THE JOKE ON ASA LEMM
"Let's go in and see what's the matter with the poor man," suggested
Andy.
"That's right--maybe he's got a fit."
"Something has happened to Professor Lemm!" yelled one of the other
cadets.
By this time the commotion had attracted the attention of nearly
everybody in the school, and teachers and cadets came running from all
directions, and even some of the hired help from the kitchen came up the
back stairs, wondering what had gone wrong. Then the bunch of boys, led
by the Rovers, suddenly threw open the door which led to Asa Lemm's
room. It was at this instant that the astonished and bewildered
professor was making his way toward the closet door. A strange thumping
had reached his ears.
"I knew it--it's some of those boys, and more than likely one of them
got locked into the closet by his fellows. I'll soon find out who he is
and make him tell me who is responsible for this outrage!"
The door had been locked by Randy, but the key was in it, and readily
turned. Then Professor Lemm flung the door open viciously.
"You rascals, I'll teach you to play tricks on me!" he began, as in the
somewhat dim light he made out what he thought were the forms of two
crouching boys. Then he let out a sudden yell of alarm as one of the
crouching figures launched itself forward at him. The figure was that of
Patrick, the larger of the goats.
Bewildered by the confinement, and not at all liking the way in which he
had been dressed up, the big billy goat hurled himself straight at the
teacher. He struck Asa Lemm fairly and squarely in the stomach, bowling
him over as if he were a tenpin. Then he made another leap, and landed
on the top of the bed, where he gazed around, not knowing which way to
turn next.
"Oh my! look at what Professor Lemm has in his room!" piped up Andy.
Asa Lemm had rolled over and was now trying to get up, but just as he
raised himself on his hands and knees, he struck some of the sliding
sheets of ice, and down he went once more, this time directly in front
of the other goat, which promptly proceeded to leap on top of him.
"Hi! get off of me, you rascal!" spluttered the professor, and thrashed
around wildly. "Get off of me! Who are you, anyway?" and then, as he got
a better sight of the animal, which at that moment leaped up on the bed
beside his mate, he turned and sat up in amazement.
"A goat! Two goats! How did they get here?"
"What do you know about this? Professor Lemm is keeping goats in his
room!" cried Jack.
These and a score of other cries rent the air, while all the cadets
crowded into the doorway of the room to see what was going on. In the
bunch of boys were Slugger Brown and Nappy Martell, and it must be
confessed that these two unworthies were enjoying the scene quite as
much as anybody.
"I'll fix some of you for this!" roared Asa Lemm, as he struggled to his
feet, slipping around and clutching the end of his bed as he did so.
"I'll have some of you suspended! Where is Colonel Colby? Send for
Colonel Colby at once!"
Evidently Patrick, the larger goat, did not like the looks of the irate
teacher, who was now shaking his fists at the grinning cadets. Suddenly
the goat made another leap, this time striking Asa Lemm in the shoulder,
and once more the professor went down, this time with his feet sliding
directly under the bed, so that he became somewhat wedged in from his
waist down. Then the goat made another leap and charged toward the door
to the hallway.
"Look out!" warned Jack, and was just in time to push Fred out of
danger. Then the goat made a rush, and the next minute came full tilt
into Slugger Brown, sending the bully crashing into those behind him.
The second goat also leaped from the bed, and made for the doorway,
hitting Martell as he passed.
"Look out for the battering-ram!"
"This is only a battering goat--but it's just as bad!" yelled Andy. "Go
it, goat! Go it!" he added gleefully.
Both goats did "go it." They raced through the hallway, knocking down
cadets right and left. One younger boy, named Stowell, but who was
always called Codfish by the others because of his unusually broad
mouth, was attacked at the head of the stairs and sent hurtling down to
the bottom.
"Oh! oh! I'm killed! He has knocked me to pieces!" yelled Codfish.
With the two goats racing around the school, the excitement increased.
But gradually the goats were driven by the Rovers to a lower hallway,
and then toward a side door, which Jack and Fred lost no time in
opening.
"Get them out of here as quick as you can. We don't want them to be
captured," whispered Jack to his cousins. "We don't want old Lemon to
know they are Mike O'Toole's animals."
"Stop those goats! I don't want them to get away!" yelled Asa Lemm, from
the upper hallway. But the goats were already outside.
"Oh gee! we forgot one thing--I mean several things!" gasped Andy. "The
goats are dressed up in old Lemon's clothes!"
"Gracious! why didn't we think of that?" gasped Randy. "We can't let 'em
run away with all that stuff!"
"I'll go after them and see if I can stop them," said Jack.
"Want me to go with you?" questioned Walt.
"If you will, Walt. Maybe it will take two of us to manage the goats."
And then Jack and Walt hurried off and the others returned to see what
would happen next.
Fortunately for the boys who had gone after them, the goats did not run
very far. Jack had a few more vegetables left in his pocket, and with
these in his hand he walked cautiously up to the animals, which had run
down to a corner of the campus.
"Hurrah! I've got one of them!" cried the Rover boy presently, as he
caught Patrick by the horns. "Now, Walt, see if you can hold the other,
and we'll take these things off of them."
Now that they were once more in the open air, the goats appeared to be
quite docile, and consequently the two cadets had little difficulty in
disrobing them.
"Why don't you return the goats to O'Toole while you are at it?"
suggested Walt, after the wearing apparel had been placed in a small
bundle.
"I'd do it if I had their harness, Walt."
"Want me to go back for it?"
"If you will."
"All right, I'll do it. And give me that bundle. I'll smuggle it into
the school somehow and watch my chance to leave it in old Lemon's room."
Evidently the son of Dan Baxter was as bold as his father had ever been
before him.
So it was arranged, and a minute later Walt disappeared into the school
building. He was gone the best part of five minutes, and then came
running across the school campus, carrying the goats' harness under his
sweater.
"Gee, but they are having a peach of a time in the school," he
announced. "Asa Lemm is quarreling with Colonel Colby, who came over
from his rooms. He wants to have half the school arrested on account of
the goats and the ice."
"What did you do with the bundle?"
"Oh, say--that was easy! All the crowd were around old Lemon and the
colonel discussing the matter, so I slipped behind them and threw the
bundle in the corner of Lemon's room."
The two Rovers lost no time in placing a little of the harness on the
goats--just sufficient to drive them.
"Now, you needn't go with me, Walt, unless you want to. I can get these
goats to O'Toole's alone."
"Oh, I'd just as lief keep you company," answered the other cheerfully.
Urging the two goats before them, the pair made off down the hill in the
direction of the O'Toole farm. The animals seemed to know the way home,
and kept up a brisk pace.
"Now then, we had better go a bit slow," announced Jack, when they came
in sight of the buildings. "Maybe O'Toole has discovered the absence of
the goats, and is on the watch for us."
This warning, however, was unnecessary, for the old Irish farmer and his
wife had retired for the night, doing this without being aware of what
had taken place among their live stock.
[Illustration: THE GOAT CAME FULL TILT INTO SLUGGER BROWN.
_Page 111_]
Cautiously the two cadets opened the goat stable and led the animals
inside. Then, while Walt lit a couple of matches, Jack managed to place
the goats where they had been before, and also put the harness away.
"I don't think I'll leave that note, or the money either," he said.
"Maybe it will be as well if O'Toole never knows that the goats were
out. I don't think the experience did them any harm. If it did, we can
settle with O'Toole later;" and he pocketed the note he had previously
written, and also the money. Then the two cadets lost no time in
hurrying back to Colby Hall.
In the meantime, what Walt had said about the commotion going on at the
school was true.
"I tell you, sir, it's a perfect outrage!" bawled Asa Lemm at the top of
his lungs. "An outrage, sir, and I demand satisfaction!"
"Please do not become so excited, Professor," responded Colonel Colby.
"We must try to get at the bottom of this matter. You say there is ice
on the floor of your room?"
"Yes, sir; a perfect pond of ice!"
"Did somebody flood your floor and then freeze it?" questioned the
master of the Hall in wonder.
"I don't know how it was done. But it was done, and I nearly broke my
neck the minute I entered the room. It was disgraceful! I never saw
anything to equal it!" and Asa Lemm's face was fairly purple with rage.
"And what about those goats?"
"They were locked up in my closet and dressed up in some clothing--my
clothing, I suppose."
"Then, when they ran out of the building, they must have taken your
clothing with them."
"More than likely. Oh, it's shameful!" and the irate professor shook his
fists in his rage.
"Where are the goats now?"
"I don't know, and I don't care."
"One of those goats knocked me flat," growled Slugger Brown.
"Yes, and he biffed me one, too," came from Nappy Martell.
"Let us go and make an investigation, Professor Lemm," remarked Colonel
Colby. "I will accompany you to your room," for they were now near the
stairway which the goats had descended.
The pair proceeded to the apartment, followed by some of the other
teachers and nearly all of the cadets. By this time much of the ice on
the floor had melted, forming little pools of muddy water.
"We had better have this cleaned up at once," said Colonel Colby, and
turned to one of the teachers. "Order some of the hired help up here,
please;" and the teacher hurried off to execute the errand.
While Colonel Colby was looking at the ice and the water, Asa Lemm
chanced to glance in a corner. Then he strode forward and caught up the
bundle Walt Baxter had flung there.
"What is that?" questioned the master of the Hall. And then, as the
professor undid the bundle, he continued: "Is that your clothing?"
"I--I think it is," faltered Asa Lemm. "Yes, sir."
"Did they undress the animals before they let them go?" queried the
master of the school, and, if the truth must be told, he had all he
could do to keep a straight face. He could not help but remember some of
the pranks he had played himself while a cadet at Putnam Hall.
"I don't know anything about this, Colonel Colby. But these are my
things," and, catching up the bundle, Asa Lemm flung it into the
clothing closet. He continued to storm around, demanding that some of
the boys be punished for what had occurred. While this was going on, two
of the hired help came up from the kitchen with pails and mops, and
presently succeeded in cleaning up the floor. Two rugs which had been
lying there were taken away to be dried.
"I think we had better let this matter rest until morning," said
Colonel Colby finally. "It is too late to start an investigation now. I
wish all of you to retire at once," he commanded, to the amused cadets.
"Some one is going to suffer for this," growled Asa Lemm.
"I shall do what I can for you, Professor," announced the master of the
Hall, and then he moved away, scattering the cadets before him.
Most of the boys retired to their rooms smiling broadly to themselves,
for nearly all of them had enjoyed the joke greatly.
"But it isn't over yet," whispered Andy to his immediate friends. "There
is more to come. Just watch and see!"