The Last Straw
The Ventilating Company, as I soon discovered, was the most powerful
corporation in Wu. It was literally the breath of the country, for
it controlled the fresh air-supply, and, with the aid of ninety-six
subsidiaries, was said to be highly influential in finance, politics,
and war. Owned by a group of First Class citizens, who supported
themselves in luxury on a fraction of their dividends, the Company
was declared to number Dictator Thuno Flâtum himself among its
stockholders; hence its interests were carefully considered in the
councils of State, and a recommendation of its Directorate was
tantamount to the enactment of a law. It was common gossip that more
than one war had been commenced on the decision of the Ventilating
officials, and that the current conflict with Zu had been stimulated
by them, owing to the fact that the workers had been threatening a
strike, and that it was believed that they needed something to distract
their attention.
Whatever one might think of the management, one could easily understand
the influence of the Ventilating Company. Truly, it brought a marvelous
service to the people! The more I observed the vast system of air-tubes
and wheels, the more I admired the ingenuity of its creators. I
was informed how ventilating pipes, opening in narrow ducts in the
Overworld, received a constant supply of the fresh air that always
blew in that uninhabitable domain; and I was told how this air,
forced downward by mighty pumps operated by the power of Mulflar, was
delivered in pipes and conduits to every gallery, chamber and private
residence in Wu. This it was that kept the air always fresh and sweet,
and that had averted those noisome odors usually found in underground
passageways. Yet stop the ventilating wheels for a few short hours
only, and the whole country would be faced with danger of suffocation.
Little did I realize what a deadly advantage I was later to find in
this fact!
My work for the Ventilating Company began humbly enough in view of
the tremendous rôle I was to play. Perched on a stone chair behind a
stone railing in a large, draughty gallery, where a perfect torrent
of air was blowing in order to display "ventilating efficiency," I
had to interview customers, hear their complaints, accept the service
fees which they paid every twenty "wakes," and attempt to sell the
various air-machines displayed about the room. "Do your cleaning by
air." "Have you tried our automatic air-baths?" "Remove dust and germs;
air-filters at reduced rates." "Air-rays for health--recommended
by leading physicians." "Air-heating apparatus--guaranteed for hot
air." These were but a few of the signs I saw scattered about me on a
multitude of curious-looking instruments, some of them reminding me of
electric toasters, others of vacuum cleaners, and a few looming large
and imposing like great dynamos.
Although I still did not know the principles behind these inventions,
I was able to sell them easily enough. All I had to do was to look
knowing, point to the company's guarantee, and state that the objects
were on sale for a limited period only; and the prospective customers,
particularly if of the fair sex, were rarely able to resist the lure,
even though they understood nothing of the point or purpose of the
apparatus they purchased. The sale of articles under such conditions,
I found, was known to the people of Wu as "good business." It was
said that, as a result of such "good business," nine-tenths of the
population was constantly in debt to the Ventilating Company.
The other phases of my work were less interesting. What I particularly
disliked was listening to complaints--and what a stream of them there
were! Sometimes the line of complainers reached all the way across the
office and fifty yards down the adjoining gallery! Here, for example
would come a testy-looking old chalk-face, with a squeaky wail, "My
air-service has been very poor of late! Haven't been able to breathe
properly for wakes!"
... And after I had promised to send an air-man around to his home
to see if his brakes were not out of order, a querulous young woman,
hideous with wrinkles, would exclaim, "See here, young man! Look at
this bill! It's robbery, highway, robbery! The meter must be wrong!
I'm positive we couldn't have breathed that much air!" ... Following
her in line would be a miserable-looking old dame, who would gloomily
display a printed notice, "If you do not pay your bill within five
wakes, we will turn off your air-supply." ... "If you do that, we'll
all smother!" she would moan. "You must give us more time to pay!"
But I would have to inform her that the rules of the Company made no
exception; that she might smother, for all the Ventilating officials
cared.
There were constantly other complaints, of an equally grievous
nature--complaints from persons whose air-supply was too hot, and
from persons whose air-supply was too cold, and from persons whose
air-supply had been interrupted, and from persons with an oversupply
of air, and from persons who had ordered Grade A air for the children,
and received only Grade B--in other words, so numerous were the charges
that one would have supposed the entire country to be suffering from
air-complaints.
* * * * *
My hours in the Ventilating Office were ten each wake, with one wake
out of every five off duty. I was expected to stay half an hour after
the office formally closed, in order to clean a great ventilating duct,
which opened in a corner of the room. This was a task I disliked even
more than listening to complaints; I would be obliged to creep into
the tube, which was wide enough to admit two men standing abreast, and
would have to reach into its dark recesses with a mop, so as to remove
all dust and foreign matter. The tube, I was told, connected with the
Upper Ventilating Corridors, and had to be kept in condition if our
product were to remain pure.
After I had been in the Ventilating Office for twenty or thirty
wakes, I could see that, in the monotonous routine of my labors, I
was beginning to fall into that thoughtlessness which was the ideal
of the chalk-faces. I had, in fact, been commended for speaking in
that automatic manner and acting with that vacuity of expression which
betokens an empty mind and an efficient worker; hence I began to fear
that I would suffer from softening of the brain if I did not find some
way to escape. But how was escape possible? Ever since swallowing the
Oath of Fidelity and being granted my freedom, I had been looking about
me for means of returning to the Overworld; but so completely had I
been hedged about that the attempt had seemed hopeless. However, the
time was soon coming when, in sheer desperation, I was to make the dash
for liberty.
There was something else besides discontent with my work, which was
urging me to flee. Although now supposedly a wage-earning citizen, I
was still living upon the bounty of Professor Tan Trum, since my pay
was going to the Unemployment Agent. Even after he had received his
share, I should have to pay an Employment Tax to the Government, and
various fines and charges to the Ventilating Company, and a fee for
joining the Ventilation Union; and, after that, I would have to buy War
Bonds from the Government, and pay War Taxes, and Residence Taxes, and
Food Taxes, and Clothing Taxes, and Water Taxes, and Air Taxes, and
several other taxes--so that, at a moderate estimate, it would be three
years before I would have a penny for myself. During the first two and
a half years, the more I worked, the more deeply I would be in debt!
Now all this would have occasioned me no worry; for the natives of
Wu consider it honorable to be in debt, the more so the better; and,
besides, Professor Tan Trum, thanks to his profits from his Mulflar
stocks, was well able to support me. But what I could not endure was
the necessity of living in the Professor's home--of living there in
daily contact with his daughter Loa.
Alas! I was hopelessly trapped! I do not blame the poor girl; for
some mysterious reason, she had succumbed to my attractions, and the
melting light in her salmon eyes had long ago warned me to be cautious.
Unfortunately, it had never occurred to her that she was not equally
attractive. It was positively pitiable, the way she devoted herself for
hours a day to her wrinkling-machine, diligently putting new wrinkles
into her face, since the old ones did not suffice to win my affection!
And it was even more pitiable the way she turned, still hopeful,
to a new method, and began "producing," as they say in the native
vernacular--in other words, adding on flesh by "producing powders,"
"producing baths," a "producing diet," and other means recommended by
the dictators of fashion.
Now whatever I might have said about Loa's face when I first met
her, I had thought her form perfect. But, owing to her "producing"
methods, she soon grew rotund; her features bulged and puffed, with
a double chin; her stomach protruded; her legs became so fat that
she waddled when she walked; her arms, once graceful, seemed little
more than flabby masses of flesh. Oh, if she had only been content to
remain as nature had made her! Had she but retained her natural form
and unwrinkled countenance, who knows? I might have come to love her!
But, as it was, she daily grew more hideous in my eyes. And no word
or hint of mine could deter her from her purpose. Fatness, next to
wrinkles, was considered the supreme sign of beauty in women; and she
seemed never to suspect that I would not be dazzled by her corpulent
loveliness.
Since I had no choice but to remain in the same house with her, I of
course had to be civil; but I thought it the best policy to avoid her
as much as possible. Unhappily, in my ignorance of native customs, I
was pursuing the road straight to ruin!
This fact became painfully evident one day when Professor Tan Trum,
pausing in his researches into some dead and buried language, summoned
me to his study and indicated that he had something important to say.
* * * * *
I noticed that he hemmed and hawed to an unusual degree as he motioned
me to a seat opposite him, and seemed actually embarrassed as he began.
"My dear young man," he at last said, rising, and coming over to place
a fatherly hand on my shoulder, "I have been requested--er--requested
to speak to you by my daughter Loa. For a long time I have
been--er--observing how matters are between you two."
"Why, I--I have always treated her like a gentleman," it was on my lips
to say, feeling that he was about to upbraid me for my coldness.
But the kindly smile on his long, lean face showed that I had mistaken
his intention.
"I have been observing--yes, observing how matters are between you,"
he repeated, gradually warming to his subject. "With becoming modesty,
you have not made any undue approach. You have kept your feelings to
yourself, as was only proper, in view of your Third Class status; you
would not insult a Second Class lady by openly declaring yourself. But
I have been observing, my dear young man, I have been observing! How,
after all, could any one resist the allurements of my Loa?"
So astonished was I at this speech that I sat gaping at the Professor,
my jaw hanging loose, as though I had been accused of a crime.
"Yes, I have been observing!" he went on, with a paternal blandness of
manner. "I have been consulting with Loa, as was only a father's place,
and have been assured that she--she reciprocates your feelings."
"She reciprocates my feelings?" I echoed, with a sudden sense that the
world was falling from under my feet.
"Yes, she reciprocates your feelings! It is only natural, young man,
that you should be overwhelmed--it isn't often that a Second Class
lady reciprocates the feelings of a Third Class suitor! But I have no
prejudices in the matter at all, my boy, no prejudices at all! Though
you're a barbarian by birth, you've recently grown civilized! So, since
my daughter is willing, I can only give my blessings! May your union be
crowned with--"
But I did not hear the end of the sentence. My head was reeling; I
believe I sank to the floor in a swoon. When I came to myself again,
Loa was bending over me tenderly, tears in her eyes, a bottle of some
strong-smelling solution in her hand. And in the background I saw the
Professor looming, still smiling the same benignant smile. "Poor young
man!" I thought I heard him say. "The shock of this happiness was more
than he could bear!"
It was then that I decided that safety lay in flight.