News from Zu
Anxious as I had been to avoid complications with Loa, her coming had
not been the only reason for my sudden decision. For a long while, the
difficulties occasioned by my reform measures had been growing more
serious and the voices of popular complaint more menacing; hence I was
anxious to find some way of diverting public attention. Moreover, the
war with Zu, which dragged on interminably, was daily becoming more
vexing; I still did not dare to antagonize public opinion by ending the
conflict, as I had originally planned; and, to make matters worse, the
enemy had lately attacked with new energy and resourcefulness. Already
they had wrested from us a stretch of Nullnull seven yards deep and
fifty-nine yards wide--a defeat which, though our papers did their best
to conceal it, had somehow become public knowledge, vastly weakening my
prestige.
I therefore realized that, in order to regain the ground I had lost, Wu
must retake the ground it had lost; and I understood that, in attaining
this objective, my presence on the field would be the best stimulus to
the troops. Not that I actually cared a pin for Nullnull; but, knowing
my reputation to be at stake, I was willing to risk all for the sake
of a little of this barren land. As to whether I was competent to lead
the troops, I felt no doubt at all; all our generals were so thoroughly
versed in thoughtlessness that they did not seem hard to surpass; and,
besides, had I not had six months' experience during the World War, as
a lieutenant in the Commissary Department?
No action since I had become Dictator evoked such enthusiastic response
as the announcement that I was about to command the army. The _Blare_
and the _Screamer,_ commending me in full-page editorials, expressed
their thanks that I was ready to bring my people to "the most glorious
turnover in history"; the masses, acclaiming me in wild demonstrations,
cheered and celebrated until one would have thought I had already
achieved a victory, instead of merely having promised one; a delegation
of generals did me the honor of a personal visit and embarrassed me by
presenting their plans, which were featured by an attack on the babes
of Zu, whom they intended to slay in the cradle, in order to avoid
having to slay them later on the battlefield.
Now I confess that my own plans were a little vague. So weary had I
become of the Underworld that I did not particularly care if I should
be "turned over" in the next engagement; however, I still had some
principles and did not hesitate to antagonize the generals not only by
rejecting the assault on the infants, but by vetoing other projects,
such as the one calling for a Subterrain of unprecedented power, which
would shatter the roof above the capital of Zu, burying the city and
all its people amid the ruins.
Not quite realizing how the disgruntled generals were to conspire
against me in secret, I set out on a "scootscoot" in the midst of
an army of a hundred thousand picked soldiers, who, with their
three-pointed helmets gleaming savagely while they marched with their
peculiar prancing movement, made a resplendent and magnificent display.
As we proceeded along the main avenues and galleries, the people came
out to greet us with drums and banners, while they were shouting
exultantly, "Have a successful turnover! A successful turnover! A
successful turnover!" And the waving of banners, the stamping of feet,
the discharging of toy explosives, and the glances of admiring eyes
were such as to make the heart rejoice, in haughty contempt of any
minor incident, such as a "turnover."
Owing to the torrential applause, my advance was greatly retarded
and several "wakes" were consumed in the march to the "depths,"
as the natives termed the battle front. And, during the interval,
tremendous changes were afoot. We caught intimations of these in
the bulletins from Zu, which stated that the enemy, terrified at
reports of my approach, were already thinking of retiring from the
"top-line depths." Due to the happy intervention of our Bureau of
Public Delirium (otherwise known as the "Propaganda Office") our spies
in Zu had spread alarming reports as to the new Dictator of Wu; I
was represented as a giant eight feet tall, who, thanks to his amber
glasses, had a supernatural faculty of seeing close at hand, and was
therefore irresistible in battle. The people of Zu--who, it appeared,
had been as well-trained in thoughtlessness as their rivals in Wu--had
been greatly impressed by such reports, which they never thought of
questioning, particularly as the stories were circulated by those
leading papers, the _Fizz_ and the _Pratler_; and the consequence was
that a wave of fear was shooting through the country.
* * * * *
To this day I am not certain just what changes occurred in that
disturbed land. Our own papers, of course, were scrupulously
unreliable, since a biased attitude was regarded as a patriotic duty;
nevertheless, I knew that there must be some kernel of truth amid all
the multitudes of rumors. Stories of riots and insurrections; stories
of anti-war demonstrations; stories of the citizens' open refusal to
go forth and be "turned over"; stories of a rebellion of the Third
Class against the First and Second--all these came to us in such a
continual stream that it was clear that something highly significant
was developing.
Yet I was little prepared for the sequel when, on the fourth "wake"
since my departure for the "depths," we reached the actual war area. I
recognized the region easily enough, by the tremendous chasms, such as
the one which Clay and I had observed on our arrival in Wu; besides,
I could read everywhere the effects of warfare in the torn and broken
galleries, the corridors with walls blown out and with ceilings sagging
or fallen, the rutted and broken roads, threaded with deep gullies, and
the general effect of blackness and devastation, which had blotted out
every sign of human life.
Now it was that I began to look eagerly for the enemy, who were
rumored to be in hiding hereabouts. My scouts pushed on ahead, being
told to report any sign of hostile activity; while I, pitching camp
in the wilderness at one corner of Nullnull, impatiently awaited that
engagement which would either "turn me over" or make my reputation
forever as the savior of Wu.
But once more I was to be disappointed. It has been regarded as one of
the first principles of warfare, in all lands and ages, that, in order
to fight, one must have an enemy--and, in this case, where was the
enemy? Alas!--he could not be found! Had he undertaken a "strategical
retreat"? This seemed quite possible, for nowhere amid all that ravaged
land could we catch sight of a warrior of Zu. It now appeared that
we could take all Nullnull without any loss of life; but this, being
against all established precedents, which required a large "turnover,"
would have gained me no glory. Hence I could do nothing but wait,
hoping that the men of Zu would be so obliging as to show themselves as
targets; and, while I waited, several more "wakes" dragged past, and
I was told that my own people were beginning to grumble at my want of
action and were demanding more definite "results."
I was on the point of marching on, although much against my better
judgment (for I feared a trap), when one "wake" a courier dashed into
camp, breathless with haste, and demanded to see me at once. At first
the man was so agitated that his face, instead of being chalky-pale,
was flushed a deep scarlet; and, upon being ushered into my presence,
he was unable to do more than gasp out a few meaningless monosyllables.
"Your Excellency--Excellency," he panted, when, having made deep
obeisance, he stood before my chair, streaming with perspiration. "Your
Excellency, I--I have just come from Zu!"
"Yes--what of it?" I demanded.
"Oh, Your Excellency--Your Abysmal Excellency, the most wonderful
news!" ejaculated my visitor, as by degrees he regained his breath.
"The most marvelous, most miraculous news!"
"What news? Out with it!"
Still panting, and with chest powerfully heaving, the man paused for a
moment, the better to regain control of himself.
"Your Abysmal Excellency," he resumed, in a less excited manner,
although with his tense emotion still manifest, "I have just been
in Zu! I have seen what none of our countrymen have seen! The news
is still censored. But I know that I speak truth. There has been a
revolution in Zu!"
"A revolution?" I cried, leaping to my feet, while my caller's
excitement began to take fire in me.
"Indeed, Your Excellency, a great revolution! The people have risen up
and driven Oono Yuno, the old Dictator, from the throne. It was not
because of the war, Your Excellency. They say he did not give them the
right capsules to eat. And now they have a new Dictator."
"New Dictator? Who may he be?"
"I wish I knew, Your Excellency. Nobody seems to know. He calls himself
Rah the Righteous. He is said to have the strangest looks of any man in
the world."
"What does he look like?" I demanded, growing more interested each
moment.
My informant hesitated. An expression of fear shot across his face, now
growing chalky white once more. "You are sure that you will not punish
me, Your Excellency? The tales are so strange that you will not believe
them. I do not know if I believe them myself."
"Come, tell me everything!" I insisted, half convinced that I was about
to hear some fairy story. "I will not have you punished."
"Well, Your Excellency, I know you will laugh. No man like him has ever
been seen before. They say his eyes are blue. And his hair is red."
"Eyes blue? Hair red?" I gasped. And I reeled backwards and felt
ready to collapse. Had not the Tan Trums assured me, long ago, that
red-haired natives were unheard of? And had not my lost friend Clay
boasted locks of a bright carrot hue?