) came trotting down the road.
“O happy Ass,” sighed I, “Shall I ever be so blessed?” To add to my
delight, a footman on horseback followed; “here” said I exultingly,
“here is a triumph for us, the horse our imperious enemy, in attendance
on an Ass!” Sleep fled my eyes that night--white leather bridles,
stuffed saddles, and handsome young ladies haunted my imagination. I
dare say I was very troublesome, for my father complained that I kicked
the straw about and was remarkably restless.
All that the farmer and his friends had said recurred to my memory, and
though I could not decide which proposition best pleased me, the idea
of change was in itself enchanting, and I longed for the moment that
was to effect this wish of my heart. Alas! it arrived too soon, though
I did not immediately discern my misfortune.
My readers may have felt the inconvenience of a tight shoe, but they
can have no conception of what _we_ suffer under the hands of _our_
shoemakers: suffice it to say, I was shoed according to the usage of
our genus, and like other thoughtless animals, soon forgot my pain,
in the novelty of these new appendages; I have since learned, that
pride is in most instances attended with pain. I dare not contradict
the remark, having some reason in my person for believing it true.
Yet I know you will all smile at the little whims I assumed on this
important epoch in my life.
In the first place, the addition to my height seemed immense, I
actually lowered my head as I entered or issued from our stable;
my poor mother laughed at me sometimes and at others would sigh
prophetically; but my chief pleasure consisted in kicking up the dust,
and making all the noise I could with my shoes. The farmer and his
wife were highly amused with my freaks. I had received two or three
handsful of hay from them upon different occasions, and attributing
these kindnesses to my powers of entertainment, I ventured to intrude
on forbidden ground, scampered into the paved court, and finding a pail
of warm milk standing invitingly in my way, had nearly drank the whole
when the dairy maid approached. Conceive my amazement when this virago
fell upon me, and not content with the stripes she inflicted with a
clothes-prop, threw a large stone after me; fortunately I escaped
from her cruelty, but not without adding to my crime by kicking over
the pail in my flight. I hope I am not injudicious in expressing my
gratitude for that texture of skin which makes us less susceptible to
pain.
I persuade myself, _rational_ animals will not take advantage of a
confession of this sort, nor indeed does my present experience lead me
to question their knowledge of what we _can_ bear.
But to proceed, whether the indignity I had suffered being the first of
the kind, or as the spite of a female was more particularly wounding,
I know not. I looked anxiously for the return of my parents, and no
sooner did they arrive than I hastened to unburthen my grief. My mama
listened dispassionately.
“You did wrong Jemmy,” said she, “the milk was the property of our
master, and intended for the use of his family.”
“How was I to guess that?” said I. “Besides it looked so nice and
tasted so sweet. And pray did not the farmer sell your milk? How many
shillings have I seen paid for it? Nay I heard Mrs. Howel say her
little boy’s life was saved by drinking Asses’ milk.”
“All this may be true Jemmy,” replied my mother, “but it does not
lessen your fault. In the first place, nature has kindly bestowed upon
us a palate suited to our stations in life; delicacy of appetite would
be a grievous misfortune to animals invariably left to provide for
themselves. This freedom however, by no means authorizes indiscriminate
depredations on our part; happiness consists in being contented with
our lot; and while the Ass can browse in the fertile meadow, and slake
her thirst from the neighbouring stream, rest assured she enjoys more
real comforts than thousands of her species.”
“Grass and water!” said I, tossing my head disdainfully. “Why every
Donkey gets these; why my dear mamma, I saw a beautiful Ass with a
smart saddle and white leather bridle, the other day, do you think he
lives upon such mean fare?”
“Ah! Jemmy, Jemmy,” sighed my mother, “you are a stranger to the
Donkey world,--that well-dressed beau who has excited your childish
envy, would most probably claim our compassion did we know his private
history. ‘All is not gold that glitters’ child, fine trappings dazzle
the ignorant and inexperienced; I am afraid you will too soon be placed
in a situation to judge for yourself; may honesty actuate you on all
occasions; endeavour to please your employers, and recollect that
docility is not only valuable in itself, but highly conducive to your
happiness as an Ass.”
There must be something intoxicating in the feelings of youth; though
I listened to my mama with all possible deference, and thought her
sentiments wise and just, it is certain they made no lasting impression
on my mind. The very next day saw me guilty of a trespass. A can of
ale was placed within a hedge for the farmer’s men, then getting in
the hay; my quick scent drew me thither, I cannot say the smell was
fragrant, but I thought there could be no hazard in tasting it,--I did
so and shuddered, took a second taste and liked it better,--again I
turned to the can and drank heartily, when a voice vociferated from
a distance, and in the next moment a stick was hurled at me. Less
fortunate than formerly, I sustained an injury in my leg, and under
the influence of pain began capering about. This agitation produced a
confusion in my head, resembling as I should imagine the feelings of
an intoxicated _rational_ animal: if my conjecture is right, surely
this vice is every way degrading, for I remember, I became an object of
ridicule to the farmer’s men, who stood laughing at my antics, while
two or three Donkeys of my acquaintance actually shunned me for some
days. Nor dared I complain of my broken shin least my parents should
interrogate me respecting the accident which had caused it. I am afraid
I shall appear a very faulty Donkey in the eyes of my readers, an
anticipation that would deeply wound my sensibility, did I not firmly
believe, that many frolics of the enlightened and educated biped,
which excite a smile during their “acting time,” if delineated fairly
would appear equally unjustifiable. In truth I shall have occasion to
contrast our errors ere I close my history.
Months rolled on, during which I was doomed to hear myself reviled as
a most mischievous animal, an arrant thief, &c. &c. I hung my head
and looked silly at first; chance however initiated me into the art
of expressing my indignation. Balaam a very sagacious old friend of
my father’s, being compelled to resist the brutality of some boys
one evening, I observed that his countenance acquired considerable
fierceness as he exhibited his teeth and brayed loudly. Thinks I
to myself, “This shall be my plan, I will no longer bear insult
tamely.” Alas! the presumption of ignorance! An opportunity soon
presented itself--“Here comes thieving Jemmy,” said the dairy maid
of farmer Howel, calling the carter to drive me into the meadow. I
felt indignant, and facing them boldly, grinned (as I thought) most
formidably, braying at the same time with all my might. Instead of
alarming my enemies, my efforts excited their derision, calling forth
peals of laughter at my expense. If all imitators were thus humbled
in their first attempts, I am persuaded mimicry would cease to be a
prevalent foible amongst Asses. Observe, I do not deny the propriety,
the almost necessity that a Donkey like a man, should entertain a
just sense of his prerogatives; it is the folly of assuming these
privileges prematurely that I condemn. Politeness may induce _some_
animals to overlook this precocity in _their_ species; with us it is
quite otherwise, the natural simplicity of our characters is such,
that though man should omit to wound us, our own class are vigilant in
reproving the most trivial affectation in the young.
“Poor giddy thing,” said old Balaam as I retreated from the scene of my
disgrace. “Come here child! So you were really so weak as to imagine
you could frighten those people by your puerile braying!”
“Why,” said I poutingly, “I have seen you do the same.”
“True, but I am of an age to claim respect,” replied Balaam, “added
to which, my services entitle me to some consideration. You should
endeavour to conciliate esteem; let me tell you Jemmy, you will lead
a sad life, if you set out with these false notions of your own
consequence; you must learn to bear and forbear, and above all things
avoid the folly of aping your elders.”
Though Balaam’s wisdom was proverbial in our family, there was a
sternness in his manner which frightened rather than convinced his
auditors; nay, I am tempted to add, that to his mistaken asperity on
numberless occasions, I attribute some of my subsequent indiscretions.
“What! if we are born to labour,” would I exclaim mentally, “I see men
and women return from their daily toil cheerful and happy, and may not
an Ass perform his appointed task and retain his natural vivacity? When
_I_ get a place, he shall see I know how to conduct myself.”
As these soliloquies occurred, I always found my thoughts reverting to
the smart saddle and bridle of a certain Donkey. “And when _I_ am so
dressed,” would I say, “Old Balaam shall see me, I will trot down the
green lane and shew him my finery.”
Now nothing could be more like an Ass, than this resolution of mine,
but I must not anticipate. I was surprised one morning, by farmer
Howel’s presenting a sieve of corn for my acceptance, and hastening to
avail myself of this luxurious treat, was for some minutes unconscious
of the snare into which I had fallen. A rope, a common rope was passed
round my neck, the sieve withdrawn, and in a few minutes I was led
out of the meadow. It was in vain I brayed and called upon my mother,
she was from home, and the carter my old enemy was little disposed to
attend to my sorrow. I recollected my mother’s advice, “that docility
was an amiable trait in a Donkey,” and endeavoured to accommodate my
feelings to my situation. The journey seemed tedious to my companion,
who frequently lashed me with the rope in order to quicken my pace.
At length we stopped at a noble looking mansion; I was ushered into
an extensive field of well-grown grass, and, released from my ignoble
bondage, for a moment forgot I was far distant from my parents.