Martin Cassidy told it to me. He was there, and he saw the boys form
fours when they marched to the station the next day. There were
seventeen of them, and he said he'd never forget it.
"'Twas the Docthor's war speech that did ut," said Martin. "He had thim
all in Micky's shebeen--sure they'd have been there annyhow--and the
Docthor had volunteeerd himself; why not?
"Yes, the women and childer were admitted. Wouldn't they be wantin' to
know the way of it? Av coorse.
"You'd not keep them out annyway. 'Tis the whole of Ballymurky that was
there that night.
"'Twas an o-ration the Docthor gave thim. Ye could have heard a pin
drop. Isn't it mesilf that would be away there now, if they'd let me?
Didn't Patsy Doolan have to sit on me head to keep me from gettin' into
the thrain with thim?
"'Sure the KING knows ye've been drawin' the ould-age pension this two
years,' sez he. 'Won't he have it down in his note-book?' sez he; 'and
you wanten to pass for thirty. Gwan,' sez he."
Old Martin applied a piece of glowing turf to his pipe and sucked
audibly before continuing.
"Don't I remimber ivery wurrd the Docthor shpoke," said Martin
slowly--"och, the way he had with him.
"'The KAISER is it?' sez he. 'What would ye be askin' for betther?' sez
he. ''Tis this way and that way wid the KAISER,' sez he, 'and he'll not
be aisy till he's wiped Ballymurky off the map, so he would. And the
GERMAN EMPEROR is as bad,' sez he. 'It's Bairrlin or Ballymurky, boys,
so it is,' sez he; 'just that.
"'Is ut have the Germans over here in Ballymurky ye would?' sez he.
'Sure 'tis not butthermilk and praties they'd be contint with, Doolan,
me boy,' sez he; 'faith 'tis your pig they'd be afther atin. And 'tis
not you the KAISER would be decoratin' with an iron cross; 'tis more
like a lick of his shtick ye'd be afther gettin, Doolan--and the
thrubble ye've taken with the rarin' of the crayther. Och, ye could
nivver look the pig in the face again if ye shtayed.'"
Martin subsided a while to show me Doolan's pig, which was taking the
air outside. "And that," he remarked, "is corrosive ividence of what I'm
tellin' ye." The pig grunted his compliments, and Martin continued.
"'Wait till I tell ye what they did at Louvain,' sez the Doc. 'Whist
now, till ye hear this,' sez he.
"'Och, 'twas black murther they did there, the villians! The currse of
CRUMMLE seize thim,' sez he. 'Arrah! hould yoursilf in, you there,
Conlan,' sez he; 'go aisy, now,' sez he; 'sure they'll do worse here.
'Tis not satisfied with Louvain they'll be, Shamus; 'tis knockin' your
cabin about your ears ye'll have them--and what will hersilf say to
that?' sez he; 'sure, 'twill be the best vintilated cabin in Ireland, so
it will.'
"'Is ut the GERMAN EMPEROR ye would have sittin' shmokin' his pipe in
your cabin and fryin' sausages in your best pan, without so much as by
your lave, and you waitin' on him, Mrs. Murphy?'
"'Sure, ye know it is not, Docthor dear,' sez she.
"'Drivin up and down the street in your side-car he'd be, Patsy Burrke,
him and his ginerals, till your horse dropped dead on him, and divil a
bit he'd care.
"'I'm lookin' at you there, Larry,' sez the Docthor. ''Tis waitin' for
Molly to say the wurrd ye are, Larry, me boy: but sure 'tis yourself
that'll say the wurrd now. Och, 'tis fallin' over herself Molly will be
to see ye in your rigimintals.
"'Ballymurky, is ut? Arrah ye'll not know Ballymurky afther the KAISER
has done with it. Isn't it changing the name of the dear ould place that
he'll be afther?
"'First-class he'd be thravellin', no less, with the boots of him on the
sate, and him without a ticket; and 'tis Rothenberg would be the name on
the station, bad cess to him!
"'Rothenberg! d'ye hear that, Casey? And you a railway porther. Isn't
KITCHENER an Irishman, good luck to him, and isn't he lookin' for ye all
to go? Isn't the TSAR of Russia himself goin' to Berlin, and won't he be
lookin' for ye there, Micky? What'll he think if ye are not there to
meet him? "So Micky didn't come," he'll say; "what's come over him?"
he'll say. "Sure he's not the boy I thought he was," he'll say. Just
that. And you there, Micky, ye divil, all the time. Ye'd have the laugh
on him thin, Micky, so ye would.
"'"Begorra!" he'll say, looking round, "sure the whole of Ballymurky's
here." And why not? Bedad 'tis not the first time that Ballymurky's been
on the spree.
"'The KAISER is ut, boys,' sez the Docthor. 'Arrah have done with ye,'
sez he. 'Sure there won't be anny KAISER worth mintioning afther
Ballymurky's finished wid him...."
"Be this and be that I'm thinkin' the same too," said Old Martin
Cassidy, as he relighted his pipe.
* * * * *