[Curiosity is often expressed regarding the causes which have
prevented young men from enlisting. Considerable interest,
therefore, should attach to the following replies to enquiries, an
inspection of which has been permitted us by the Secretary of the
Patriotic League, an organisation which seeks to stimulate
recruiting by writing to young healthy and unmarried men and asking
them why they do not join the colours.]
My Dear Sir,--I fully understand your views--in fact I am in cordial
agreement with them. It would be quite fair to say of most young
unmarried men that they could and should be spared. But this cannot be
said of all young men. There is a small section of literary and other
artists whose lives must continue to be immeasurably precious to the
nation which has given them birth. From this company it is impossible
for me to exclude myself. There is a higher patriotism, to the dictates
of which I must respond. With infinite regrets, and thanks for what is
doubtless a well-meant endeavour,
I am, dear Sir, yours sincerely,
ENDYMION BROWNE.
P.S.--If you should be in town on the 24th, I am giving a reading from
my own works at the United Intensities Club--"A Night with Endymion
Browne."
Dear Sir,--What you say is O.K. KITCHENER must have men and all that
sort of thing. Show the KAISER who's boss, and so on. But there are some
men who _can't_ possibly go. And I'm one. It's all very well to say
"Go," but _if_ I go--let me ask you quite seriously--how on earth is
Smoketown Tuesday F.C. to lift the English pot? I don't want to shout
about myself, but it is a known fact that I'm positively the _only_
centre forward they've got. I'm worth L200 a week to the gate alone. If
you don't care to accept my word, that it is absolutely _impossible_ for
me to go, I'll refer you to what our secretary says at foot.
Yours,
ALF BOOTER.
_Note by Secretary_--What Booter says is quite true. He is
indispensable. We paid L1,000 for his transfer, and could not possibly
sanction his leaving us. Besides, some of his many thousand admirers
might want to follow his example, and where would our gate be then?
Dear Sir,--If I was to go and enlist, how could I follow the Occident
and help 'em to win the League Championship? There it is, quite
short--how? And if I didn't follow, and if others like me didn't follow,
how'd the club stick it? How'd it keep going? What price duty of staying
at home?
I am, yours truly,
BERT SOCKSLEY.
[Dictated.]
Sir,--I snatch a moment to answer your letter, "Why don't I go to fight
the Germans?" I _am_ fighting them. I cleared L500 this morning which,
before the war, would have gone into a German pocket. My motto is
"Business as usual," and I have no complaints whatever against the
Germans so long as I can go on fighting them some more in my own way.
Yours faithfully,
GEORGE CRABBE.
My Dear Sir,--Your letter for my brother, John Halton, has reached me by
mistake, but I'll answer it. "Why don't I go?" Just send me a recipe for
turning me into a boy, and you'll not have to ask me twice.
Yours very sincerely,
JOAN HALTON.
Dear Sir,--I know what my job is, so don't you come poking your nose in
where it isn't wanted. I'm for England, I am. And I'm doing my bit. _The
Evening Wiper_ said only the other day that a Britisher's duty was to
keep cheerful, and that the man who did that was serving his country.
Well, I _am_ cheerful--I didn't turn a hair even over Mons--slept
exactly the same, and had bacon and tomato for my breakfast. Then they
say, "Carry on." And I do carry on. I go out as usual, dress just as
carefully--spats, fancy waistcoat, buttonhole, etc. One night it's the
Imperial and another it's the Cinema. Men are wanted to cheer the
patriotic songs and to sing the chorus of "Tipperary." I help here. Then
I spend my money freely--_freely_, I tell you. Any Tommy I meet can have
a drink--half a dozen at my expense, and no return expected. I got two
quite blind last night, and never asked 'em for a sou. Then again, I've
spent quite a lot on flags. I always wear six on the front of my bike
when I scorch through the crowds coming out of church on Sundays. I've
got portrait buttons, too, of JOFFRE and KITCH., and I'm never ashamed
to wear 'em. _And I'm always urging chaps to go and enlist._ So you see
I am doing my bit.
Yours truly,
ALBERT SPOTTLE.
* * * * *
In a Good Cause.
A _Matinee_ will be given at the Empire on Thursday, the 26th, in aid of
_The Daily Telegraph's_ Belgian Relief Fund. Among the patrons are The
JAPANESE AMBASSADOR, the BELGIAN MINISTER and the Grand Duke MICHAEL.
Many popular _artistes_ have offered their services, including Miss
PHYLLIS BEDELLS, Miss GLADYS COOPER, Miss ETHEL LEVEY, Miss IRENE
VANBRUGH, Miss WISH WYNNE, Mr. WILKIE BARD, Mr. WILL EVANS, Mr. ALFRED
LESTER, Mr. JAMES TATE, Mr. LEWIS WALLER and Mr. JAMES WELCH.
_Mr. Punch_ very heartily commends the cause and its advocates to his
gentle readers.
* * * * *
Illustration: GOOD HUNTING.