The morning after our landing from the packet, I sought out, and
with some difficulty discovered, my uncle's office; where I was very
cordially received by both uncles, and very politely by the other
gentlemen of the department. I announced myself prepared to start
forthwith for headquarters; fully expecting to be off that night, or
next day at latest. Uncle No. 1 told me I must go home with him to
dinner, and see my aunt and cousins. Uncle No. 2 advised me to look
out for a billet.
All this sounded ominous. The sympathising reader is already
advised, that my progress from Lisbon to headquarters was not quite
so expeditious as I had anticipated. The cause of the delay was this.
My dear mother, as I have already related, had overruled all
objections to my joining the Peninsular army; and through her
influence, my honoured father gave his reluctant consent. Shortly
after, he was ordered to sea: his ship left the Downs; and he did
not return, till after my departure from England. As the time of my
departure drew nigh, my dear mother, left to her own cogitations,
began to view the subject in a very different light. In short, she
was perfectly frightened at her own act; and, when it came to the
last, wrote off, without my knowledge, a letter to my uncle No. 2,
entreating him by all means to detain me at Lisbon, not for the
world to send me up the country--in short, to keep me far beyond the
sound, let alone the range, of hostile cannon. Her letter, posted at
Deal the very day I started thence for London, came out to Lisbon
by the same conveyance with myself; and was doubtless in my uncle's
hands, when I presented myself at the office. Many years after, in
looking over some old correspondence, I found a letter of hers to my
father at sea, revealing the whole plot.
Next morning, I again presented myself, still expecting to receive
my orders, and be off slick to headquarters. Uncle No. 2 was there;
hoped I had not been _much_ tormented with bugs and fleas; pointed
out a desk with a high seat; and informed me--that was my place!
The scene, which would have instantly appalled the whole department,
had I given expression to my feelings, was happily prevented by one
reflection, which struck me just in time; viz., that I was now an
_employé_, bound to obedience by military law, and that Nunky was my
commanding officer.
I sulkily took my seat; and Nunky left me for a few minutes, to the
pleasing process of mental digestion. Presently, he stood by my side
with a huge bundle of papers:--laid the papers on my desk.
"A fortnight," said he, "will probably elapse ere you can proceed to
headquarters. I wish, in the mean time, you would just see what you
can do, in arranging these convalescent accounts. We could not spare
a hand for them, and they have got sadly into arrear. Do try what
you can make of them."
I went to work;--worked hard for a fortnight. At the end of that
time, with occasional directions from my uncle, the confused mass
of accounts was reduced to something like order. Still nothing
was said about my journey to headquarters. Fresh work was given
me, which took another week. I began to get regularly savage--was
rapidly turning misanthrope--sympathised with George Barnwell. Nunky
requested my company in a private room.
"You came out," said he, "expecting to go up the country."
"Yes; and on that understanding I applied for the appointment, as
I expressed in my letter from England. On that understanding too,
unless I mistook the reply, my services were accepted."
"Well, G----," said he, "I put it to yourself. The fact is, those
plaguy convalescent accounts have given us more trouble than all
the business of the office besides. Till you came out, we never
have had a clerk that could do them. You do them excellently.
Of course, you are well aware the public service is the first
thing. The long and the short of it is, you perform this duty so
much to our satisfaction, your uncle J---- and I have come to the
determination--we must keep you with us at Lisbon."
This, my dear madam, with the exception of being crossed in
love--and to that, you know, we all are liable--was my first serious
disappointment in life. Baulked in my schemes of military glory--for
already, in imagination, I was a gentleman volunteer, had mounted a
breach, and won a commission--I had now but one remedy; to resign
my clerkship, and return forthwith to England. And this, under
other circumstances, I should doubtless have done. But the case, as
I then viewed it, stood thus. Here were my two dear uncles, with
enormous responsibility--that of dispensing and accounting for the
whole ready-money transactions of the Peninsular army; here was one
miserable branch of accounts, which gave them more trouble than all
the rest; and here was I, the only lad that could tackle it. Though
that, by the bye, was just so much soft solder; for there were at
least a dozen gentlemen, in our department, who could have made
up and kept the convalescent books quite as well as myself, and
probably far better.
Well; bad luck to the shilling. There was no remedy; so I settled
to my work; devoting my leisure hours, as a safety-valve, to the
furious study of Portuguese and Spanish. This blew off my wrath, and
in after years proved of good service.
But I rather suspect, gentle reader, you're a bloody-minded fellow,
and want to get away without further bother from Lisbon to the
seat of war, among shot and shells, grape, canister and congreves.
So, cutting it short, I shall just tell you how, at last, I
out-generalled my dear uncle, and broke from bondage. After that, if
you've no objection, we'll be off at once to join the army.
Please to bear in mind, then, that I was utterly unconscious
of any wish that I should remain at Lisbon, on the part of my
honoured parents, or either of them. Had I been aware, I would have
acquiesced. My position, according to the view which I now took of
it, was this. My parents had acceded to my scheme of joining the
army: my uncles had brought me out upon that understanding, and upon
no other: and yet, on my arrival, instead of forwarding me up the
country, had, for no earthly reason that I could discover, detained
me at Lisbon, to discharge a duty which, it was now perfectly clear,
might quite as well have been committed to other hands. This, I say,
being my actual view of the case, you will not think it strange,
that I deemed it perfectly fair to employ all lawful means for my
own enlargement and emancipation.
An opportunity presented itself, in the early part of 1814. The
Allied army was now in the Pyrenees and south of France. Convoys of
specie had been, from time to time, despatched to headquarters; and
were always accompanied by a clerk or conductor of our department,
who went in charge. While headquarters remained in Portugal, or were
not far advanced into Spain, this duty was considered an agreeable
change, and was rather sought than shunned. But, as the distance
lengthened, the departmental view of the subject became different.
The journey was now tedious, and began to be deemed unsafe. Reports
occasionally reached us of British officers ill treated, robbed, or
murdered on the road, by our brave Spanish allies. Our conductors,
who were for the most part natives, began to be very subject to the
fever of the country. Whenever their turn came to take the charge of
treasure to headquarters, they were sure to have it. Well; how could
they help that? You see, it was an _intermittent_ fever. In this
condition of affairs, another large amount of specie was counted
out, packed, and all ready for remittance: and--no conductor being
forthcoming--one of my fellow-clerks received directions to make
the usual preparations for attending it to headquarters. Obeyed, as
a matter of course; but didn't like it at all. Communicated to me
his secret sorrows--was really far from strong--would much prefer
remaining at Lisbon. My determination was taken: I volunteer, as his
substitute. Proposed my plan, to which he assented with hilarity.
Still, there, was need of management. Had I spoken to Nunky in
private, I knew full well I should be foiled. Combining persuasion
with authority, he would discourage the scheme, and I should have
no course but acquiescence. So, waiting till office-hours, I took
my usual place, expecting his appearance in the great room, where
half-a-dozen of us were seated together at our desks.
His step was heard in the passage. Half-a-dozen tongues ceased to
wag, and half-a-dozen pens went hard to work, while half-a-dozen
noses came into close contiguity to half-a-dozen official documents.
Nunky entered, took his seat, and commenced the perusal of a pile of
letters. I stood beside him.
"Well, G----?"
"I believe, sir, Mr N---- has received instructions to prepare for
a journey to headquarters. Not being in very good health, he would
be glad, with your permission, to remain at Lisbon. I therefore beg
leave to offer myself as his substitute."
Nunky gave me a look:--saw at once that he was beat. In private,
he might have urged his objections: but, before the whole office,
he could not appear to dissuade me from taking my turn at a duty,
now considered anything but agreeable. No course, then, remained
for him, but to signify his consent. "Oh, very well," said he, "if
that's the way you've settled it between yourselves. Of course,
_I_ can have no objection. Get the usual advance, then; draw your
allowance for a mule; and have all ready for starting the day after
to-morrow."
Exchanging winks with my fellow-subs, right and left, I returned
triumphant to my seat. Nunky remained a few minutes at his desk,
evidently in a little bit of a fidget. How could I tell that,
do you think, when I sat with my back to him? Oh, I suppose you
never were a clerk in a public office. Else you wouldn't require
to be informed, that office-clerks have eyes in the back of their
heads. When the governor is present, his actions, each and all, are
seen and chronicled by every subordinate in the room. And a great
relief it is, let me tell you, to the tedium of public business, to
recount, criticise, and dramatise them, the moment he's off. Nunky
took up a letter, and began to read it--laid it down unread--took
up another--rose from his seat--sat down again--put on his hat--and
bolted.
Dicky Gossip--a Portuguese clerk commonly so called--rushed
forthwith to the front office, and returned with equal rapidity.
"Ah, Mister Y----, you is doane. You no sall go up to de coantree
deece toim. Your oankle I vos see him git into him coashe. Ah, him,
gallop down de treet, faster as four mules can carry him. Ah, Mister
Y----, I sall tell you vot!"
In the course of the afternoon, I received a message to attend my
uncle in another apartment. He met me with a look of triumph, which,
I feared, boded no good.
"Well, G----," said he, "I wish you had mentioned that business this
morning in private. Then, you know, we would have talked it over
together. As, however, you chose to tender your services in the
public room, of course I was forced to view the thing officially,
and there's no remedy for it. You have volunteered for headquarters,
and to headquarters you must go."
"Oh, thank you, sir! thank you. That's just what I always wished."
"Just what you always wished? Of course I know that, as well as you
can tell me, Mr G----. Happy to say, though, I have effected one
arrangement, which will make matters far safer, and more agreeable
too."
"I fear, sir, if you send me off without the treasure, you will have
some difficulty--"
"No, no, G----; you and the treasure will go together; that of
course. But the fact is, I've been thinking those Spanish fellows
behave so ill, I'm hardly justified in forwarding so large an amount
of specie by land, all the way from Lisbon to the Pyrenees. In
short, since you spoke to me this morning, I have been on board the
flag-ship--seen the admiral. You and the treasure go to Passages
in a frigate. Beautiful vessel--passed under her stern in coming
ashore."
Alas, my object, then, was only half effected! I was to join the
army, but not to travel through Spain. Nunky saw my chagrin and
chuckled.
"Come, come, Mr G----," said he, "you beat me this morning; now I've
beat you. So make up your mind to a voyage by his Majesty's frigate
the M----. Be quick with your arrangements, for she's prepared to
sail at a moment's warning. We shall ship the treasure instanter. So
everything is ready, when you are."
The next day, at noon, I stood on the deck of the M----, a silent
and admiring spectator of a grand, peristrephic panorama, as we
glided down the Tagus under easy sail.