PART I.

Transcriber's Note:

The text of Part II of A Christian Directory (or, a sum of Practical

Theology and Cases of Conscience) has been transcribed from pages 394

to 547 of Volume I of Baxter's Practical Works, as lithographed from

the 1846 edition. Part II addresses family duties. A table of contents

has been inserted to assist the reader.

Small capitals have been rendered in full capitals. Italics are

indicated by _underscores_. Sidenotes refer to the following

paragraph.

Inconsistencies in hyphenation, and apparent typographical errors

(both English and Greek), have been corrected. The anchor for

footnote 34, in chapter XIII, has been inserted after consulting another

edition of the text.

The table in Chapter XXIII, that presents the structure of the

Lord's Prayer, contains numerous braces that extend over several lines

and cannot be reproduced here. Instead horizontal lines have been

inserted to clarify its structure.

PART II.

CHRISTIAN ECONOMICS:

OR,

THE FAMILY DIRECTORY, CONTAINING DIRECTIONS FOR THE TRUE PRACTICE OF

ALL DUTIES BELONGING TO FAMILY RELATIONS, WITH THE APPURTENANCES.

Table of Contents

Page

I. Directions about marriage; for choice and contract. 394

II. Directions for the right choice of servants and masters. 407

III. A disputation, or arguments to prove the necessity of

family worship and holiness, or directions against the

cavils of the profane, and some sectaries, who deny it

to be a thing required by God. 409

IV. General directions for the holy government of families. 422

V. Special motives to persuade men to the holy governing of

their families. 424

VI. More special motives for a holy and careful education of

children. 427

VII. The mutual duties of husbands and wives towards each other. 431

VIII. The special duties of husbands to their wives. 438

IX. The special duties of wives to husbands. 440

X. The duties of parents for their children. 449

XI. The special duties of children towards their parents. 454

XII. The special duties of children and youth towards God. 457

XIII. The duties of servants to their masters. 458

XIV. The duties of masters towards their servants. 460

XV. The duties of children and fellow-servants to one another. 463

XVI. Directions for holy conference of fellow-servants or

others. 464

XVII. Directions for each particular member of the family how to

spend every ordinary day of the week. 466

XVIII. Directions for the order of holy duties. 470

XIX. Directions for profitable hearing the word preached. 473

XX. Directions for profitable reading the holy scriptures. 477

XXI. Directions for reading other books. 478

XXII. Directions for the right teaching of children and servants,

so as may be most likely to have success. 479

XXIII. Directions for prayer in general. 483

XXIV. Brief directions for families, about the sacrament of

the body and blood of Christ. 493

XXV. Directions for fearful, troubled christians, that

are perplexed with doubts of their sincerity and

justification. 502

XXVI. Directions for declining or backsliding christians:

and about perseverance. 505

XXVII. Directions for the poor. 514

XXVIII. Directions for the rich. 517

XXIX. Directions for the aged (and weak). 519

XXX. Directions for the sick. 522

XXXI. Directions to the friends of the sick, that are about them. 534

CHAPTER I.

DIRECTIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE; FOR CHOICE AND CONTRACT.

AS the persons of christians in their privatest capacities are holy,

as being dedicated and separated unto God, so also must their families

be: HOLINESS TO THE LORD must be as it were written on their doors,

and on their relations, their possessions, and affairs. To which it is

requisite, 1. That there be a holy constitution of their families. 2.

And a holy government of them, and discharge of the several duties of

the members of the family. To the right constituting of a family,

belongeth, (1.) The right contracting of marriage, and, (2.) The

right choice and contract betwixt masters and their servants. For the

first,

_Direct._ I. Take heed that neither lust nor rashness do thrust

you into a married condition, before you see such reasons to invite

you to it, as may assure you of the call and approbation of God. For,

1. It is God that you must serve in your married state, and therefore

it is meet that you take his counsel before you rush upon it; for he

knoweth best himself what belongeth to his service. 2. And it is God

that you must still depend upon, for the blessing and comforts of your

relation: and therefore there is very great reason that you take his

advice and consent, as the chief things requisite to the match: if the

consent of parents be necessary, much more is the consent of God.

_Quest._ But how shall a man know whether God call him to

marriage, or consent unto it? Hath he not here left all men to their

liberties, as in a thing indifferent?

[Sidenote: Whether marriage be indifferent.]

_Answ._ God hath not made any universal law commanding or

forbidding marriage; but in this regard hath left it indifferent to

mankind: yet not allowing all to marry (for undoubtedly to some it is

unlawful). But he hath by other general laws or rules directed men to

know, in what cases it is lawful, and in what cases it is a sin. As

every man is bound to choose that condition in which he may serve God

with the best advantages, and which tendeth most to his spiritual

welfare, and increase in holiness. Now there is nothing in marriage

itself which maketh it commonly inconsistent with these benefits, and

the fulfilling of these laws: and therefore it is said, that "he that

marrieth doth well,"[1] that is, he doth that which of itself is not

unlawful, and which to some is the most eligible state of life. But

there is something in a single life which maketh it, especially to

preachers and persecuted christians, to be more usually the most

advantageous state of life, to these ends of christianity; and

therefore it is said, that "he that marrieth not, doth better." And

yet to individual persons, it is hard to imagine how it can choose but

be either a duty or a sin; at least except in some unusual cases. For

it is a thing of so great moment as to the ordering of our hearts and

lives, that it is hard to imagine that it should ever be indifferent

as a means to our main end, but must either be a very great help or

hinderance. But yet if there be any persons whose case may be so

equally poised with accidents on both sides, that to the most

judicious man it is not discernible, whether a single or married state

of life is like to conduce more to their personal holiness or public

usefulness, or the good of others, to such persons marriage in the

individual circumstantiated act is a thing indifferent.

[Sidenote: Who are called to marry.]

By these conditions following you may know, what persons have a call

from God to marry, and who have not his call or approbation. 1. If

there be the peremptory will or command of parents to children that

are under their power and government, and no greater matter on the

contrary to hinder it, the command of parents signifieth the command

of God: but if parents do but persuade and not command, though their

desires must not be causelessly refused, yet a smaller impediment may

preponderate than in case of a peremptory command. 2. They are called

to marry who have not the gift of continence, and cannot by the use

of lawful means attain it, and have no impediment which maketh it

unlawful to them to marry. "But if they cannot contain, let them

marry; for it is better to marry than to burn," 1 Cor. vii. 9. But

here the divers degrees of the urgent and the hindering causes must be

compared, and the weightiest must prevail. For some that have very

strong lusts may yet have stronger impediments: and though they cannot

keep that chastity in their thoughts as they desire, yet in such a

case they must abstain. And there is no man but may keep his body in

chastity if he will do his part: yea, and thoughts themselves, may be

commonly, and for the most part, kept pure, and wanton imaginations

quickly checked, if men be godly, and will do what they can. But on

the other side, there are some that have a more tameable measure of

concupiscence, and yet have no considerable hinderance, whose duty it

may be to marry, as the most certain and successful means against that

small degree, as long as there is nothing to forbid it. 3. Another

cause that warranteth marriage is, when upon a wise casting up of all

accounts, it is apparently most probable that in a married state, one

may be most serviceable to God and the public good: that there will be

in it greater helps and fewer hinderances to the great ends of our

lives; the glorifying of God, and the saving of ourselves and others.

And whereas it must be expected that every condition should be more

helpful to us in one respect, and hinder us more in another respect;

and that in one we have most helps for a contemplative life, and in

another we are better furnished for an active, serviceable life, the

great skill therefore in the discerning of our duties, lieth in the

prudent pondering and comparing of the commodities and discommodities,

without the seduction of fantasy, lust, or passion, and in a true

discerning which side it is that hath the greatest weight.[2]

[Sidenote: Observations.]

Here it must be carefully observed, 1. That the two first reasons for

marriage, (concupiscence and the will of parents,) or any such like,

have their strength but in subordination to the third (the final

cause, or interest of God and our salvation). And that this last

reason (from the end) is of itself sufficient without any of the

other, but none of the other are sufficient without this. If it be

clear that in a married state you have better advantages for the

service of God, and doing good to others, and saving your own souls,

than you can have in a single state of life, then it is undoubtedly

your duty to marry; for our obligation to seek our ultimate end is the

most constant, indispensable obligation. Though parents command it

not, though you have no corporal necessity, yet it is a duty if it

certainly make most for your ultimate end. 2. But yet observe also,

that no pretence of your ultimate end itself will warrant you to

marry, when any other accident hath first made it a thing unlawful,

while that accident continueth. For we must not do evil that good may

come by it. Our salvation is not furthered by sin; and though we saw a

probability that we might do more good to others, if we did but commit

such a sin to accomplish it, yet it is not to be done. For our lives

and mercies being all in the hand of God, and the successes and

acceptance of all our endeavours depending wholly upon him, it can

never be a rational way to attain them, by wilful offending him by our

sin! It is a likely means to public good for able and good men to be

magistrates and ministers; and yet he that would lie, or be perjured,

or commit any known sin that he may be a magistrate, or that he may

preach the gospel, might better expect a curse on himself and his

endeavours, than God's acceptance, or his blessing and success; so he

that would sin to change his state for the better, would find that he

changed it for the worse: or if it do good to others, he may expect no

good but ruin to himself, if repentance prevent it not. 3. Observe

also, that if the question be only which state of life it is (married

or single) which best conduceth to this ultimate end, then any one of

the subordinate reasons will prove that we have a call, if there be

not greater reasons on the contrary side. As in case you have no

corporal necessity, the will of parents alone may oblige you, if there

be no greater thing against it: or if parents oblige you not, yet

corporal necessity alone may do it: or if neither of these invite you,

yet a clear probability of the attaining of such an estate or

opportunity, as may make you more fit to relieve many others, or be

serviceable to the church, or the blessing of children who may be

devoted to God, may warrant your marriage, if no greater reasons lie

against it; for when the scales are equal, any one of these may turn

them.

[Sidenote: Who may not marry.]

By this also you may perceive who they be that have no call to marry,

and to whom it is a sin. As, 1. No man hath a call to marry, who

laying all the commodities and discommodities together, may clearly

discern that a married state is like to be a greater hinderance of his

salvation, or to his serving or honouring God in the world, and so to

disadvantage him as to his ultimate end.

_Quest._ But what if parents do command it? or will set against

me if I disobey?

_Answ._ Parents have no authority to command you any thing

against God or your salvation, or your ultimate end. Therefore here

you owe them no formal obedience: but yet the will of parents, with

all the consequents, must be put into the scales with all other

considerations, and if they make the discommodities of a single life

to become the greater, as to your end, then they may bring you under a

duty or obligation to marry; not _necessitate præcepti_, as

obedience to their command; but _necessitate medii_, as a means

to your ultimate end, and in obedience to that general command of God,

which requireth you to "seek first" your ultimate end, even "the

kingdom of God, and his righteousness," Matt. vi. 33.

_Quest._ But what if I have a corporal necessity, and yet I can

foresee that marriage will greatly disadvantage me as to the service

of God and my salvation?

_Answ._ 1. You must understand that no corporal necessity is

absolute: for there is no man so lustful but may possibly bridle his

lust by other lawful means; by diet, labour, sober company, diverting

business, solitude, watching the thoughts and senses, or at least by

the physician's help; so that the necessity is but _secundum

quid_, or an urgency rather than a simple necessity. And then, 2.

This measure of necessity must be itself laid in the balance with the

other accidents; and if this necessity will turn the scales by making

a single life more disadvantageous to your ultimate end, your lust

being a greater impediment to you than all the inconveniencies of

marriage will be, then the case is resolved, "it is better to marry

than to burn." But if the hinderances in a married state are like to

be greater, than the hinderances of your concupiscence, then you must

set yourself to the curbing and curing of that concupiscence; and in

the use of God's means expect his blessing.

[Sidenote: Of parents' wills.]

2. Children are not, ordinarily, called of God to marry, when their

parents do absolutely and peremptorily forbid it. For though parents'

commands cannot make it a duty, when we are sure it would hinder the

interest of God our ultimate end; yet parents' prohibitions may make

it a sin, when there is a clear probability that it would most conduce

to our ultimate end, were it not prohibited. Because, (1.)

Affirmatives bind not _semper et ad semper_, as negatives or

prohibitions do. (2.) Because the sin of disobedience to parents will

cross the tendency of it unto good, and do more against our ultimate

end, than all the advantages of marriage can do for it. A duty is then

to us no duty, when it cannot be performed without a chosen, wilful

sin. In many cases we are bound to forbear what a governor forbiddeth,

when we are not bound to do the contrary if he command it. It is

easier to make a duty to be no duty, than to make a sin to be no sin.

One bad ingredient may turn a duty into a sin, when one good

ingredient will not turn a sin into a duty, or into no sin.

_Quest._ But may not a governor's prohibition be overweighed by

some great degrees of incommodity? It is better to marry than to burn.

1. What if parents forbid children to marry absolutely until death,

and so deprive them of the lawful remedy against lust? 2. And if they

do not so, yet if they forbid it them when it is to them most

seasonable and necessary, it seemeth little better. 3. Or if they

forbid them to marry where their affections are so engaged, as that

they cannot be taken off without their mutual ruin? May not children

marry in such cases of necessity as these, without and against the

will of their parents?

_Answ._ I cannot deny but some cases may be imagined or fall out,

in which it is lawful to do what a governor forbiddeth, and to marry

against the will of parents: for they have their power to edification,

and not unto destruction. As if a son be qualified with eminent gifts

for the work of the ministry, in a time and place that needeth much

help; if a malignant parent, in hatred of that sacred office, should

never so peremptorily forbid him, yet may the son devote himself to

the blessed work of saving souls: even as a son may not forbear to

relieve the poor (with that which is his own) though his parents

should forbid him; nor forbear to put himself into a capacity to

relieve them for the future; nor forbear his own necessary food and

raiment though he be forbidden: as Daniel would not forbear praying

openly in his house, when he was forbidden by the king and law. When

any inseparable accident doth make a thing, of itself indifferent,

become a duty, a governor's prohibition will not discharge us from

that duty, unless the accident be smaller than the accident of the

ruler's prohibition, and then it may be overweighed by it; but to

determine what accidents are greater or less is a difficult task.

And as to the particular questions, to the first I answer, If parents

forbid their children to marry while they live, it is convenient and

safe to obey them until death, if no greater obligation to the

contrary forbid it: but it is necessary to obey them during the time

that the children live under the government of their parents, as in

their houses, in their younger years (except in some few extraordinary

cases). But when parents are dead, (though they leave commands in

their wills,) or when age or former marriage hath removed children

from under their government, a smaller matter will serve to justify

their disobedience here, than when the children in minority are less

fit to govern themselves. For though we owe parents a limited

obedience still, yet at full age the child is more at his own disposal

than he was before. Nature hath given us a hint of her intention in

the instinct of brutes, who are all taught to protect, and lead, and

provide for their young ones, while the young are insufficient for

themselves; but when they are grown to self-sufficiency, they drive

them away or neglect them. If a wise son that hath a wife and many

children, and great affairs to manage in the world, should he bound to

as absolute obedience to his aged parents, as he was in his childhood,

it would ruin their affairs, and parents' government would pull down

that in their old age, which they built up in their middle age.

And to the second question I answer, that, 1. Children that pretend to

unconquerable lust or love, must do all they can to subdue such

inordinate affections, and bring their lusts to stoop to reason and

their parents' wills. And if they do their best, there are either

none, or not one of many hundreds, but may maintain their chastity

together with their obedience. 2. And if any say, I have done my best,

and yet am under a necessity of marriage; and am I not then bound to

marry though my parents forbid me? I answer, it is not to be believed:

either you have not done your best, or else you are not under a

necessity. And your urgency being your own fault, (seeing you should

subdue it,) God still obligeth you both to subdue your vice, and to

obey your parents. 3. But if there should be any one that hath such an

(incredible) necessity of marriage, he is to procure some others to

solicit his parents for their consent, and if he cannot obtain it,

some say, it is his duty to marry without it: I should rather say that

it is _minus malum_, the lesser evil: and that having cast

himself into some necessity of sinning, it is still his duty to avoid

both, and to choose neither; but it is the smaller sin to choose to

disobey his parents, rather than to live in the flames of lust and the

filth of unchastity. And some divines say, that in such a case a son

should appeal to the magistrate, as a superior authority above the

father. But others think, 1. That this leaveth it as difficult to

resolve what he shall do, if the magistrate also consent not: and, 2.

That it doth but resolve one difficulty by a greater; it being very

doubtful whether in domestic cases the authority of the parent or the

magistrate be the greater.

3. The same answer serveth as to the third question, when parents

forbid you to marry the persons that you are most fond of. For such

fondness (whether you call it lust or love) as will not stoop to

reason and your parents' wills, is inordinate and sinful. And

therefore the thing that God bindeth you to, is by his appointed means

to subdue it, and to obey: but if you cannot, the accidents and

probable consequents must tell you which is the lesser evil.

_Quest._ But what if the child have promised marriage, and the

parents be against it? _Answ._ If the child was under the

parents' government, and short of years of discretion also, the

promise is void for want of capacity. And if the child was at age, yet

the promise was a sinful promise, as to the promising act, and also as

to the thing promised during the parents' dissent. If the _actus

promittendi_ only had been sinful, (the promise making,) the

promise might nevertheless oblige (unless it were null as well as

sinful). But the _materia promissa_ being sinful, (the matter

promised,) to marry while parents do dissent, such a child is bound to

forbear the fulfilling of that promise till the parents do consent or

die. And yet he is bound from marrying any other, (unless he be

disobliged by the person that he hath made the promise to,) because he

knoweth not but his parents may consent hereafter; and whenever they

consent or die, the promise then is obligatory, and must be performed.

The third chapter of Numbers enableth parents to disoblige a daughter

that is in their house, from a vow made to God, so be it they disallow

it at the first hearing. Hence there are two doubts arise: 1. Whether

this power extend not to the disobliging of a promise or contract of

matrimony. 2. Whether it extend not to a son as well as a daughter.

And most expositors are for the affirmative of both cases. But I have

showed you before that it is upon uncertain grounds: 1. It is

uncertain whether God, who would thus give up his own right in case of

vowing, will also give away the right of others, without their

consent, in case of promises or contracts. And, 2. It is uncertain

whether this be not an indulgence only of the weaker sex, seeing many

words in the text seem plainly to intimate so much. And it is

dangerous upon our own presumptions, to stretch God's laws to every

thing we imagine there is the same reason for; seeing our imaginations

may so easily be deceived; and God could have expressed such

particulars if he would. And therefore (when there is not clear ground

for our inferences in the text) it is but to say, Thus and thus should

God have said, when we cannot say, Thus he hath said. We must not make

laws under the pretence of expounding them: whatsoever God commandeth

thee, take heed that thou do it: thou shalt add nothing thereto, nor

take ought therefrom, Deut. xii. 32.

_Quest._ If the question therefore be not of the sinfulness, but

the nullity of such promises of children, because of the dissent of

parents, for my part I am not able to prove any such nullity. It is

said, that they are not _sui juris_, their own, and therefore

their promises are null: but if they have attained to years and use of

discretion, they are naturally so far _sui juris_ as to be

capable of disposing even of their souls, and therefore of their

fidelity. They can oblige themselves to God or man; though they are

not so far _sui juris_ as to be ungoverned: for so, no child, no

subject, no man is _sui juris_; seeing all are under the

government of God. And yet if a man promise to do a thing sinful, it

is not a nullity, but a sin; not no promise, but a sinful promise. A

nullity is, when the _actus promittendi_ is reputative _nullus

vel non actus_. And when no promise is made, then none can be

broken.

_Quest._ But if the question be only how far such promises must

be kept, I answer by summing up what I have said: 1. If the child had

not the use of reason, the want of natural capacity proveth the

promise null: here _ignorantis non est consensus_. 2. If he was

at age and use of reason, then, 1. If the promising act only was

sinful, (as before I said of vows,) the promise must be both repented

of and kept. It must be repented of because it was a sin; it must be

kept because it was a real promise, and the matter lawful. 2. If the

promising act was not only a sin but a nullity (by any other reason)

then it is no obligation. 3. If not only the promising act be sin, but

also the matter promised, (as is marrying without parents' consent,)

then it must be repented of, and not performed till it become lawful;

because an oath or promise cannot bind a man to violate the laws of

God.

_Quest._ But what if the parties be actually married without the

parents' consent? must they live together, or be separated? _Answ._ 1.

If marriage be consummated _per carnalem concubitum_, by the carnal

knowledge of each other, I see no reason to imagine that parents can

dissolve it, or prohibit their cohabitation: for the marriage (for

aught I ever saw) is not proved a nullity, but only a sin, and their

_concubitus_ is not fornication; and parents cannot forbid husband and

wife to live together: and in marriage they do (really though

sinfully) forsake father and mother and cleave to each other, and so

are now from under their government (though not disobliged from all

obedience). 2. But if marriage be only by verbal conjunction, divines

are disagreed what is to be done. Some think that it is no perfect

marriage _ante concubitum_, and also that their conjunction hath but

the nature of a promise (to be faithful to each other as husband and

wife): and therefore the matter promised is unlawful till parents

consent, and so not to be done. But I rather think (as most do) that

it hath all that is essential to marriage _ante concubitum_; and that

this marriage is more than a promise of fidelity _de futuro_, even an

actual delivery of themselves to one another _de præsenti_ also; and

that the thing promised in marriage is lawful. For though it be a sin

to marry without parents' consent, yet when that is past, it is lawful

for married persons to come together though parents consent not; and

therefore that such marriage is valid, and to be continued, though it

was sinfully made.

[Sidenote: Of vows of chastity.]

3. A third sort that are not called of God to marry, are they that

have absolutely vowed not to marry. Such may not marry, unless

Providence disoblige them, by making it become an indispensable duty.

And I can remember but two ways by which this may be done. 1. In case

there be any of so strong lust, as no other lawful means but marriage

can suffice to maintain their chastity. To such marriage is as great a

duty, as to eat or drink, or cover one's nakedness, or to hinder

another from uncleanness, or lying, or stealing, or the like. And if

you should make a vow that you will never eat or drink, or that you

will go naked, or that you will never hinder any one from uncleanness,

lying, or stealing, it is unlawful to fulfil this vow. But all the

doubt is, whether there be any such persons that cannot overcome or

restrain their lust by any other lawful means. I suppose it is

possible there may be such; but I believe it is not one of a hundred.

If they will but practise the directions before given, part i. chap.

viii. part v. tit. 1 and 2, I suppose their lust may be restrained:

and if that prevail not, the help of a physician may: and if that

prevail not, some think the help of a surgeon may be lawful, to keep a

vow, in case it be not an apparent hazard of life. For Christ seemeth

to allow of it, in mentioning it without reproof, Matt. xix. 12, if

that text be to be understood of castration: but most expositors think

it is meant only of a confirmed resolution of chastity: and ordinarily

other means may make this needless: and if it be either needless or

perilous, it is unlawful without doubt.

2. The second way by which God may dispense with a vow of chastity is,

by making the marriage of a person become of apparent necessity to the

public safety. And I am able to discern but one instance that will

reach the case; and that is, if a king have vowed chastity, and in

case he marry not, his next heir being a professed enemy of

christianity, the religion, safety, and happiness of the whole nation,

is apparently in danger to be overthrown. I think the case of such a

king is like the case of a father that had vowed never to provide food

or raiment for his children: or as if Ahab had vowed that no well

should be digged in the land; and when the drought cometh, it is

become necessary to the saving of the people's lives: or as if the

ship-master should vow that the ship shall not be pumped; which when

it leaketh doth become necessary to save their lives. In these cases

God disobligeth you from your vow by a mutation of the matter; and a

pastor may dispense with it declaratively. But for the pope or any

mortal man to pretend to more, is impiety and deceit.

_Quest._ May the aged marry, that are frigid, impotent, and

uncapable of procreation? _Answ._ Yes, God hath not forbidden

them: and there are other lawful ends of marriage, as mutual help and

comfort, &c. which may make it lawful.[3]

_Direct._ II. To restrain your inordinate forwardness to

marriage, keep the ordinary inconveniencies of it in memory. Rush not

into a state of life, the inconveniencies of which you never thought

on. If you have a call to it, the knowledge of the difficulties and

duties will be necessary to your preparation, and faithful undergoing

them; if you have no call, this knowledge is necessary to keep you

off. I shall first name the inconveniencies common to all, and then

some that are proper to the ministers of the gospel, which have a

greater reason to avoid a married life than other men have.

1. Marriage ordinarily plungeth men into excess of worldly cares; it

multiplieth their business, and usually their wants. There are many

things to mind and do; there are many to provide for. And many persons

you will have to do with, who have all of them a selfish disposition

and interest, and will judge of you but according as you fit their

ends. And among many persons and businesses, some things will

frequently fall cross: you must look for many rubs and disappointments.

And your natures are not so strong, content, and patient, as to bear

all these without molestation.

2. Your wants in a married state are hardlier supplied, than in a

single life. You will want so many things which before you never

wanted, and have so many to provide for and content, that all will

seem little enough, if you had never so much. Then you will be often

at your wit's end, taking thought for the future, what you shall eat,

and what you shall drink, and wherewith shall you and yours be clothed.

3. Your wants in a married state are far hardlier borne than in a

single state. It is far easier to bear personal wants ourselves, than

to see the wants of wife and children: affection will make their

sufferings pinch you. And ingenuity will make it a trouble to your

mind, to need the help of servants, and to want that which is fit for

servants to expect. But especially the discontent and impatience of

your family will more discontent you than all their wants. You cannot

help your wife, and children, and servants to contented minds. Oh what

a heart-cutting trial is it to hear them repining, murmuring, and

complaining! to hear them call for that which you have not for them,

and grieve at their condition, and exclaim of you, or of the

providence of God, because they have it not! And think not that riches

will free you from these discontents; for as the rich are but few, so

they that have much have much to do with it. A great foot must have a

great shoe. When poor men want some small supplies, rich men may want

great sums, or larger provisions, which the poor can easily be

without. And their condition lifting them up to greater pride, doth

torment them with greater discontents. How few in all the world that

have families, are content with their estates!

4. Hereupon a married life containeth far more temptations to

worldliness or covetousness, than a single state doth. For when you

think you need more, you will desire more: and when you find all too

little to satisfy those that you provide for, you will measure your

estate by their desires, and be apt to think that you have never

enough. Birds and beasts that have young ones to provide for, are most

hungry and rapacious. You have so many now to scrape for, that you

will think you are still in want: it is not only till death that you

must now lay up; but you must provide for children that survive you.

And while you take them to be as yourselves, you have two generations

now to make provisions for: and most men are as covetous for their

posterity, as if it were for themselves.

5. And hereupon you are hindered from works of charity to others: wife

and children are the devouring gulf that swalloweth all. If you had

but yourselves to provide for, a little would serve; and you could

deny your own desires of unnecessary things; and so might have

plentiful provision for good works. But by that time wife and children

are provided for, and all their importunate desires satisfied, there

is nothing considerable left for pious or charitable uses. Lamentable

experience proclaimeth this.

6. And hereby it appeareth how much a married state doth ordinarily

hinder men from honouring their profession. It is their vows of single

life that hath occasioned the papists to do so many works of public

charity, as is boasted of for the honour of their sect. For when they

have no children to bequeath it to, and cannot keep it themselves, it

is easy to them to leave it to such uses as will pacify their

consciences most, and advance their names. And if it should prove as

good a work and as acceptable to God, to educate your own children

piously for his service, as to relieve the children of the poor, yet

it is not so much regarded in the world, nor bringeth so much honour

to religion. One hundred pounds given to the poor shall more advance

the reputation of your liberality and virtue, than a thousand pounds

given to your own children, though it be with as pious an end, to

train them up for the service of the church. And though this is

inconsiderable as your own honour is concerned in it, yet it is

considerable as the honour of religion and the good of souls are

concerned in it.

7. And it is no small patience which the natural imbecility of the

female sex requireth you to prepare. Except it be very few that are

patient and manlike, women are commonly of potent fantasies, and

tender, passionate, impatient spirits, easily cast into anger, or

jealousy, or discontent; and of weak understandings, and therefore

unable to reform themselves. They are betwixt a man and a child: some

few have more of the man, and many have more of the child; but most

are but in a middle state. Weakness naturally inclineth persons to be

froward and hard to please; as we see in children, old people, and

sick persons. They are like a sore, distempered body; you can scarce

touch them but you hurt them. With too many you can scarce tell how to

speak or look but you displease them. If you should be very well

versed in the art of pleasing, and set yourselves to it with all your

care, as if you made it your very business and had little else to do,

yet it would put you hard to it, to please some weak, impatient

persons, if not quite surpass your ability and skill. And the more you

love them, the more grievous it will be, to see them still in

discontents, weary of their condition, and to hear the clamorous

expressions of their disquiet minds. Nay, the very multitude of words

that very many are addicted to, doth make some men's lives a continual

burden to them. Mark what the Scripture saith: Prov. xxi. 9, "It is

better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling

woman in a wide house." Ver. 19, "It is better to dwell in the

wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." So chap. xxv. 24,

and xxvii. 15, "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a

contentious woman are alike." Eccles. vii. 28, "One man among a

thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found."

8. And there is such a meeting of faults and imperfections on both

sides, that maketh it much the harder to bear the infirmities of

others aright. If one party only were froward and impatient, the

stedfastness of the other might make it the more tolerable; but we are

all sick, in some measure, of the same disease. And when weakness

meeteth with weakness, and pride with pride, and passion with passion,

it exasperateth the disease and doubleth the suffering. And our

corruption is such, that though our intent be to help one another in

our duties, yet we are apter far to stir up one another's distempers.

9. The business, care, and trouble of a married life, is a great

temptation to call down our thoughts from God, and to divert them from

the "one thing necessary," Luke x. 42; and to distract the mind, and

make it undisposed to holy duty, and to serve God with a divided

heart, as if we served him not. How hard is it to pray or meditate

with any serious fervency, when you come out of a crowd of cares and

business! Hear what Saint Paul saith, 1 Cor. vii. 7, 8, "For I would

that all men were as I myself.--I say to the unmarried and the widows,

It is good for them if they abide even as I." Ver. 26-28, "I suppose

therefore that this is good for the present distress, that it is good

for a man so to be:--such shall have trouble in the flesh." Ver. 32, 33,

"But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth

for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is

married careth for the things of the world, how he may please his

wife." Ver. 34, 35, "The unmarried woman careth for the things of the

Lord, that she may be holy in body and in spirit: but she that is

married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her

husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a

snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend

upon the Lord without distraction." Ver. 37, 38, "He that standeth

stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his

own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his

virgin, doth well. So then he that marrieth doth well, but he that

marrieth not doth better." And mark Christ's own words, Matt. xix. 11,

"His disciples say unto him, If the case of a man be so with his wife,

it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive

this saying, save they to whom it is given--He that is able to receive

it, let him receive it."

10. The business of a married state doth commonly devour almost all

your time, so that little is left for holy contemplations, or serious

thoughts of the life to come. All God's service is contracted and

thrust into a corner, and done as it were on the by: the world will

scarce allow you time to meditate, or pray, or read the Scripture; you

think yourselves (as Martha) under a greater necessity of despatching

your business, than of sitting at Christ's feet to hear his word. Oh

that single persons knew (for the most part) the preciousness of their

leisure, and how free they are to attend the service of God, and learn

his word, in comparison of the married!

11. There is so great a diversity of temperaments and degrees of

understanding, that there are scarce any two persons in the world, but

there is some unsuitableness between them. Like stones that have some

unevenness, that maketh them lie crooked in the building; some

crossness there will be of opinion, or disposition, or interest, or

will, by nature, or by custom and education, which will stir up

frequent discontents.

12. There is a great deal of duty which husband and wife do owe to one

another; as to instruct, admonish, pray, watch over one another, and

to be continual helpers to each other in order to their everlasting

happiness; and patiently to bear with the infirmities of each other:

and to the weak and backward heart of man, the addition of so much

duty doth add to their weariness, how good soever the work be in

itself: and men should feel their strength, before they undertake more

work.

13. And the more they love each other, the more they participate in

each other's griefs; and one or other will be frequently under some

sort of suffering. If one be sick, or lame, or pained, or defamed, or

wronged, or disquieted in mind, or by temptation fall into any

wounding sin, the other beareth part of the distress. Therefore before

you undertake to bear all the burdens of another, and suffer in all

another's hurts, it concerneth you to observe your strength, how much

more you have than your own burdens do require.

14. And if you should marry one that proveth ungodly, how exceeding

great would the affliction be! If you loved them, your souls would be

in continual danger by them; they would be the powerfulest instruments

in the world to pervert your judgments, to deaden your hearts, to take

you off from a holy life, to kill your prayers, to corrupt your lives,

and to damn your souls. And if you should have the grace to escape the

snare, and save yourselves, it would be by so much the greater

difficulty and suffering, as the temptation is the greater. And what a

heart-breaking would it be to converse so nearly with a child of the

devil, that is like to lie for ever in hell! The daily thoughts of it

would be a daily death to you.

15. Women especially must expect so much suffering in a married life,

that if God had not put into them a natural inclination to it, and so

strong a love to their children, as maketh them patient under the most

annoying troubles, the world would ere this have been at an end,

through their refusal of so calamitous a life. Their sickness in

breeding, their pain in bringing forth, with the danger of their

lives, the tedious trouble night and day which they have with their

children in their nursing in their childhood; besides their subjection

to their husbands, and continual care of family affairs; being forced

to consume their lives in a multitude of low and troublesome

businesses: all this, and much more, would have utterly deterred that

sex from marriage, if nature itself had not inclined them to it.

16. And oh what abundance of duty is incumbent upon both the parents

towards every child for the saving of their souls![4] What uncessant

labour is necessary in teaching them the doctrine of salvation! which

made God twice over charge them to teach his word diligently (or

sharpen them) "unto their children, and to talk of them when they sit

in their houses, and when they walk by the way, and when they lie

down, and when they rise up," Deut. vi. 6, 7; xi. 19. What abundance

of obstinate, rooted corruptions are in the hearts of children, which

parents must by all possible diligence root up! Oh how great and hard

a work is it, to speak to them of their sins and Saviour, of their

God, their souls, and the life to come, with that reverence, gravity,

seriousness, and unwearied constancy, as the weight of the matter doth

require! and to suit all their actions and carriage to the same ends!

Little do most that have children know, what abundance of care and

labour God will require of them, for the sanctifying and saving of

their children's souls. Consider your fitness for so great a work

before you undertake it.

17. It is abundance of affliction that is ordinarily to be expected in

the miscarriages of children, when you have done your best, much more

if you neglect your duty, as even godly parents too often do. After

all your pains, and care, and labour, you must look that the

foolishness of some, and the obstinacy of others, and the

unthankfulness of those that you have loved best, should even pierce

your hearts. You must look that many vices should spring up and

trouble you; and be the more grievous by how much your children are

the more dear. And oh what a grief it is to breed up a child to be a

servant of the devil, and an enemy of God and godliness, and a

persecutor of the church of God! and to think of his lying in hell for

ever! And alas! how great is the number of such!

18. And it is not a little care and trouble that servants will put you

to; so difficult is it to get those that are good, much more to make

them good; so great is your duty, in teaching them, and minding them

of the matters of their salvation; so frequent will be the

displeasures about your work and worldly business, and every one of

those displeasures will hinder them for receiving your instructions;

that most families are houses of correction or affliction.

19. And these marriage crosses are not for a year, but during life;

they deprive you of all hope of relief while you live together. There

is no room for repentance, nor casting about for a way to escape them.

Death only must be your relief. And therefore such a change of your

condition should be seriously forethought on, and all the troubles be

foreseen and pondered.

20. And if love make you dear to one another, your parting at death

will be the more grievous. And when you first come together, you know

that such a parting you must have; through all the course of your

lives you may foresee it: one of you must see the body of your beloved

turned into a cold and ghastly clod; you must follow it weeping to the

grave, and leave it there in dust and darkness; there it must lie

rotting as a loathsome lump, whose sight or smell you cannot endure;

till you shortly follow it, and lie down yourself in the same

condition. All these are the ordinary concomitants and consequents of

marriage; easily and quickly spoken, but long and hard to be endured!

No fictions, but realities, and less than most have reason to expect.

And should such a life be rashly ventured on in a pang of lust? or

such a burden be undertaken without forethought?

[Sidenote: Of ministers' marriage.]

But especially the ministers of the gospel should think what they do,

and think again, before they enter upon a married life. Not that it is

simply unlawful for them, or that they are to be tied from it by a

law, as they are in the kingdom of Rome, for carnal ends and with

odious effects. But so great a hinderance ordinarily is this

troublesome state of life to the sacred ministration which they

undertake, that a very clear call should be expected for their

satisfaction. That I be not tedious, consider well but of these four

things: 1. How well will a life of so much care and business agree to

you, that have time little enough for the greater work which you have

undertaken? Do you know what you have to do in public and private? in

reading, meditating, praying, preaching, instructing personally, and

from house to house? And do you know of how great importance it is?

even for the saving of men's souls? And have you time to spare for so

much worldly cares and business? Are you not charged, "Meditate on

these things: give thyself wholly to them," 1 Tim. iv. 15. "No man

that warreth, entangleth himself with the affairs of this life, that

he may please him that hath chosen him to be a soldier," 2 Tim. ii. 4.

Is not this plain? Soldiers use not to look to farms and servants. If

you are faithful ministers, I dare confidently say, you will find all

your time so little for your proper work, that many a time you will

groan and say, Oh how short and swift is time! and, Oh how great and

slow is my work and duty! 2. Consider how well a life of so great

diversions, avocations, and distractions, doth suit with a mind

devoted to God, that should be always free and ready for his service.

Your studies are on such great and mysterious subjects, that they

require the whole mind, and all too little. To resolve the many

difficulties that are before you, to prepare those suitable convincing

words, which may pierce and persuade the hearers' hearts, to get

within the bosom of a hypocrite, to follow on the word till it attain

its effect, and to deal with poor souls according to their great

necessity, and handle God's word according to its holiness and

majesty, these are things that require a whole man, and are not

employments for a divided or distracted mind. The talking of women,

and the crying of children, and the cares and business of the world,

are ill preparations or attendants on these studies.[5] 3. Consider

well whether a life of so great disturbance be agreeable to one whose

affections should be taken up for God; and whose work must be all

done, not formally and affectedly with the lips alone, but seriously

with all the heart. If your heart and warm affections be at any time

left behind, the life, and power, the beauty, and glory of your work

are lost. How dead will your studies, and praying, and preaching, and

conference be! And can you keep those affections warm and vigorous for

God, and taken up with heaven and heavenly things, which are disturbed

with the cares and the crosses of the world, and taken up with carnal

matters? 4. And consider also how well that indigent life will agree

to one that by charity and good works should second his doctrine, and

win men's souls to the love of holiness.[6] If you feed not the bodies

of the poor, they will less relish the food of the soul. Nay, if you

abound not above others in good works, the blind, malicious world will

see nothing that is good in you; but will say, You have good words,

but where are your good works? What abundance have I known hardened

against the gospel and religion, by a common fame, that these

preachers are as covetous, and worldly, and uncharitable as any

others! and it must be something extraordinary that must confute such

fame. And what abundance of success have I seen of the labours of

those ministers, who give all they have in works of charity! And

though a rich and resolved man may do some good in a married state,

yet commonly it is next to nothing, as to the ends now mentioned;

wife, and children, and family necessities devour all, if you have

never so much. And some provision must be made for them, when you are

dead: and the maintenance of the ministry is not so great as to

suffice well for all this, much less for any eminent works of charity

besides! Never reckon upon the doing of much good to the poor, if you

have wives and children of your own! Such instances are rarities and

wonders. All will be too little for yourselves. Whereas if all that

were given to the poor which goeth to the maintenance of your

families, you little know how much it would reconcile the minds of the

ungodly, and further the success of your ministerial work.

_Direct._ III. If God call you to a married life, expect all

these troubles, or most of them; and make particular preparation for

each temptation, cross, and duty which you must expect. Think not that

you are entering into a state of mere delight, lest it prove but a

fool's paradise to you. See that you be furnished with marriage

strength and patience, for the duties and sufferings of a married

state, before you venture on it. Especially, 1. Be well provided

against temptations to a worldly mind and life: for here you are like

to be most violently and dangerously assaulted. 2. See that you be

well provided with conjugal affections: for they are necessary both to

the duties and sufferings of a married life. And you should not enter

upon the state without the necessary preparations. 3. See that you be

well provided with marriage prudence and understanding, that you may

be able to instruct and edify your families, and may live with them as

men of knowledge, 1 Pet. iii. 7, and may manage all your business with

discretion, Psal. cxii. 15. 4. See that you be provided with

resolvedness and constancy, that you vex not yourself and relations by

too late repentings; and come not off with, had I wist, or _non

putaram_. Levity and mutability is no fit preparative for a state

that only death can change. Let the love and resolutions which brought

you into that state, continue with you to the last. 5. See that you be

provided with a diligence answerable to the greatness of your

undertaken duties. A slothful mind is unfit for one that entereth

himself voluntarily upon so much business; as a cowardly mind is unfit

for him that listeth himself a soldier for the wars. 6. See that you

are well provided with marriage patience; to bear with the infirmities

of others, and undergo the daily crosses of your life, which your

business and necessities, and your own infirmities, will unavoidably

infer. To marry without all this preparation, is as foolish as to go

to sea without the necessary preparations for your voyage, or to go to

war without armour or ammunition, or to go to work without tools or

strength, or to go to buy meat in the market when you have no money.

_Direct._ IV. Take special care, that fancy and passion overrule

not reason, and friends' advice, in the choice of your condition, or

of the person. I know you must have love to those that you match with;

but that love must be rational, and such as you can justify in the

severest trial, by the evidences of worth and fitness in the person

whom you love. To say you love, but you know not why, is more

beseeming children or mad folks, than those that are soberly entering

upon a change of life of so great importance to them. A blind love

which maketh you think a person excellent and amiable, who in the eyes

of the wisest that are impartial, is nothing so, or maketh you

overvalue the person whom you fancy, and be fond of one as some

admirable creature, that in the eyes of others is next to

contemptible, this is but the index and evidence of your folly. And

though you please yourselves in it, and honour it with the name of

love, there is none that is acquainted with it, that will give it any

better name than lust or fancy. And the marriage that is made by lust

or fancy will never tend to solid content or true felicity; but either

it will feed till death on the fuel that kindled it, and then go out

in everlasting shame; or else more ordinarily it proveth but a blaze,

and turneth into loathing and weariness of each other. And because

this passion of lust (called love) is such a besotting, blinding

thing, (like the longing of a woman with child,) it is the duty of all

that feel any touch of it to kindle upon their hearts, to call it

presently to the trial, and to quench it effectually; and till that be

done (if they have any relics of wit or reason) to suspect their own

apprehensions, and much more to trust the judgment and advice of

others.

[Sidenote: How to cure lustful love.]

The means to quench this lust called love, I have largely opened

before. I shall now only remember you of these few. 1. Keep asunder,

and at a sufficient distance from the person that you dote upon. The

nearness of the fire and fuel causeth the combustion. Fancy and lust

are inflamed by the senses. Keep out of sight, and in time the fever

may abate. 2. Overvalue not vanity. Think not highly of a silken coat,

or of the great names of ancestors, or of money, or lands, or of a

painted or a spotted face, nor of that natural comeliness called

beauty: judge not of things as children, but as men: play not the

fools in magnifying trifles, and overlooking inward, real worth. Would

you fall in love with a flower or picture at this rate? Bethink you

what work the pox, or any other withering sickness, will make with

that silly beauty which you so admire: think what a spectacle death

will make it; and how many thousands once more beautiful, are turned

now to common earth! and how many thousand souls are now in hell, that

by a beautiful body were drowned in lust, and tempted to neglect

themselves! and how few in the world you can name that were ever much

the better for it! What a childish thing it is to dote on a book of

tales and lies, because it hath a beautiful, gilded cover! and to

undervalue the writings of the wise, because they have a plain and

homely outside! 3. Rule your thoughts, and let them not run masterless

as fancy shall command them. If reason cannot call off your thoughts

from following a lustful desire and imagination, no wonder if one that

rideth on such an unbridled colt be cast into the dirt. 4. Live not

idly, but let the business of your callings take up your time, and

employ your thoughts. An idle, fleshly mind is the carcass where the

vermin of lust doth crawl, and the nest where the devil hatcheth both

this and many other pernicious sins. 5. Lastly and chiefly, forget not

the concernments of your souls: remember how near you are to eternity,

and what work you have to do for your salvation: forget not the

presence of God, nor the approach of death. Look oft by faith into

heaven and hell, and keep conscience tender; and then I warrant you,

you will find something else to mind than lust, and greater matters

than a silly carcass to take up your thoughts; and you will feel that

heavenly love within you, which will extinguish earthly, carnal love.

_Direct._ V. Be not too hasty in your choice or resolution, but

deliberate well, and thoroughly know the person on whom so much of the

comfort or sorrow of your life will necessarily depend. Where

repentance hath no place, there is the greater care to be used to

prevent it. Reason requireth you to be well acquainted with those that

you trust but with an important secret, much more with all your honour

or estates; and most of all, with one whom you must trust with so much

of the comfort of your lives, and your advantages for a better life.

No care and caution can be too great in a matter of so great

importance.

_Direct._ VI. Let no carnal motives persuade you to join yourself

to an ungodly person; but let the holy fear of God be preferred in

your choice before all worldly excellency whatsoever. Marry not a

swine for a golden trough; nor an ugly soul for a comely body.

Consider, 1. You will else give cause of great suspicion that you are

yourselves ungodly: for they that know truly the misery of an

unrenewed soul, and the excellency of the image of God, can never be

indifferent whether they be joined to the godly or the ungodly. To

prefer things temporal before things spiritual habitually, and in the

predominant acts of heart and life, is the certain character of a

graceless soul! And he that in so near a case doth deliberately prefer

riches or comeliness in another, before the image and fear of God,

doth give a very dangerous sign of such a graceless heart and will. If

you set more by beauty or riches than by godliness, you have the

surest mark that you are ungodly. If you do not set more by them, how

come you deliberately to prefer them? How could you do a thing that

detecteth your ungodliness, and condemneth you more clearly? And do

you not show that you either believe not the word of God, or else that

you love him not, and regard not his interest? Otherwise you would

take his friends as your friends, and his enemies as your enemies.

Tell me, would you marry an enemy of your own, before any change and

reconciliation? I am confident you would not. And can you so easily

marry an enemy of God? If you know not that all the ungodly and

unsanctified are his enemies, you know not, or believe not, the word

of God; which telleth you that "the carnal mind is enmity against God;

for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be: so then

they that are in the flesh cannot please God," Rom. viii. 7, 8. 2. If

you fear God yourselves, your chief end in marriage will be to have

one that will be a helper to your soul, and further you in the way to

heaven: but if you marry with a person that is ungodly, either you

have no such end, or else you may easily know you have no wiselier

chosen the means, than if you had chosen water to kindle the fire, or

a bed of snow to keep you warm. Will an ignorant or ungodly person

assist you in prayer and holy watchfulness, and stir you up to the

love of God, and a heavenly mind? And can you so willingly lose all

the spiritual benefit, which you should principally desire and intend?

3. Nay, instead of a helper, you will have a continual hinderer: when

you should go to prayer, you will have one to pull you back, or to

fill your minds with diversions or disquietments! When you should keep

close to God in holy meditations, you will have one to cast in worldly

thoughts, or trouble your minds with vanity or vexation. When you

should discourse of God and heavenly things, you will have one to

stifle such discourse, and fill your ears with idle, impertinent, or

worldly talk. And one such a hinderance so near you, in your bosom,

will be worse than a thousand further off. As an ungodly heart which

is next of all to us, is our greatest hinderance, so an ungodly

husband or wife, which is next to that, is worse to us than many

ungodly neighbours. And if you think that you can well enough overcome

such hinderances, and your heart is so good, that no such clogs can

keep it down, you do but show that you have a proud, unhumbled heart,

that is prepared for a fall. If you know yourselves, and the badness

of your hearts, you will know that you have no need of hinderances in

any holy work, and that all the helps in the world are little enough,

and too little, to keep your souls in the love of God. 4. And such an

ungodly companion will be to you a continual temptation to sin.

Instead of stirring you up to good, you will have one to stir you up

to evil, to passion, or discontent, or covetousness, or pride, or

revenge, or sensuality. And can you not sin enough without such a

tempter? 5. And what a continual grief will it be to you, if you are

believers, to have a child of the devil in your bosom! and to think

how far you must be separated at death! and in what torments those

must lie for ever, that are so dear unto you now! 6. Yea, such

companions will be uncapable of the principal part of your love. You

may love them as husbands or wives, but you cannot love them as saints

and members of Christ. And how great a want this will be in your love,

those know that know what this holy love is.

_Quest._ But how can I tell who are godly, when there is so much

hypocrisy in the world. _Answ._ At least you may know who is

ungodly if it be palpably discovered. I take not a barren knowledge

for ungodliness, nor a nimble tongue for godliness: judge of them by

their love: such as a man's love is, such is the man. If they love the

word, and servants, and worship of God, and love a holy life, and hate

the contrary, you may close with such, though their knowledge be

small, and their parts be weak; but if they have no love to these, but

had rather live a common, careless, carnal life, you may well avoid

them as ungodly.

_Quest._ But if ungodly persons may marry, why may not I marry

with one that is ungodly? _Answ._ Though dogs and swine may join

in generating, it followeth not men or women may join with them.

Pardon the comparison, (while Christ calleth the wicked dogs and

swine, Matt. vii. 6,) it doth but show the badness of your

consequence. Unbelievers may marry, and yet we may not marry with

unbelievers. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for

what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what

communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with

Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? and what

agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of

the living God--Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye

separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing," &c. 2 Cor.

vi. 14-16.

_Quest._ But I make no doubt but they may be converted: God can

call them when he will: if there be but love, they will easily be won

to be of the mind as those they love are? _Answ._ 1. Then it

seems because you love an ungodly person, you will be easily turned to

be ungodly. If so, you are not much better already. If love will not

draw you to their mind to be ungodly, why should you think love will

draw them to your mind to be godly? Are you stronger in grace than

they are in sin? 2. If you know well what grace is, and what a sinful,

unrenewed soul is, you would not think it so easy a matter to convert

a soul. Why are there so few converted, if it be so easy a thing? You

cannot make yourselves better by adding higher degrees to the grace

you have: much less can you make another better, by giving them the

grace which they have not. 3. It is true that God is able to convert

them when he will; and it is true that for aught I know it may be

done. But what of that? Will you in so weighty a case take up with a

mere possibility? God can make a beggar rich, and for aught you know

to the contrary, he will do it; and yet you will not therefore marry a

beggar: nor will you marry a leper, because God can heal him; why then

should you marry an ungodly person, because God can convert him? See

it done first, if you love your peace and safety.

_Quest._ But what if my parents command me to marry an ungodly

person? _Answ._ God having forbidden it, no parent hath authority

to command you to do so great a mischief to yourself, no more than to

cut your own throats, or to dismember your bodies.

_Quest._ But what if I have a necessity of marrying, and can get

none but an ungodly person? _Answ._ If that be really your case,

that your necessity be real, and you can get no other, I think it is

lawful.

_Quest._ But is it not better have a good-natured person that is

ungodly, than an ill-natured person that is religious, as many such

are? And may not a bad man be a good husband? _Answ._ 1. A bad

man may be a good tailor, or shoemaker, or carpenter, or seaman,

because there is no moral virtue necessary to the well-doing of their

work. But a bad man cannot be simply a good magistrate, or minister,

or husband, or parent, because there is much moral virtue necessary to

their duties. 2. A bad nature unmortified and untamed is inconsistent

with true godliness; such persons may talk and profess what they

please; but "if any man among you seem to be religious and bridleth

not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is

vain," James i. 26. 3. I did not say that godliness alone is all that

you must look after; though this be the first, yet more is necessary.

_Direct._ VII. Next to the fear of God, make choice of a nature

or temperament that is not too much unsuitable to you. A crossness of

dispositions will be a continual vexation; and you will have a

domestic war instead of love. Especially make sure of these following

qualities. 1. That there be a loving, and not a selfish nature, that

hath no regard to another but for their own end. 2. That there be a

nature competently quiet and patient, and not intolerably froward and

unpleasable. 3. That there be a competency of wit; for no one can live

lovingly and comfortably with a fool. 4. That there be a competent

humility; for there is no quietness to be expected with the proud. 5.

That there be a power to be silent, as well as to speak; for a

babbling tongue is a continual vexation.

_Direct._ VIII. Next to grace and nature, have a due and moderate

respect to person, education, and estate. 1. So far have respect to

the person as that there be no unhealthfulness to make your condition

over-burdensome; nor any such deformity as may hinder your affections.

2. And so far have respect to parentage and education, as that there

be no great unsuitableness of mind, nor any prejudicate opinions in

religion, which may make you too unequal. Differing opinions in

religion are much more tolerable in persons more distant, than in so

near relations. And those that are bred too high in idleness and

luxury, must have a thorough work of grace to make them fit for a low

condition, and cure the pride and sensuality which are taken for the

honourable badges of their gentility; and it is scarce considerable

how rich such are; for their pride and luxury will make even with all,

and be still in greater want, than honest, contented, temperate

poverty.

_Direct._ IX. If God call you to marriage, take notice of the

helps and comforts of that condition, as well as of the hinderances

and troubles; that you may cheerfully serve God in it, in the

expectation of his blessing. Though man's corruption have filled that

and every state of life with snares and troubles, yet from the

beginning it was not so; God appointed it for mutual help, and as such

it may be used. As a married life hath its temptations and

afflictions, so it hath its peculiar benefits, which you are

thankfully to accept and acknowledge unto God. See Eccles. iv. 10-12.

1. It is a mercy in order to the propagating of a people on earth to

love and honour their Creator, and to serve God in the world and enjoy

him for ever. It is no small mercy to be the parents of a godly seed;

and this is the end of the institution of marriage, Mal. ii. 15. And

this parents may expect, if they be not wanting on their part; however

sometimes their children prove ungodly. 2. It is a mercy to have a

faithful friend, that loveth you entirely, and is as true to you as

yourself, to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs,

and who would be ready to strengthen you, and divide the cares of your

affairs and family with you, and help you to bear your burdens, and

comfort you in your sorrows, and be the daily companion of your lives,

and partaker of your joys and sorrows. 3. And it is a mercy to have so

near a friend to be a helper to your soul; to join with you in prayer

and other holy exercises; to watch over you and tell you of your sins

and dangers, and to stir up in you the grace of God, and remember you

of the life to come, and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of

holiness. Prov. xix. 14, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." Thus it is

said, Prov. xviii. 22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and

obtaineth favour of the Lord." See Prov. xxxi. 10-12, &c.

_Direct._ X. Let your marriage covenant be made understandingly,

deliberately, heartily, in the fear of God, with a fixed resolution

faithfully to perform it. Understand well all the duties of your

relation before you enter into it; and run not upon it as boys to a

play, but with the sense of your duty, as those that engage themselves

to a great deal of work of great importance towards God and towards

each other. Address yourselves therefore beforehand to God for

counsel, and earnestly beg his guidance and his blessing, and run not

without him, or before him. Reckon upon the worst, and foresee all

temptations which would diminish your affections, or make you

unfaithful to each other; and see that you be fortified against them

all.

_Direct._ XI. Be sure that God be the ultimate end of your

marriage, and that you principally choose that state of life, that in

it you may be most serviceable to him; and that you heartily devote

yourselves and your families unto God; that so it may be to you a

sanctified condition. It is nothing but making God our guide and end

that can sanctify our state of life. They that unfeignedly follow

God's counsel, and aim at his glory, and do it to please him, will

find God owning and blessing their relation. But they that do it

principally to please the flesh, to satisfy lust, and to increase

their estates, and to have children surviving them to receive the

fruits of their pride and covetousness, can expect to reap no better

than they sow; and to have the flesh, the world, and the devil the

masters of their family, according to their own desire and choice.

_Direct._ XII. At your first conjunction (and through the rest of

your lives) remember the day of your separation. And think not that

you are settling yourselves in a state of rest, or felicity, or

continuance, but only assuming a companion in your travels. Whether

you live in a married or an unmarried life, remember that you are

hasting to the everlasting life, where there is neither "marrying nor

giving in marriage," 1 Cor. vii. 29, 30. You are going as fast to

another world in one state of life as in the other. You are but to

help each other in your way, that your journey may be the easier to

you, and that you may happily meet again in the heavenly Jerusalem.

When worldlings marry, they take it for a settling themselves in the

world; and as regenerate persons begin the world anew, by beginning to

lay up a treasure in heaven, so worldlings call their marriage their

beginning the world, because then, as engaged servants to the world,

they set themselves to seek it with greater diligence than ever

before. They do but in marriage begin (as seekers) that life of

foolery, which when he had found what he sought, that rich man ended,

Luke xii. 19, 20, with a "This I will do: I will pull down my barns,

and build greater, and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods;

and I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many

years, take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry: but God said unto

him, Thou fool, this night shall thy soul be required of thee: then

whose shall those things be which thou hast provided?" If you would

not die such fools, do not marry and live such worldlings.

_Tit. 2. Cases of Marriage._

_Quest._ I. What should one follow as a certain rule, about the

prohibited degrees of consanguinity or affinity? seeing, 1. The law of

Moses is not in force to us. 2. And if it were, it is very dark,

whether it may by parity of reason be extended to more degrees than

are named in the text. 3. And seeing the law of nature is so hardly

legible in this case.[7]

_Answ._ 1. It is certain that the prohibited degrees are not so

statedly and universally unlawful, as that such marriage may not be

made lawful by any necessity. For Adam's sons did lawfully marry their

own sisters.

2. But now the world is peopled, such necessities as will warrant such

marriages must needs be very rare, and such as we are never like to

meet with.

3. The law of nature is it which prohibiteth the degrees that are now

unlawful; and though this law be dark as to some degrees, it is not so

as to others.

4. The law of God to the Jews, Lev. xviii. doth not prohibit those

degrees there named, because of any reason proper to the Jews, but as

an exposition of the law of nature, and so on reasons common to all.

5. Therefore, though the Jewish law cease (yea, never bound other

nations) formally as that political national law; yet as it was God's

exposition of his own law of nature, it is of use, and consequential

obligation to all men, even to this day; for if God once had told but

one man, This is the sense of the law of nature, it remaineth true,

and all must believe it; and then the law of nature itself, so

expounded, will still oblige.

6. The world is so wide for choice, and a necessity of doubtful

marriage is so rare, and the trouble so great, that prudence telleth

every one that it is their sin, without flat necessity, to marry in a

doubtful degree; and therefore it is thus safest, to avoid all degrees

that seem to be equal to those named Lev. xviii. and to have the same

reason, though they be not named.

7. But because it is not certain that indeed the unnamed cases have

the same reason, (while God doth not acquaint us with all the reasons

of his law,) therefore when the thing is done, we must not censure

others too deeply, nor trouble ourselves too much about those unnamed,

doubtful cases. We must avoid them beforehand, because else we shall

cast ourselves into doubts and troubles unnecessarily; but when it is

past, the case must be considered of as I shall after open.

_Quest._ II. What if the law of the land forbid more or fewer

degrees than Lev. xviii. doth?

_Answ._ If it forbid fewer, the rest are nevertheless to be

avoided as forbidden by God. If it forbid more, the forbidden ones

must be avoided in obedience to our rulers.

_Quest._ III. Is the marriage of cousin-germans, that is, of

brothers' children, or sisters' children, or brothers' and sisters'

children, unlawful?

_Answ._ I think not; 1. Because not forbidden by God. 2. Because

none of that same rank are forbidden; that is, none that on both sides

are two degrees from the root. I refer the reader for my reasons to a

Latin Treatise of Charles Butler on this subject, for in those I rest.

As all the children of Noah's sons did marry their cousin-germans,

(for they could not marry in any remoter degree,) so have others since

without reproof, and none are forbidden. 3. But it is safest to do

otherwise, because there is choice enough beside, and because many

divines being of the contrary opinion, may make it matter of scruple

and trouble afterwards, to those that venture upon it without need.

_Quest._ IV. What would you have those do that have married

cousin-germans, and now doubt whether it be lawful so to do?

_Answ._ I would have them cast away such doubts, or at least

conclude that it is now their duty to live peaceably in the state in

which they are; and a great sin for them to be separated on such

scruples. The reason is, because, if it be not certain that the degree

is lawful, at least no man can be sure that it is unlawful. And for

husband and wife to break their covenants and part, without a

necessary cause, is a great sin; and that which no man can prove to be

a sin, is no necessary or lawful cause of a divorce. Marriage duties

are certainly commanded to the married, but the marriage of

cousin-germans is not certainly forbidden. Therefore if it were a sin

to marry so, to them that doubted; or if they are since fallen into

doubt whether it was not a sin; yet may they be sure that the

continuance of it is a duty, and that all they have to do is to repent

of doing a doubtful thing, but not to part, nor to forbear their

covenanted duties. No, nor to indulge or suffer those troublesome

scruples, which would hinder the cheerful discharge of their duties,

and the comfortable serving of God in their relations.

_Quest._ V. What should those do that are married in those

degrees which are not forbidden by name in Lev. xviii. and yet are at

the same distance from the root with those that are named, and seem to

have the same reason of unlawfulness?

_Answ._ If there be clearly a parity of degree, and also of the

reason of the prohibition, then no doubt but they must part as

incestuous, and not continue in a forbidden state. But because divines

are disagreed whether there be in all instances a parity of the reason

of the prohibition, where there is an equal distance as to degrees;

and so in those cases some think it a duty to be separated, and others

think it enough to repent of their conjunction and not to be

separated, because the case is doubtful, (as the controversy showeth,)

I shall not venture to cast in my judgment in a case, where so many

and such men are disagreed; but shall only advise all to prevent such

troublesome doubts beforehand, and not by rashness to run themselves

into perplexities, when there is no necessity; unless they will call

their carnal ends or sinful passions a necessity.

_Quest._ VI. But if a man do marry in a degree expressly there

forbidden, is it in all cases a sin to continue in that state? If

necessity made such marriage a duty to Adam's children, why may not

necessity make the continuance lawful to others? As suppose the king

or parents command it? suppose the woman will die or be distracted

with grief else? suppose one hath made a vow to marry no other, and

yet cannot live single, &c.? Here I shall suppose, that if a lustful

person marry a kinswoman that he may have change, as foreknowing that

he must be divorced, punishment, and not continuance in the sin, must

be his sentence; and if one that hath married a kinswoman be glad to

be divorced, because he hateth her or loveth change, punishment must

rebuke him, but he must not continue in incest.

_Answ._ 1. Natural necessity justified Adam's children, and such

would now justify you. Yea, the benediction "Increase and multiply,"

did not only allow, but oblige them then to marry, to replenish the

earth (when else mankind would soon have ceased); but so it doth not

us now when the earth is replenished. Yet I deny not, but if a man and

his sister were cast alone upon a foreign wilderness, where they

justly despaired of any other company, if God should bid them there

"increase and multiply," it would warrant them to marry. But else

there is no necessity of it, and therefore no lawfulness. For, 2. A

vicious necessity justifieth not the sin. If the man or woman that

should abstain will be mad or dead with passion, rather than obey God,

and deny and mortify their lust, it is not one sin that will justify

them in another. The thing that is necessary, is to conform their

wills to the law of God; and if they will not, and then say, They

cannot, they must bear what they get by it. 3. And it is no necessity

that is imposed by that command of king or parents, which is against

the law of God. 4. No, nor by a vow neither; for a vow to break God's

law is not an obligation to be kept, but to be repented of; nor is the

necessity remediless which such a one bringeth on himself, by vowing

never to marry any other; seeing chastity may be kept.

_Quest._ VII. Is it lawful for one to marry, that hath vowed

chastity during life, and not to marry, and afterward findeth a

necessity of marrying, for the avoiding of lust and fornication?

_Answ._ I know that many great divines have easily absolved

those, that under popery vowed chastity. The principal part of the

solution of the question, you must fetch from my solution of the Case

of Vows, part iii. chap. v. tit. 2. At the present this shall suffice

to be added to it. 1. Such vows of chastity that are absolute, without

any exceptions of after alterations or difficulties that may arise,

are sinfully made, or are unlawful _quoad actum jurandi_.[8]

2. If parents or others impose such oaths and vows on their children

or subjects, or induce them to it, it is sinfully done of them, and

the _actus imperantium_ is also unlawful.

3. Yet as long as the _materia jurata_, the matter vowed,

remaineth lawful, the vow doth bind, and it is perfidiousness to break

it. For the sinfulness of the imposer's act proveth no more, but that

such a command did not oblige you to vow. And a vow made arbitrarily

without any command, doth nevertheless bind. And the sinfulness of

the making of the vow, doth only call for repentance; (as if you made

it causelessly, rashly, upon ill motives, and to ill ends, or in ill

circumstances, &c.) But yet that vow which you repent that ever you

made, must be nevertheless kept, if the thing vowed be a lawful thing,

and the act of vowing be not made a nullity (though it was a sin). And

when it is a nullity, I have showed in the forecited place.

4. A vow of celibate or chastity during life, which hath this

condition or exception expressed or implied in the true intent of the

votary, (unless any thing fall out which shall make it a sin to me not

to marry,) may in some cases be a lawful vow; as to one that foreseeth

great inconveniences in marriage, and would by firm resolution fortify

himself against temptations and mutability.

5. If there were no such excepting thought in the person vowing, yet

when the thing becometh unlawful, the vow is not to be kept; though it

oblige us under guilt for sinful making it, yet God commandeth us not

to keep it, because we vowed that which he forbad us not only to vow

but to do.

6. Either the papists suppose such exceptions to be always implied by

their votaries, or at least that they are contained in the law of God,

or else sure they durst never pretend that the pope hath power to

dispense with such vows (as they have oft done for princes, men and

women, that they might be taken from a monastery to a crown). For if

they suppose, that the persons before the dispensation are under the

obligation of their vow, and bound by God to keep it, then it would be

too gross and odious blasphemy for the pope to claim a power of

disobliging them, and dissolving God's commands; and not only

antichristianity, but antitheistical, or a setting himself above God

Almighty, under pretence of his own commission. But if they only

pretend to dissolve such vows judicially or decisively, by judging

when the person is no longer obliged to keep them by God's law, then

they suppose, that the obligation of God's law is ceased, before they

judicially declare it to be ceased. And if that were all that the pope

undertook, he had no power to do it out of his own parish, nor more

than any lawful bishop hath in his proper charge.

7. The matter of a vow of celibate or chastity is then unlawful, when

it cannot be kept without greater sin than that life of chastity

escapeth, and which would be escaped if it were forsaken; or without

the omission of greater duty, and omission of greater good, than that

life of chastity containeth or attaineth. For the further opening of

this, let it be noted, that,

8. It is not every degree of sin which marriage would cure, that will

warrant the breach of a vow of chastity. As if I had some more lustful

thoughts or instigations and irritations in a single life than I

should have if I married. The reason is, because, 1. No man liveth

without some sin, and it is supposed that there are greater sins of

another kind, which by a life of chastity I avoid. And the breach of

the vow itself is a greater matter than a lustful thought.

9. So it is not every degree of good which by marriage I may attain or

do, that will warrant it against a vow of chastity. Because I may do

and get a greater good by chastity, and because the evil of perjury is

not to be done that good may be done by it; till I can prove, that it

is not only good in itself, but a duty _hic et nunc_ to me.

10. A man should rather break his vow of celibate, than once commit

fornication, if there were a necessity that he must do the one.

Because fornication is a sin which no vow will warrant any man to

commit.

11. A man should rather break his vow of celibate, than live in such

constant or ordinary lust, as unfitteth him for prayer, and a holy

life, and keepeth him in ordinary danger of fornication, if there were

a necessity that he must do the one. The reason is also because now

the matter vowed is become unlawful, and no vow can warrant a man to

live in so great sin (unless there were some greater sin on the other

side which could not be avoided in a married life, which is hardly to

be supposed, however popish priests think disobedience to the pope,

and the incommodity and disgrace of a married life, &c. to be a

greater sin than fornication itself).

12. If a prince vow chastity, when it is like to endanger the kingdom

for want of a safe and sure succession, he is bound to break that vow;

because he may not lawfully give away the people's right, nor do that

which is injurious to so many.

13. Whether the command of a parent or prince may dissolve the

obligation of a vow of celibate, I have answered already. I now say

but this, 1. When parents or princes may justly command it, we may

justly obey them. But this is not one of those accidental evils, which

may be lawfully done, though unlawfully commanded. 2. It is parents

that God hath committed more of this care and power to, about

children's marriage, than to princes. 3. Parents not princes may not

lawfully command the breach of such a vow, (not nullified at first,)

except in such cases as disoblige us, whether they do it or not; so

that the resolving of the main case doth suffice for all.

14. He that by lawful means can overcome his lust, to the measure

before mentioned, is under no necessity of violating his vow of single

life.

15. I think that it is not one of twenty that have bodies so

unavoidably prone to lust, but that by due means it might be so far

(though not totally) overcome, without marriage, fornication, wilful

self-pollution, or violent, vexatious, lustful thoughts. That is, 1.

If they employ themselves constantly and diligently in a lawful

calling, and be not guilty of such idleness, as leaveth room in their

minds and imaginations for vain and filthy thoughts. If they follow

such a calling as shall lay a necessity upon them to keep their

thoughts close employed about it. 2. If they use such abstinence and

coarseness in their diet, as is meet to tame inordinate lusts, without

destroying health: and not only avoid fulness and gulosity, and vain

sports and pleasures, but also use convenient fasting, and tame the

body by necessary austerities. 3. If they sufficiently avoid all

tempting company and sights, and keep at a meet distance from them. 4.

If they set such a restraint upon their thoughts as they may do. 5. If

they use such a quality of diet and physic, as is aptest for the

altering of those bodily distempers, which are the cause. 6. And

lastly, If they are earnest in prayer to God, and live in mortifying

meditations, especially in a constant familiarity with a crucified

Christ, and with the grave, and with the heavenly society. He that

breaketh his vow to save himself the labour and suffering of these

ungrateful means, I take to be perfidious, though perhaps he sinfully

made that vow. And no greater number are excusable for continence

after such a vow, than these that have bodies so extraordinary

lustful, as no such other means can tame, and those forementioned that

have extraordinary accidents to make a single life unlawful.

16. It must not be forgotten here, that if men trust to marriage

itself alone as the cure of their lust, without other means, such

violent lusts as nothing else will cure, may possibly be much uncured

afterwards. For adulterers are as violent in their lusts as the

unmarried, and ofttimes find it as hard to restrain them. And

therefore the married, as well as others, have need to be careful to

overcome their lust. And the rather because it is in them a double

sin.

17. But yet when all other means do fail, marriage is God's appointed

means, to quench those flames from which men's vows cannot, in cases

of true necessity, disoblige them.

[1] 1 Cor. vii. 7, 38.

[2] Unmarried men are the best friends, the best masters, the best

servants; but not always the best subjects: for they are light to run

away, and therefore venturous, &c. Lord Bacon, Essay 8.

[3] Wives are young men's mistresses, companions for the middle age,

and old men's nurses. So that a man may have a quarrel to marry when

he will. Lord Bacon, Essay.

[4] Art thou discontented with thy childless state? Remember that of

all the Roman kings, not one of them left the crown to his son.

Plutarch. de Tranq. Anim.

[5] Non bene fit quod occupato animo fit. Hieron. Epist. 5. 3. ad

Paulin.

[6] A single life doth well with churchmen: for charity will hardly

water the ground, where it must fill a pool. Lord Bacon, Essay 8. The

greatest works and foundations have been from childless men, who have

sought to express the image of their minds that have none of their

body: so the care of posterity hath been most in them that had no

posterity. Lord Bacon, Essay 7. He that hath a wife and children hath

given hostages to fortune. For they are impediments to great

enterprises.--The best works, and of greatest merit, for the public,

have proceeded from unmarried and childless men. Id. ibid. Essay 8.

[7] The case of polygamy is so fully and plainly resolved by Christ,

that I take it not to be necessary to decide it, especially while the

law of the land doth make it death.

[8] By this you may see how to resolve the cases about vows and

covenants which are the grand controversies of this time among us.

CHAPTER II.

DIRECTIONS FOR THE RIGHT CHOICE OF SERVANTS AND MASTERS.

PART I.

_Directions for the right Choice of Servants._

SERVANTS being integral parts of the family, who contribute much to

the holiness or unholiness of it, and to the happiness or misery of

it, it much concerneth masters to be careful in their choice. And the

harder it is to find such as are indeed desirable, the more careful

and diligent in it should you be.

_Direct._ I. To bid you choose such as are fittest for your

service, is a direction which nature and interest will give you,

without any persuasions of mine. And indeed it is not mere honesty or

piety that will make a good servant, nor do your work. Three things

are necessary to make a servant fit for you: 1. Strength. 2. Skill. 3.

Willingness. And no two of these will serve without the third.

Strength and skill without willingness, will do nothing: skill and

willingness without strength, can do nothing: strength and willingness

without skill, will do as bad or worse than nothing. No less than all

will make you a good servant. Therefore choose one, 1. That is

healthful. 2. That hath been used to such work as you must employ him

in: and, 3. One that is not of a flesh-pleasing, or lazy, sluggish

disposition. For to exact labour from one that is sickly will seem

cruelty; and to expect labour from one that is unskilful and

unexercised will seem folly; and heavy, fleshly, slothful persons,

will do all with so much unwillingness, and pain, and weariness, that

they will think all too much, and their service will be a continual

toil and displeasure to them, and they will think you wrong them, or

deal hardly with them, if you will not allow them in their fleshliness

and idleness. Yea, though they should have grace, a phlegmatic,

sluggish, heavy body, will never be fit for diligent service, any more

than a tired horse for travel.

_Direct._ II. If it be possible, choose such as have the fear of

God, or at least such as are tractable and willing to be taught, and

not such as are ungodly, sensual, and profane. For, 1. "God hateth all

the workers of iniquity," Psal. v. 5. And it tendeth not to the

blessing or safety of your family, to have in it such as are enemies

to God, and hated by him. You cannot expect an equal blessing on their

labours, as you may on the service of those that fear him. The wicked

may bring a curse on the families where they are (if you wilfully

entertain them); when a Joseph may be a blessing even to the house of

an unbeliever. A wicked man will be renewing those crimes, which will

be the shame of your family, and a grief to your hearts, if you have

any love to God yourselves; when a godly servant will pray for a

blessing from God upon his labours, and is himself under a promise,

that "whatever he doth shall prosper," Psal. i. 3. 2. Ungodly servants

for the most part will be mere eye-servants; they will do little more

than they find necessary to escape reproof and blame: some few of

them, indeed, out of love to their masters, or out of a desire of

praise, or to make their places the better to themselves, will be

diligent and trusty: but ordinarily they are deceitful, and study more

to seem good servants, than to be such, and to hide their faults, than

to avoid them; for they make no great matter of conscience of it, nor

do they regard the eye of God: whereas a truly godly servant will do

all your service in obedience to God, as if God himself had bid him do

it, and as one that is always in the presence of that Master, whose

favour he preferreth before all the world. He is more careful to

please God, who commandeth him to be faithful, than to please you by

seeming better than he is: he is moved more to his duty by the reward

which God hath promised him, than by the wages which he expecteth from

you: he hath a tender, purified conscience, which will hold him to his

duty, as well when you know it not, as when you stand by. 3.

Ordinarily, ungodly servants will be false, if they have but

opportunity to enrich themselves by deceiving you; especially those

that are intrusted in laying out money, in buying and selling. As long

as I name no particular persons, I think it no untrustiness, but my

duty, to warn masters whom they trust, by my experience from the

confessions of those that have been guilty. Many servants whom God

hath converted to his love and fear, have told me how constantly they

deceived their masters in buying and selling before their conversion;

even of so great sums of money, that some of them were not able to

restore it (when I made them know it was their duty so far as they

were able): and some of them had so much unquietness of conscience

till it was restored, that I have been fain to give them money to

restore, when I have convinced them of it: so that I know by such

confessions, that such deceit and robbing of their masters is a very

ordinary thing among ungodly servants that have, opportunity, that yet

pass for very trusty servants, and are never discovered. 4. Also an

ungodly servant will be a tempter to the rest, and will be drawing

them to sin: especially to secret wantonness, and uncivil carriage, if

not to actual fornication; and to revellings, and merriments, and

fleshly courses: by swearing, and taking God's name in vain, and

cursing, and lying, they will teach your children and other servants

to do the like; and so be an infectious pestilence in your families.

5. And they will hinder any good which you would do on others. If

there be any in your family under convictions, and in a hopeful way to

a better condition, they will quench all, and discourage them, and

hinder their conversion; partly by their contradicting cavils, and

partly by their scorns, and partly by their diverting, idle talk, and

partly by their ill examples, and alluring them to accompany them in

their sin. Whereas, on the contrary, a godly servant will be drawing

the rest of your family to godliness, and hindering them from sin, and

persuading them to be faithful in their duty both to God and you.

_Direct._ III. Yet measure not the godliness of a servant by his

bare knowledge or words, but by his love and conscience. A great deal

of self-conceited talkativeness about religion may stand with an

unsanctified heart and life; and much weakness in knowledge and

utterance, may stand with sincerity. But you may safely judge those

to be truly godly, 1. Who love godliness, and love the word and

servants of God, and hate all wickedness. 2. And those that make

conscience to do their duty, and to avoid known sin both openly and in

secret.

_Direct._ IV. If necessity constrain you to take those that are unfit

and bad, remember that there is the greater duty incumbent on you, to

carry yourself towards them in a diligent, convincing manner, so as

tendeth most to make them better. Take them not as you buy a horse or

an ox, with a purpose only to use them for your work; but remember

they have immortal souls which you take charge of.