[Illustration: "I AM TOO OLD A SPANIARD TO BE CAUGHT LIKE THAT"]
"Senorita," he cried, "fear not for Weyler. Think you that I do not know
America! Ha--ha! I know its every inch. And let me tell you this: it is
because I have devoted hour after hour, day after day, night after
night, to the study of the United States, and, best of all, they do not
suspect it over there. Why? Because of my strategy! When I wished to
learn where was situated the city of Ohio did I send to New York for a
map? Not I. I knew that if I bought a map in New York, the house of
which I bought it would advertise me as one of their patrons. I am too
old a Spaniard to be caught like that." Here his voice sank to a
whisper, and, leaning forward, he added, impressively: "I sent for a
railway time-table. Figures express to my mind what lines or maps could
not express to others. What did I learn from the New York Central
time-table, for instance? This: Ohio is twelve hours from New York.
Good, say you--but what does that mean? Travelling at the rate of four
miles an hour, Ohio is just forty-eight miles from New York city!
Forty-eight miles! Pah! By forced marches our troops could cover that in
ten days."
The General snapped his fingers.
"But why Ohio, General?" I asked.
"The most important city in the American Union," he replied. "Ohio
captured, we have the home of McKinley. Ohio captured, we have captured
eighty per cent. of the Yankees' public officials. Your Minister of
State comes from there; all the vocal powers of the Senate; all their
political resource. Ah!" he cried, ecstatically, rubbing his hands
together, "they little know me! Let them destroy our navy. Let them take
the Philippines. Let them blockade Cuba. Let them do what they please.
Spain will wait. Spain will wait a day, a week, a month, a year, a
decade, a century--but when least expected, a new fleet, built
secretly, a new army, recruiting now on the D. Q." (this is a
translation) "will dash into New York Harbor, up the Missouri River,
through the Raritan Canal, and Ohio will lie at our mercy."
"And then?" said I, overwhelmed.
"We'll hold Ohio until the pig gives back the Philippines and Cuba,"
said the General, suavely.
"Now, General," said I, pursing my lips, "your plan is a mighty good
one, and I hope you'll try to put it through. But let me tell you one
thing--your time-tables have misled you. In the first place, any part of
Ohio worth talking of is eighteen hours from New York by rail, not
twelve. New York Harbor is mined all the way from Fortress Monroe to the
Golden Gate; and you can't get to Ohio by a dash up the Missouri River
and the Raritan Canal, because those two waterways above Los Angeles are
not navigable. It is very evident that you, in studying a railroad map,
have forgotten that they are designed to advertise railroads, and have
no geographical significance whatsoever."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Perfectly," said I. "I have lived in the country, as I have told you,
for three years, and I know what I am talking about."
"Then what shall I do to attack Ohio?" he demanded.
"Well," said I, "the question is not easy to answer, but I think if you
would first capture Hoboken--"
"Yes," he said, making a note of my suggestion.
"And then take your transports, guarded by your fighting-ships, out as
far as Rahway--" I continued.
"I have it here," said he, putting it down.
"Land your troops there, and send 150,000 south to Bangor, and 100,000
north to Louisville, Kentucky, with a mere handful of sharp-shooters to
overawe the Seminoles at Seattle, and then let these troops close
in"--said I.
"I understand," said he, enthusiastically.
"If you will do that," I put in, "you'll come as near to capturing Ohio
as any man can come."
The General rose up and excitedly paced the floor.
"Senorita!" he said, at length, "you have done your country a service.
But for you my plans would all have fallen through, because based upon
the unreliable information put forth upon an ignorant people by corrupt
railway officials. I have studied with care every railway map issued in
the United States for ten years past. I had supposed that Ohio could be
reached by way of the Missouri and the Raritan. I had supposed that to
bring about the fall of Nebraska where their immortal General--for I
admit that those pigs have occasionally produced a man--O'Bryan lives,
it could be attacked by a land and sea force simultaneously, should the
land forces approach the city from the Chicago side, and the fleet pass
the forts at Galveston and sail up Chesapeake Bay without further
molestation. I see, from what you have told me, that these maps are
_falsus in uno_ anyhow. I am wondering now if they are not _falsus in
omnibus_."
"I shouldn't be surprised if they were even _falsus in trolleybus_," I
put in, with a feeble attempt at humor. "Certainly they have misled you,
General."
"But," he cried, angrily, "I am not to be thwarted. My ultimate idea
remains unchanged. On to Ohio is my watchword. When that falls, the rest
will be easy. Thanks to the information you have given, I now know how
it may be done, and I assure you, senorita, that you will not be
forgotten in the--ah--the--" here his sallow features grew animated, and
a flush of real pleasure crossed them as he finished--"in
the--ah--reorganization."
"There is to be a reorganization, then?" I asked.
"Yes," he answered. "That is certain, and, on the whole, it is good
that there is to be. People are always pleased with that which is novel,
and up to this time there have been no kings on the throne bearing the
name of Valeriano. _I_ think Valeriano the First will make a very pretty
autograph. Don't you?"
"Indeed I do!" I cried. "Write one for me, won't you?"
But the sagacious warrior merely winked his eye, and by a swish of his
machete courteously gave me to understand that the audience was over.
I immediately cabled to Washington the results of my interview, and, by
the time I got back to London, had the pleasure of reading in the
newspapers that the United States Senate had confirmed my appointment of
First Assistant Vivandiere to the Department of Manila, with the rank of
captain, for services rendered, wherefore I have given up the pleasant
task of interviewing celebrities for the sterner duties of war.
I was glad also to learn that the Administration, acting upon my
advices, had taken steps to make Ohio impregnable by sea in any event.
The Gibraltar of American politics should not be allowed to fall into
the hands of a ruthless Castilian like Weyler, and, frankly, whatever
else our government will permit, I do not think it will ever do this,
and as long as we possess Ohio we need have no fear that we shall be
governed by foreign people.