thinking, no doubt, that the bargain was struck now and the act
consummated.
"No!" says I; "I kiss no maid against her will. Fetch forth the pieces
and the toys, my lady."
Miss fell back, still white, and I saw something leap in her eye. She
put her kerchief before her face and sobbed.
"Damme!" says I roughly, "out with the goldfinches, or must I make bold
to help myself from ye? There is too much prattle here, and I have
delayed long enough."
The lady had gone red with anger, and moved her arm as though she would
have struck someone in her fury; but suddenly containing herself, and
considering, as I must suppose, that 'twould put no embargo on the
guineas and the diamonds, she says, says she,--
"If my niece will not save my jewels at the price, I, at anyrate, will
save hers." And she leaned softly towards me.
Now in a flash I saw what she intended, and how she would go any length
to preserve her property, the which gave me but a poor thought of her
for a basely avaricious woman with no pretensions to honour, and (as
was clear) a very brutal mind and temper towards the girl. So I did
that which maybe I should not ha' done, though 'tis hard to say, and no
one ever accused Dick Ryder justly of handling a woman harshly. But she
would have put me in a hole else, with her quickness and her cunning;
and there was only the one way out, which I took.
"No," says I, "there is no talk of miss's jewels. What she may have she
may keep. I war not on pretty girls. And as for yours, madam--damme!
there's nothing will save 'em! No, split me, there isn't!"
She fell quite white, as I could see even in the gloom, and for a
perceptible moment hesitated. 'Twas then, I suppose, that she made up
her mind, casting this way and that venomously and desperately for a
way out.
"Well," said she, in a muffled voice, "I cry you mercy. Here's what ye
are wanting!" And she flung her bag at me; and with her fingers, that
trembled, undid the necklet she wore, and handed it to me.
"Come, that's the mood in which to take reverses," says I cheerfully.
"I'll warrant there's more where these came from, and more behind them
again; for I should think shame to rob the last jewel from a neck that
so becomes 'em." This I said by way of consolation for her vanity, if
that were touched at my previous refusal. But she said nothing to that;
only put her head nearer, and addressed me with a chastened voice,--
"Look ye, Captain, I think you be a hard man, but not so hard perhaps
as you may seem. I ask not for myself, as you've taken all I had,
but for my niece here, who has had the privilege of your benevolence
to retain what she has. You have said your name is Ryder, and I will
believe you. 'Tis nothing to me now if it be Ryder or Creech, as--"
"Creech!" says I, for I knew Dan Creech well, and had, indeed, been in
some surprises with him.
"Yes, Creech!" said she, looking me steady in the face. "I was warned
of a ruffian named Creech that would haunt this road to Maidstone."
"Well, Creech," said I, "will reap nothing from bare acres."
"No," said she, "save from my niece."
And there she spoke truly enough, as I saw; for if Creech was on that
road (and maybe he was), I knew him better than to suppose he would be
content with their asseverations. He would rummage and overhaul, would
Creech, and there was never gold or farden would escape Danny's notice,
not if 'twas as pitch black as midnight.
"As you have been so generous," said my lady, "I thought that maybe you
would go further, and save my niece from robbery and me from further
needless alarms. It seems to me, though I may be prejudiced, that you
owe me that at least."
I thought on that for a moment, and--well, I had not spared miss to let
her fall a victim later; so says I,--
"You mean that I shall give you my protection?"
"I see that you are quick of your wits," said she, speaking evenly now,
and not with any irony apparent.
"Done!" says I. "I will conduct ye to within a mile of Maidstone, and
you shall go secure. I'll swear to that."
"Will ye not be afraid to venture so closely?" asked she.
"I will conduct ye up to the doors of Maidstone," said I. "Damme! I'll
see you safe within the precincts."
"Spoken like a brave knight of the roads," said her ladyship, and lay
back in her seat. "And now, perhaps, you will be good enough to bid my
coachman drive on."
There was something in her tones which should have given me pause even
then, if I had been less pleased with myself. But I had been hard with
her, not in the matter of the jewels only, and I was disposed to meet
her on a point, for all that I was sure she bullied the girl. So I rode
on in the front and the coach rolled after me, for all the world as
though I were advance guard in protection of beauty, which, after all,
is pretty much what I was. There was no denying looks to her ladyship,
but she was of a hard, handsome face that has never taken me. You would
swear she would never change till the tomb swallowed her, but would
grow old and fade white insensibly, battling for her beauty all the
way, and holding its handsome ghost until the end. If there was anyone
that would be attracted by her person (and there must ha' been many),
to say nothing of her purse, why, thank the Lord, 'twas not I. I would
sooner lie in shackles at Newgate than have lain in shackles to her at
my lady's house. Not but what I can speak generously of her (as witness
what I have wrote of her beauty), for I came out of the affair all
right, yet by an accident, as you will see.
We had got near by Maidstone, within three miles, and the twilight had
thickened into dark. There was never a soul upon the lonely road, for
you may conceive that I kept a sharp eye, not only for Danny, if he
should be about, as was possible, but also lest my lady should play
any trick upon me by the way. But I was not much afraid of that, as I
knew there was nothing between us and Maidstone save a few scattered
cottages and an insignificant village or two, which I would have
warranted to scare with a blank charge. So when we were, as I say,
within three miles of the town, her ladyship put out her head and
called to me.
"See you," said she, "there is the town drawing near, and you expose
yourself in the front. It will serve if you ride behind and be for your
better safety, Captain."
"Why," said I, "what the deuce do I mind of riding before or behind!
There's none will take me, and I will fetch ye into Maidstone, as I
have said."
"Well, Captain," said she, with a laugh, "I will confess 'twas
not wholly your safety that moved me, which is not strange in the
circumstances; but I should feel more secure myself were my escort in
the rear, from which side 'tis more likely any assault would be made."
"I came at you in the front, madam," said I.
"Ah! Captain Ryder is Captain Ryder," said she, beaming, "and was not
afraid of my blunderbusses and my rascals. But conceive a less brave
and straightforward adventurer that sees not only blunderbusses and
lackeys, but a gallant swordsman to boot in front. 'Tis surely from the
rear such a one would attack!"
"Oh, well," said I indifferently, "afore or behind matters nothing.
You will have no assault while Dick Ryder's sign-manual is on you, and
that's his toasting-fork."
And so I fell behind, as she wished, and we proceeded. It was true
enough, what she said, that the body of the coach would protect me
from any eyes in front, and that I could make off more easily from the
rear; but, Lord love you! I had no thoughts of that; and if I had been
thinking of it, it might have occurred to me that, being in the van,
I could see more plainly into what we were running than if I were in
the rear. And, sure enough, that came near my undoing, for we had not
gone two miles further, and were still some way out of the town bounds,
when the coach suddenly pulled up before a tavern in a little village
thereby, of which I cannot recall the name. We had passed several of
these, and, as I have said, I cared not two straws for them, and so
I was mildly exercised in my mind at this unexpected stoppage, and,
coming to myself, moved the mare slowly round t'other side of the
coach to see what was forward.
"If she is thirsty," said I to myself, "she shall drink," and, if it
came to that, I was thirsty myself. And I was ready to hold up the
innkeeper with a pistol-butt while we all drank a draught to our better
acquaintance and miss's eyes, maybe. But as I came round I was suddenly
aware of a small crowd of people, some wearing uniforms, armed with
halberds and lanthorns, and in the middle a short important gentleman
with a paper in his hand. I had no sooner made this discovery than her
ladyship shrieked out very loud,--
"Seize that man! He is a highwayman!"
At that, all alert, I pulled Calypso round and put my heels into her
flanks; but there was a bank of people before me in that quarter and
the chaise to one side and the tavern t'other, and ere I could draw
half a dozen hands were on the mare, and two of a posse that was in the
throng had their pistols on the level.
There was I, taken, netted like any duck in a decoy, for certain, and
with no prospect even of a struggle, for the numbers against me were
great. I saw that in the twinkling of an eye, and so sat still, making
no effort to escape.
"What is this?" said I loudly. "Hands off, sirrah! Do you dare arrest
an innocent man? Who is in authority here, and what's his foolish
name?" said I.
At that the short man came forward, and I saw that he wore a long gown
edged with some sort of fleece. "Who are you?" I asked, assuming the
most haughty, arrogant air, "and under what pretence is a gentleman
that is on the King's business arrested and delayed?"
"Sir," he said, hesitating, "I am Mayor of the town, and 'tis at her
ladyship's request--"
"I know nothing of her ladyship," said I, interrupting angrily. "If her
ladyship blunders, and you through her, you must take the consequence,
Mr Mayor."
He seemed put about at that, but my lady herself intervened, or I would
have managed things for myself pretty easily.
"I charge that man with stealing from me jewels and money to the amount
of five hundred guineas, which you will find upon him," said she, for
she was now out of the coach and standing in the road among them all.
"Yes, your ladyship," says the Mayor anxiously, "it shall be attended
to."
"Well, someone shall smart for this," said I, "ere many days are out."
"And my witness," pursued her ladyship calmly, "sits in the coach, and
is my late husband's niece."
"Oh, a witness," says Mr Mayor, brightening up.
"To say nothing of my two fellows," she ended.
With that I saw it was all up, for she was not one to lose her head,
and with that plain issue before the Mayor, he could not blunder very
far. So I said nothing more, but sat in the clutches of the officers
cudgelling my wits for a way out.
"Celia," says she, "is this the man that attacked us upon the road and
stole my jewels?"
"I--I cannot discern very well--'tis dark," stammered miss, and, rip
me! I blessed the chit for that reluctance, though 'twas useless, as it
happened, for says her ladyship,--
"Nonsense, baggage!" she says: "you can see quite plain. You are a
coward, that's what it is. Here, James and Joshua, what say you--is
this the villain?"
Whereupon the lackeys both swore with one voice that it was I, and that
I had attacked them brutally; and says one that I had put a bullet near
his leg, whereas 'twas his own silly blunderbuss that he dropped.
"That is sufficient, my lady," says the Mayor, looking very pompous,
and to that added what gave me the clue as to this unexpected trap.
'Twas nothing more or less than that little toad, the fat steward,
who, for all his gabble and talk, had forgot to say that the Mayor of
Maidstone was to come forth to meet her ladyship in state, in token of
gratitude for favours to the townsfolk. 'Twas along of that fountain,
as it seems, and I cursed the little fat fool in my heart in that,
being so garrulous, he had put a limit to his tongue. But at the same
time I could not but admire her ladyship's admirable skill and cunning.
Sink me! she was a wonder with her quickness, so to contrive to drag me
into the trap. But these considerations availed me nothing, and I will
confess that I saw no road of escape, though I am far from saying that
I was beaten or that some notion would not ha' come to me later. Why,
I have broke out of Newgate jug in the face of all. Yet this is what
happened. In the thick of this talk and confusion, and even while the
throng pressed upon me and my captors, suddenly a voice cried out from
the coach.
"There is the other, seize him!--there he goes, on the right there!"
This was miss's voice, as I recognised, though I was amazed, and for
the time did not pick up my wits. But in a second all was uproar.
"Who d'ye mean? What is it, you baggage?" cried out her ladyship.
"Seize him!--there he goes!" cries miss again, leaping from the coach
in a state of excitement; and to her ladyship: "Why, the other, my
lady!--the man that assisted--Creech, was it not?"
In an instant I saw how it was and what she intended, and I believe her
ladyship, in her quickness, saw it just after me; for in the confusion
the throng swayed, and some ran this way and others that, and there
were my two jailers gaping into the darkness like moping owls.
'Twas but the work of a moment to wrench free an arm from one and
deliver t'other a rap with a pistol on his skull; and at the same time
I wheeled Calypso about and broke a third that stood there in the wind.
The three thus scattered, with a whistle to the mare I dropped low in
the saddle, and breaking out of the circle thundered down the road at a
gallop, while all behind me arose cries and shouts, and above all her
ladyship's shrill voice, screaming with fury.
I rode till I reached the first turning on the left, and then went up a
black lane for some distance; after which I paused and listened. Sounds
still came to me, sailing on the night, and I stood awhile, chuckling
to think how deeply her ladyship was cursing, and how smartly I had
evaded her. And upon that comes the thought of miss.
"Why," thinks I, "she's a heart o' gold, is miss; and that wild cat
will be flying in her face with her claws;" and, the devil being in me,
as I have said, all through that business, I turned about and came back
into the road.
I jogged along comfortably until I was within a hundred yards of the
inn, and here was the same confusion that I had left.
"What's this?" said I to a fellow that passed me.
"Oh," says he, "'tis a highwayman that has robbed a lady and is got
off."
"Stab me!" says I, "what fools these traps be!" and I moved on, until I
came by the coach, where I stood in the darkness.
I heard her ladyship's voice, coming out of the inn, and still angry,
and there was several in the roadway, but the traps had vanished, and,
I make no doubt, were looking for me busily. As I stood there thinking,
someone comes from t'other side of the chaise, and I saw it was miss.
At the same time she saw me and started.
"What do you here?" she asked tremulously.
"Why," says I, "I am a-looking anxiously for a tobyman that has
wickedly robbed a lady."
"Go," she cried, "you will be caught. They will be back directly."
"No," said I, "I am not the man to leave other people with my burdens."
"What do you mean?" said she after a pause.
"There is her ladyship," said I, "and there is yourself."
"Oh, I am well used to deal with her ladyship," she said, a little
bitterly. "You need be in no alarm."
"Well, 'tis I shall deal with her ladyship this time," said I.
"You are mad!" she said. "Go--go--I hear them coming!"
"No," says I.
"Oh, go," she pleaded anxiously. "If you stay you will do me no good,
and yourself all harm. I think you are bewitched to stay."
With that I looked at her, and though I could not see her very clearly
in the small light, I vow she was mightily pretty. I suppose 'twas the
devil in me moved me, or maybe 'twas only her beauty; but, at anyrate,
said I,--
"If I may have now what I denied myself upon the road there, I will
go," said I.
She drew herself straight and I could see her under-lip quiver.
"Sir," she said; "I know you to be a highwayman; at least, let me
think you a gentleman."
"Damme!" says I bluntly, for I was taken aback at this. "Damme! no
one shall say I am no gentleman, for I am that afore everything else,
as I will prove on any buck's body." And so, with a big congee in my
stirrups, I turned and left her.
THE LORD CHIEF JUSTICE
There was many an adventure befell me in a pretty broad circuit of
life that tickled my ribs to a proper tune; and I have cackled over
some escapades with a wider mouth than ever I sat out the most roaring
comedy of the play-houses. Not but what there were some high-stepping
pieces to my taste in the town--well enough to clap eyes on, no doubt,
but cockatrices mighty greedy of the gullet, as you could spy at a
glance. And, after all, a wench is no food for humour, but for another
purpose altogether. I pin no faith upon 'em at the best. But of all
the chances that I encountered, what most rarely served my palate was
this unexpected meeting in the West Country, which, I will admit at the
outset, and ere I saw clearly the shape of my predicament, set my heart
a-bobbing fast enough. It fell in this way.
'Twas on a Monday in the late summer of that year of grace 1685 that
I rode up from the valleys of the north in the company of Tony Flack,
and we came to a pause upon the hind quarters of Exeter town. Tony
himself was for caution, and would have us turn away to a little
roadside tavern that we both knew for a safe resting-place, with a
staunch innkeeper to boot. But I was for Exeter itself, for, to say the
truth, my stomach was sour with those rank swipes of the country-side,
and 'twas some days since I champed my teeth about a town. The facts
argued with Tony, chicken-hearted as he was, and I will not deny it;
for there right before us lay the argument, in the shape of a rumbling,
muddy, parti-coloured chaise that was creeping up the hill. Now it had
so fallen out, more by way of a jest than by any material design, that
we had scarified the occupant of this same carriage some ten miles back
in the thick of a waste moorland that afternoon. 'Twas a mere idle
freak, taken out of wantonness and upon a merry dinner, and by no means
for the sake of the guinea or two that we found in his pockets. Tony
gives the nag a slap of his sword, and off she goes a-spinning down the
highway for dear life, with the coachman all a-sweat with terror, and
the melancholy visage of a gentleman in his red periwig hanging out of
the window; while there we stood, the two of us, laughing a broadside.
The nag had a piebald front to her, and the chaise, as I have said,
was in several colours; and thus it happened that, the lights falling
suddenly on 'em in that tail of the day, as we came out upon the back
of Exeter, Tony drew up and shoved his paw forward with a mighty blank
face.
"See there, Dick!" says he. "And what d'ye make of that?"
'Twas plain enough what I made of it, but I only laughed.
"I make a chaise and the half," says I, "and I'll warrant to make two
by the time we reach Exeter," for, to be sure, swipes or no swipes, we
had, each of us, a good warm lining to the stomach.
Tony cast me a surly glance. "Rot you!" said he, "an' if the liquor
spoil your wits, I'll be damned if it shall mine. Nor I won't run my
neck into the noose for you nor any like you."
"You're a white-livered sort of cur, you are, Tony," said I, with
another laugh. "And I suppose the traps will be waiting for us in a
posse outside the White Hart. And I shouldn't wonder if the topsman
himself was to snatch off his hat to us as we passed by."
"Sink me!" growled Tony, "you forget 'twas broad daylight when we took
'em."
"Well," says I, "I have a notion to sleep in Exeter, and I mind me of a
very dainty belly under my belt."
With that we brought up in a disputation, and being in a merry mood,
what with the wine and the sight of the windows twinkling in the town
above me, I gave him a pretty salvo of wit, which sent him presently
into a sullen temper.
"As you will," said he at last, "but I am no fool, and none knows
better than you, Dick Ryder, that I am no coward. And I will be hanged
for a common cutpurse if I go forth again upon any such mad business
with a tipsy braggart."
"Braggart!" I cried, starting aflame, and twisting Calypso round
against his horse's rump. But Tony saw in a flash that he had gone too
far, and he turned very mild again.
"I mean no offence," said he; "we have been good comrades together,
Dick Ryder. But I will warrant these daredevil humours will fetch us
both up in Newgate ere long, and that's what I'm looking at," says he.
I laughed. "You would prove a better tobyman, Tony," said I, "if you
would think less of your neck." And then, looking at him, I roared,
"But, zounds, I don't wonder at your fears!" for his neck was like a
cygnet's, only discoloured to a rusty iron.
But Tony was still in a sour enough mood, and though he jogged his
horse to my summons, he spoke no word as we went up the hill. The
chaise had vanished, but for all that I could see his thoughts
were twittering about it. And in this way we rode up into the town,
sprinkled with growing lights, and 'twas not until we came abreast of
the White Hart that Tony opened his mouth.
"If I was you, and was of your kidney," says he, with a sneer, "I
should think shame to dine upon a sanded floor and drink out of
ale-jugs. Nothing short of the White Hart would suit me; no, not if I
was to swing for it--if I was you, Dick Ryder."
"Damme," says I, suddenly, and reining in, "that same thought was in my
own noddle! And, sure, the White Hart it shall be." With that I turned
the mare's nose and was pointing for the door, when Tony stopped me.
"What the devil would you do?" he cried in his alarm. "You will fetch
the noose over us!"
"Faith," said I, "but you may go to the devil for me. I am weary of
your clacking, and I have a mind to dine in good company."
He fell back with a curse, and Calypso moved on. But turning back, I
saw him staring with a sulky sneer upon his face, and I could perceive
from his attitude that he took my words for an empty piece of boasting.
Then there was that term "braggart" stuck in my gullet; and in a
second, and upon the impulse, I pulled the mare's nose against the
doorway and bawled for the ostler. Tony was still visible, standing
agape in the centre of the road; but I paid him no heed, merely handing
the bridle to the ostler, and then leaping from the saddle, I walked
through the doorway as bold as you please. Now within the doorway there
was a space of hall, very bare and plain, and upon two sides there
opened doors into the further parts of the house; but the third was
filled with a screen of windows, separating a little privy corner, in
which sat the innkeeper, very greasy and affable of look. I threw down
a guinea and he fetched out a pint of wine; the which drunken, I turned
on my heel and clattered up to a great door set with brass knobs. But
the little fat landlord was on my heels in a moment.
"You cannot enter there," says he, in a great taking. "'Tis a private
room, and not for strangers."
But with the wine newly bubbling in my head, I made little of him. "The
devil!" said I. "I will have what I pay for, and I will enter where I
list."
"But, indeed," he gasped, "'tis a place privily set apart, and for an
occasion."
"'Tis good news," I answered, with a cackle, "for that is what my heart
is set upon."
He clasped my arm. "Sir! sir!" he cried, "indeed this will be most
vexatious to his lordship, and will lose me his custom."
I started round on him sharply. "If I want a door with brass knobs,"
says I, angrily, "I will have you know that I will have a door with
brass knobs, ye little louse, ye!" And throwing off his hand, I opened
the door.