* * * * *
Illustration: OUR DEAR OLD FRIEND, THE FOREIGN SPY (CUNNINGLY DISGUISED
AS A GOLFER), VISITS OUR YOUNGEST SUBURB ONE SATURDAY AFTERNOON IN QUEST
OF FURTHER EVIDENCE OF OUR LETHARGY, GENERAL DECADENCE AND FALLING
BIRTH-RATE. HE GETS A SHOCK AND AT ONCE TELEGRAPHS TO HIS
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF URGING THAT THE CONQUEST OF THE BRITISH ISLES BE
UNDERTAKEN BEFORE THE PRESENT GENERATION IS MANY YEARS OLDER.
* * * * *
Illustrations: THE INTRUSIONS OF THE CINEMA.
[Jones, secretary to the South Sea Islanders' Regeneration Society, who
is suffering from nerves, is recommended a very remote sea-coast retreat
for his summer holiday. With his wife and family he tries it. The
manager of a certain cinema company likewise chooses this particular
spot for his company to rehearse their powerful new drama, "Down among
the Dead Men."]
_Miss Jones._ "WAKE UP, DAD, WE'RE GOING TO BATHE."
_First Act of the Drama._--AFTER THE WRECK: DESMOND AND ROSEMARY WASHED
ASHORE ON THE CANNIBAL ISLAND.
* * *
_Jones (to the rescue)._ "DEVILS! FIENDS! UNTIE THAT WHITE MAN!"
* * *
_The Cinema Manager explains._ "SORRY TO HAVE CAUSED YOU ANY
INCONVENIENCE, SIR--MERELY REHEARSING 'DOWN AMONG THE DEAD MEN'--DAM
FINE DRAMA, SIR--WE PRODUCE SAME AT THE OPERA 'OUSE, CROYDON, ON THE
16TH."
* * * * *
Illustration: _Surf-rider._ "I'M ALMOST SURE THIS ISN'T A BIT THE WAY
IT'S DONE IN THOSE ILLUSTRATED PAPERS!"
* * * * *
Illustration: _Early Tripper._ "MAKES YER FEEL LIKE OLE NAPOLEON AT
WHAT'S-ITS-NAME!"
* * * * *
Illustration: APT NOMENCLATURE IN OUR GARDEN SUBURB.
* * * * *
Illustration: _The Captain._ "THE BLOOMIN' VICE-PRESIDENT'S FORGOT THE
STUMPS. YOUNG BILL 'ERE BETTER BE THE WICKET--'E WANTS TO PLAY AND 'E'S
TOO LITTLE TO BAT AGIN SWIFT BOWLIN'!"
* * * * *
Illustration: _Native_ (_having seen his rival tipped by guileless
visitor_). "'E'S SWINDLED YER, SIR. I'M THE OLDEST
INHABITANT--NINETY-FOUR COME SUNDAY THREE WEEKS. 'E'S ONLY A YOUNGSTER
OF EIGHTY-TWO."
* * * * *
Illustration: EVEN IN HIS PLAY THE SCIENTIST'S CHILD IS SCIENTIFIC.
* * * * *
Illustration: THE POLITICAL JUNGLE.
* * * * *
Illustration: A FULL JOY-DAY.
How an energetic visitor contrived to sample nearly all the attractions
of Worplethorpe-on-Sea (as advertised by the municipality) in the course
of a one-day's trip.
_9 to 10.30 A.M._--BATHING AND FISHING.
_10.30 A.M. to 12 (noon)._--SHOOTING AND CYCLING.
_12 to 1.30 P.M._--TENNIS AND BOTANY.
_3 to 4.30 P.M._--CROQUET AND ARCHAEOLOGY.
_4.30 to 6 P.M._--GOLF AND GEOLOGY.
_6 to 7.30 P.M._--SKETCHING AND DONKEY-RIDING.
* * * * *
Illustration: RACE-COURSE OF THE NEAR FUTURE, SUFFRAGETTE-PROOF.
* * * * *
Illustration: SMITH, WHO ALWAYS WEARS THE NATIVE COSTUME WHEN FISHING
IN THE HIGHLANDS (HIS GREAT-GRAND-AUNT'S STEP-FATHER HAVING BEEN A
McGREGOR) FINDS THE MIDGES SOMEWHAT TROUBLESOME. A LITTLE INGENUITY
HOWEVER OVERCOMES THE DIFFICULTY.
* * * * *
Illustration: THE "SPASMO" CANOELET.