RUPERT AGAIN
After the first reaction, Rupert felt, of course, to a certain extent,
relieved and grateful to think that he was not engaged to Madeline.
Undoubtedly, had he cared for her as she did for him, he would not have
declined to marry her because of her accepting Charlie, more or less out
of pique, or in despair. Yet, after having once really proposed he felt
his emotions stirred, and almost as soon as he had sent her back (so to
speak) to Charlie, he began to regret it--he began to be unhappy. _Au
fond_ he knew she would break it off with Charlie now, and would wait
vaguely in hope for him. At first to recover from the intense annoyance
of the whole thing, he thought he would, before Venice, go in a little
for the gaieties of Paris. Rupert was still young enough to believe that
the things presented to him as gaiety must necessarily be gay. A certain
delicacy prevented his telling Madeline this now; though formerly when
he had been to Paris, especially when he had had no intention of
accepting any Parisian opportunities of amusement, he had often rubbed
it in to her about the dazzling and dangerous charms of the gay city's
dissipations, at which she was suitably impressed. But a nicer feeling
made him now wish her to think of him as gliding down the lagoons of
Venice, and dreaming of what might have been.
* * * * *
Madeline herself was really entirely without hope. She was certain she
had lost all the prestige that she had had in his eyes; and she thought
that she thoroughly deserved what had happened. She resolved to remain
unmarried, and try to do good. Though she was hurt, and thought it
showed how much less was Rupert's love than hers, still she respected
him and admired him all the more for refusing to take her after
accepting Charlie. She did not see that Rupert was a little too serious
to be taken quite seriously.
* * * * *
Her mother added immensely to her depression. Mrs. Irwin was a woman who
detested facts, so much so that she thought statistics positively
indecent (though she would never have used the expression). When she was
told there were more women than men in England, she would bite her lips
and change the subject. She had had all the Victorian intense desire to
see her daughter married young, and all the Victorian almost absurd
delicacy in pretending she didn't. When, in one week, her only
daughter--a girl who was not remarkably pretty, and had only a little
money--should have proposals from no less than two attractive and
eligible young men and should have muddled it up so badly that, though
she had been prepared to accept both of them, she was now unable to
marry either, her mother was, naturally, pained and disgusted.
Madeline, who was usually gentle and amiable to her, in this case spoke
with a violence and determination that left no possible hope of her
returning to Charlie Hillier. She left Mrs. Irwin nothing to do but to
put on an air of refined resignation, of having neuralgia, which she now
called neuritis, because Madeline had annoyed her so much, and of
behaving, when Madeline sat with her, as much as possible like a person
who was somewhere else.
Bertha was Madeline's only consolation and resource. Bertha took life
with such delightful coolness.
"How would you advise me to behave to him, if it _had_ come off--I mean
if I _had_ married Rupert?" Madeline asked Bertha.
She was fond of these problematical speculations.
"I should say be an angel, if he deserved it, or a devil if he
appreciated it. Then--now and then--be non-existent, charming and
indifferent, when you wanted to hedge--when there was no particular
response. You'll go with me to the Hilliers' party, won't you, as
Charlie will be away?"
"Of course I will--if you like. But will Percy go--and let you go?"
"He says he won't, but I think he will," she replied.