almaches—that is, small lace disposed so as to look like horns—went
to the theatre just in his travelling dress, and getting behind the
scenes showed himself upon the stage. The Parterre began to make a
noise like the firing of cannon. One of the players begged to know
what was the matter, when a gentleman replied, pointing to the baron,
‘Animal, ne voys tu pas que nous attaqons cette ouvrage a corne?’ ‘You
fool, don’t you see that we are attacking that hornwork?’”
M. GIFFARDIER.
* * * * *
“Monsieur Chapelle satirized with much keenness the _petits maîtres_ of
his time. One of them who chanced to be in company with him exclaimed
against these satires, and said he wished he knew the author—he would
beat him heartily. He plagued the company with his threatenings,
especially Chapelle, whom he sat next to and shouldered. At last
Chapelle gave a spring, and turning up his back to him, cried, ‘Frap et
va t’en!’ (‘Strike, and get thee gone!’)”
M. GIFFARDIER.
* * * * *
“When M. Voltaire was in England he had a great desire to see Dr.
Clarke,[142] but the Doctor, who had heard his character, would not be
acquainted with him; at last he fell in with a friend of Dr. Clarke’s,
who asked him to be of a party where the Doctor was. Voltaire went
and seated himself next to the Doctor, in full expectation of hearing
him talk, but he remained very silent. Voltaire, in order to force
him to speak, threw out all the wild profane rhodomontades that his
imagination could suggest against religion. At last Dr. Clarke turned
about, and looking him steadily in the face with the keen eagle eyes
for which he was remarkable, ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘do you acknowledge that
two and two make four?’ Voltaire was so confounded by this that he said
not another word.”
MR. BROWN.[143]
* * * * *
“A dull German baron had got amongst the English at Geneva, and, being
highly pleased with their spirit, wanted to imitate them. One day an
Englishman came in to the baron’s room, and found him jumping with
all his might upon the chairs and down again, so that he was all in a
sweat. ‘Mon Dieu! Monsieur le baron,’ dit-il, ‘que faites-vous?’ (‘Good
God! baron,’ said he, ‘what are you about?’) ‘Monsieur,’ replied the
baron, wiping down his temples with a handkerchief, ‘j’apprens d’être
vif’ (‘I am learning to be lively’).”
MADEMOISELLE DE ZOILEN.
* * * * *
“Mr. Thomas Hunter,[144] minister at New Cumnock, was visiting his
parish on a very cold day. At a substantial farmer’s they set him down
an excellent smoaking _haggis_. ‘Come,’ said he, ‘here is the grace:—O
Lord, we thank Thee for this warm Providence.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“When Mr. Sheridan lived at Windsor he used often to meet a very
awkward fellow who did not know how to hold his arms. Mr. Sheridan said
the fellow always made him imagine that he was carrying home a pair of
arms that somebody had bespoke.”
From himself.
* * * * *
“When Mr. David Hume began first to be known in the world as a
philosopher, Mr. Thomas White, a decent rich merchant of London, said
to him, ‘I am surprised, Mr. Hume, that a man of your good sense should
think of being a philosopher. Why, I now took it into my head to be
a philosopher for some time, but tired of it most confoundedly, and
very soon gave it up.’ ‘Pray, sir,’ said Mr. Hume, ‘in what branch of
philosophy did you employ your researches? What books did you read?’
‘Books?’ said Mr. White; ‘nay, sir, I read no books, but I used to sit
you whole forenoons a-yawning and poking the fire.’”
SIR DAVID DALRYMPLE.[145]
* * * * *
“Pierot, the biting French satirist, had often applied to be admitted
member of the Academie Royale, and still was rejected. One day, after
hearing their disquisitions, a freind (_sic_) asked him, ‘N’ont-ils
pas beaucoup d’esprit?’ ‘Esprit?’ replied Pierot, ‘sans doute ils out
beaucoup d’esprit. Ils out esprit _comme_ quatre.’ The society is
forty-eight in number.”
* * * * *
“Mr. Tronchin,[146] physician at Geneva, an intimate friend of Mr.
Voltaire, told Mr. Brown, the English minister at Utrecht, that one
time when Voltaire was very bad, he was under the greatest terror for
death, and he used this strong expression to Mr. Tronchin,—‘Sir, if
I were put upon the rack at three o’clock in the afternoon, and had
both my legs and both my arms broke, if I had my choice either to die
immediately or to live till seven at night, I would choose to live
till seven.’ A fortnight after, when he was quite recovered, he was
talking against religion with as much wildness and extravagance as
ever, and seemed highly delighted with shaking the faith of all the
company. Mr. Tronchin, who was present, got up with indignation, went
round to Voltaire, and catching him by the breast, said, ‘You pitiful
wretch! are you, for a little gratification of vanity, endeavouring to
destroy the only pillars which can support mankind at that awful hour
which made you so lately tremble like a coward?’ In contradiction to
this story, see in my Journal the account which Tronchin gave me of
Voltaire.”[147]
MR. BROWN.
* * * * *
“During a hot action between the French and the allied armies, in which
the former were defeated, a French grenadier was taken prisoner by
an officer of the Iniskilling [Enniskillin] dragoons. He immediately
demanded of the prisoner, ‘Where is Marshal Broglio?’ The brave
grenadier replied, with the high spirit of a French soldier, ‘Il est
partout.’ He is everywhere.”
M. GIFFARDIER, from the Officer.
* * * * *
“As a strong picture of the difference between French and German
manners, the following story will serve: An English officer in Germany
during the war kept a girl. She had a great deal of spirit, and for
a frolic she would pay a visit to the enemy’s outpost. She first came
to a French centinel, who seeing a pretty—nay, elegant lady coming
towards him, immediately grounded his arms, pulled off his hat, and
with all the politeness in the world saluted her with ‘Ah, madame, je
suis charmé,’ &c. She put out her hand, which he kissed with great
gallantry. She then went to a German centinel in the French service.
When he observed her approaching, he looked stern and shoved her back
with his hand; and when she attempted still to advance, he held out his
fusil. She ran briskly off, crying, ‘You brute, we have taken Cassel!’”
* * * * *
“After a defeat of the French in Germany by the Prussians, a French
soldier got his back against a tree, and was defending himself against
four or five Prussians. The King of Prussia came up himself, and called
out to the soldier, ‘Mon ami, croyez-vous que vous êtes invincible?’ He
replied, ‘Oui, sire, si j’etois commandé par vous.’”
MR. GIFFARDIER.
* * * * *
“After another defeat of the French by the Prussians, a French soldier
said to his companion while they were running off, ‘Vraiment cet Roi de
Prusse est un brave homme. Je crois qu’il a servi en France.’”
MR. GIFFARDIER.
* * * * *
“After the defeat of the French at Rosbach, there happened a ludicrous
enough incident. A little French officer was taken prisoner by a tall,
fierce, black hussar. After making him deliver up his sword, his watch,
and his money, the hussar made him get up behind him and hold fast, and
away he galloped; and all the time, with the greatest _sang froid_, he
was eating apples out of his pocket, and now and then, with a humph,
threw one over his shoulder to the officer, who, for fear of his
displeasure, eat them every one most faithfully.”
MR. GIFFARDIER, from the officer himself.
* * * * *
“When Boswell was a young, giddy, frolicsome dog in London, a parcel
of sarcastical Scots, dining at Almack’s,[148] were enlarging much on
his imprudence. ‘I do not know,’ said Dempster, ‘how Boswell may do in
this world, but I am sure he would do very well in a better.’”
From MISS DEMPSTER.[149]
* * * * *
“Boswell complained that he had too good a memory in trifles, which
prevented his remembering things of consequence. ‘My head,’ said he,
‘is like a tavern, in which a club of low punch-drinkers have taken up
the room that might have been filled with lords who drink Burgundy, but
it is not in the landlord’s power to dispossess them.’”
* * * * *
“A gentleman was complaining that upon a long voyage their provisions
were very bad, and, in particular, that their beef turned quite green.
‘Very right, sir,’ said Caleb Whitefoord,[150] ‘you know all flesh is
grass, and therefore ought to be green.’”
I was present.
* * * * *
“Boswell says that a man who sets out on the journey of life with
opinions that he has never examined is like a man who goes a-fowling
with a gun that has never been proved.”
* * * * *
“Boswell, who had a good deal of whim, used not only to form wild
projects in his imagination, but would sometimes reduce them to
practice. In his calm hours he said with great good humour, ‘There have
been many people who built castles in the air, but I believe I am the
first that ever attempted to live in them.’”
* * * * *
“A gentleman said of a clumsy wench that she was as hot as fire. ‘Yes,’
said Boswell, ‘but in a very different way. The fire feels nothing, but
communicates the heat to other bodies; but this wench leaves all cold
around her while she herself is burning.’”
* * * * *
“A young lady was wishing much to be her _own mistress_. ‘You are mine,
miss,’ said her lover, ‘and that is much better.’”
* * * * *
“Mademoiselle de Zuyl told Boswell one day, ‘Monsieur, cette après-midi
j’ai voulee convaincre ma chere mere de quelque chose, mais elle ne
vouloit pas m’entendre, et pour m’echaper elle a courue de chambre
en chambre. J’ai la suivi pourtant et j’ai raisonnée.’ ‘Eh bien,
Mademoiselle,’ replied Boswell, ‘c’etoit un raisonnement suivi.’”
* * * * *
“A gentleman told Boswell that one of his studious freinds used to have
a bottle of wine set upon his desk in the evening, and that generally
he caught himself at the end of it. ‘Ay,’ said Boswell, ‘I suppose,
sir, he took care not to catch himself before he got to the end of it.’”
* * * * *
“A forward fellow asked Boswell one day the character of a certain
general officer. ‘Sir,’ said Boswell, ‘the gentleman is a general, and
I do not choose to enter into particulars.’”
* * * * *
“When Boswell had the rage of getting into the Guards, he talked of
it to John Home,[151] whose poetry breathed a martial spirit, and
therefore might approve his desire to be a soldier. ‘Sir,’ said John
Home, ‘the Guards are no soldiers; they are just beefeaters, only they
don’t eat beef.’”
* * * * *
“Boswell was at Leyden in the year 1764. The Hon. Charles Gordon[152]
said to him with affected diffidence, in order to receive a compliment,
‘Mr. Boswell, I would willingly come and see you for a day at Utrecht,
but I am afraid I should tire you.’ ‘Sir,’ replied Boswell, ‘I defy you
to tire me for one day.’”
* * * * *
“When Boswell was passing through Leyden, in the year 1764, he put up
at the ‘Golden Ball,’ and was shown into the great parlour, which, as
in all the inns in Holland, is a public room. As he was eating a sober
bit of supper there entered three roaring West Indians, followed by
a large dog. They made a deal of rude noise. The waiter thought it
incumbent upon him to make an apology for their roughness. ‘Sir,’ said
he, ‘they are very good-natured gentlemen.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ said Boswell,
‘I see they are very good-natured gentlemen, and in my opinion, sir,
the dog seems to be as good-natured as any of the three.’”
* * * * *
“When Mr. de Neitschutz, Grand Ecuyer du Prince d’Anhalt-Dessau was
sent to the King of Prussia to treat with him, and to beg that he would
not demand such great subsidies, the King used to say, ‘Mon ami, il
faut soutenir des armees. Je ne suis pas en etat de la faire. Vous
savez que je n’ai rien. Il faut que je vole.’”
M. DE NEITSCHUTZ.
* * * * *
“When Voltaire was at Berlin he used to be rude to the King of Prussia.
The King came into his room one day when he had before him on a table
a great parcel of his Majesty’s verses, which he no doubt put in order
very freely. The King called to him, ‘Que faites-vous, Voltaire?’ He
replied, ‘Sire, j’arrange votre linge sale.’”
M. LESTSCH AU’DEVANT GOUVERNEUR DU P. D’ANHALT.
* * * * *
“After the battle of Colline, where the King of Prussia was sadly
defeated, his Majesty stood in a musefull melancholy, and looked
through his glass at a battery of cannon which was still playing and
was within reach of him. His troops had all retired, only the Scots
General Grant stood behind him at a little distance; a cannon bullet
took away the skirt of his coat, and at last when he found that the
King made no preparation to retire, he came up to him and said,
‘Est-ceque votre majeste veut prendre la batterie tout seul?’ The
King looked at him with approbation, and said, ‘Allons, mon ami,’ and
retreated. ‘Eh bien, Grant,’ said he, ‘c’est une triste affaire.’”
MR. SECRETARY BURNET.[153]
* * * * *
“During one of his campaigns the King of Prussia composed a sermon
entitled ‘Sermon sur le jour de jugement preché devant l’Abbé de Prade,
par son aumonier ordinaire l’Incredulité.’ L’Abbé de Prade was his
reader. The sermon was a grave discourse, full of Scripture phrases. It
might have been preached in any church in Europe.”
MR. SECRETARY BURNET.
* * * * *
“Mr. Burnet was one day riding along with the Prussian army through a
wood. He heard behind him a voice crying, ‘March furt in der Deivells
naam,’ but did not think that the King had been near him. He turned
about, however, and there was his Majesty’s horse’s mouth touching
Burnet’s horse’s tail. The King had lost a battle. The weather was
bad. He was muffled up in his great-coat, was in very bad humour, and
looked confoundedly sulky. Burnet was anxious to make way for him,
and immediately put spurs to his horse and sprung away. The wood was
so thick that the branches caught hold of him and drove off his hat
and wig. He had shaved his head that morning, so that there he was,
he sticking with his white skull exposed to the elements. The King,
notwithstanding his ill-humour, could not help being diverted, and
burst out into an immense fit of laughter. He then said to Burnet,
‘Monsieur, je vous demande pardon, mais je m’en vais le reparer.’ He
then called to a soldier, ‘Geve die Heer syn Hoed en zyn peruik.’”
MR. SECRETARY BURNET.
* * * * *
“The King of Prussia sometimes used to amuse himself in the most
extraordinary manner. After having played on his flute till he was
tired, he would say to the Abbé de Prade, ‘Allons, si j’etois membre
du Parlement d’ Angleterre voici comment je parlerais;’ then he would
harangue on the balance of power, &c., like a very Pitt.”
MR. SECRETARY BURNET.
* * * * *
“The British Envoy’s mail was once seized going from Berlin. It was
said to have been done by the Ambassador of France. Mr. Mitchell
said,[154] ‘Je n’en crois rien.’ ‘Peut être,’ said one, ‘il a reçu
des ordres pour le faire et qu’est ce que cela feroit,’ said Mitchell.
‘Monsieur,’ said the gentleman, ‘si vous aviéz reçu des ordres du
Roi votre maître de saisir une Malle ne voudriez vous pas le faire?’
‘Monsieur,’ replied Mr. Mitchell, ‘Premierrement le Roi mon maître ne
me donnera jamais _des telles_ ordres. En second lieu, assurement je ne
les obeierois pas, “non,” je lui ecrirois, Si vous, Sire, voulez faire
des choses comme cela, il faut envoyer un voleur, et non pas tacher de
faire un voleur de votre Envoye.’”
MR. MITCHELL himself.
* * * * *
“Boswell was presented to the Duke of Argyle,[155] at Whitton, in
the year 1760. The duke talked some time with him, and was pleased,
and seemed surprised that Boswell wanted to have a commission in the
guards. His Grace took Boswell’s father aside, and said, ‘My lord, I
like your son. That boy must not be shot at for three and sixpence a
day.’”
* * * * *
“Lord Auchinleck and his son were very different men. My lord was
sollid (_sic_) and composed; Boswell was light and restless. My lord
rode very slow; Boswell was one day impatient to get on, and begged my
lord to ride a little faster; ‘for,’ said he, ‘it is not the exercise
which fatigues, but the hinging upon a beast.’ His father replied,
‘What’s the matter, man, how a chield hings, if he dinna hing upon a
gallows?’”
* * * * *
“When Captain Augustus Hervey was lying in the port of Leghorn, some of
the first people of the country paid him a visit aboard his ship. He
ordered his men to draw up a bucket of water, and presented it to the
nobles, bidding them drink that. ‘Why,’ said they, ‘’tis salt water.’
‘Is it?’ said he. ‘Then know that wherever this water is found the King
of Great Britain is master.’”
CAPTAIN WAKE.
* * * * *
“Mr. Burnet went once into a Presbyterian kirk. The minister lectured
on these words,—‘You shall take no scrip for your journey.’ ‘A scrip,’
said he, ‘my beloved brethren, was a clockbag, a portmanteau, or a
wallise.’”
Himself.
* * * * *
“A gentleman was saying at Voltaire’s table, ‘J’ai lu un telle chose.’
‘Monsieur,’ said Voltaire, ‘il ne faut pas croire tout ce qu’on a lu.’
‘Monsieur,’ replied he, ‘j’ai pourtant lu tous vos ouvrages.’”
The Gentleman.
* * * * *
“Boswell said that to be a good rural poet a man must have an appetite
for the beauties of nature as another has for his dinner. A man who has
a poor stomach will never talk with force of a good dinner; nor will he
whose taste is feeble talk with force of a fine prospect. This kind of
taste must be felt, and cannot even be imagined by others.”
* * * * *
“Boswell said that a dull fool was nothing, as he never showed himself.
The great thing, said he, is to have your fool well furnished with
animal spirits and conceit, and he’ll display to you a rich fund of
risibility. He said this at a certain court in Germany.”
* * * * *
“A formal fellow at Paris paid a great many long-winded compliments to
Mademoiselle Ameté, the Turk. When he had finished, she said to the
gentleman next her, ‘Je ne puis pas soutenir cet homme la; il me parle
comme un Dedicace.’”
MY LORD MARISCHAL.[156]
* * * * *
“Boswell said that young people are often tempted to resign themselves
to a warm fancy or a strong benevolent passion, because they have
read that those who are thus agitated are nobler beings, and enjoy a
felicity superior to that of sedate rational men. But let them consider
that all these fine things have been said by the hot-brained people
themselves, and that one who is drunk may and does boast as much his
intoxicated situation. The impartial method of judging what state of
mind is happiest is to hear the voice of the majority of sensible men,
most of whom, either when young or when drunk, have felt the enticing
delirium. If none approve it but such as immediately feel it, we may
pronounce it a false joy. For other states, of mind, as the cool
circumspection of wisdom, the moderate tenderness of affection, the
solemn ardour of devotion, the noble firmness of manly honour,—these
others approve of; others wish to possess.”
* * * * *
“Boswell asked, ‘Why have we not a neat phrase to express our being
eager to see, equivalent to “I pricked up my ears” when eager to hear?’”
* * * * *
“When Sir Adam Fergusson[157] was at Dusseldorf he admired much an
organ in one of the churches, and wished greatly to hear an English
tune upon it. Barnard, (nephew to the great Sir John, and) a merchant
at Dunkirk, was there. He begged of the organist to give him liberty to
play the vespers, which he agreed to. Barnard played the solemn music
very gravely, but by way of a voluntary he gave ‘Ally Croaker.’ He,
however, adorned it with several variations, so that the organist said,
‘Monsieur, en que c’est un beau morceau.’”
MR. BARNARD.
* * * * *
At the court of Saxe-Gotha there were two ladies of honour,
Mesdemoiselles de Rickslepen, sisters, very pretty, but very little.
Boswell said to a baron of the court, “Monsieur, il faut les prendre
comme des alouettes, par la demi-douzaine.”
* * * * *
“When Poniatowsky[158] was made king of Poland, anno 1764, many of
the first nobles opposed his election, as they imagined that he would
follow the system of the King of Prussia, and introduce arbitrary
power. Le Comte de Sapia, grand Ecuyer de la Lithuanie, quitted his
country in discontent. He passed some time at the court of Gotha. One
of the courtiers there said to him, ‘Monsieur, vous qui aimez tant la
liberté vous devez aller en Angleterre.’ ‘Dieu m’en garde!’ cried he;
‘non; il faut aller en France, pour apprendre nos nouveaux devoirs.’”
LA GRANDE MAITRESSE DE GOTHA.
* * * * *
“Boswell showed some of his verses to a German professor, who
understood English. The professor was highly pleased with them. When he
laid them down Boswell said, ‘I wrote some of them last night.’ ‘Ah,’
said the professor, ‘I did not know they had been yours, sir, or I
should have praised them more.’”
* * * * *
“A prince talked of a subject of learning—a piece of history, and
said, ‘Je ne sais en verité.’ Another prince said, ‘On trouvera cela
peut être dans un dictionnaire.’ ‘H’m, oui,’ said another^{third}
prince, ‘ui, on le trouvera dans un dictionnaire.’”
I was present.
* * * * *
“Boswell said the English language was like the ancient Corinthian
brass. When Corinth was burnt, the fortuitous mixture of gold, silver,
and copper produced a metal more excellent than any original one. So,
by the different invasions of England was produced a mixture of old
British, German, and French, which makes a language superior to any
original tongue. The proportions in the one case are as curious as in
the other.”
* * * * *
“Boswell compared himself to the ancient Corinthian brass. ‘I am,’ said
he, ‘a composition of an infinite variety of ingredients. I have been
formed by a vast number of scenes of the most different natures, and I
question if any uniform education could have produced a character so
agreable’” (_sic_).
* * * * *
“The Dutch bourgeois generally wear coats and wigs of prodigious size,
by no means made to fit them; but by way of so much cloth and so much
hair Boswell said, ‘Les Hollandois portent des habits et des peruques
comme des Hardes.’”
* * * * *
“Krimberg, grand maître de madame la Marcgrave de Baden Baden, said
of the Marcgrave of Baden Dourlach, ‘Les autres princes s’amusent des
amusements, mais ce prince s’amusa des affaires.“‘
I was present.
* * * * *
“Boswell said that a great company was just a group of _têtes-à-têtes_.”
* * * * *
“The father of young M. Gaio, at Strasburg, had an immense cask of
prodigious fine old Rhenish. His maître d’hotel came and told him that,
unfortunately, it had burst the cask and was totally lost. M. Gaio
(having eat his evening soup), replied, ‘Eh bien, mon vin est lu.’”
M. GAIO LE FILS.
* * * * *
“The uncle of young M. Gaio at Strasbourg had a set of Dresden tea
china which he valued very much. As one of his servants was bringing it
hastily in one day he fell and broke the whole set. His master stepped
calmly forward, helped him up, and called to another servant, ‘Ecoutez,
donnez une verre du vin de Bourgogne a François, je crois qu’il a en
peur.’”
M. GAIO LE FILS.
* * * * *
“Lord Eglintoune said to his brother,[159] Colonel Montgomerie, who was
to be his heir, ‘If I live, Archie, I’ll take care of you.’ ‘Yes, my
lord,’ replied the colonel, ‘and if you die I’ll take care of myself.’”
LORD AUCHINLECK.
* * * * *
“Mr. Needham[160] went with another gentleman to call upon M. Diderot.
A comely well-dressed lady opened the door to them. The gentleman
said, ‘Madame est sans doute la femme de M. Diderot.’ She, with an air
of smiling satisfaction, replied, ‘Monsieur, les philosophes ne ses
marient point.’”
MR. NEEDHAM.
* * * * *
“Mr. Needham said that Rousseau’s not complying with the common
established ceremonies of society was like a Quaker saying Thee and
Thou, and not pulling off his hat.”
I was present.
* * * * *
“The Syndics or Magistrates of Geneva wear prodigious periwigs. M. de
Voltaire said to them, ‘Messieurs, vous repandez votre poudre dans
toutes les territoires voisines.’”
GRAND BAILLIF D’YUERDUN.
* * * * *
“Erskine[161] and Boswell were one day sauntering in Leicester Fields
and talking of the famous scheme of squaring the circle. ‘Come, come,’
said Boswell, ‘let us circle the square, and that will be as good;’ so
these two poets took a walk round the square, laughing very heartily at
the conceit.”
* * * * *
“Mr. Richardson, chaplain to Sir Joseph Yorke,[162] and another
clergyman were walking near a village by Cambridge, where were a number
of Methodists. They saw a child of four year old lying accross (_sic_)
the road, and immediately ran up to lift it up, when they heard a
number of people cry, ‘Let it alone, let it alone, it’s convicted, it’s
convicted.’ They asked, ‘Pray, how? so young a child has not been at
church.’ ‘No, but its father and mother have, and the Lord has been
dealing with their child.’”
From himself.
* * * * *