I climbed out of the hole and kissed her and, in time, we did manage to
get the old woman buried.
The next day we applied for our license. Three days later we were
married--so far as I know, an interstellar first. The job or money
problem, as it turned out, was no problem. Her first thought was the
direct, female approach to the problem. She could simply make it out of
old newspapers whenever we needed some, as she had the body. She made
some to show me.
"Well now," I told her, "it does seem the simplest way, I admit. But
the government is pretty jealous of its ability to print money. It
likes to think that nobody else can do the job just right."
I was afraid this might be one of her stubborn points but it wasn't.
Government restrictions, bureaucracy and red tape were things she had
no trouble understanding. "It is the same way back home with power and
energy rations," she told me. "You have no idea the difficulty we had
in building up the capital supply necessary for my trip here. So I
suppose we must find another way. Don't you already have some of this
money? Or couldn't you manage to borrow some?"
I had $37.62 in my checking account, but the house was in my name. I
borrowed five grand. I invested. I was probably the most successful
investor since old King Midas developed his touch. If I sank a buck
in land, oil would turn up within the week, and if it turned out to be
a geologically inexplicable tiny pocket the next week--that would be
after I had unloaded. Stocks, commodities, it made no difference. The
money rolled in. We had the touch. Paid our taxes, too, but she had
a way with tax loopholes that gave the district collector a nervous
breakdown.
We traveled, but we kept the old house. We always came back to it for
sentimental reasons. We spent a lot of time in libraries, museums. We
went to shows and concerts. Anything that was going, we went to it. She
had a contagious interest that she communicated to--not to say forced
on--me; and if some of the operas and symphonies we caught seemed to
my elemental musical taste to run a little long and loud, I had my
compensations. And a lot more than most; our adjustments were not all
one-sided.
Example: We made a tour of Europe. Now, I always was a fine,
loving husband to her. Completely faithful. But--well, there was a
dark-haired, laughing, button-cute little chick who sang Spanish songs
in English with an Italian accent in a little place on the Riviera. I
didn't make a pass. I didn't even speak to her. But I have to admit
that, as a strictly idle fancy, she did cross my mind once or twice.
"Hah!" my tall, statuesque, beautiful red-haired wife snorted at me one
evening after we were back home. She was sitting listening to hi-fi,
some of the very long-hair music that she called "the second most
fascinating development of your kind." I was just sitting, maybe dozing
a bit.
"So!" She gave it full-force, wifely indignation. "You sit there and
you smile on me--and all the time you are thinking of this cheap,
female, singing bullfighter you have seen two times. You have two times
me in your mind!"
Already she was talking with just the accent that chick had used.
"Now look here," I protested, "you promised not to go prowling through
my mind. A man is entitled to a little privacy!"
"How can you think so of this other woman? You don't--" sob--"love me
any more!"
Women! That's the way trying to argue with them goes. You are always on
the defensive.
"Aw now, Star-hon-baby," I said, "honestly, it was just a passing
thought. I only--"
"I know what sort of thought it was! Very well." She got up and stalked
off to the kitchen. I didn't get what she was up to, not even when I
heard her banging temperishly about out there.
When there was a sudden flash and the lights blinked out, the idea hit
me. I was scared. What if she had gone back, left me? I dashed to the
kitchen. Just through the swinging door, I tripped over a body and fell
into the kitchen table. Had she--? Then I heard a charming, slightly
accented little giggle.
I didn't bother with my lighter. I reached out, caught her, pulled
my sweet little dark-haired baby to me and kissed her. "Honey-doll,
believe me--I do love you. No matter who you are, I love you!"
I meant every word of it, too. That was a brand of accommodation you
will never get from any local girl.
* * * * *
The next night I had to dig a new grave out by the garage--a bigger
one this time, for a big, beautiful, long-legged, red-haired body.
Funny thing. Contrary to general belief, none of this ever seemed to do
anything for the roses by the garage. They had done poorly ever since
Aunt Belle left and they kept on doing poorly. Well, no matter. Six
months later it was the little brunette's turn to go and we went back
to red hair. When I say my wife was all women to me, I mean it.
The last model was medium height, Titian shade hair, not spectacular
but cute, very companionable, very lovable, beautifully built, built
to last. She was some builder, my wife, and she did a lot of fine
construction work for me.
One night, back along about the third week of our marriage, I got to
feeling lousy--sniffles, headache, no appetite.
It was no dramatic plague; just a typical, nasty case of flu. I used to
get them every fall and winter. I mixed myself a couple of hot lemon
and's, and explained it to my (tall, red headed) wife. "Oh, yes," she
said. "I see."
I had an idea she took another quick prowl through my mind but I felt
too sick to complain. "I'm going to bed," I told her. I went.
Oddly enough, instead of putting in a restless night, I slept like a
log. When I woke up the next morning, I felt great. In fact, as I burst
into a spontaneous and very tuneful chorus of _Body and Soul_ in the
shower, it came to me that I had never in my life felt so well. When
I looked in the mirror to shave, it seemed to me I was even looking
better.
Later that day I was up on the roof putting up a TV aerial. I hadn't
ever bothered with TV, but she wanted to learn all about even that. I
put up the aerial. Then I fell off the roof. I dropped twelve feet,
landing on my left arm and shoulder on hard-packed lawn. Then I got up
and dusted myself off. No damage. I was all right.
"Clumsy," she said to me from the porch.
"No," I said. "Damn it, there was this loose shingle up there. It
slipped right out from under me and--anyway, you might at least be a
little sympathetic. It's a wonder I didn't break my arm. In fact, I
can't understand why I didn't."
"Nothing broke because of the improvements I made in you last night."
"What?"
"Darling," she said, "I made a few improvements. Of course, you were
very attractive, lover. Perfectly charming. But structurally, really,
you were a most imperfect mechanism. So now that I have made a study of
these bodies your people use, I ... rebuilt you."
"Oh? Oh! Now, look here! Who in hell said you could?"
* * * * *
It did, at the time, seem pretty damned officious. I was sore. However,
I had to admit that the changes she made worked out rather well. A
strong, light metallic alloy seems to make much better bones than
can be made of calcium. General immunity to disease was desirable,
I couldn't deny. My re-wired nervous system and modified muscular
structure were as pleasant to work with as they were efficient. I was a
new man.
Of course, every woman always wants to make a finer specimen of
whatever slob she marries. Only I had the luck to get the one who knew
how to do the job properly--from the inside out, rather than by simply
peck, peck, pecking away at the outside.
It was all as near perfect as a marriage can be. I have no complaints
now--and very few even then. She had built me to last a couple of
centuries. I was ready and willing to string along with her all the way.
But it never does work out that way, does it?
What happened to us, as it does to most, was that at the end of the
third year she got pregnant. A very ordinary female trait, you may say,
and not ordinarily surprising. No. Except that she was no ordinary
female.
We were in bed one night--our last night as it turned out--when she
told me.
"Darling," she said, and kissed me. "I have something to tell you."
"Haw?" I was sort of sleepy.
"I've been hoping and hoping it would happen, but I wasn't sure it
could."
"Ha? Whatsat?"
"Darling, we--are going to become parents."
"What?" I was awake then. "We're going to have a baby? Why, that's
great. Wonderful! Do you think he'll take after me?" As I thought it
over, it seemed something of a problem. What would the heredity be? In
fact, _how_ could it be?
"Never mind, darling," she said quietly--sadly, I like to think, as I
look back on it. "That's woman's work, you know. Just leave the details
to me."
I kissed her. We were very loving and tender. I went to sleep, and
dreamed all night long that I was Siamese twins in a fratricidal finish
fight over my model wife.