MERLE
Thus Merle’s evening at Lancaster Gate was doomed to be a solitary one.
For Madame des Essarts had sallied forth, in diamonds and dignity, to a
banquet celebrating the arrival in office of a new Greek minister. The
handsome old lady, with her social talents, her knowledge of foreign
languages, her dainty pointed wit, the aura of martyrdom which clung
to her enforced exile from the hated Republic of France--to which she
could return whenever she pleased--was of the type that had, in ruffled
and beruffled days, swayed kings and unmade ministers. Perhaps the
secret of her lost art lay in the fact that she never for one moment
forgot she was dealing with men, nor let them forget that she regarded
them as such, lords and puppets. Not for Antoinette des Essarts the
cheery comradeship, the quick sexless sympathy, the contempt of
cajolery and intrigue, which distinguished the generation among which
she now moved. And perhaps from her had come that ultra-feminine streak
in Merle that expressed itself in the girl’s attitude towards Stuart;
something which held out an involuntary hand for support, yet shrank,
at once disdainful and startled, from too rough-and-ready an intimacy;
even though, with Peter, she might rejoice at what she deemed the
whole-hearted freedom of the trio.
In her soft gown of _eau-de-nil_--for who, argues Madame des Essarts,
who of the noblesse would appear by evening light save in silk attire
and satin slipper?--she dined in lonely state; seated at one end of
vast acres of dinner-table, with ever at her elbow a silent personage
bearing the chef’s latest inspiration. Peter should by invitation have
been keeping her company this night, and making exceeding merry over
the ceremonial repast. And, it may be for the fiftieth time in the past
two years, Merle des Essarts breathed devout thanks to the laughing
young adventuress, who had brought her from regarding as unalterable
essentials _eau-de-nil_ and a French chef, Watteau and ambassadors, all
the incidentals of Merle’s quaintly formal setting, to the point of
view that these were mere delightful ingredients in an ever-changing
game of play; one costume, vastly becoming indeed, among a million in
masquerade.
Yet to-night, lacking Peter, some of the old wistful regrets touched
Merle with chilly fingers; followed her with ghostly trip into the
little boudoir, grey and primrose, Lancret looped medallion-wise
into the overmantel; whispered in lisping voices of a day that might
possibly come when Dresden, with ribboned crook for sceptre, should
again reign supreme in her life; pointed in light mockery to a picture
that adorned the wall: Merle herself, aged eight, standing stiffly
posed beside a sundial; hands busy with the ivory sticks of a painted
fan; toes primly turned outwards; smooth, dark curls; high-waisted pink
frock. One moment fixed indelibly to symbolize a whole childhood. And
with whatever passionate zest she might play now, Merle knew, and hotly
resented, that she could not make up for her cheated years of château
and convent, of solitude and decorum and _il-ne-faut-pas_. To be sure,
the latter phrase did not need to be said often; _la petite_ Merle and
her brother Fernand had been ever ‘_bien sage lui; et elle, un vrai
petit ange_.’ Of course she had! Who had taught her otherwise, before
her twentieth birthday?
... An April shower of rain swept the panes, glowing sapphire-dark
behind their primrose hangings. A musical pattering shower, unreal as a
lit boudoir and a girl’s dreams....
* * * * *
--Crash! and an exquisite china clock lay shattered on the ground. A
thin little chap, with freckled impertinent nose and pointed ears,
looked up, startled, as Merle hastened to the rescue: “Couldn’t help
it; just wanted to see how it took to pieces.”...
With wild hurrahs, a tangle of long legs and flying skirts whizzed down
the banisters and landed in a heap at the foot.
Something delightful and sturdy, with dark red hair and blown-out
cheeks, was marching to and fro on the polished drawing-room floor,
waving flags and shouting....
Thus Merle drew from the Land of Corners, shadowy corners of the old
house, dim unswept corners in her brain, dog-eared corners of forgotten
picture-books, a whole host of children; ordinary, healthy, grubby
youngsters, who would reduce the silent beautiful rooms to their proper
state of scrum and chaos. Above all, naughty children; she collected
the warm cosy naughtinesses that has never been hers; gloated over
each separate deed of infamy; as if in offering to the prim sad-eyed
daintily clothed image on the wall.
... Dick was for ever robbing orchards and being chased by irate
farmers. But then how could he help it, this eldest son of hers, just
entering that close-cropped hobnailed condition that betokens the
schoolboy? And Merle liked to see his rough bullet-head buried in her
lap, in moods of half-sullen contrition; would have kept it permanently
there, had Dick been willing. Which he wasn’t.
... Nobody-loves-me came wandering in from the garden. Nobody-loves-me
was the ugly duckling, of whom visitors were wont to say: “Never mind,
my dear; the Ugly Duckling grew to be a swan, you know,” a prophecy
which comforted the sufferer not a whit. She was given to brooding,
this particular infant; and possessed, in addition, Bad Habits: Bad
Habits, such as Biting Her Nails. And, suddenly aware of the Bitten
Nails, Merle generously handed over Nobody-loves-me to Peter, who lived
next door, and who could therefore be freely endowed with undesirable
progeny, “because anyway,” reflected Merle, “they couldn’t all be
mine.” And Dick and the Boy-girl, ringleaders both, kept her hands
pretty full. Boy-girl it was who erstwhile slid the banisters; she,
who climbed trees, and made ladders in her stockings--such as no young
lady should--and blarneyed the cook; and once, by way of an experiment,
cut short not only her own mane of hair, but also the straggly crop
of Nobody-loves-me. The incarnation of swift and mischievous daring,
Boy-girl; but who could be angry with her long, when she brought her
coaxing Irish charm to bear on the situation?
--Why Irish? Merle was not quite sure. She knew only that it was,
undeniably, Irish charm. And finally solved the riddle by making the
(shadowy) father of this swarming brood, a son of Erin.
The little-mother-to-her-sisters-and-brothers, gentle, smooth-haired
and fond of her needle, to be found in every well-regulated family,
Merle, on consideration, also presented as a free gift to Peter. Her
own unacknowledged favourite was the funny little beggar with the
puck-like ears, three-cornered nostrils set to catch the rain, and
scientific mind; which latter prompted him invariably to take articles
to pieces for the sake of seeing how they worked. And they never worked
again. There were many, many costly rarities in the house, Merle
remembered happily, that literally asked for his attentions.
Or did she after all more tenderly incline to the delicate child with
clustering pale-gold hair? who nervously refused to sleep without a
night-light; who believed in fairies, and cherished all sorts of quaint
fanciful notions about the little angels--Merle pulled herself up
with a start, realizing that here she had in wanton enjoyment created
a veritable chee-ild! Unable to slaughter in cold blood anything so
lately born, she compromised by ... giving it to Peter. For anyhow (in
guilty argument) Peter’s hair was of that peculiar pale-gold tint, and
what more natural than that her offspring should inherit it?
Tumultuously alive now, all these ordinary healthy grubby youngsters;
making walls within and sky without, resound with their whoops and
coo-ees. A turbulent out-of-hand crew--Merle is rather afraid she is
lacking in Proper Authority; in the balancing whereof, she endows the
(shadowy) father with a “firm hand over the children,” in addition to
his Irish birth and other excellent qualities.
A few stray naughtinesses yet to be collected from chimney-corner and
rafter and cellar; such as leaving all doors open,--except, in swift
amendment, when Dick rather chooses to bang them. Somebody, probably
the gardener, lodges a complaint that “they chairs be rotted through
again, left h’out all night in the damp.” And Nurse says it isn’t her
fault that the young ladies and gentlemen won’t eat vegetables, since
they will persist in stuffing chocolate just before their dinner; and
Merle has much ado not to laugh, knowing, via some subtle instinct,
that every secret opportunity is embraced to thrust tapioca, crusts,
and spinach into the crevice between walls and cupboard; accumulated
results only to be discovered at Spring-cleaning.
... Boy-girl dashes in to demand material for “dressing-up”; already
she has helped herself pretty liberally; the polite request is an
afterthought. The nurseries overflow with messy pets--nor does Puck
ever remember to feed his guinea-pig. Nobody-loves-me has run away,
for the third time in a fortnight, because the others don’t want her
to play with them. His sailor-suit very green and wet and messy from
an afternoon’s fishing in the pond, Copper-curls (his brothers call
him Carrots) stumbles into the boudoir, trailing behind him tackle and
weed and worm on the pale grey carpet. Drowsily he cuddles his firm
little body against Merle’s _eau-de-nil_; slips a very hot hand between
her cool fingers; droops his mouth to the semblance of a celestial
choir-boy’s--so that she knows he has been very, very wicked, and
requires forgiveness and absolution.
And now Stuart is standing before her, eyes full of trouble ... and the
children tumble in quick confusion back to the Land of Corners....
* * * * *
Bewildered, Merle rubbed her eyes: “I didn’t hear you come in”; the
door had been open, and the thick velvet pile a muffler to approaching
footsteps.
“Merle, am I going to be hurled from the battlements, for failing to
observe the divinity of play?”
She made no reply, not quite sure whether his mood be not of mockery.
And suddenly, with a quick and--for him--rather clumsy movement, he
dropped onto his knees beside her chair, buried his head deep in her
lap; so that it almost seemed as if Dick ... Merle let her fingers
stray, half-fearfully, among the rebellion of rough brown hair. For in
the blur of twilight and dreams and pattering rain, she could not as
yet entirely separate her phantom visitants from the real ones.
“Why, your coat is wet.” She bent forward to light the gas-fire in the
grate. And with a gulp and a leap, the room was warm with a multitude
of tiny blue tongues, licking and panting through their skull-like
rings.
“I’ve been walking since five o’clock.” He was silent for a moment.
Then it came out, not in a grateful unburdening torrent, but in wrung
jerky sentences, of which the last caught up and contained the whole
hidden cause of pain:
“I was grown-up--didn’t hear the call ... and I wasn’t even aware of
it.”
Something wrong here which lay too deep for her understanding. Merle
asked no questions; content to dry his coat; touch lingeringly his hair
and shoulders; give him the comfort she dimly felt he most needed.
“It didn’t matter, dear.”
“You’re not going to shut me out, you and Peter?”
“We couldn’t do without you, Stuart.”
“Thank you.” A tightness in his voice seemed to have snapped at her
tender assurance. His fingers, which had gripped and twisted at hers
till she could have cried out with the pain, now slackened their
pressure. For the moment, the girl had succeeded in exorcising the
demons which were so strangely tormenting his soul.
* * * * *
... A hush in the room. A hush so profound, that two little figures
stirred restlessly in their corner, came tip-toeing hand-in-hand
towards the door of the boudoir. But----
“It’s no good,” whispered Nobody-loves-me, as she tugged Puck
backwards. “He’s still there.”...
* * * * *
Stuart looked up suddenly: “‘Wherefore to wait my pleasure, I put my
Spring aside....’ I always knew it would be damnably easy--to slip
beyond the pattern and never get back....” The demons were again at
work within him. If only they would leave him in peace, just for a
moment, mind and body.
“Stuart, don’t you ever get tired?” she cried pitifully.
He muttered: “Dead tired,” and closing his eyes, allowed himself
to relax entirely to her comforting touch, the soft coolness of her
presence; as if establishing the memory of a second against which, in
future turmoil and stress, he might lay his cheek, and find rest.
“Merle.”
“Yes, dear?”
He said nothing, but still pleaded; and bending down her face to his,
she found their lips clinging together.
After he had gone, Merle sat awhile, wondering how much of what had
passed must be told to Peter. Loyalty, and the compact they had made:
whatever happened, to keep the path unblocked between them, demanded an
exact account of events. But that compact had been formed in alliance
against a hard and ruthless Stuart of their imaginings. Her instincts
were all to protect the boy who had come to her in his trouble. He
had come to her--the thought was charged with sweetness. And here she
experienced a pang of pity for the girl, the other girl, who looked
like being the one left out. But Peter’s anger at the morning’s episode
had been hot; she would not have known how to handle him with the
gloves his soreness demanded. Peter didn’t like gloves.
... For an instant, Merle contemplated treachery.
No. It was popularly supposed that two girls couldn’t be square
with one another, where a man was in question. Hers to disprove the
theory. A secret unshared by Peter would, moreover, be an insult to
the spirit of the trio; the first menace to its continued existence.
Merle hesitated no longer, but sat down at the escritoire, and wrote
her letter; a letter which omitted nothing, not even the final
embrace--though she winced at the thought that Peter might possibly
misconstrue it to something more of man and woman, less of child. Then
she rang the bell and gave orders for the missive to be taken at once
to the post.
... Up the hushed staircase, and into the vast shadowy bedroom.
Had Stuart’s head really lain on her lap? Or was he but one of the
fantastic crowd who had been abroad that night in Lancaster Gate;
sliding the banisters, playing hide-and-seek in the passages, smashing
the china--while the white-haired châtelaine of the house took wine
with the King of the Hellenes’ minister.