AT THE DEANERY.
Lottie stood as if in a dream, hearing the ringing of the horses’ hoofs,
the roll of the carriage, and nothing more; all the sounds in the world
seemed to be summed up in these. She could scarcely tell what had
happened to her. A great honour had happened to her, such as might have
impressed the imagination of anyone in that little world of St.
Michael’s, but not so great a thing as she thought. Lady Caroline had
asked her to tea. It was something, it was much; it was what Lady
Caroline had never done to anyone in the Lodges before. Even Mrs.
Seymour, whose husband was really _one of the Seymours_, people said,
and whom Lady Courtland had begged Lady Caroline to be kind to, had not
been so honoured. But for all that, it was not what Lottie thought. She
stood there with her heart beating, feeling as if she had just fallen
from the clouds, in a maze of bewildered excitement, scarcely able to
realise what had befallen her--and yet that which had befallen her was
not what she thought. Most things that happen to us are infinitely
better in thought and in hope than they are in reality; but this was
doubly, trebly the case with poor Lottie, who found the cause of this
new happiness of hers in a delusion, a mistake, most innocently, most
unwittingly occasioned. It was not a thing that anybody had intended.
Rollo Ridsdale had meant no harm when he strolled along the Dean’s Walk
in the evening on two separate nights, looking up at Lottie’s window and
hoping to hear her sing in order that he might tell his partner of a new
voice to be had for the asking. And neither had Lottie meant any harm;
it was not vanity, it was the most natural conclusion from what she saw
with her own eyes. How could she doubt it? He must have seen her when
she was not aware of it, and fallen in love with her, as people say, at
first sight! a romantic compliment that always goes to a girl’s heart.
There was no other interpretation to be put upon the fact of his
lingering about looking up at her window. She had said to herself it was
nonsense; but how could it be nonsense? What other explanation could
anyone give of such a proceeding? And now he had managed to make Lady
Caroline, she who was the queen of the place and unapproachable, take
his cause in hand. For what other possible reason could Lady Caroline,
who never noticed anyone out of her own sphere, have paid this special
and public compliment to Lottie, and invited her to Paradise, as it
were--to tea--not afternoon tea, which means little, but _in the
evening_? But here Lottie’s fancies became so bewildering that she
could not follow herself in her thoughts; much less would it be possible
for us to follow her. For if Lady Caroline had thus interfered on her
nephew’s behalf, securing for him a personal introduction and an
opportunity of making her acquaintance, what could this mean but that
Lady Caroline was on his side and meant to help him and approved of his
sentiments? This thought was too wonderful to be entertained seriously;
it only glanced across the surface of Lottie’s mind, making her laugh
within herself with a bewildered sense that there was something absurd
in it. Lady Caroline stoop from her high estate to lift her, Lottie, to
a place upon that dazzling eminence! The girl felt as if she had been
spun round and round like a teetotum, though it was an undignified
comparison. She did not know where she might find herself when, dizzy
and tottering, she should come to herself. All this time Mrs.
O’Shaughnessy, at her window, where she always sat surveying everything
that went on, had been knocking an impatient summons with her knuckles
on the pane; and this it was at last which brought Lottie to herself.
She obeyed it with some reluctance, yet at the same time she was glad to
sit down somewhere till the giddiness should go off and the hurry of her
thoughts subside. Mrs. O’Shaughnessy met her with a countenance full of
interest and eagerness; a new incident was everything to her. She was as
eager as if it was of vital importance to know every word that Lady
Caroline said.
“Then what was she saying to ye, me dear?” cried the old lady, from whom
excitement almost took away the breath.
“She did not say anything,” said Lottie, relieving her feelings by a
little laugh. “She never does say anything; she asked me to tea.”
“And you call that nothing, ye thankless creature! It’s spoilt ye are,
Lottie, me darling, and I always said that was what would come of it.
She asked you to tea? sure it’ll be afternoon tea for one of the
practisings, like it was in Miss Augusta’s day?”
“No! I am to go in after dinner. It is not the first time, Mrs.
O’Shaughnessy; Augusta has often asked me. What else did I get my white
frock for?--for there are no parties here to go to. She used to say:
‘Come in, and bring your music.’ It is not me they want, it is my
voice,” said Lottie assuming a superiority of wisdom which she did not
possess.
“All in good time, me dear,” said Mrs. O’Shaughnessy. “And did my Lady
Caroline bid you to bring your music, too? The daughter is one thing,
and the mother is clean another. I hope you’ve got your frock in order
me darlin’; clean and nice and like a lady? You should send it to Mrs.
Jones to iron it out; she’s the plague of my life, but she’s a beautiful
clear starcher--that I will say for her; and if you want a ribbon or
so, me jewel, or anything I have that ye may take a fancy to--there’s my
brooch with O’Shaughnessy’s miniature, sure ne’er a one of them would
find out who it was. You might say it was your grandpapa, me honey, in
his red coat, with his medals; and fine he’d look on your white
frock----”
“Thank you!” said Lottie in alarm; “but I never wear anything, you know,
except poor mamma’s little pearl locket.”
“Sure I know,” said the old woman, with a laugh; “a body can’t wear what
they haven’t got! But you needn’t turn up your little nose at my big
brooch, for when it was made it was the height of the fashion, and now
everything that’s old is the height of the fashion. And so me Lady
Caroline, that’s too grand to say ‘Good morning to ye, ma’am,’ or ‘Good
evening to ye,’ after ye’ve been her neighbour for a dozen years, stops
her grand carriage to bid this bit of a girl to tea, and Miss Lottie
takes it as cool as snowballs, if ye please. Well, well, honey! I don’t
envy ye, not I; but you’re born to luck as sure as the rest of us are
born to trouble, and that all the Abbey can see.”
“I born to luck! I don’t think there is much sign of it,” said Lottie,
though with a tumultuous leap of the heart which contradicted the words.
“And what is there, I should like to know, that all the Abbey can see?”
“If you think I’m going to tell you the nonsense that is flying about,
and put fancies in your little head!” said the old Irishwoman, “go your
ways, and see that your frock’s in order; and I’ll run in and see you
dressed, me pet, and I’ll bring the brooch and the box with me best
ribbons; may be at the last you’ll change your mind.”
Lottie went home with her head in the clouds; was she indeed “born to
luck”? Was she going to be transplanted at once without the tedious
probation which even in poetry, even in story-books, the good heroine
has generally to go through, into that heaven of wealth and rank and
luxurious surroundings which she felt to be her proper sphere? It was
not that Lottie cared for luxury in its vulgarer forms; she liked what
was beautiful and stately--the large noble rooms, the dignified aspect
which life bore when unconnected with those small schemes and
strugglings in which her existence was spent; but above all she liked,
it must be allowed, to be uppermost, to feel herself on the highest
round of the ladder--and hated and resisted with all her soul the idea
of being inferior to anybody. This was the thing above all others which
Lottie could not bear. She had been brought up with the idea that she
belonged by right of nature to the upper classes, a caste entirely
removed by immutable decree of Providence from shop-keepers and persons
engaged in trade, and to whom it was comparatively immaterial whether
they were poor or rich, nothing being able to alter the birthright
which united them with all that was high and separated them from all
that was low. But this right had not been acknowledged at St. Michael’s.
She and her family had been mixed up in the crowd along with the
O’Shaughnessys, and other unexalted people; and nobody, not even the
O’Shaughnessys, had been impressed by the long descent of the Despard
family and its unblemished gentility. Something else then evidently was
requisite to raise her to her proper place, to the sphere to which she
belonged. Lottie would not have minded poverty, or difficulty, or hard
work, had she been secure of her “position”; but that was just the thing
of which in present circumstances she was least secure. It was for this
reason that Lady Caroline’s notice was sweet to her--for this that she
had been so deeply disappointed when no sign of amity was accorded to
her on the wedding-day. And this was why her heart leapt with such
bewildering hope and excitement at the new event in her career. She did
not know Mr. Ridsdale; perhaps his admiration or even his love were
little worth having; and nothing but what are called interested motives
could have possibly moved Lottie to the thrill of pleasure with which
she contemplated his supposed attachment. A girl whose head is turned by
the mere idea of a lover who can elevate her above her neighbours,
without any possibility of love on her part to excuse the bedazzlement,
is not a very fine or noble image; yet Lottie’s head was turned, not
vulgarly, not meanly, but with an intoxication that was full of poetry
and all that is most ethereal in romance. A tender, exquisite gratitude
to the man who thus seemed to have chosen her, without any virtue of
hers, filled her heart; and to the great lady who, though so lofty, and
usually cold as marble to the claims of those beneath her, could thus
forget her pride for Lottie. This feeling of gratitude softened all the
other emotions in her mind. She was ready to be wooed, but then the very
manner of the first step in this process, the lingering outside her
window, which was a sign of the tenderest, most delicate, and
reverential love-making (but she did not think it so in the case of poor
young Purcell), showed what a respectful, ethereal, poetical wooing it
would be. Thus Lottie’s whole being was full of the most tremulous,
delicious happiness, all made up of hope and anticipation, and grateful
admiration of the fine generous sentiments of her supposed lover, even
while it was founded, as you may say, on self-interest and ambition, and
sentiments which were not generous at all.
And with what a flutter at her heart she put out her white muslin frock,
which (not having any confidence in Mrs. Jones) she ironed herself most
carefully and skilfully, with such interest in keeping it fresh as no
Mrs. Jones in the world could have. For girls who have no ornaments to
speak of, how kind summer is providing roses, which are always the most
suitable of decorations! One knot of them in her hair and one at her
breast--what could Lottie want more? Certainly not the big brooch with
Major O’Shaughnessy in his red coat, which her old friend was so anxious
to pin the roses with. Mrs. O’Shaughnessy thought it would be “such a
finish,” and prove satisfactorily that it was not poverty but fancy that
made Lottie decorate herself with fresh flowers instead of the fine
artificial wreath with a nice long trail down the back, which was what
the old lady herself would have preferred. Mrs. O’Shaughnessy, however,
was mollified by the girl’s acceptance of the Indian shawl which she
brought to wrap her in. “And you might just carry it into the room with
you, me dear, as if ye thought ye might feel chilly,” said the old lady,
“for it’s a beauty, and I should like me Lady Caroline to see it. I
doubt if she’s got one like it. Good-night and a pleasant evening to ye,
me honey,” she cried, as, under charge of Law, and with her dress
carefully folded up, Lottie with her beating heart went across the broad
gravel of the Dean’s Walk to the Deanery door. It was a lovely summer
night, not dark at all, and the Signor was practising in the Abbey, and
the music rolling forth in harmonious thunders rose, now more, now less
distinct, as the strain grew softer or louder. A great many people were
strolling about, loitering, when Lottie came out, skimming over the road
in her little white shoes, with the roses in her hair. All the rest of
her modest splendours were hidden by the shawl, but these could not be
hidden. The people about all turned their heads to look at her. She was
going to the Deanery. It was the same in St. Michael’s as visiting the
Queen.
The Dean’s dinner party had been of a slightly heavy description. There
were several of the great people from the neighbourhood, county people
whom it was necessary to ask periodically. It was so distinctly made a
condition, at the beginning of this story, that we were not to be
expected to describe the doings on Olympus, nor give the reader an
insight into the behaviour of the gods and goddesses, that we feel
ourselves happily free from any necessity of entering into the solemn
grandeur of the dinner. It was like other dinners in that region above
all the clouds. The ladies were fair and the gentlemen wise, and they
talked about other ladies and gentlemen not always perhaps equally wise
or fair. Mr. Rollo Ridsdale was the greatest addition to the party. He
knew all the very last gossip of the clubs. He knew what Lord Sarum said
to Knowsley, upbraiding him for the indiscretion of his last Guildhall
speech. “But everybody knows that Knowsley is nothing if not
indiscreet,” Rollo said; and he knew that, after all, whatever anyone
might say to the contrary, Lady Martingale _had_ gone off with Charley
Crowther, acknowledging that nothing in the world was of any
consequence to her in comparison. “Such an infatuation!” for, as
everybody knew, Charley was no Adonis. Lady Caroline shook her head over
this, as she ate her chicken (or probably it was something much nicer
than chicken that Lady Caroline ate). And thus the _menu_ was worked
through. There was but one young lady in the party, and even she was
married. In Augusta’s time the young people were always represented, but
it did not matter so much now. When all these ladies rose at last in
their heavy dresses that swept the carpet, and in their diamonds which
made a flicker and gleam of light about their heads and throats, and
swept out to the drawing-room: all, with that one exception, over middle
age, all well acquainted with each other, knowing the pedigrees and the
possessions each of each, and with society in general for their common
ground, the reader will tremble to think of such a poor little thing as
Lottie, in her white muslin, with the roses in her hair, standing
trembling in a corner of the big drawing-room, and waiting for the
solemn stream of silk and satin, and society, in which she would have
been engulfed at once, swallowed up and seen no more. And what would
have happened to Lottie, had she been alone, without anyone to stand by
her in the midst of this overflowing, we shrink from contemplating; but
happily she had already found a companion to hold head with her against
the stream.
For when Lottie came in, she found some one before her in the
drawing-room, a tall, very thin man, with stooping shoulders, who stood
by the corner of the mantelpiece, on which there were candles, holding a
book very close to his eyes. When Lottie went in, with her heart in her
mouth, he turned round, thinking that the opening of the door meant the
coming of the ladies. The entrance, instead, of the one young figure,
white and slender, and of Lottie’s eyes encountering him, full of fright
and anxiety, yet with courage in them--the look that was intended for
Lady Caroline, and which was half a prayer, “Be kind to me!” as well as
perhaps the tenth part of a defiance--made a great impression upon the
solitary inmate of the room. He was as much afraid of what he thought a
beautiful young lady, as Lottie was of the mistress of the house.
After this first moment, however, when she perceived that there was
nobody alarming, only a gentleman (an _old_ gentleman, Lottie
contemptuously, or rather carelessly concluded, though he was not more
in reality than about five-and-thirty), she regained her composure, and
her heart went back to its natural place. Lottie knew very well who the
gentleman was, though he did not know her. It was Mr. Ashford, one of
the minor canons, a very shy and scholarly person, rather out of his
element in a community which did not pretend to much scholarship or any
special devotion to books. Perhaps he was the only man in St. Michael’s
whom Lottie had ever really desired to make acquaintance with on his own
account; but indeed it was scarcely on his own account, but on account
of Law, about whom she was always so anxious. Mr. Ashford took pupils,
with whom he was said to be very successful. He lived for his pupils,
people said, and thought of nothing else but of how to get them into
shape and push them on. It had been Lottie’s dream ever since she came
to St. Michael’s to get Law under Mr. Ashford’s care; and after she had
recovered the shock of getting into the room, and the mingled thrill of
relief and impatience at finding that there was nobody there as yet to
be afraid of, Lottie, whose heart always rose to any emergency, began to
speculate how she could make friends with Mr. Ashford. She was not
afraid of him: he was short-sighted, and he was awkward and shy, and a
great deal more embarrassed by her look than she was by his. And he was
being badly used--so she thought. Why was not he asked to dinner like
the others? Mr. Ashford did not himself feel the grievance, but Lottie
felt it for him. She ranged herself instantly, instinctively, by his
side. They were the two who were being condescended to, being taken
notice of--they were the natural opponents consequently of the fine
people, the people who condescended and patronised. Mr. Ashford, on his
side, stood and looked at her, and did not know what to do. He did not
know who she was. She was a beautiful young lady, and he knew he had
seen her in the Abbey; but further than this Mr. Ashford knew nothing of
Lottie. The signs which would have betrayed her lowly condition to an
experienced eye said nothing to him. Her white muslin might have been
satin for anything he could tell, her little pearl locket a priceless
ornament. He did not know how to address such a dazzling creature;
though to any ordinary person in society Lottie’s attire would have
suggested bread-and-butter, and nothing dazzling at all.
“It is a beautiful evening,” said Lottie, a little breathless. “It is
scarcely dark yet, though it is half-past nine o’clock.”
To both these unquestionable statements Mr. Ashford said “Yes,” and then
he felt himself called upon to make a contribution in return. “I have
just found a book which somebody must have been reading,” he said,
growing red with the effort.
“Oh, yes! is it a very interesting book? What is it about?” said Lottie,
but this was something for which Mr. Ashford was not prepared. He got
redder than ever and cleared his throat.
“It does not seem about anything in particular. I have not really had
time to read it;” then he made a hasty dash at an abstract subject, and
said, with a falter in his voice, “Are--are you fond of reading?” This
question at once lit up Lottie’s face.
“Oh, _very_, very fond! But I have not many books nor much time. I
always envy people who can read everything they please. Mr. Ashford, I
wonder if I might speak to you about something--before they come in,”
said Lottie, coming a step nearer, and looking eagerly at him with her
dangerous blue eyes.
Mr. Ashford got the better of his shyness in a moment. It did not
embarrass him when there was anything to be done. He smiled upon her
with a most beautiful beaming smile which altogether changed the
character of his face, and put a chair for her, which Lottie, however,
did not take. “Surely,” he said, in his melodious voice, suddenly thawed
out of the dryness which always got into his throat when he spoke first
to a stranger. It has not yet been said that Mr. Ashford’s chief quality
as respected the community at St. Michael’s was an unusually beautiful
mellow voice. “If there is any way in which I can be of use to you?” he
said.
“Oh, yes; so much use! They say you think a great deal about your
pupils, Mr. Ashford,” said Lottie, “and I have a brother whom nobody
thinks much about----”
That was the moment Lady Caroline chose to return to the drawing-room.
The door opened, the ladies swept in one by one, the first looking
suspiciously at both Mr. Ashford and Lottie, the second, who knew Mr.
Ashford, giving him a smile of recognition, and looking suspiciously
only at Lottie, the rest following some one example, some the other.
Lottie knew not one of them. She looked trembling for Lady Caroline, and
hoped she would be kind, and save her from the utter desolation of
standing alone in this smiling and magnificent company. But Lady
Caroline coming in last of all, only made her usual salutation to the
stranger. She said, “Good evening, Miss Despard,” as she swept her long
train of rustling silk over the carpet close to Lottie’s trembling feet,
but she put out her hand to Mr. Ashford. “It was so good of you to
come,” she said. Alas! Lottie was not even to have the comfort of
feeling on the same footing with the minor canon. He was carried off
from her just as he had begun to look on her with friendly eyes. The
stream flowed towards the other side of the room, where Lady Caroline
seated herself on her favourite square sofa. Lottie was left standing
all alone against the soft grey of the wall, lighted up by the candles
on the mantelpiece. When a person belonging to one class of society
ventures to put a rash foot on the sacred confines of another, what has
she to expect? It is an old story, and Lottie had gone through it
before, and ought to have had more sense, you will say, than to
encounter it again. But the silly girl felt it as much as if she had not
quite known what would happen to her. She stood still, feeling unable
to move, one wave of mortification and indignation going over her after
another. How could they be so cruel? What did they ask her for, if they
meant to leave her to stand there by herself? And Mr. Ashford, too, was
cruel. She had made up her mind to stand by him; but he had been carried
away by the first touch; he had not stood by her. Lottie could have torn
off the roses with which she had decked herself so hopefully, and
stamped her foot upon them. She almost wished she had the courage to do
it, to cry out to those careless people and let them see what unkindness
they were doing. Meantime she made a very pretty picture without knowing
it. “Look at that pretty, sulky girl against the wall,” said the young
married lady to her mother. “Lady Caroline must have set her there on
purpose to look handsome and ill-tempered. How handsome she is! I never
saw such eyelashes in my life; but as sulky as a thundercloud.”
“Go and talk to her and then she will not be sulky,” said the mother,
who, though by instinct she had looked suspiciously at Lottie, was not
unkind; nay, was a kind woman when she saw any need for it. Neither were
the others unkind--but they did not see any need for it. It was Lady
Caroline’s business, they thought, to entertain her own guests.
Lottie, however, had her triumph later when she sang, all the whispered
conversation in the room stopping out of sheer astonishment. Her voice
had developed even within the last month or two, during which there had
been no singing in the Deanery, and as the Signor, who had come in after
his practising, played her accompaniments for her, and did his very best
to aid and heighten the effect of her songs, her success was complete.
He had never accompanied her before, which was a fact Lottie did not
remember. And she did not notice either in her preoccupation, thinking
nothing of this but much of less important matters--that he knew
everything she could sing best, and humoured, and flattered, and coaxed
her voice to display itself to the very fullest advantage, as only a
skilful accompanyist can. No doubt he had his motive. As for Rollo
Ridsdale, he stood on the other side of the piano looking at Lottie with
a gaze which seemed to go through and through her. It meant, in fact, at
once the real enthusiasm of a man who knew exactly what such talent was
worth, and the less practical but still genuine enthusiasm of the
amateur who knew what the music was worth as well as the voice. In the
one point of view he saw Lottie’s defects, in the other he saw all that
could be made of her. An English prima donna! a real native talent as
good as anything that ever came out of Italy, and capable of producing
any amount of national enthusiasm! Rollo’s eyes shone, his face lighted
up, he did not know how to express his delight. He said to himself that
she would make “all our fortunes,” with an exaggeration common to his
kind. “I knew I was to be charmed, Miss Despard, but I did not know what
delight was in store for me,” he said, with eyes that said still more
than his words. Lottie’s eyes with their wonderful lashes sank before
his. He thought it was perhaps a pretty trick to show that remarkable
feature, and since he was sensible at all points to the beautiful, he
did full justice to them. By Jove! how well she would look on the stage.
Those eyelashes themselves! that pose! What a pensive Marguerite, what a
Lucia she would make! He longed to rush up to town by the late train and
rush upon his astonished partner, shouting, “I have found her!” “You
will not deny me one more?” he said, turning to her with glowing eyes.
Poor silly Lottie! She grew crimson with pleasure and excitement, pale
with excitement and feeling. What did she know about the young fellow’s
motives? She knew only that he had kept watch at her window, lounging
about for a glimpse of her, a thing which to be sure explains itself;
and that every note she sang seemed to make him happier and happier, and
more and more adoring. The incense was delicious to her. She had never
had it before (except perhaps from poor young Purcell--a nobody! what
did he matter?), and the happiness of flattered vanity and soothed pride
raised her to a pinnacle and climax of soft delight, such as she had
never thought possible. It seemed almost more than Lottie could bear.
Even Lady Caroline was so flattered by the plaudits addressed to her on
the entertainment she had provided for her guests, that a sense of
superior discrimination came over her placid mind, pleasantly exciting
its tranquillity. “Yes, I knew that she was going to have a beautiful
voice,” she said. And she smiled, and accepted the thanks with an
agreeable sense that she had deserved them. As for Rollo Ridsdale, it
was he who got Miss Despard’s shawl and wrapped her in it when the
dreadful moment came, as he said, for her departure. “You have no
carriage; you live on the other side of the way; then you must permit me
to see you to your door,” he said, “and to thank you once more for all
the pleasure you have given me. This will be a white day in my
recollection; I shall begin the dates in my history from the time when I
first heard----”
“Mr. Ashford is going Miss Despard’s way. And, Rollo, your aunt wants
you, I think. We have all been so much delighted that we have forgotten
the progress of time, and Lady Caroline is not very strong. Mr.
Ashford,” said the Dean, “I am sure we may leave to you the privilege of
seeing Miss Despard to her own door.”
“And I am here,” said the Signor. Nevertheless, poor Lottie felt as if
she had stepped suddenly out of heaven to earth again when she found
herself between the musician and the minor canon outside the Deanery
door.