"Mercy! I don't know who did it, or by whose orders it was done, but
last night Ishmael's tent, which has hitherto been set up at a distance,
was placed mouth to mouth with mine. More than that, the odious Arab
woman, who has always afflicted me with her abominable presence, was
nowhere to be seen. I was feeling by one of your 'mystic senses' that
something was going to happen when late, very late, the last of the
fires having died down and the camp being asleep, I heard Ishmael
calling to me in a whisper--
"'Rani!'
"I did not answer--I could not have done so if I had tried, for my heart
was thumping like an anvil.
"'Rani!' he whispered again, and again I did not reply. I knew _he_
knew I was awake, and after a moment of silence that seemed eternal, he
said--
"'By-and-by, then! When we come to Cairo and my mission is at an end.
"O God, what tears of anger and despair I shed when he was gone and all
was quiet! And now I ask myself if I can bear this strain any longer.
After all, Ishmael is only an Oriental, and perhaps in spite of himself
and the pledge he gave to me, the natural man is coming to the top.
Then I am his _wife_, and he has _rights_ in me, according to his own
view and the laws of his religion! I am in his camp too, and we are in
the middle of the desert!
"How did it happen--that betrothal? Are these things ordained? Gordon,
you talk about Destiny, but why don't you see that what took me to
Khartoum was not really the desire to avenge my father (though I thought
it was) but to avenge myself for the loss of you. So _you--you--you_
were the real cause of my hideous error, and if you had loved me as I
loved you I could never have been put to that compulsion.
"... Forgive me, dear! I am feeling wicked, but I shall soon get over
it. I have not been sleeping well lately, and there are dark rims under
my eyes and I am a fright in every way.... I feel calm already, so
good-night, dearest! We cannot be far from civilisation now, therefore
there can be no need to run away from here."