"Motorists," says a London magistrate, "cannot go about knocking people
down and killing them every day." We agree. Once should be enough for
the most grasping pedestrian.
* * *
"A Kensington lady," we read, "has just engaged a parlourmaid who is
only three feet seven inches in height." The shortage of servants is
becoming most marked.
* * *
A play called _The Man Who Went to Work_ is shortly to be produced in
the West End. It sounds like a farce.
* * *
A police-sergeant of Ealing is reported to have summoned six hundred
motorists since March. There is some talk of his being presented with
the illuminated addresses of another three hundred.
* * *
All the recent photographs of Sir ERIC GEDDES show him with a very broad
smile. "And I know who he's laughing at," writes a railway traveller.
* * *
With reference to the Press controversy between Mr. H.G. WELLS and Mr.
HENRY ARTHUR JONES, we understand that they have decided to shake hands
and be enemies.
* * *
"In New Zealand," says a weekly paper, "there is a daisy which is often
mistaken for a sheep by the shepherds." This is the sort of statement
that the Prohibitionist likes to make a note of.
* * *
A statistician informs us that a man's body contains enough lime to
whitewash a small room. It should be pointed out however that it is
illegal for a wife to break up her husband for decorative purposes.
* * *
The Manchester Communist Party have decided to have nothing whatever to
do with Parliament. We understand that the PREMIER has now decided to
sell his St. Bernard dog.
* * *
"There are no very rich people in England," says a gossip-writer. We can
only say we know a club porter who recently stated that he had a cousin
who knew a miner who ... but we fear it was only gossip.
* * *
"It is possible for people to do quite well without a stomach," says a
Parisian doctor. Judged by the high prices, we know a grocer who seems
to think along the same lines.
* * *
Special aeroplanes to carry fish from Holland to this country are to run
in the winter. The idea of keeping the fish long enough to enable them
to cross under their own power has been abandoned.
* * *
An Ashford gardener has grown a cabbage which measures twelve feet
across. It is said to be uninhabited.
* * *
The Rules of Golf Committee now suggest a standard ball for England and
America. The question of a standard long-distance expletive for foozlers
is held over.
* * *
A youth charged at a police-court in the South of London with stealing
five hundred cigars, valued at threepence each, admitted that he had
smoked twenty-six of them. We are glad to learn that no further
punishment was ordered.
* * *
_The Waste Trade World_ states that there is a great demand for rubbish.
Editors, however, don't seem to be moving with the times.
* * *
Off Folkestone, a few days ago, a trawler captured a blue-nosed shark.
Complaints about the temperature of the sea have been very common among
bathers this year.
* * *
"No one has yet been successful in filming an actual murder," states a
Picture-goers' Journal. It certainly does seem a pity that our murderers
are so terribly self-conscious in the presence of a cinematograph man.
* * *
_The Daily Express_ states that Mrs. BAMBERGER has decided not to appeal
against her sentence. If that be so, this high-handed decision will be
bitterly resented by certain of the audience who were in court during
the trial and eagerly looked forward to the next edition.
* * *
A _Daily Mail_ reader writes to our contemporary to say that he found
forty-two toads in his garden last week. We can only suppose that they
were there in ignorance of the fact that he took in _The Daily Mail_.
* * *
A pike weighing twenty-six pounds, upon being hooked by a Cheshire
fisherman, pulled him into the canal. His escape was much regretted by
the fish, who had decided to have him stuffed.
* * *
It is possible that Mr. TOM MANN, the secretary of the A.S.E., will
shortly retire under the age limit. It is rumoured that members have
started to collect for a souvenir strike as a parting tribute.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Bus Conductor_ (_after passenger's torrents of invective
on the subject of increased fare_). "RIGHT-O, MA. I'LL TELL 'EM
EVERYTHINK YOU'VE SAID WEN I TAKES THE CHAIR AT THE NEXT DIRECTORS'
MEETING."]
* * * * *