entered the room; and having been informed what had taken place, he
asked for the London Directory, which, by another happy circumstance,
formed part of the furniture of the hotel. It was so discovered that in
the street in which the poor fellow had been ascertained to dwell, one
"Anthony Jones, M.R.C.S.," also had a local habitation--about twenty
doors from his own patient's residence.
Dr. Jones was accordingly telegraphed for, and informed when the next
down-train started from London.
Dr. Jones was an attentive man, and on receipt of the message he lost no
time in repairing to the station where his neighbour was deposited.
On his arrival the patient revived a little, and on seeing the face of
his own medical man he recovered sufficiently to indicate that the pain
proceeded from the neighbourhood of his ribs.
The surgeon desired the men to leave, and asked for the assistance of a
woman until morning. Again the beneficent telegraph was made use of. A
message sent to London requested Mrs. Brandyface, who lived somewhere
in Pimlico, to come down to the B---- Station Hotel, informing her at
what time the next train started from London in the morning.
These directions having been given, and the clothes of the unfortunate
patient having been cut and torn off his body, he was put to bed, and
made as comfortable as might be--the doctor administering something in a
tumbler of water from a bottle which he carried in his pocket. He then
told the woman of the house that she might retire after supplying him
with some more of the London cognac before mentioned, for his own use
during the night. The doctor sat up with his patient until Mrs.
Brandyface arrived in the morning, when he handed him over to the care
and attention of his own nurse.
Next morning Dr. Attrabilious, chief medical officer and surgeon
extraordinary to the railway company, also came down by express train to
see what he could do in the way of restoring the patient's health,
patching up his wounds, and--most important of all--making an
arrangement for compensation by the company, whom he served in the dual
capacity of doctor and compensation negotiator, when the negligence of
their servants had caused any mischief.
Dr. Attrabilious was of course admitted to the patient's bedside, to the
evident dissatisfaction of his faithful nurse. The patient, however,
would have nothing to say to him when he had explained that he came on
behalf of the railway company. The poor fellow declared that nobody
should attend him but his own regular medical man or surgeon. In vain
Dr. Attrabilious pressed his services. The damaged passenger manifested
an aversion to receive his attentions; and the nurse said she thought it
was not right to force himself on the helpless gentleman when he was not
wanted, as Dr. Jones was known to all Pimlico, if not all the world, as
a very clever man.
This scene tended to disturb the patient's equanimity. The outrage of
the nurse's feelings, or it might be prejudices, led to the discomfiture
of Dr. Attrabilious, who was pushed out of the room amid a torrent of
abuse for trying to kill the sufferer by impertinent officiousness. Dr.
Attrabilious left the place in dudgeon, with all the humility of one who
felt himself snubbed to the last extent and very nearly extinguished.
Dr. Jones telegraphed about mid-day to state that pressing engagements
would not permit him to reach the village again until towards evening;
but that in the mean time he would send--and he did send by the next
train--a small parcel of medicine.
The patient was attended with all possible care by Mrs. Brandyface and
Dr. Jones for several days, when, on request to the company, a special
train was provided, and in a carriage well supplied with all that could
give ease to the invalid traveller he was removed to London and taken to
his own house.
After some time, perhaps about a month, the patient was sufficiently
restored to health to go about his ordinary business, whatever that may
have been. A letter was sent by his solicitor to the company demanding
a good round sum as compensation for three broken ribs, sundry
contusions, permanent damage to the animal economy of the sufferer, and
his past and future detriment in business. The company made an offer of
25_l._ in settlement, which was declined. A writ was issued out of the
Court of Queen's Bench. The company defended the proceedings which were
taken, and the action was ultimately set down for trial.
At the trial, Mr. Capulet Attic, Q.C., appeared as the leading counsel
for the plaintiff, and in the course of his opening speech very clearly
stated the facts already narrated. He dwelt with considerable emphasis
upon the negligence of the company's servants, not only in allowing the
accident to occur, which he said arose from the most patent and the
grossest carelessness, but also for the, if possible, still greater and
still more unpardonable negligence in allowing his unfortunate client
the plaintiff to remain upon the ground for so many hours without
attendance. He referred to the accidental detention of Mr. Freeling over
his friend's dinner-table, and his journey homewards across the railway,
which the eloquent lawyer called a special interposition of Providence,
and without which his unfortunate client, the plaintiff, would in all
probability have died a lingering death from cold, damp, and hunger. He
bitterly censured the company for the employment of Dr. Attrabilious,
not alone as a medical attendant, in order to dispense mercy to the
wounded or injured plaintiff, but also no doubt for a purpose that he,
Dr. Attrabilious, had frequently been employed to serve,--namely,
effecting a compromise between the plaintiff and the company. He
further condemned, in bitter terms, the shabby and mean offer of
compromise which, since the action had been threatened, was made by the
directors through their solicitor. Lastly, he confidently appealed to
the jury to bestow upon his unfortunate client substantial damages; and
sat down smiling confidently to the jurymen, as if he expected to obtain
all that he had asked.
Of the evidence it is needless to speak at length. The gentleman who
found the unfortunate plaintiff described, like a perfectly honest and
worthy man, the condition in which he was at the time. The
cross-examination of this witness was almost a matter of form. How could
any thing be expected from him in that way that would not strengthen the
plaintiff's case? He was a perfectly honest and impartial man. He was
indeed the witness of the truth as far as in him lay. The doctor and the
nurse in attendance upon the plaintiff also gave their evidence very
clearly, although endeavours were made somewhat to shake their
testimony, and to prove that the injuries had not been so severe as was
represented. Still not much was done by the defence, and it may be said
that the plaintiff made out his case.
The defendants' counsel, Mr. Pompous Blower, Q.C., made an energetic
appeal to the court and jury; but what could he make out on their behalf
in such a case? The most he could do was to throw back the taunts of his
learned friend Mr. Capulet Attic, and proclaim, in sonorous and round
periods, the philanthropic character of the corporation he represented.
He defended Dr. Attrabilious, or at least inveighed against the
condemnation of that scientific gentleman in his absence. The learned
counsel denied that Dr. Attrabilious had ever been so employed as was
represented, and contended that the company had no other object in
sending him to the bedside of the smashed or mutilated traveller on
their line, than to relieve his pain and do the best he could for the
sufferer. Dr. Attrabilious was not, however, called as a witness for the
defence, and the plaintiff of course did not want him; so the
allegation, that the doctor had on former occasions played the part of
negotiator in the settlement of claims against his masters, did not
receive such a contradiction as it might have had, and it might have
been desirable for them to render.
The judge summed up, and said that it appeared to him very like an
undefended cause; but he urged the jury not to suffer their judgment to
be led captive by the eloquence of Mr. Capulet Attic, who had, however,
acted in all respects very properly for the plaintiff, in so trying to
run away with their senses. The plaintiff seemed to be entitled, almost
on the admission of the company, to fair and reasonable compensation;
but that was all. The presumed wealth of a great corporation like
the ---- Railway Company was not a fact that should lay them open to
extortion, and he would tell the jury that excessive damages might bear
the complexion of meditated or of unconscious injustice.
The jury rose in their box, turned round face to face, had a little to
say to one another during perhaps two or three minutes' time, and then
returned a verdict for the plaintiff, with 500_l._ damages.
The company was somewhat taken aback by the largeness of these damages.
The truth is, their case had not been got up so patiently and carefully
as it might have been. A proper investigation into the antecedents and
mode of life of the plaintiff, by any moderately intelligent lawyer's
clerk, would have enabled them to lay such facts before the jury as must
have reduced his claim to less than one-fifth of the amount he got,--if
such inquiry had not led the investigator into a track for entirely
exploding the plaintiff's case.
The defendants, as a random experiment, determined to move for a new
trial in this case. A rule absolute for a new trial was granted, upon
condition that they brought into court enough money to abide the event
of such new trial--that is to say, to cover damages and costs. The
railway company had before now derived immense advantages by delay, and
were hopeful that time would bring some advantage in this case--as it
did.
The success which had attended my investigations on former occasions in
a somewhat similar case or two, led to my being employed on the present.
I had not much difficulty in effecting my object. I had several clues to
the parties. I almost suspected, from the nature of the case, that the
affair was altogether a conspiracy to defraud the company--and I was
right in my suspicions.
The plaintiff had not been injured. The collision had taken place some
time before his arrival on the spot. The principal guard of the train in
which the collision took place was in the swindle. He professed to
telegraph on behalf of a passenger who had been somewhat bruised to a
friend in London, which message (in order to divert suspicion) ran thus:
"Collision at B----. I am not hurt. All right." Upon this hint the
plaintiff hastily communicated with one or two of his companions in such
frauds, and hastened down to the spot in a gig hired from a livery
stable. The vehicle deposited him about a mile from the place where the
accident occurred, which had, in the mean time, been ascertained with
precision. The gig was then driven back by a companion, and the
plaintiff slunk off to the margin of the line, and waited for an
opportunity to sigh and groan with advantage.
The return home of Mr. Freeling, who had been seen by the watchful
swindler, supplied the opportunity he wanted; and the plaintiff
accordingly made the noises already described, which attracted the
attention of that gentleman. Of course the scoundrel knew that the
railway company would, as usual, send their doctor. He knew how to get
over that little difficulty. He had his confederates, and he knew how to
make the most of the unscrupulous tactics of the company in dealing with
the real victims of railway collisions. He saw that he could turn Dr.
Attrabilious's visit to good account by supplying it to Mr. Capulet
Attic as one of the pegs for an oratorical display. The Dr. Jones who
was sent for was a confederate. He belonged to the gang, and of course
would have shared the spoil. The nurse was also in the swindle. The
arrangement for the division of the spoil remunerated her more liberally
than nurses are generally paid for their services. In fact the whole
thing was a conspiracy.
I laid all these circumstances before the company's solicitors in my
report. It was, however, resolved, as we had the whole set clearly in
our grasp, not to arrest them immediately, but to await the progress of
events, and see if the next combination of the gang for a like purpose
did not reveal to us a few more of its members. It did so. I discovered
that the doctor in attendance upon a damaged railway traveller in
Lancashire, about two months afterwards, and the plaintiff in the first
case, visited as friends the intended plaintiff in the second place.
Just as our plans were ripe for execution, we were, however, forestalled
by the arrest of five members of the dangerous confederacy on two
gigantic cases--one for forgery, and the rest for a great railway
robbery, which had been suddenly disclosed to the police authorities by
a wretch who craved vengeance upon an associate in the gang because he
had been successful in carrying off the affections of "a lady" with whom
the informer had cohabited. Of these men captured, all were found guilty
on the strongest testimony, got at through the informer by officers who
laid traps under his guidance, and by surrounding circumstances to which
he had assisted them. One of the parties to my action--that is, the
doctor--made good his escape. I believe he went to America.
A PATRIOTIC BARBER IN FAULT
A few years ago I was employed to watch "the other side" in a hotly
contested election. It was my first engagement of the kind, and I
sharpened my wits in order that I might fairly earn my fee,--which the
reader may be glad to know was a handsome one. Perhaps he may also be
pleased to learn that I am an impartial man. It is true that, on the
occasion I now speak of, I was employed by the agent of the Liberal
candidate; but I have, on other subsequent occasions, rendered service,
and I believe good service, to Conservative gentlemen who now wear the
title of M.P. During this election many curious little incidents took
place, as they always do at elections, and one of them I propose to
relate. By the way, there is nothing which quickens human ingenuity like
a vigorous electioneering struggle. Wit, humour, desperate practical
joking, and ingenious stratagems, crowd in such exciting profusion, that
sometimes the strict rules of moral propriety are hidden or get confused
before the eyes of the parties concerned. Sometimes I think I behaved
unhandsomely towards the barber of whom I am about to speak. At other
times I think it served him right. The reader shall decide between my
first and my second thoughts on this head.
In the borough of W---- there lived one John Shufflebotham, a barber who
earned a livelihood--that is to say, earned or got money to buy scanty
food, little raiment, plenty of beer, and a liberal supply of stronger
waters for the consumption of himself and Mrs. Shufflebotham--by the
exercise of his trade, or "profession," as he styled it, and it was
believed in no other way. This barber had a reputation for shaving his
customers as clean as they could wish for a penny each--and he would do
the job at half the price for regular patrons--and for cropping any
rough and stubborn head of hair, popular tradition, and the tariff on
his door-post, declared threepence to be a fixed or immovable charge.
This, however, was not the only character which John Shufflebotham
enjoyed. He was esteemed a man of principle; thoroughly incorruptible.
Not a breath of suspicion of his political honesty had ever been floated
on the turbid atmosphere of W---- at the most prying time--say just
after the settlement of accounts between the "free and independent
voters" and the candidates. I was told that John Shufflebotham wouldn't
require to be looked after. He had never taken a bribe, and to offer him
one would insure any man an ignominious chastisement. The barber was a
stout man, and although beer or whisky had perhaps softened his brain a
little, and rendered his muscles somewhat flaccid, there was strength
enough in his legs to wield a heavy boot with almost terrible force.
This barber had acquired a degree of influence over sterling, honest
working men by his reputed incorruptibility to an extent that he would
not otherwise have gained, so that it became rather important to obtain
his support on behalf of our candidate.
At the commencement of the struggle it was believed that John
Shufflebotham would, as a matter of course, vote for our candidate; but
this was a miscalculation. It appeared that something had turned the
current of his political sympathies. He was down in the former poll-book
as having voted for the Liberals, and so it was expected that he would
vote again, bringing with him to the hustings about twenty honest
fellows who believed in him.
On the contrary, he soon intimated that he had come to believe the Whigs
were a little worse than the Tories. He did not think they cared, either
of them, for poor working men like him or any of his customers, but that
they (the Whigs and Tories) were both thieves. If he must vote, he would
turn and turn about. Perhaps he should be inclined to give the Tories a
turn this time; but he didn't know. He wasn't at all sure about it
either way.
This man's defection from our cause produced a little alarm. The feeling
of which he appeared to be the exponent was also, upon inquiry, found
rather more extensive than was at first thought possible. It ran beyond
the pale or circle of the barber's supposed influence; and to make
matters rather worse, the barber, when assailed by a patron for
apostasy, or urged to stand by his old colours, was compelled, as he
said, to argufy in his own justification, which attracted other
customers to his house, and it became the arena of controversy. John
Shufflebotham was acquiring a reputation for oratory, in addition to his
other qualities.
It was not my proper business to win over friends. My function was to
look after foes; but I was taken into confidence about the case of John
Shufflebotham. The chief agent of the candidate quoted the observation
of some old dead statesman about every man having his price, and I
agreed with him to learn what the price of the vote and influence of
John Shufflebotham might be. This view was arrived at by our agent only
the day before polling, and it was then overruled by one or two people
in the secrets of the head committee-room, who had a control over the
incidents of the election.
Next day the polling began. It was a day of wild excitement. Beer and
spirits and food were distributed _ad libitum_ to the whole population
by one side and the other. Drunkenness was the only general
characteristic of civilisation in that parliamentary borough by twelve
o'clock on the day for electing one of the prime wisdoms of the country
to represent that town in the Legislature of Great Britain. Money was
being spent profusely in bribes; voters had been "bottled"--that is to
say, made drunk and then fastened up in a public or other house. These
were the men who could not be induced to vote for us, or who dared not
so vote because of something or other, but who voluntarily submitted to
this process as a mid-way of service to us. Some electors were at any
risk drugged, and hindered from obeying the dictates of political
feeling. Some men were taken out of the town in vehicles. Respectability
of every kind hid its head. Ruffianism and common vice of every kind had
all their own way.
John Shufflebotham had not yet voted, nor had many of his friends. The
Tories had lauded him as "a sterling, honest, worthy, good fellow;" as
"a man of great political sagacity, who had yielded to the voice of
reason," and "as one who had renounced the errors of political life, and
determined to assert, in his own person, the rights of matured
conscience."
They had fawned upon him; they had coaxed and wheedled him; they had
held out every kind of future inducement and deferred benefit before his
eyes--but John Shufflebotham had not been induced to give a vote, or the
pledge of a vote, to the Conservative. He had made no distinct or
visible sign of yielding to us, still it was observed that he had not
been so lavish in the censure of our candidate during the previous day,
or during the day of election, as before.
We had been prepared for his hostility, but hardly knew what to do with
his neutrality. We had expected to find him leading a body of voters to
the hustings for the Tories. Jem Smash, the head of our best gang of
prizefighters, had accordingly received instructions to bestow the
courtesy of his underlings upon the barber and the barber's friends.
Some of the liberal tradesmen of the borough of W---- were gloating over
the satisfaction of seeing the barber "doubled up," and a few of his
believers horribly maltreated. This gratification had, up to the present
moment, been denied them; and after much deliberation on the subject, it
was not thought safe to commence an attack upon the humble abode of the
recalcitrant worthy. Such a step might have brought some of our top
people into disgrace, as an attorney, who had been retained at a heavy
cost to advise our candidate and his friends from time to time how much
iniquity they might perform without danger to their own persons or
purses, was good enough to inform them. Such a proceeding, dictated or
suggested in the committee-room, might be brought home to its occupants,
and involve a lot of respectabilities as well as ruffians concerned
therein to a mingled punishment.
As we could not retaliate upon Barber Shufflebotham for his obstinacy,
apostasy, or whatever it was, we determined to see if he could not be
won or bought over. The lawyer, and I, and the principal agent, who was
not a lawyer, went into a little room to discuss this matter, and
ultimately settled that I should first approach the barber. I did so;
and as I do not want to incur a charge of immodesty from the reader's
lips, I omit an explanation of my visit. Let it be simply stated that I
found the barber vulnerable on the statesmanlike point. I ascertained
that he had a price; and the price was not, after all, a very large one,
seeing the extent of the influence which he had to give, as well as his
vote. The price was 100_l._ I struck the bargain with him--with a
reservation that I hope may be forgiven, as well as the trick I also
meditated and carried out.
One thing the barber stipulated. Appearances must be somehow saved, and
(clever dog he was) he suggested to me how that could be done. There
were two points in the political programme of the candidate which, John
Shufflebotham and his friends contended a gentleman worthy of a vote
ought to be prepared to support--one was universal suffrage, the other
was vote by ballot. The barber said his men must be told that the
candidate would meet them at least half-way. If this were arranged, and
he were paid 100_l._, he would recommend his friends to vote with him
for the Liberal. I agreed, not that the candidate should make these
professions, but that somebody on his behalf should give that
explanation to Shufflebotham and his immediate tail or circle.
I went back to the committee-room, and explained to the attorney and
agent how I proposed to act. They laughed outright as long as they could
afford time to laugh, which was not much; for minutes were precious, as
my scheme required an hour and a half, or perhaps two hours, for the
working out. I went back to the barber, and arranged that he should jump
into a cab and run over the town, which was not large, and call his
friends together at the Pig and Whistle in Backstairs Street, to receive
a communication from the Liberal candidate.
I looked at my watch. It was then half-past twelve. The poll closed at
four. There was a train from the town of W---- to the town of B----,
which started at 12:45. It would not take long to cover that distance in
a carriage drawn by the iron horse. There was a train returning from
B---- to W---- at 2 p.m. precisely. That would do. I also arranged that
an orator who had been employed for the purpose of addressing the
political intellect of the free and independent electors of W----,
should attend the Pig and Whistle on behalf of our candidate, and make
one of his smooth, flowing, rapid, ornate addresses.