[cxxix.]
_To my Noble friend_ M{ris} Cokain _at_ Ashburne.
_My noblest sister_,
But that it is sweetened by your command, nothing could trouble me more,
then to write of my self. Yet, if I would have it known, I must write it
my self; for, I neither tell children, nor servants, my state. I have
never good temper, nor good pulse, nor good appetite nor good sleep. Yet,
I have so much leasure to recollect my self, as that I can thinke I have
been long thus, or often thus. I am not alive because I have not had
enough upon me to kill me, but because it pleases God to passe me through
many infirmities before he take me either by those particular
remembrances, to bring me to particular repentances, or by them to give me
hope of his particular mercies in heaven. Therefore have I been more
affected with Coughs in vehemence, more with deafenesse, more with
toothach, more with the vurbah, then heretofore. All this mellows me for
heaven, and so ferments me in this world, as I shall need no long
concoction in the grave, but hasten to the resurrection. Not onely to be
nearer that grave, but to be nearer to the service of the Church, as long
as I shall be able to do any, I purpose, God willing, to be at _London_,
within a fortnight after your receit of this, as well because I am under
the obligation of preaching at _Pauls_ upon Candlemas day, as because I
know nothing to the contrary, but that I may be called to Court, for Lent
service; and my witnesse is in heaven, that I never left out S.
_Dunstans_, when I was able to do them that service; nor will now; though
they that know the state of that Church well, know that I am not so bound,
as the world thinks, to preach there; for, I make not a shilling profit of
S. _Dunstans_ as a Church man, but as my L[ord] of _Dorset_ gave me the
lease of the Impropriation, for a certain rent, and a higher rent, then
my predecessor had it at. This I am fain to say often, because they that
know it not, have defamed me, of a defectiveness towards that Church; and
even that mistaking of theirs I ever have, and ever shall endevour to
rectifie, by as often preaching there, as my condition of body will admit.
All our company here is well, but not at home now, when I write; for, lest
I should not have another return to _London_, before the day of your
Carrier, I write this, and rest
_Your very affectionate servant,
and friend, and brother_
J. Donne.
15 Jan. 1630[1]
Abrey-hatch.