_Scene._--A DOMESTIC INTERIOR.
Pamela's _father, in one armchair, is making a praiseworthy effort to
absorb an article in a review on "The Future of British Finance." In
another armchair_ Pamela's _mother is doing some sort of mending._
Pamela _herself, stretched upon the hearthrug, is reading aloud
interesting extracts from a picture-book._
_Pamela_ (_in a cheerful sing-song_). A for Donkey; B for Dicky.
_Her Father._ What sort of dicky?
_Pamela_ (_examining the illustration more closely_). All ugly black,
bissect for his blue mouf.
_Her Mother_ (_instructively_). Not blue; yellow. And it's a beak, not a
mouth.
_Pamela._ I calls it a mouf. He's eating wiv it. (_With increasing
disfavour_) A poor little worm he's eating. Don't like him; he's crool.
(_She turns the page hurriedly and continues_) C for Pussy; D for Mick.
[_This is the name of the family mongrel. That the picture
represents an absolutely thoroughbred collie matters nothing to_
Pamela. _She spends some time in admiring_ Mick, _then rapidly
sweeps over certain illustrations that fail to attract._
_Pamela_ (_stopping at the sight of a web-footed fowl, triumphantly_). G
for Quack-quack.
_Her Father._ Oh, come, Pamela, that's not a quack-quack; that's a
goose. It makes quite a different noise.
[_Anticipating an immediate demand for a goose's noise he clears
his throat nervously._
_Pamela_ (_with authority_). This one isn't making any noise. It's jus'
thinking. (_Her father accepts the correction and swallows again._) H
for Gee-gee. Stupid gee-gee.
_Her Father._ Why stupid?
_Pamela._ 'Acos its tail looks silly.
_Her Father_ (_glancing at the tail, which bears some resemblance to an
osprey's feather_). You're right; it does.
_Her Mother._ I wonder whether it's wrong to let children get accustomed
to bad drawings?
_Her Father._ Pamela doesn't get accustomed--she criticises. If it
weren't for a silly tail here, a stupid face there, her critical faculty
might lie for ever dormant.
_Pamela_ (_having turned over four or five pages with one grasp of the
hand, as if determined to suppress the unsatisfactory horse_). R for
Bunny.
_Her Mother._ No, dear, Rabbit. R for _R_abbit. B for _B_unny.
_Pamela_ (_gently_). No; B is for Dicky. The ugly dicky wiv the blue
mouf.
_Her Father_ (_rashly_). The blackbird.
_Pamela_ (_conscious of superior knowledge_). That isn't its name.
That's what it looks like, all black; but its name is Dicky. B for
Dicky.
_Her Father._ Well, have it your own way. What does S stand for?
_Pamela_ (_turning to the likeness of an elderly quadruped, with great
assurance_). Baa-lamb!
_Her Father._ Sometimes we call baa-lambs sheep.
_Pamela._ I don't.
_Her Father._ You will when you grow older.
_Pamela._ I won't be any older, not for ever so long. Not till next
birfday. (_Pushing her book away and assuming an air of extreme
infancy_) Tired of reading. Want a piggy-back, _please_!
_Her Father_ (_firmly taking up his review again_). Not just now. I'm
busy with a picture-book.
[_A reproachful silence falls upon the room._
_Pamela_ (_presently, in a mournful chant_). A for Don-key. B for
Dicky--
_The Scene closes._
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE PRINCE COMES HOME.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: MORE OUTLINES OF HISTORY.
_Sailor._ "WE HAVE JUST SEEN SOME ORANGE-PEEL AND BANANA-SKINS FLOATING
ON THE STARBOARD, SIR."
_Columbus._ "WAS THERE ANY CHEWING-GUM?"
_Sailor._ "NO, SIR."
_Columbus._ "THEN IT MUST BE THE WEST INDIES WE'RE COMING TO, AND I'D
HOPED IT WAS GOING TO BE AMERICA."]
* * * * *