MR. MARX'S WARNING.
My first impulse, on glancing through Mr. Marx's brief note, was to show
it to Mr. Ravenor; but, after a second's consideration, I changed my
mind. Mr. Marx was a complete mystery to me. At times it seemed possible
that the interest which he undoubtedly showed in me was genuine and
kindly, and I struggled against my dislike of the man. Then I remembered
his brutal conduct to the lunatic and the other inexplicable parts of his
behaviour, and the darkest suspicions and doubts began to take shape in
my imagination.
There was something altogether mysterious about him--his connection with
Mr. Ravenor and his manner towards myself. I was puzzled and more than
half inclined to decide against the man whom personally I had grown to
detest. But, on the other hand, I was young and still an optimist with
regard to my fellow-men.
What harm had I done Mr. Marx, and why should he seek to injure me? It
seemed improbable, almost ridiculous. So in the end a certain sense of
fairness induced me to respect his postscript, and I said nothing to Mr.
Ravenor about his secretary's warning.
My interview with him was a very short one indeed. He led the way into
the study in which I had first seen him and, closing the door, turned
round and faced me upon the hearthrug. The room was dimly lit, but where
he stood the fast-dying fire cast a faint glow around his tall, straight
figure, and showed me a face cold and resolute as marble, but not unkind.
"Philip Morton," he said slowly, "it has occurred to me that in wishing
you to go to Lincolnshire, I may have been influenced to a certain extent
by selfish considerations. If you have the slightest preference for a
public school----"
I knew instinctively whence that idea had come and I interrupted him.
"Nothing should induce me to go anywhere else but to Dr. Randall's!" I
exclaimed firmly.
"In that case," he continued, "I wish you to leave tomorrow. You will be
ready?"
I assented at once.
"I, too, am leaving here--it may be for a very long while," he went on.
"In two months' time I hope to start for Persia, and between now and then
my movements will be uncertain. I cannot settle down here. It is
useless."
A great weariness shone out of his dark blue eyes and he stifled a sigh.
Some thought or memory coloured with regret had flashed across his mind;
but what it was I could not tell.
"You remember your mother's letter to you and her dying request?" he
continued, in a changed tone. "I cannot explain it now, although I must
remind you of it. This packet"--and he passed me a large, sealed
envelope--"contains a chequebook, the address of the lawyer who will
manage your affairs, and a letter which you will not open unless you have
certain news and proof of my death. You will find that you are,
comparatively speaking, rich. How this comes about I cannot tell you now,
and you must remember your mother's dying injunction not to seek to find
out until the time comes, when you will know everything. At present, I
can only assure you that the money is yours by right, that it is not a
gift, and that no one else has any claim to it. That is all I can say
upon the subject. Are you satisfied?"
Curiosity seemed a mean thing to me as I listened to my guardian's words
and looked into his sad, stern face. All the old fascination which I had
felt from the first in his presence was strong upon me that night.
Whatever he had bidden me to do I should have done it. And so I answered:
"I am satisfied. What you tell me is mine I will take and ask no
questions."
"That is well," he said quietly. "And now, one word about your future,
Philip, for to-morrow you will take up some of the responsibilities of
early manhood. A great man once said that the best adviser of youth was
the man whose own life had been a failure. If this be anything more than
a paradox, then there can be no one better fitted for that post than I.
Already the flavour of life has become like dead ashes between my teeth;
and the fault is my own. Mr. Marris was talking a great deal of nonsense
in the drawing-room before dinner this evening. I want to say just one or
two words to you on the same subject, and remember that I speak as an
outsider, impersonally.
"Before I was twenty-one years old, I had studied in most of the schools
of modern philosophy, and had thrown off my religion like an old rag. I
was inflated with a sense of my own intellectual superiority over other
men. It was philosophy which taught men to live, I declared, and
philosophy which taught them to die. With that motto before me, I
carefully set myself to annihilate every vestige of faith with which I
had ever been endowed. I succeeded--too well. It is dead; and sometimes I
fear that it will never reawaken. And what am I? As miserable a man as
ever drew breath upon this earth. It seems to me as though I had crushed
a part of my very life and the sore will rankle for ever.
"There is a part of man's nature, Philip--that is to say, of such men as
I have been and you will be--the sympathetic, emotional, reverential
part, which cries out for some belief in a higher, an infinite Power, for
some sort of religion which it can cling to and entwine with every action
of daily life. You must satisfy that craving if you desire to know
happiness. For me there is no such knowledge. I have deliberately
committed spiritual suicide; I have torn up faith by the roots and have
made a void in my heart, which nothing else can ever fill. Frankly, I
tell you, Philip, that there are times when religion of any sort seems to
me no better than a fairy-tale. It need not seem so to you. Shape out for
yourself any form of belief--that of the Christian is as good as any
other--and resolutely cling to it. It is my advice to you--mine who
believe in no God and no future state. Follow it and farewell!"
He held out his hand and clasped mine for a moment. I would have spoken,
but before I could find words he had disappeared through a curtained door
into his inner apartment. So I turned away and went.