1. Iced water must never be served boiling, nor under any
circumstances must ice-cream come to the tabel fried to a crisp.
2. Waiteresses caught upsetting the roast beef on a guest's lap
will be charged for the beef at the rate of $1.00 a pound, and
will have to go to bed without her brekfist.
3. All cakes, except lady-fingers, must be served in the cake
basket. The lady-fingers must be served in finger bowls, whether
this is what the waiteress is used to or not. This is my
dining-room, and I am the one to make the rules for it.
4. All waiteresses must wear caps. Their caps must be lace caps,
and not yotting caps, tennis caps, or gun caps. The caps must be
worn on the head, and not on the hands or feet. All waiteresses
caught voilating this rule will not be allowed any pie for eight
weeks.
5. Meals must not be served until they are ready, and such silly
jokes as putting an empty soup tureen on the table for the purpose
of fooling me will be looked upon with disfavor and not laughed
at.
6. Waiteresses must never invite their friends here to take dinner
with me unless I am out, and they mustn't do it then either,
because this is my dining-room, and I can wear it out quick enough
without any outside help.
7. Waiteresses must not whistle while waitering on the tabel,
because it isn't proper that they should. Besides, girls can't
whistle, anyhow.
8. At all meals dessert must be served at every other course. In
serving a dinner this course should be followed:
1. Pie.
2. Soup.
3. Custard.
4. Roast Beef.
5. Ice-cream.
6. Sallad.
7. Pudding.
8. Coffee.
9. More Pudding.
9. In case there is not enough of anything to go around more will
be sent for at the waiteresses' expense, because the chances are
she has been tasting it, which she hadn't any business to do.
10. To discourage waiteresses in losing spoons, and knives, and
forks, any waiteress caught losing a spoon or a knife and a fork
will have the price of two spoons, two knives, and two forks
substracted off of her next month's wages.
Yoors Tooly,
THE UNWISEMAN.
[Illustration: "Riteing rules isn't easy work."]
N. G. All waiteresses who don't like these rules would better
apply for some other place somewhere else, because I'm not going
to take the trouble to get up a lot of good rules like these and
then not have them obeyed. Riteing rules isn't easy work.
"Well I declare!" said Mollie, when they had finished reading. "I don't
wonder he has to live in his little old house all by himself. I don't
believe he'd get anybody to stay here a minute, if those rules had to be
minded."
"Oh, I don't know," said Whistlebinkie. "They all seem reasonable
enough."
"I think I'll take 'em down and show them to my mamma," said Mollie,
reaching out to do as she said.
"No, no, don't do that," said Whistlebinkie. "That wouldn't be right.
They are his property, and it would never do for you to steal them."
"That's so," said Mollie. "I guess you are right."
"If you want to steal something why don't you do as he asked you to?"
put in Whistlebinkie.
"What did he ask me to do?"
"Why don't you remember the notice to burglars?"
[Illustration: "Oh, yes!" said Mollie, "if you must steal something,
steal a boyled egg."]
"Oh, yes!" said Mollie. "'If you must steal something steal a boyled
egg.'"
"That's it. He doesn't like boyled eggs."
"And neither do I," said Mollie. "Particularly when they are as hard as
bullets."
And then hearing the tinkle of the tea bell at home Mollie and
Whistlebinkie left the Unwiseman's house without stealing anything,
which after all was the best thing to do.
[Illustration: IV. A Call From the Unwiseman.
In which Mollie's call is returned.