After recovering from the attack of nervous prostration which was the
natural result of my short visit to Gloomster Abbey, acting on my
physician's advice I left England for a time. Finding myself, some weeks
later, in Berlin, I resolved to call upon his Imperial Highness William
the Second, better known as the Yellow Kid of Potsdam.
I experienced some difficulty at first in reaching the Emperor. Royalty
is so hedged about by etiquette that it seemed almost impossible that I
should get an audience with him at all. He was most charming about the
matter, but, as he said in his note to me, he could not forget the
difference in our respective stations in life. For an Emperor to
consent to receive a plain American newspaper woman was out of the
question. He could be interviewed _incog._, however, as Mr. William
Hohenzollern, if that would suit my wishes.
I replied instantly that it was not Mr. William Hohenzollern that I
wished to interview, but the German Emperor, and unless I could see him
as Emperor I did not wish to see him at all. I added that I might come
_incog._ myself if all that was necessary to make the whole thing
regular was that I should appear to be on a social level with him, and
instead of calling as Miss Witherup I could call as the Marchioness of
Spuyten Duyville, or, if he preferred, Princess of Haarlem Heights, to
both of which titles, I assured him, I had as valid a claim as any other
lady journalist in the world--in fact, more so, since they were both of
my own invention.
Whether it was the independence of my action or the novelty of the
situation that brought it about I do not know, but the return mail
brought a command from the Emperor to the Princess of Haarlem Heights to
attend a royal _fete_ given in her honor at the Potsdam Palace the next
morning at twenty minutes after eleven.
[Illustration: EXAMINING HIMSELF]
I was there on the stroke of the hour, and found his Imperial Highness
sitting on a small gilt throne surrounded by mirrors, having his tintype
taken. This is one of the Emperor's daily duties, and one which he has
never neglected from the day of his birth. He has a complete set of
these tintypes ranged about the walls of his private sanctum in the form
of a frieze, and he frequently spends hours at a time seated on a
step-ladder examining himself as he looked on certain days in the past.
He smiled affably as the Grand High Chamberlain announced "The Princess
of Haarlem Heights," and on my entrance threw me one of his imperial
gloves to shake.
"Hoch!" he cried as he did so.
"Ditto hic," I answered, with my most charming smile. "I hope I do not
disturb you, my dear Emperor?"
"Not in the least," he replied. "Nothing disturbs us. We are the very
centre of equanimity. We are a sort of human Gibraltar which nothing can
move. It is a nice day out," he added.
"Most charming," said I. "Indeed, a nicer day out than this no one could
wish for."
"We are glad you find it so, madame."
"Excuse me, sire," I said, firmly--"Princess."
"Indeed yes. We had forgotten," he replied, with a courteous wave of his
hand. "It could not be otherwise. We are glad, Princess, that you find
the day nice out. We ordered it so, and it is pleasant to feel that what
we do for the world is appreciated. We shall not ask you why you have
sought this interview," he continued. "We can quite understand, without
wasting our time on frivolous questions, why any one, even a beautiful
American like yourself, should wish to see us in person. Are you in
Berlin for long?"
"Only until next Thursday, sire," I replied.
"What a pity!" he commented, rising from the throne and stroking his
mustache before one of the mirrors. "What a tremendous pity! We should
have been pleased to have had you with us longer."
"Emperor," said I, "this is no time for vain compliments, however
pleasing to me they may be. Let us get down to business. Let us talk
about the great problems of the day."
"As you will, Princess," he replied. "To begin with, we were born--"
"Pardon me, sire," I interrupted. "But I know all about your history."
"They study us in your schools, do they? Ah, well, they do rightly,"
said the Emperor, with a wink of satisfaction at himself in the glass.
"They indeed do rightly to study us. When one considers what we are the
result of! Far back, Princess, in the days of Thor, the original plans
for William Second were made. This person, whom we have the
distinguished and sacred honor to be, was contemplated in the days when
chaos ruled. Gods have dreamed of him; goddesses have sighed for him;
epochs have shed bitter tears because he was not yet; and finally he is
here, in us--incarnate sublimity that we are!"
The Emperor thumped his chest proudly as he spoke, until the gold on his
uniform fairly rang.
"Are we--ah--are we appreciated in America?" he asked.
"To the full, Emperor--to the full!" I replied, instantly. "I do not
know any country on the face of this grand green earth where you are
quoted more often at your full value than with us."
"And--ah," he added, with a slight coyness of manner--"we
are--ah--supposed to be at what you Americans call par and a premium,
eh?"
"Emperor," said I, "you are known to us as yourself."
"Madame--or rather Princess," he cried, ecstatically, "you could not
have praised us more highly."
He touched an electric button as he spoke, and instantly a Buttons
appeared.
"The iron cross!" he cried.
"Not for me--oh, sire--not for me?" said I, almost swooning with joy.
"No, Princess, not for you," said the Emperor. "For ourself. We shall
give you one of the buttons off our imperial coat. It is our habit every
morning at this hour to decorate our imperial self, and we have rung for
the usual thing just as you Americans would ring for a Manhattan
cocktail."
"What!" I cried, wondering at the man's marvellous acquaintance with the
slightest details of American life. "You know the--Manhattan cocktail?"
"Princess," said the Emperor, proudly, "we know everything."
And this was the man they call Willie-boy in London!
"Emperor," said I, "about the partition of China?"
"Well," said he, "what of the partition of China?"
"Is it to be partitioned?"
The Emperor's eye twinkled.
"We have not yet read the morning papers, Princess," he said. "But we
judge, from what we saw in the society news of last night's _Fliegende
Choynal_, that there will be a military ball at Peking shortly, and that
the affair will end brilliantly with a--ah--a German."
"Good!" said I. "And you will really fight England?"
"Why not?" said he, with a smile at the looking-glass.
"Your grandmother?" I queried, with a slight shake of my head, in
deprecation of a family row.
"She calls us Billie!" he cried, passionately. "Grandmothers can do a
great many things, Princess, but no grandmother that Heaven ever sent
into this world shall call us Billie with impunity."