"He means he wants his shoes blacked, with the polish that's in a
bottle, an' you rub it on with a brush."
"An' I wantsh a thath on," continued Toddie.
"Sash, he means," said Budge. "He's awful proud."
"An' Ize doin' to wear my takker-hat," said Toddie. "An' my wed djuvs."
"That's his tassel-hat an' his red gloves," continued the interpreter.
"Toddie, you can't wear gloves such hot days as these," said I.
A look of inquiry was speedily followed by Toddie's own unmistakable
preparations for weeping; and as I did not want his eyes dimmed when
his mother looked into them I hastily exclaimed:--
"Put them on, then--put on the mantle of rude Boreas, if you choose;
but don't go to crying."
"Don't want no mantle-o'-wude-bawyusses," declared Toddie, following me
phonetically, "wantsh my own pitty cozhesh, an' nobody eshesh."
"O Uncle Harry!" exclaimed Budge, "I want to bring mamma home in my
goat-carriage!"
"The goat isn't strong enough, Budge, to draw mamma and you."
"Well, then, let me drive down to the depot just to SHOW papa an' mamma
I've got a goat-carriage--I'm sure mamma would be very unhappy when she
found out I had one, and she hadn't seen it first thing."
"Well, I guess you may follow me down, Budge, but you must drive very
carefully."
"Oh, yes--I wouldn't get us hurt when mamma was coming, for ANYthing."
"Now, boys," said I, "I want you to stay in the house and play this
morning. If you go out of doors you'll get yourselves dirty."
"I guess the sun'll be disappointed if it don't have us to look at,"
suggested Budge.
"Never mind," said I, "the sun's old enough to have learned to be
patient."
Breakfast over, the boys moved reluctantly away to the play-room, while
I inspected the house and grounds pretty closely, to see that
everything should at least fail to do my management discredit. A dollar
given to Mike and another to Maggie were of material assistance in this
work, so I felt free to adorn the parlors and Helen's chamber with
flowers. As I went into the latter room I heard some one at the
wash-stand, which was in the alcove, and on looking I saw Toddie
drinking the last of the contents of a goblet which contained a
dark-colored mixture.
"Ize takin' black medshin," said Toddie; "I likes black medshin awfoo
muts."
"What do you make it of?" I asked, with some sympathy, and tracing
parental influence again. When Helen and I were children we spent hours
in soaking liquorice in water and administering it as medicine.
"Makesh it out of shoda mitsture," said Toddie.
This was another medicine of our childhood days, but one prepared
according to physician's prescription, and not beneficial when taken ad
libitum. As I took the vial--a two-ounce one--I asked:--
"How much did you take, Toddie?"
"Took whole bottoo full--twas nysh," said he.
Suddenly the label caught my eye--it read PAREGORIC. In a second I had
snatched a shawl, wrapped Toddie in it, tucked him under my arm, and
was on my way to the barn. In a moment more I was on one of the horses
and galloping furiously to the village, with Toddie under one arm, his
yellow curls streaming in the breeze. People came out and stared as
they did at John Gilpin, while one old farmer whom I met turned his
team about, whipped up furiously, and followed me, shouting "Stop
thief!" I afterward learned that he took me to be one of the abductors
of Charley Ross, with the lost child under my arm, and that visions of
the $20,000 reward floated before his eyes. In front of an apothecary's
I brought the horse suddenly upon his haunches, and dashed in,
exclaiming:--
"Give this child a strong emetic--quick. He's swallowed poison!"
The apothecary hurried to his prescription-desk, while a
motherly-looking Irish woman upon whom he had been waiting, exclaimed,
"Holy Mither! I'll run an' fetch Father O'Kelley," and hurried out.
Meanwhile Toddie, upon whom the medicine had not commenced to take
effect, had seized the apothecary's cat by the tail, which operation
resulted in a considerable vocal protest from that animal.
The experiences of the next few moments were more pronounced and
revolutionary than pleasing to relate in detail. It is sufficient to
say that Toddie's weight was materially diminished, and that his
complexion was temporarily pallid. Father O'Kelley arrived at a brisk
run, and was honestly glad to find that his services were not required,
although I assured him that if Catholic baptism and a sprinkling of
holy water would improve Toddie's character, I thought there was excuse
for several applications. We rode quietly back to the house, and while
I was asking Maggie to try to coax Toddie into taking a nap, I heard
the patient remark to his brother:--
"Budgie, down to the village I was a whay-al. I didn't froe up Djonah,
but I froed up a whole floor full of uvver fings." During the hour
which passed before it was time to start for the depot, my sole
attention was devoted to keeping the children from soiling their
clothes; but my success was so little, that I lost my temper entirely.
First they insisted upon playing on a part of the lawn which the sun
had not yet reached. Then, while I had gone into the house for a match
to light my cigar, Toddie had gone with his damp shoes into the middle
of the road, where the dust was ankle deep. Then they got upon their
hands and knees on the piazza and played bear. Each one wanted to pick
a bouquet for his mother, and Toddie took the precaution to smell every
flower he approached--an operation which caused him to get his nose
covered with lily-pollen, so that he looked like a badly used
prize-fighter. In one of their spasms of inaction, Budge asked:--
"What makes some of the men in church have no hair on the tops of their
heads, Uncle Harry?"
"Because," said I, pausing long enough to shake Toddie for trying to
get my watch out of my pocket, "because they have bad little boys to
bother them all the time, so their hair drops out."
"I dess MY hairs is a-goin' to drop out pitty soon, then," remarked
Toddie, with an injured air.
"Harness the horses, Mike," I shouted.
"An' the goat, too," added Budge.
Five minutes later I was seated in the carriage, or rather in Tom's
two-seated open wagon. "Mike," I shouted, "I forgot to tell Maggie to
have some lunch ready for the folks when they get here--run, tell her,
quick, won't you?"
"Oye, oye, sur," said Mike, and off he went.
"Are you all ready, boys?" I asked.
"In a minute," said Budge; "soon as I fix this. Now," he continued,
getting into his seat, and taking the reins and whip, "go ahead."
"Wait a moment, Budge--put down that whip, and don't touch the goat
with it once on the way. I'm going to drive very slowly--there's plenty
of time, and all you need to do is to hold your reins."
"All right," said Budge, "but I like to look like mans when I drive."
"You may do that when somebody can run beside you. Now!"
The horses started at a gentle trot, and the goat followed very
closely. When within a minute of the depot, however, the train swept
in. I had intended to be on the platform to meet Tom and Helen, but my
watch was evidently slow. I gave the horses the whip, looked behind and
saw the boys were close upon me, and I was so near the platform when I
turned my head that nothing but the sharpest of turns saved me from a
severe accident. The noble animals saw the danger as quickly as I did,
however, and turned in marvelously small space; as they did so, I heard
two hard thumps upon the wooden wall of the little depot, heard also
two frightful howls, saw both my nephews considerably mixed up on the
platform, while the driver of the Bloom-Park stage growled in my ear:--
"What in thunder did you let 'em hitch that goat to your axle-tree for?"
I looked, and saw the man spoke with just cause. How the goat's head
and shoulders had maintained their normal connection during the last
minute of my drive, I leave for naturalists to explain. I had no time
to meditate on the matter just then, for the train had stopped.
Fortunately the children had struck on their heads, and the
Lawrence-Burton skull is a marvel of solidity. I set them upon their
feet, brushed them off with my hands, promised them all the candy they
could eat for a week, wiped their eyes, and hurried them to the other
side of the depot. Budge rushed at Tom, exclaiming:--
"See my goat, papa!"