serve me better. She will wear the breeches properly." And I called out
to her.
By that time the coachman had his lantern, and cast the light on the
miserable sheepish object who scowled at us.
"Here's a pretty tobyman," said I, "a right gallant fellow that sheds
lustre on the craft. Why, a child could manage him. See," says I, for
miss was come up, looking very handsome and excited, in the snow. "Take
ye this pistol, miss, and hold it to him. He will do you no harm--no
more than a louse, and never could."
She hesitated a moment, and then, summoning up her courage, did as I
bid, holding the barker in a gingerly fashion, the while I searched his
pockets, taking out what he had took of us.
I had just completed my job when there was the sound of voices quite
close, for the snow had dulled the tread of the horses of the party
that approached. They were on us ere I knew, and one called out,--
"What is this? Is't an accident?"
"It is a little accident to a tobyman," said I. "A brave fellow that is
come by misfortune all unknown to his mother."
"The devil!" says the voice. "We are after one such. Let us see him."
Now you conceive how I felt, for that this was a party of traps on my
heels I guessed at once. So I moved a little into the shadow of the
lantern, and waited while the man examined t'other.
"I do not know if this is our man," says he, "but 'tis enough if he be
guilty."
"Who is your man?" asked I, emboldened by this ignorance.
"'Tis Dick Ryder," says he; "we tracked him as far as Liphook, but the
one that could speak to him has been detained by a fall at the village."
"Why, this is he!" said I in triumph. "Did he not confess to being
Ryder?" I asked of the others, for by this the old gentleman and his
lady were both with us.
"Certainly. I will swear to it," says the old fellow. "I heard him with
these ears say he was Ryder."
"Then is our business done," says the trap, "and I'm not sorry,
considering the night." And his men surrounded my man and seized him.
His face was as pale as the snow, and he had a horrid, frightened
look. Maybe he was some attorney's clerk that had robbed his master,
and was in flight. I cared not, and I never knew; and he went off
silent with his captors on the way to the Triple Beam, which he
deserved for a bungling, bragging nincompoop.
But now we were alone, and the guineas and the jewels were in my
pockets. Lord, I love the jingle of 'em, and so I took my counsel
forthwith.
"Sir," says I to the old gentleman, "here be your purse and your
papers; and to you, sir," says I to Harringay, "I restore the
smelling-salts, that is your charge. Miss, this, I'll warrant, is your
jewels, the which I would advise you to place in a better security
than heretofore. And now justice is done, and we conclude with a merry
evening."
"But there is my purse!" says Harringay, in an amaze. "My purse with
fifty guineas."
"Why, your purse must be where your heart is, in your boots," says I
contemptuously, and called to the coachman.
"Give me that nag," says I.
And before he understood I was on the beast, and, doffing to miss and
her mother, rode off into the snowy night with a peal of laughter.
THE LADY IN THE COACH
It was not until I was three parts across the heath upon the adventure
that I had gotten any suspicion I was forestalled. The night was very
thick, owing to a pack of clouds that lay furled upon the moon, and
till then was as still as a mouse. But Calypso's hoofs started a wether
bleating near by, and it ran jumping into the distance, with its silly
bell a-tinkling round its neck. And just upon that the noise of a
commotion far off came down to me, and, pulling up the mare, I set my
ears to the valley. I knew the coach must be wobbling along two miles
this side of Belbury, and I reckoned to meet it by the fork. But this
news, as you may conjecture, put me in a taking. There was none along
that road save me and Creech's lot, and 'twas gall to me to play jackal
to Dan, or to anyone else for the matter of that; so, putting my boots
into Calypso, I rode down the valley at a gallop, but I had gone no
farther than a few hundred paces when a clatter of nags came up the
road to my left, and I stopped the roan dead. I was not to be taken
like a fool, all agape with chagrin, and I held up under the cover of
a tall furze bush, till all four were by, passing like shadows into the
night.
"Damn Creech!" I says to myself, for I had scarce a crown to my
pocket. But seeing that vexation would not serve me, I rode on, mighty
discomfited, and presently entered the high road near the foot of the
heath. Right afore me, and wrapt in the shadows of a black clump of
trees, was the hulk of the stage, out of which proceeded a clamour of
excited voices. When I came up with it the coachman was gathering his
reins for a start, but at sight of me rising out of the darkness he
dropped 'em again.
"Save us!" he cried, with an oath, "here's more of the gentry," and
stared at me very sullen.
At this exclamation an instant silence fell inside the coach, and then
a head was poked cautiously through the window.
"'Tis useless, my good man," said a thin, high voice. "We are by this
plucked to our bare bones, and sit grinning in them."
"Heaven save us from this accursed heath! I feared 'twould be so," says
someone else, with a whine.
"Faith," says I, coming to a stop alongside, "'tis an honour you put
upon me. I have been mistaken afore now for his Highness, and for
Jack Ketch too, but 'tis the first time I was dubbed gentleman of the
highway."
The old fellow at the window rolled his eyes over me without a word,
and pretty sharp eyes they were.
"And who may you be, then?" says he, with a queer smile upon his lean
face.
"Why, if it comes to that," says I in turn, "who the devil may you be?"
He scrutinised me closely, and then, "Coachman," he called, "bestir
your horses."
"Come, come," says I, for the old scarecrow tickled my curiosity,
"there's no need to quarrel upon our characters. You have had the
highwaymen here?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Four dirty rascals," he said; "and we're in
no humour for another."
"Look 'ee," says I sharply, "I allow no one to repeat a mistake."
He surveyed me with indifference, smiled, and withdrew his head. "In
that case," he said bluntly, "'tis ill to waste your time and ours."
He was a surly old cock, and, but that I knew Dan must have skinned him
close, I would have dragged him forth and served him according to his
deserts; and, in truth, I was half in the mind to despoil him of some
of his fine fig, but just then another voice broke in.
"Sir," says this noodle, "if you be an officer, as I should judge by
your dress, I pray you will despatch these villains. I am a poor man
and can ill afford to lose my purse, but if a small reward will serve--"
"Ha, ha!" says I, nodding, "here is some sense at last," and, drawing
the roan nearer, I looked into the coach.
There was six of 'em, all looking pretty sheepish; and one, as I
discerned in the dim light, was a lady.
"Lord!" says I, "five of you, and the coachman to be frightened by four
scurvy cut-throats!"
"Why, sir," says the man that had just spoke, who wore a heavy paunch,
"an you had been here I warrant you could ha' done nothing. The
ruffians wore black masks and swore abominably. For my part, all I can
say is that there was the cracking of whips and a pistol through each
window ere I was out of the lady's lap, where, being asleep, the jolt
had thrown me."
"The exchange was effected, I assure you," put in the old man suavely,
"with less noise than if it had been a Sabbath sermon, save for the
protestations of my friends here."
"Protestations!" says the lady, breaking her silence, and in an voice
rough with anger. "There were tears enough to have touched a heart of
stone, and less resistance than a barndoor fowl's. A fine company for
escort, forsooth!"
I shot another look at her--for a woman, specially if she be beautiful,
tickles my fancy--and, sure enough, I could perceive even in that light
she wore an air of quality. But I put her aside a moment, and says I to
the man with the paunch: "What have you lost?" says I.
"Sir," says he, "I am a goldsmith, the which trade hath in these days
sunk so low that--"
But here Belinda intervened on him very sharp. "For heaven's sake,"
says she impatiently, "spare us the repetition of your circumstances;
and since," she added with a sneer, "this gentleman is so good as to
promise you assistance, specify your guineas and be done."
"There were a hundred guineas in my bag," said the goldsmith humbly.
But at that, and it may be because of the hint in the lady's words
about me, there came another voice from t'other side.
"I am a merchant, sir," it began.
"Perhaps," says I, with a glance at the lady, "we had better spare that
also."
"Sir," says the cully, accepting my rebuke, "if you will but save me my
two hundred and fifty guineas you will place me deeply in your debt.
A King's officer, like yourself, should have no difficulty in running
these rascals to earth."
That made me smile, as you may fancy; and then, turning to Hoity-toity,
I says, "And how have you fared, madam?"
Now that I regarded her more closely, I could perceive that she was
very elegant, but she wore an ill-tempered frown, that set her beauty
askew.
"I," says she, shrilly, "am in no mood to indulge a wayside
curiosity--unless, indeed, 'tis your business to catch robbers." I
bowed very solemn, and she eyed me with asperity. "I have been rifled
of many valuable jewels, which I should now possess had I kept other
company than that of chicken-hearts."
"'Tis a fool's trick to carry jewels on the King's highway," says I.
"These gentlemen of the road snap their fingers at his Majesty."
"And you a King's officer to say that!" she said scornfully.
"Faith," said I, with a laugh, "I make no such claim to dignity. I
am a poor civil gentleman, of no more pretensions than your brave
companions."
"Brave!" she echoed, with disdain. "Five able-bodied men, and never a
blow among them!"
"Pardon me, madam," interposed the old gentleman softly; "I have
already explained that you must not reckon with me, having these five
years no certain knowledge if my legs be still my own."
At this point the coachman broke in with a gruff voice. "We must be
going," says he, "or maybe we shall have further trouble ere Belbury."
"Heavens! would they flay us?" asked the old gentleman, lifting his
eyebrows. "I assure you, I have nothing beyond my skin and two very
incompetent legs."
That set me laughing, for the old cock tickled me.
"Faith," says I, "here is a philosopher."
Whereupon, like a pistol-shot, madam turns upon me in a fury. "And
who are you, sir, that dares mock at our misfortunes?" she cried
angrily. "Who are you, that comes swelling with fine feathers and a
cock-a-doodle-doo about assistance? Oh, were there stuff enough within
the four walls of this carriage, some one should fetch you a clout for
your impertinence! I was a fool to have ventured in this company--a
fool not to have taken my Lord Kerslake's offer of a seat."
The old gentleman looked amused, and glanced whimsically at me; but,
sure, I liked her spirit, though I made answer mockingly.
"Faith, gentlemen," says I, "you have here spirit enough to arm a
regiment. I crave your ladyship's pardon; I am of a round and jocund
temper, and can scarce keep my teeth inside my lips; I should grin
upon a tombstone. But as for your misfortunes, rot me, but they touch
me nearly; and, had the opportunity fallen, I should ha' been proud to
draw a skewer for you."
"You have fine words, sir," says she, still very angry. "I am weary of
words; I have heard brave words enough to outlast my years. You brag
of your sword!" (she puffed her nostrils in a sneer), "had you arrived
five minutes sooner, the chance had been yours to show the spirit under
your fine coat. I am weary of words. Drive on, a God's name, coachman!"
I glanced about the coach with a smile--though, to say the truth, the
wench's tongue nettled me; and "It seems," says I, "that we are a pack
of superfluous cravens. Why is there none to fight us? My stomach, I
vow, heaves for a highwayman. How stand yours, sirs?"
"Mine, sir, is sinking," says the old gentleman caustically--"sinking
for the meal from which you detain us."
"Pray begone, sir!" added Hoity-toity. "As we may not have your valiant
aid, no doubt your comfortable bed will provide you bloodless dreams
of battle."
There was no limit to the jade's tongue; but I kept myself in control,
and merely laughed.
"Why," says I, "it seems I come to the table when the wine is cleared."
"By five minutes," she exclaimed--"by bare five minutes! The hoofs of
their horses were not round the corner ere yours was poking its nose
through the window."
"I would I had forestalled 'em," says I, with meaning.
The lady paid me no heed, but continued, "I have come from a town where
young gentlemen of blood blink not at danger, and to lose five minutes
were not to lose the privilege of protecting a lady of birth."
Her sneers made me mad; but "Ha!" says I, "your ladyship lives in a
brave town. And what would these young gentlemen do? Sink me, I am so
humble that I must go to school under them."
"They would not hang to gossip upon the wheels of a coach; and I should
have my jewels within four-and-twenty hours," says she curtly.
"Gad," says I, "they are gallant young gentlemen indeed, and of a rare
devotion to your ladyship. As for me--"
"As for you, sir," interrupted the old gentleman, testily, "if you will
be good enough to resume your journey, we may have some chance at least
of our dinner."
Hereupon the coachman cracked his whip, and the horses plunged forward
a step; but I leaned over and laid my hand upon the side.
"Fie, fie!" says I, "to mumble of dinner when the lady's jewels are in
question, and but four-and-twenty hours to get 'em!"
"The more reason for your leaving at once," said the old mawkin,
sarcastically.
Somehow the behaviour of these two nettled me. I could see that the
one entertained suspicions of me, and t'other used me with so small
an amount of ceremony that I was loth to leave 'em ere I had cried
quits with 'em. But it was the ejaculation of the goldsmith as set the
idea suddenly in my head, for, says he, in astonishment, taking up
the old gentleman's phrase, "You will undertake the quest, sir?" And
immediately the thought of a pretty whimsy flared in my head; but ere
ever I had taken it, up springs the merchant crying, "Mine too--mine
also, sir; I pray you, young gentleman, my bag of guineas!"
"The devil!" says I, very calm, and as if I had made my resolve long
since. "How would those same young gentlemen of blood entreat you, I
wonder? 'Slife, I have a notion that they would despatch you all to
hell, for your common quality, it being of untoward audacity for to
seat you next her ladyship." And then, putting my head right through
the window, I says, addressing the lady in the most pretentious, solemn
manner, "Your ladyship," I says, "frame me in your fancy, however
high the flight, as one of these gentlemen of blood. Sirs, bear your
misfortune with patience, I adjure you. Lard and oddsbobs, I wish you a
more prosperous journey." And, with a sweeping bow, I spurred the roan
into a gallop down the road.
When I pulled up at the foot of the heath, I could hear the creaking
of the coach as it lumbered in the distance; then, turning the mare's
nose to the common, I put her to an easy canter. 'Twas a design of
some humour that possessed me; and what further drove me on was the
reflection that I had a bare lining to my pockets, and, if I could
not come by a high-toby lay, well, I would juggle with Creech for a
venture. I knew Dan's haunts well enough, and that as like as not he
was hiding in The Woodman for to celebrate his success. And, sure
enough, when I had crossed the heath and struck into the pine wood
on the further slopes, after concealing Calypso in a thicket, there
was old Kettle met me at the door of his inn, very suspicious, but
of a mighty cheerful countenance. He was acquainted with me by sight,
for he let me pass with a nod; and, proceeding to the rear of the
hostelry, I found one of Dan's lads stuck before the door of the barn.
He challenged me as I approached; but "Pooh, Tom!" says I, "keep your
lead against traps and such vermin," the which made him grin upon
recognising my voice.
"What brings you here, Dick Ryder?" says he. "We thought you was in
London."
"I'm on the King's service, I am, Tom," says I.
Whereat he broke into a loud guffaw, and says he, "You'd best forswear,
then, or Dan'll crack no bottle for you to-night. He's in a rare
humour, is Dan."
But I pushed by him, and entered the barn, where Creech and two more of
his rogues were sprawling upon the floor, pretty far gone in liquor, as
I conceived. At the sight of me, up jumps Dan to his feet, but falls
back again drunkenly.
"You damned pink-faced truant, Dick Ryder!" he cried, "what do you out
of your bed at this hour? And Mistress Polly all forlorn!"
"Women," says I, "are devilish seductive for ornament, Dan, but theirs
is a heavy price, and I'm quit of 'em." And with that, nodding at a
crate of bottles, I added, "A fetch of luck, eh, Danny?"
"Sit down, my fine feathered bird," says Creech; "sit down and tipple
along of us. Stab me if I keep my luck to myself! I'm a generous hand,
I am."
The wine was none so bad, being sack of an elegant body, though Creech
had never the palate of a fly; and presently, after I had drunken, I
looked about me, but could see nothing of the booty. "Ah!" says I,
"I'll warrant you have filled your purse, Danny. You're no company for
a poor wastrel like me."
Creech grinned, and winked a bloodshot eye on me. "You should ha'
joined the company, Dick," he said. "But, damme, you're so devilish
shy. Plague take you, haven't I given you your chances? Stab me, you
fine young bantam, for all your pride I wager you've not a crown in
your pockets, and ours a-bulging out with goldfinches."
"One, Danny--one," says I, "and a good well-thumbed crown, come by
honestly."
"Bah!" says Creech, with a sneer; "you'd be dragging your pockets along
the ground if you'd been along of us to-night."
"Did you take a coach?" says I.
"A coach!" replied Creech. "Such a coach as you never saw--just
guineas a-dropping off the box into your mouth, and none to deny you.
Eight hundred and thirty golden pictures, you young fool, all stamped
of his Majesty; and more to that."
"More?" says I, very innocent.
"And it mightn't be a little box, Dick--only a little box," says
Creech, in a wheedling voice; "but a queen's ransom to its belly;" and
without more ado, but as if anxious to strut upon his dungheap, he put
his hands between his legs, and fetching out a casket, threw it at me.
"Catch it," he cried; "open it and feast your eyes upon it. There's
glamour enough there to turn a stomach sour."
'Twas a rare lot of jewels, for sure, and it was small wonder that her
ladyship was in such a taking. But Creech, in the exultation of drink
and success, could not hold his tongue, which it was not my desire that
he should. "Where's your damned independence now?" he chuckled. "What
sort of figure upon the lay does Galloping Dick cut atween here and
London?"
But if I was to have it forth of his fingers I would have it openly,
and so I says plumply, "I have a fancy for that box, Dan," says I.
Creech leaned over, and set his dirty finger against his nose, poking
out his tongue.
"Yes," says I, in a careless fashion; "I have taken a main liking to
it. I want that, Dan."
Creech burst into a fit of laughing.
"Hear him!" he cried. "Hearken at the avaricious young fellow. He wants
it, the precious boy! And so he does. And will his nursey give him the
pretty things for a plaything till he falls asleep? Oh, Dicky, Dicky,
stab me but you'll be my death of bursting!" And he rolled upon the
ground in merriment that came in good part of the sack.
"Come, Dan," says I, as pleasant as you like; "you won't deny me, old
friend--not you. Let us shake hands on it."
But this set Creech yelling with laughter. "Why, curse me," said he,
"here's a queer game, hearties! Here's a poor young man with but a
crown to his pocket, and a soul a-soaring in the sky!"
But then, without further ado, I whipped the coin out of my pocket
and spun it in the air. "Come, Danny," says I, affably; "I will toss
against you, with the precious gems for stakes. Put 'em down atween us,
and by God I'll nick 'em."
Creech stopped in his laughing and set the box in front of him, piling
upon it two heavy pistols and a naked sword. "There, Dick Ryder," says
he, grinning, "come and fetch 'em. There's none as can charge meanness
upon me. Take 'em, cocky; stab me, Dick Ryder, where's your grit?" and
over he rolls upon his side, shrieking with laughter, in which t'others
joined him.
Now he had, as it were, laid the job fairly before me, and for the
moment I was in the mind to take him at his word; but the next second
I had abandoned the purpose, for though I had little doubt that I
could manage the three with them in a drunken condition, I was not for
spilling blood, at anyrate at that stage. So what does I do but merely
stick forth my foot and kick the weapons into the air. That fetched
Creech to his legs mighty sudden, and scowling at me he says, "Is this
serious, Dick?"
"You'd best guard 'em well," says I, "for I mean ill by them."
"Look 'ee, Dick," said Creech slowly, "if you want 'em you can take
'em. D'ye see? I'm not a man to botch my words. Curse me, I've given
you your chances afore now."
"Well," says I, "I'll fight you for 'em."
Creech winked. "I ain't afeard of your toasting-fork," he said, "though
you are used to wear it for a taunt. I have as many bloody facts to my
tally as, maybe, Dick Ryder himself. But I'm no precious baby, to risk
my skin in behalf of what's my own. An you take 'em, you shall reckon
with the gang."
"Damme," says I, "gang or no, 'tis all one with me. I'll have 'em
within a round of the clock."
"No, no, young fellow," replied Creech, with a sly look. "'Tisn't upon
our side as the whole bargain must lie. Strike me a proper balance.
Curse me, if you're for sport, I'll meet you. Put up that crown. D'ye
think I'm to cast away the baubles on the fall of a shield? Place me
something fat in the scales."
"Why, my sword," says I, with a laugh.
Creech grunted.
"Calypso," says I.
"Bah!" says he; "mare and sword and all, yourself atop, my young blood."
"Would you buy blood for money?" I asked.
"Faith, yes," he answered; "'tis the fashion of the trade. And you're
a pretty hand with the irons. Look at you--you with your fine fancy
dress, for all the world like a gentleman in his Majesty's service.
Stout muscles, Dick, but small wits behind 'em. What say you? You shall
have the trinkets, and the guineas too if you can get 'em. But an you
fail we'll have you, by hell, body and soul for twelve months."
I knew 'twas his inflation that drew him on thus, but it served my
purpose; and so, after a pause, I said, "How long do you give me for
the job?"
"Till this hour to-morrow night," says Dan, seeming to consider.
Thereupon I jumped to my feet. "I'll take you," says I; "and now for
another glass."
Creech stares at me for a moment in stupid wonder, and then solemnly
reached out his hand, which I took. Filling a glass, I nodded at the
three and gave them a toast. "Here's success to me, lads!" I says.
But at that Creech turned black, and spilling the wine he was drinking,
looked at me savagely. "Damn you!" he said, "keep your toasts to
yourself, and get you gone, or Tom out there will have leave to thrid
you with bullets."
But having made my point I was in no humour to be offended at the surly
hunks, and so I tossed off the wine very leisurely. "Good Danny," I
said; "there's sense in your tipsy brain yet. Best go to bed and nurse
it, for you'll need all your wits to-night."
But Creech, who had now fallen into a dark mood, made no answer,
merely muttering to himself; and with a nod I was gone. But, Lord, the
adventure was ready to my hands, for to cheat three such clumsy sots
was no difficult task for me. I scarce gave it a thought until, coming
upon Tom in the yard afore the barn, a sudden notion took my fancy, and
I came to a stop beside him.
"Ah, Tom," says I, shaking my head, "'tis a raw night for to gnaw the
vitals out of a hedgehog, and you with no drink. I've a mind to spare
you."
"What d'ye mean?" says he, without a suspicion.
"When is your time up?" I asked, paying him no heed.
"At midnight," says he, cursing a little to himself.