Of an evening at Twist Tickle Nicholas Top would sit unstrung and
wistful in his great chair by the west window, with the curtains drawn
wide, there waiting, in deepening gloom and fear, for the last light
to leave the world. With his head fallen upon his breast and his eyes
grown fixed and tragical with far-off gazing, he would look out upon
the appalling sweep of sea and rock and sky, where the sombre wonder
of the dusk was working more terribly than with thunder: clouds in
embers, cliffs and mist and tumbling water turning to shadows,
vanishing, as though they were not. In the place of a shining world,
spread familiar and open, from its paths to the golden haze of its
uttermost parts, there would come the cloud and mystery and straying
noises of the night, wherein lurk and peer and restlessly move
whatsoever may see in the dark.
Thus would he sit oppressed while night covered the world he knew by
day. And there would come up from the sea its voice; and the sea has
no voice, but mysteriously touches the strings within the soul of a
man, so that the soul speaks in its own way, each soul lifting its
peculiar message. For me 'twas sweet to watch the tender shadows creep
upon the western fire, to see the great gray rocks dissolve, to hear
the sea's melodious whispering; but to him (it seemed) the sea spoke
harshly and the night came with foreboding. In the silence and failing
light of the hour, looking upon the stupendous works of the Lord, he
would repeat the words of the prophet of the Lord:
"_For behold the Lord will come with fire, and with his chariots like
a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with the
flames of fire._" And again, with his hand upon his forehead and his
brows fallen hopelessly, "_With his chariots like a whirlwind, to
render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with the flames of fire._"
Still repeating the awful words, his voice broken to a terrified
whisper, "_His rebuke with the flames of fire!_" And in particular
moods, when the prophets, however sonorous, were inadequate to his
need, my uncle would have recourse to his own pithy vocabulary for
terms with which to anathematize himself; but these, of course, may
not be written in a book.
* * * * *
When the dusk was come my uncle would turn blithely from this
melancholy contemplation and call for a lamp and his bottle. While I
was about this business (our maid-servant would not handle the bottle
lest she be damned for it), my uncle would stump the floor, making
gallant efforts to whistle and trill: by this exhorting himself to a
cheerful mood, so that when I had moved his great chair to the table,
with the lamp near and turned high, and had placed a stool for his
wooden leg, and had set his bottle and glass and little brown jug of
cold water conveniently at hand, his face would be pleasantly rippling
and his eyes all a-twinkle.
"Up with un, Dannie!" says he.
'Twas his fancy that he had gout in the tip of his wooden leg. I must
lift the ailing bit of timber to the stool with caution.
"Ouch!" groans he. "Easy, lad!"
'Twas now in place.
"All ship-shape an' cheerful," says he. "Pass the bottle."
He would then stand me up for catechism; and to this task I would come
with alacrity, and my heels would come together, and my shoulders
square, and my hands go behind my back, as in the line at school.
'Twas a solemn game, whatever the form it took, whether dealing with
my possessions, hopes, deportment, or what-not; and however grotesque
an appearance the thing may wear, 'twas done in earnest by us both and
with some real pains (when I was stupid or sleepy) to me. 'Twas the
way he had, too, of teaching me that which he would have me conceive
him to be--of fashioning in my heart and mind the character he would
there wear. A clumsy, forecastle method, and most pathetically
engaging, to be sure! but in effect unapproached: for to this day,
when I know him as he was, the man he would appear to be sticks in my
heart and will not be supplanted. Nor would I willingly yield the
wistful old dog's place to a gentleman of more brilliant parts.
"Dannie, lad," he would begin, in the manner of a visiting trustee,
but yet with a little twitch and flush of embarrassment, which must
be wiped away with his great bandanna handkerchief--"Dannie, lad,"
he would begin, "is ol' Nicholas Top a well-knowed figger in
Newf'un'land?"
"He's knowed," was the response I had been taught, "from Cape Race t'
Chidley."
"What for?"
"Standin' by."
So far so good; my uncle would beam upon me, as though the compliment
were of my own devising, until 'twas necessary once more to wipe the
smile and blush from his great wet countenance.
"Is it righteous," says he, "t' stand by?"
"'Tis that."
He would now lean close with his poser: "Does it say so in the Bible?
Ah ha, lad! Does it say so _there_?"
"'Twas left out," says I, having to this been scandalously taught, "by
mistake!"
'Twas my uncle's sad habit thus to solve his ethical difficulties. To
a gigantic, thumb-worn Bible he would turn, the which, having sought
with unsuccess until his temper was hot, he would fling back to its
place, growling: "Them ol' prophets was dunderheads, anyhow; they left
out more'n they put in. Why, Dannie," in vast disgust, "you don't find
the mention of barratry from jib-boom t' taffrail! An' you mean t'
set there an' tell me them prophets didn't make no mistake? No, sir! I
'low they was well rope's-ended for neglect o' dooty when the Skipper
cotched un in the other Harbor." But if by chance, in his impatient
haste, he stumbled upon some confirmation of his own philosophy, he
would crow: "There you got it, Dannie! Right under the thumb o' me!
Them ol' bullies was wise as owls." 'Twas largely a matter of words,
no doubt (my uncle being self-taught in all things); and 'tis possible
that the virtue of standing by, indirectly commended, to be sure, is
not specifically and in terms enjoined upon the righteous. However--
"Come, now!" says my uncle; "would you say that ol' Nicholas Top was
_famous_ for standin' by?"
'Twas hard to remember the long response. "Well," I must begin, in a
doubtful drawl, every word and changing inflection his own, as I had
been taught, "I wouldn't go _quite_ t' the length o' that. Ol'
Nicholas Top wouldn't claim it hisself. Ol' Nicholas Top on'y claims
that he's _good_ at standin' by. His cronies do 'low that he can't be
beat at it by ar a man in Newf'un'land; but Nicholas wouldn't go t'
the length o' _sayin'_ so hisself. 'Ol' Nick,' says they, 'would stand
by if the ship was skippered by the devil and inbound on a fiery wind
t' the tickle t' hell. Whatever Nick says he'll _do_,' says they, 'is
all the same as _did_; an' if he says he'll stand by, he'll stick,
blow high or blow low, fog, ice, or reefs. "Be jiggered t' port an'
weather!" says he.'[1] But sure," I must conclude, "ol' Nicholas
wouldn't say so hisself. An' so I wouldn't go t' the length o' holdin'
that he was famous for standin' by. Take it by an' all, if I was
wantin' sea room, I'd stick t' _well knowed_ an' be done with it."
"Co'-rect!" says my uncle, with a smack of satisfaction. "You got that
long one right, Dannie. An' now, lad," says he, his voice turning soft
and genuine in feeling, "what's the ol' sailorman tryin' t' make out
o' _you_?"
"A gentleman."
"An' why?"
Then this disquieting response:
"'Tis none o' my business."
'Twould have been logical had he asked me: "An', Dannie, lad, what's a
gentleman?" But this he never did; and I think, regarding the thing
from this distance, that he was himself unable to frame the
definition, so that, of course, I never could be taught it. But he was
diligent in pursuit of this knowledge; he sat with open ears in those
exclusive tap-rooms where "the big bugs t' St. John's" (as he called
them) congregated; indeed, the little gold watch by which Skipper Tom
Bull's suspicion had been excited at the Anchor and Chain came to me
immediately after the Commissioner of This had remarked to the
Commissioner of That, within my uncle's hearing--this at the Gold
Bullet over a bottle of Long Tom--that a watch of modest proportions
was the watch for a gentleman to wear (my other watches had been
chosen with an opposite idea). And my uncle, too (of which anon), held
in high regard that somewhat questionable light of morality and
deportment whom he was used to calling ol' Skipper Chesterfield. But
"What is a gentleman?" was omitted from my catechism.
"An' is this ol' Nicholas Top a liar?" says my uncle.
"No, sir."
"Is he a thief?"
"No, sir."
"Smuggler?"
"No, sir."
"Have he ever been mixed up in burglary, murder, arson, barratry,
piracy, fish stealin', or speckalation?"
"No, sir."
To indicate his utter detachment from personal interest in the
question to follow, my uncle would wave his dilapidated hand, as
though leaving me free to answer as I would, which by no means was I.
"An' of how much," says he, "would he rob his neighbor that he might
prosper?"
'Twas now time for me to turn loud and indignant, as I had been
taught. Thus: my head must shoot out in truculent fashion, my brows
bend, my lips curl away from my teeth like a snarling dog's, my eyes
glare; and I must let my small body shake with explosive rage, in
imitation of my uncle, while I brought the table a thwack with all my
force, shouting:
"Not a damn copper!"
"Good!" says my uncle, placidly. "You done that very well, Dannie, for
a lad. You fetched out the damn quite noisy an' agreeable. Now," says
he, "is Nicholas Top a rascal?"
'Twas here we had trouble; in the beginning, when this learning was
undertaken, I must be whipped to answer as he would have me. Ay, and
many a night have I gone sore to bed for my perversity, for in respect
to obedience his severity was unmitigated, as with all seafaring men.
But I might stand obstinate for a moment--a moment of grace. And upon
the wall behind his chair, hanging in the dimmer light, was a colored
print portraying a blue sea, spread with rank upon rank of accurately
measured waves, each with its tiny cap of foam, stretching without
diminution to the horizon, upon which was perched a full-rigged ship,
a geometrical triumph; and from this vessel came by small-boat to the
strand a company of accurately moulded, accurately featured,
accurately tailored fellows, pulling with perfect accuracy in every
respect. I shall never forget the geometrical gentleman upon that
geometrically tempestuous sea, for as I stood sullen before my uncle
they provided the only distraction at hand.
"Come, Daniel!" says he, in a little flare of wrath; "is he a
rascal?"
"Well," says I, defiantly, "I've heard un lied about."
"Wrong!" roars my uncle. "Try again, sir! Is ol' Nicholas Top a
rascal?"
There was no help for it. I must say the unkind words or be thrashed
for an obstinate whelp.
"A damned rascal, sir!" says I.
"Co'-_rect_!" cries my uncle, delighted.[2]
And now, presently, my uncle would drawl, "Well, Dannie, lad, you
might 's well measure out the other," and when I had with care poured
his last dram would send me off to bed. Sometimes he would have me say
my prayers at his knee--not often--most when high winds, without rain,
shook our windows and sang mournfully past the cottage, and he was
unnerved by the night. "The wind's high the night," says he, with an
anxious frown; "an' Dannie," says he, laying a hand upon my head, "you
might 's well overhaul that there
"'_Jesus, tender Shepherd, hear me,
Bless Thy little lamb to-night,_'
afore you turns in. 'Twill do you good, an' 'twon't manage t' do me no
harm." And this done I would off to bed; but had no sooner bade him
good-night, got my gruff response, and come to the foot of the stair,
than, turning to say good-night again, I would find myself forgot. My
uncle would be sunk dejectedly in his great chair, his scarred face
drawn and woful. I see him now--under the lamp--a gray, monstrous,
despairing man, a bottle beside him, the familiar things of the place
in shadow. The old feeling of wonder and regret returns. I sigh--as
then, a child, bound up to a lonely chamber in the night, I sighed.
"Good-night, sir!"
There was no response; but he would look in upon me on the way to
bed--into the little room where I lay luxuriously, in the midst of
those extravagant comforts which so strangely came to me. And more
often than not he would haul this way and that upon the covers until,
as though by some unhappy accident, I was awakened.
"God bless you, Dannie," says he.
"Good-night, sir."
'Twas all he wanted--a good wish spoken in the night. To his own bare
room he would then be off, a bit uncertain (I recall) in the
management of his wooden leg.
* * * * *
Under my window, at the foot of a short cliff which fell roughly into
the open cove, as shall be told, the sea broke. While sleep waited
'twas my habit to listen to the waves upon the rocks: in that brief
and mystical interval when many truths take shape, definite and
lovely, as in a mist, but are forgot before dawn stirs us, nor can be
remembered. Of still moonlit nights; of windless dusks, with the swell
of past storms sullenly remaining; in clammy, breathless weather; with
fresh winds blowing our craft to and fro on their way in search of the
fish; in blackest gales, when the men of Twist Tickle kept watch for
wrecks upon the heads--forever I listened to the voice of the sea
before I fell asleep. But the sea has no voice, but may only play upon
the souls of men, which speak from the uttermost depths, each soul in
its own way: so that the sea has a thousand voices, and listening men
are tranquil or not, as may chance within them, without mystery. Never
since those far-off days, when the sea took my unspoiled soul as a
harp in its hands, have I been secure in the knowledge of truth,
untroubled by bewilderment and anxious questions. Untroubled by love,
by the fear of hell, 'twas good to be alive in a world where the sea
spoke tenderly below the window of the room where sleep came bearing
dreams.
And my uncle? God knows! The harp was warped, and the strings of the
harp were broken and out of tune....
[1] 'Twas really "damned t' port an' weather" my uncle would have me
say; but I hesitate to set it down, lest the more gentle readers
of my simple narrative think ill of the man's dealings with a
child, which I would not have them do.
[2] Of course, the frequent recurrence of this vulgarity in my
narrative is to be regretted. No one, indeed, is more sensible
of the circumstance than I. My uncle held the word in
affectionate regard, and usefully employed it: 'tis the only
apology I have to offer. Would it not be possible for the more
delicate readers of my otherwise inoffensive narrative to elide
the word? or to supply, on the spur of the moment, an acceptable
equivalent, of which, I am told, there is an infinite variety?
or (better still) to utter it courageously? I am for the bolder
course: 'tis a discipline rich in cultural advantages. But 'tis
for the reader, of course, to choose the alternative.