Farmer Perryman was rich, and it was Snarley Bob who had made him so.
Now Snarley was a cunning breeder of sheep. For three-and-forty years he
had applied his intuitions and his patience to the task of producing
rams and ewes such as the world had never seen. His system of
"observation and experiment" was peculiarly his own; it is written down
in no book, but stands recorded on barn-doors, on gate-posts, on
hurdles, and on the walls of a wheeled box which was Snarley's main
residence during the spring months of the year. It is a literature of
notches and lines--cross, parallel, perpendicular, and horizontal--of
which the chief merit in Snarley's eyes was that nobody could understand
it save himself. But it was enough to give his faculties all the aid
they required. By such simple means he succeeded long ago in laying the
practical basis of a life's work, evolving a highly complicated system
controlled by a single principle, and yet capable of manifold
application. The Perryman flock, now famous among sheep-breeders all
over the world, was the result.
Thirty years ago this flock was the admiration and the envy of the whole
countryside. Young farmers with capital were confident that they were
going to make money as soon as they began to breed from the Perryman
strain. To have purchased a Perryman ram was to have invested your money
in a gilt-edged, but rising, stock. The early "eighties" were times of
severe depression in those parts; capital was scarce, farmers were
discouraged, and the flocks deteriorated. At the present moment there is
no more prosperous corner in agricultural England, and the basis of that
prosperity is the life-work of Snarley Bob.
The fame of that work is now world-wide, though the author of it is
unknown. The Perryman rams have been exported into almost every
sheep-raising country on the globe. Hundreds of thousands of their
descendants are now nibbling food, and converting it into fine mutton
and long-stapled wool, in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the
Argentine. Only last summer I saw a large animal meditating procreation
among the foot-hills of the Rockies, and was informed of the fabulous
price of his purchase--fabulous but commercially sound, for the animal
was a Perryman ram, and the owner was sublimely confident of being "up
against a sure thing." Many fortunes have been made from that source;
and there are perhaps millions of human beings now eating mutton or
wearing cloth who, if they could trace the authorship of these good
things, would stand up and bless the memory of Snarley Bob.
One day among the hills I met the old man in presence of his charge,
like a general reviewing his troops. As the flock passed on before us
the professional reticence of Snarley was broken, and he began to talk
of the animals before him, pointing to this and to that. Little by
little his remarks began to remind me of something I had read in a book.
On returning home, I looked the matter up. The book was a treatise on
Mendelism, and, as I read on, the link was strengthened. Meeting Snarley
Bob a few days afterwards, I did my best to communicate what I had
learnt about Mendelism. He listened with profound attention, though, as
I thought, with a trace of annoyance. He made some deprecatory remarks,
quite in character, about "learned chaps as goes 'umbuggin' about things
they don't understand." But in the end he was forced to confess some
interest in what he had heard. "Them fellers," he said, "is on the right
road; but they don't know where they're goin', and they don't go far
enough." "How much further ought they to go?" I asked. For answer
Snarley pointed to rows of notches on a five-barred gate and said, "It's
all there." Whether it is "all there" or not I cannot tell; for the
secret of those notches was never revealed to me, and the brain which
held it lies under eight feet of clay in Deadborough churchyard. Perhaps
Snarley is now discussing the matter with "the tall Shepherd"[1] in some
nook of Elysium where the winds are less keen than they used to be on
Quarry Hill.
[Footnote 1: See _post_, "The Death of Snarley Bob."]
Had Snarley received a due share of the unearned increment which his own
and his rams' achievements brought into other hands he would probably
have died a millionaire. But for all his toil and skill he received no
more than a shepherd's wage. There were not wanting persons, of course,
who regarded his condition as a crucial instance of the exceeding
rottenness of our present industrial system. There was a great lady from
London, named Lady Lottie Passingham, who resolved to take up the case.
Lady Lottie belonged to the class who look upon the universe as a leaky
old kettle and themselves as tinkers appointed by Providence to mend the
holes. That Snarley's position represented a hole of the first magnitude
was plain enough to Lady Lottie the moment she became acquainted with
the facts. Her first step was to interest her brother, the Earl of
Clodd, a noted breeder of pedigree stock, on the old man's behalf; her
second, to rouse the slumbering soul of the victim to a sense of the
injustice of his lot. I believe she succeeded better with her brother
than with Snarley; for with him she utterly failed. Her discourse on the
possibilities of bettering his position might as well have been spoken
into the ears of the senior ram; and if the ram had responded, as he
probably would, by pinning Lady Lottie against the wall of the barn, her
overthrow would have been no more complete nor unmerited than that she
actually received from Snarley Bob.
For it so happened that Providence, in equipping the lady for her
world-mending mission, had forgotten to give her a pleasant voice. Now
if there was one thing in the world which made Snarley "madder" than
anything else could do, it was the high-pitched, strident tones of a
woman engaged in argument. The consequence was that his self-restraint
broke down, and before the lady had said half the things she had meant
to say, or come within sight of the splendid offer she was going to make
on behalf of the Earl of Clodd, Snarley had spoken words and performed
actions which caused his benefactress to retreat from the farmyard with
her nose in the air, declaring she "would have nothing more to do with
the horrid brute." She was not the first of Snarley's would-be
benefactors who had formed the same resolve.
Now this extraordinary conduct on Snarley's part was by no means due to
any transcendental contempt for money. I have myself offered him many a
half-crown, which has never been refused; and Mrs. Abel, unless I am
much mistaken, has given him many a pound. Still less did it originate
from rustic contentment with a humble lot; nor from a desire to act up
to his catechism, by being satisfied with that station in life which
Providence had assigned him. For there was no more restless soul within
the four seas of Britain, and none less willing to govern his conduct by
moral saws. And stupidity, which would probably have explained the facts
in the case of any other dweller in those parts, was not to be thought
of in Snarley's case. "I knew what the old gal was drivin' at before
she'd finished the text," said Snarley to me.
The truth is that he was afflicted with an immense and incurable
arrogance which caused him to resent the implication, by whomsoever
offered, that he was worse off than other people. It was Snarley's
distinction that he was able to maintain, and carry off, as much pride
on eighteen shillings a week as would require in most people at least
fifty thousand a year for effective sustenance. Of course, it was not
the eighteen shillings a week that made him proud; it was the
consciousness that he had inner resources which his would-be benefactors
knew not of. He regarded them all as his inferiors, and, had he known
how to do it, he would have treated them _de haut en bas_. Ill-bred
insolence was therefore his only weapon; but his use of this was as
effective as if it had been the well-bred variety in the hands of the
grandest of grand seigneurs. No wonder, then, that he failed to achieve
the position to which, in the view of Lady Lottie Passingham, his
talents entitled him.
But the inner resources of which I have spoken were Snarley's sufficient
compensation for his want of worldly success. The composition of this
hidden bread, it is true, was somewhat singular and not easy to imitate.
If the reader, when he has learned its ingredients, choose to call it
"religion," there is certainly nothing to prevent him. But that was not
the word that Snarley used, nor the one he would have approved of. In
his own limited nomenclature the elements of his spiritual kingdom were
two in number--"the stars" and "the spirits."
Snarley's knowledge of the heavens was extensive, if not profound. On
any fair view of profundity, I am inclined to think that it was
profound, though of the technique of astronomy he knew but little. He
had all the constellations at his fingers' ends, and had given to many
of them names of his own; he knew their seasons, their days, even their
hours; he knew the comings and goings of every visible planet; by day
and night the heavens were his clock. It was characteristic of him that
he seldom spoke of the weather when "passing the time of day"--a thing
which he never did except to his chosen friends. He spoke almost
invariably of the planets or the stars. "Good morning, the sun's very
low at this time o' year--did you see the lunar halo last night?--a fine
lot o' shootin' stars towards four o'clock, look for 'em again to-morrow
in the nor'-west--you can get your breakfast by moonlight this week--Old
Tabby [Orion] looks well to-night--you'd better have a look at Sirius
afore the moon arises, I never see him so clear as he is now"--these
were the greetings which Snarley offered "to them as could understand"
from behind the hedge or within the penfold.
But it was not from superficialities of this kind that the depth of his
stellar interests was to be measured. I once told him that a great man
of old had declared that the stars were gods. "So they are, but I wonder
how he found that out," said Snarley; "because you can't find it out by
lookin' at 'em. You may look at 'em till you're blind, and you'll never
see anything but little lights." "It was just his fancy," I said, like a
simpleton. "Fancy be ----!" said Snarley. "It's a plain truth--that is,
it's plain enough for them as knows the way."
"What's that?" I said.
"It's a way as nobody can take unless they're born to it. And, what's
more, it's a way as nobody can _understand_ unless they're born to it.
Didn't I tell you the other day that there's only one sort of folks as
can tell what the stars are--and that's the folks as can get out o'
their own skins? And they're not many as can do that. But that man you
were just talkin' of, as said the stars were gods, _he_ must ha' done
it. It's my opinion that in the old days there was more folks as could
get out o' their skins than there are now. I sometimes wish _I'd_ been
born in the old days. I should ha' had somebody to talk to then. I've
got hardly anybody now. And you get tired sometimes o' keepin' yerself
to yerself. If I were a learned man I'd be readin' them old books day
and night."
"What about the Bible?" I asked.
"Well, that's a good old book," said Snarley; "but there's some things
in it that's no good to anybody--_except to talkin' men_."
"Who are they?" I said.
"Why, folks as doesn't understand things, but only likes to talk about
'em: parsons--at least, more nor half on 'em--ay, and these 'ere
politicians too, for the matter o' that. There's some folks as dresses
up in fine clothes, and there's some as dresses up in fine words: one
sort wants to be looked at, and the other wants to be listened to.
Doesn't it stand to sense that it's just the same? Bless your 'eart,
it's all _show_! Why, there's lots o' men as goes huntin' about till
they finds a bit o' summat as they think 'ud look well if they dressed
it up in talk. 'Ah,' they say to themselves, 'that'll just do for me;
that's what I'm goin' to _believe_; when it's got its Sunday clothes on
it'll look like a regular lord.' Well, there's plenty o' that sort
about; and you can allus tell 'em by the 'oller sound as they makes. And
them's the folks as spoils the old Bible.
"Not but what there's things in the Bible as is 'oller to begin wi'. But
there's plenty that isn't, if these talkin' chaps 'ud only leave it
alone. Now, here's a bit as I calls tip-top: 'When I consider thy
heavens, the work of thy fingers'" (here Snarley quoted several verses
of the Eighth Psalm).
"Now, when you gets hold on a bit like that, you don't want to go
dressin' on it up. You just puts it in your pipe and smokes it, and then
it does you good! _That's_ it!
"There's was once a Salvation Army man as come and asked me if I
accepted the Gospel. 'Yes, my lad,' I sez; 'I've accepted it--but only
as a thing to _smoke_, not as a thing to go _bangin' about_. Put your
drum in the cup-board, my lad,' I sez; 'and put the Gospel in your pipe,
and you'll be a wiser man.'
"As for all this 'ere argle-bargling about them big things, _there's
nowt in it_, you take my word for that! The little things for
argle-bargle, the big uns' for smokin', that's what _I_ sez! Put the big
'uns in your pipe, sir; put 'em in your pipe, and smoke 'em!"
These last words were spoken in tones of great solemnity and repeated
several times.
"That's good advice, Snarley," I said; "but the writer you just quoted
hadn't got a pipe to put 'em in."
"Didn't need one," said Snarley; "there weren't so many talkin' men
about in his time. Folks then were born right end up to begin wi', and
didn't need to smoke 'emselves round.
"Ay, ay, sir, I often think about them old days--and it's the Bible as
set me thinkin' on 'em. That's the only old book as I ever read. And
there's some staggerers in it, I can tell you! Wonderful! If some o'
them old Bible men could come back and hear the parsons talkin' about
'em--eh, my word, there would be a rumpus! I'd like to see it, that I
would! I'll tell you one thing, sir--and don't you forget it--you'll
never understand the old Bible, leastways not the best bits in it, so
long as you only wants to talk about 'em, same as a man _allus_ wants to
do when he's stuck inside his own skin. Now, there's that bit about the
heavens, as I just give you--that's a bit o' real all-right, isn't it?"
"Yes," I said, "it is."
"Well, can't you see as the man as said them words had just let himself
out to the other end o' the line and was lookin' back? He'd got himself
right into the middle o' the bigness o' things, and that's what you
can't do as long as you keeps inside your own skin. But I tell you that
when you gets outside for the first time it gives you a pretty shakin'
up. You begins to think what a fool you've been all your life long."
Beyond such statements as these, repeated many times and in many forms,
I could get no light on Snarley's dealings with the heavens.
To interpret his dealings with "the spirits" is a still harder task. It
was one of his common sayings that this matter also could not be
discussed in terms intelligible to the once-born. That he did not mean
by "spirits" what the vulgar might suppose, is certain. It is true that
at one time he used to attend spiritualistic seances held in a large
neighbouring village, and he was commonly regarded as a "medium." This
latter term was adopted by Snarley in many conversations I had with him
as a true description of himself. But here again it was obvious that he
used the term only for want of a better. He never employed it without
some sort of caveat, uttered or implied, to the effect that the word
must be taken with qualifications--unstated qualifications, but still
suggestive of important distinctions.
It is noteworthy in this connection that a bitter quarrel existed
between Snarley and the spiritualists with whom he had once been
associated. They had cast him forth from among them as a smoking brand;
and Snarley on his part never lost a chance of denouncing them as liars
and rogues. One of the most violent scenes ever witnessed in the
tap-room of the Nag's Head had been perpetrated by Snarley on a certain
occasion when Shoemaker Hankin was defending the thesis that all forms
of religion might now be considered as done for, "except spiritualism."
Even Hankin, who reverenced no thing in heaven or earth, had protested
against the unprintable words which with Snarley greeted his logic;
while the landlord (Tom Barter of happy memory), himself the lowest
black-guard in the village, had suggested that he should "draw it mild."
This reminds me that Snarley regarded strong drink as a means, and a
legitimate means, for obtaining access to hidden things; nor did he
scruple at times to use it for that end. "There's nowt like a drop o'
drink _for openin' the door_," he remarked. "But only for them as is
born to it. If you're not born to it, drink shuts the door on you
tighter nor ever. There's not one man in ten that drink doesn't make a
bigger fool of than he is already. Look at Shoemaker Hankin. Half a pint
of cider'll set him hee-hawin' like the Rectory donkey. But there's some
men as can't get a lift no other way. It's like that wi' me sometimes.
There's weeks and weeks together when I'm fair stuck inside my own skin
and can't get out on it nohow. That's when I know a drop'll do me good.
I can a'most hear something go click in my head, and then I gets among
'em" (the spirits) "in no time. A pint's mostly enough to do it; but
sometimes it takes a quart; and once or twice I've had to go on till
somebody's had to help me home. But when once I begins I never stops
till I see the door openin'--and then not a drop more!"
"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"