Discreetly daring, and severely kind,
The courtly Roman’s shining path to tread,
And sharply smile prevailing Folly dead.”
_Dr. Young._
The Writer does not presume further, than humbly to advise those who
wish to enjoy any of their faculties in perfection, not willingly to
refrain from wearing their NIGHT CAP, _Later than Eleven o’Clock at
Night_.
“ONE _Hour’s Sleep before Twelve o’Clock is worth_ TWO _after_.”
Do you recollect, Gentle Reader, to have ever learned any thing worth
remembering
AFTER ELEVEN O’CLOCK AT NIGHT?
I don’t:--nor, indeed, _for a full Hour before that time_,--those
persons whose bodies or minds have been industriously employed during
the day, are arrived at that degree of exhaustion, that their faculties
are become obtuse;--if you ask them any thing, “they don’t know;”--and
if you tell them any thing, “they don’t care.”
_Midnight Conversation_ cannot be any thing more than a mere “_caput
mortuum_,” and the vapid draining of Brains collapsed by the continued
cogitations of the 14 or 15 preceding Hours!--or the unwholesome
effervescence of the “hot and rebellious liquors” which have been taken
to revive the flagging spirits.
_The Machinery of Man_, like the wheels of a Watch, after a certain
time wants winding up, or it will go down--when this time comes, till
your Gentleman is wound up by Food and Rest, he cannot talk, any
better than that can tick, till that is wound up again.
To the person who is intrusted with so important a concern as the
management of your Carriage and Horses you will do wisely to give
proper encouragement: on his Honesty and Judgment greatly depend the
safety of the Rider and the Expense of the Equipage--therefore, it is
as much your Interest to be kind, as it is his Duty to be Careful.
It will be well, therefore, to put your Coachman beyond any petty
temptations from Hackneymen, Horsedealers, Farriers, Coachmakers, _et
id genus omne_, and pay him cheerfully all such reasonable Perquisites
as will make it His Interest to take care of Yours.
People are often biassed by their Coachman in what is to be done in the
Repair or alteration of their Carriage and Horses, and from interested
motives, or capricious whims, the Knights of the Whip, it is said,
sometimes have gone to extravagant lengths, and the Carriage has
become rather the Property of the Coachman and Coachmaker, than of the
Proprietor.
A careful Coachman is a valuable Servant. “A Coachman,” says the
_Sieur Soleysell_, “should be skilful, Nimble, Hardy, and Honest,
should love Horses, and have a desire to perform all his work
well:--when a Master findeth a Lad with these qualities, he should not
easily part with him; for this Merchandise, although Clownish, is hard
enough to be found.”--See his _Complete Horseman_, folio, p. 145, 1717.
To the above Qualifications, must be added, that of Reading and
Writing; and if you reside in London, that of “knowing Town well,” _i.
e._ be well acquainted with the situation, the distance, and the best
Roads, (as they may now be called) to the various parts of that amazing
Labyrinth of Lanes called London.
_Before you permit him to mount the Box_--ask him how far it is to half
a dozen different places in opposite directions, and which Way he would
go, and how Long he would be in driving you thither.
The best Age for a Coachman is between 30 and 40--before the former,
they are perfunctory, and soon after the latter, they lack Activity.
The following maxim, which I gave for hiring a Cook, applies as aptly
to engaging Coachmen.
Before the age of THIRTY, however comfortable you may endeavour to
make them, their want of experience, and the Hope of something still
_better_, prevents their being content with their present state.
After they have had the benefit of Experience, if they are tolerably
comfortable, they will endeavour to deserve the approbation of even a
moderately kind Master, for _Fear_ they may change for the _worse_.
“The Good that they wish for, mayn’t match what they’ve got;
And therefore they’d best be content with their lot.”
Life is divided into the Seasons of HOPE, and FEAR. In YOUTH _we hope
that every thing may be right_;--In AGE, _we fear that every thing will
be wrong_.
Whether you have your own Horses, or Hire of a Hackneyman:--_Mr.
Jarvis_ begs you to be very careful in choosing a Coachman, or you may
get for a Charioteer, an ignorant, careless creature, who hardly knows
“_Come may thur wut_”
from
“_Come may thur woo-ee._”
_The best Person to apply to, to recommend a Coachman_, is the
Hackneyman of whom you Hire your Horses; it is his own Interest to
recommend a Servant who is capable and careful: or by looking in the
Daily papers, you will find many who are in want of places:--The
shortest way, is to advertise for one--this will bring plenty of
applicants presently--direct them to call on your Hackneyman, or to
some person on whom you can depend, and let him select and send to you
only such as he thinks likely to suit: this will save you much time and
trouble: moreover, it is desirable that a Coachman should be in some
degree dependant upon the person of whom you hire Horses, that he may
be accountable to him for the proper treatment of them, and you will
thus be better served.
Accept of no _Written Character_ when any other can be obtained; and it
is the most satisfactory plan for all Parties, to _Give, and Receive
the Character of a Servant in the presence of such Servant._
The common custom, is for the Coachman to come for
ORDERS
at a certain hour. Very well,--tell him “to stay at Home, and be ready
to attend to your Business,” adding, however, (if you expect him to do
so) that “whenever you wish for a Half, or a whole Holiday for your
own Business,”--for every one has Business and Desires, such as they
are,--“ask me for it, and I will not Dissappoint you, even though your
Absence may be Inconvenient--Mark!--Mind my Business, and I promise
you, that I will never prevent your having every reasonable opportunity
of minding Your own:”--make an agreement with him, that he shall
have certain Hours in certain Days for such business as the Horses,
Carriage, &c. require.
“_Leave is Light;_”
and warn him that if you find him out without leave, at any other
time--you will immediately give him leave of Absence from your service
for ever after, and that it will become your Duty, to state the reason
why you do so, to any person who may apply for his Character.
Desire him, _Five minutes before he brings the Carriage round_, to
open the Windows and ventilate it: even in Winter, _Cold_ Air is not
so offensive as _Confined_ Air--desire him to bring the Carriage with
the Glasses and Blinds, &c. in the position in which you generally
use them; and when you tell him at what Time to come, _tell him which
Way to bring his Horses’ heads to the Door_, _i.e._ East or West, so
that he may start at once, without the disagreeable trouble of turning
about--give him similar directions when you stop any where, and apprise
him, that when you get in again, if you don’t immediately direct him
otherwise, he is always to take you towards Home.
_Finally_, let his General Business be given to him in Writing; _i.
e._ at what Hours you most usually want the Carriage--how Long at a
time you are generally out--what Pace you wish to go--and what Roads to
particular places, &c.
Give _him a Map of London_, on which, mark with Red Ink the way you
wish to be taken to those places to which you are most frequently
going--and tell him, if you order him to take you to any place, the way
to which he is not well acquainted with, always to say so plainly, and
you will direct him.
Some Good Masters never (unless in a case of necessity) take their
Carriage out on a _Sunday_.
In well-governed Families, every Servant has the liberty every _Sunday_
of going once to Church; which if they neglect, and fail in their duty
to their Maker, they may well be suspected of failing in their duty to
their master:--_A Person who goes regularly to Church_, will be WELL
spoken of, though he may have no other merit to recommend him: He who
neglects that Duty is ILL spoken of, if he has no other Fault, and has
every other Virtue.
Whenever you find it necessary to give any Directions, or to reprove
him for Neglect, &c., never send any Message to him by another
Servant,--mention it yourself; You may do this with much more effect
than you can by any deputy, who, through Mistake or Ill-nature, may
likely enough either say more or less than you told him.
Never reprove Servants unless you are quite in a Good Temper; the best
way to ensure which, is,--_Never to Lecture them, till at least ONE
DAY AFTER they have offended you._
Never forget to Commend them when they are Right; nothing can cherish
the desire of pleasing in Them so effectually, as to shew them that you
are pleased:--it is a much pleasanter, and a more effectual mode of
proceeding, to _Praise_ them into good conduct, than to _Scold_ them
out of bad.
There is a Perversity in poor human nature which sets itself against
Correction, and is restive to reproof, but is pliant and yielding to
the least expression of Kindness. _Pride_ is like the Rust that seizes
and stiffens the Spring of an Engine, and checks its motion, so that no
force can set it to work; but _Kindness_ is like Oil, which smooths the
machinery in such a manner that the parts move almost of themselves.
This Gentle method of dealing with our fellow-creatures is GOD’S own
method of dealing with mankind, who “delighteth not in the Death of a
Sinner, but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and Live;”
and chooses rather to lead us to Repentance by his Goodness, than to
drive us to it by his Wrath.
PUNCTUALITY
In a Coachman is indispensable,--if he has 15 or 20 Minutes’ notice
that he will be wanted, there is no excuse for his not being ready by
that time; for a regular Coachman gets his Harness and Carriage clean
and ready to put to, early in the day.
In establishments where it is not known at what hour a Carriage will be
wanted, but when it is, is wanted at a minute’s notice, the Horses are
kept ready Harnessed.
Desire him always to be at your Door, _Five Minutes before_ the time he
is ordered, especially _when ordered at an unusual hour_;--when you are
going out “on actual Service,” his being ready at the desired moment,
is infinitely more important than when you are going out at the usual
hour merely for Amusement. One Minute of Your Time, is often worth an
Hour of His.
Tell your Coachman, that “THE ORACLE _has declared_ that--He who
sometimes comes _Before_ the time he is ordered, manifests respect for
his Employers and a laudable Anxiety to obey Orders.
“He who never comes till _the Last Moment_, presents presumptive
evidence that he is disposed to do no more work than he is obliged to
do.
“He who comes _After_ the Time, would not come then, unless Fear
flogged him:
“Encourage the First,
“Endure the Second,
“Do as you like with the Last.”
One Friend informed me that he cured an excellent Coachman of his
neglect of being punctual (which was the only fault he had)--by hiring
a Hackney Coach, whenever his own Carriage was not at the Door to a
minute, and deducting the charge thereof from his Wages. Another makes
it part of the Agreement, in hiring a Coachman, that he shall forfeit a
Shilling for every Minute he comes after the time he is ordered.
Remember _Tom Thrifty’s_ account of that excellent Disciplinarian, old
Admiral EVERREADY.
“The first time I received Orders to attend his Honour on a
Cruise,--‘_Tom Thrifty_,’ (said the gallant Veteran,) ‘be sure, have
Every Thing ready for Action to-Morrow Morning before Eight o’Clock.
_Getting out well is half the Battle._’ ‘I will take care, your Honour,
not to be later than Eight.’
“‘Not _later_, Sir!--Pipe all hands a _Quarter Before_, if you please,
Sir!!--a Quarter _Before_, Sir!!!--to that Quarter of an Hour I owe all
my success in Life!!!--Do you think that Old EVERREADY would have won
every Battle he has fought, if he had not always had a Broadside ready
to pour into the Enemy, _Before_ it was expected that any Engagement
could possibly take place!--_Oh! that precious Quarter of an Hour!_--it
has been, as a body may say, the Guardian Spirit which has gained me
all my Laurels. Now, my Boy, let me heave a bit of advice to You;
if you wish to keep clear of the shoals of _Disappointment_, take
_Preparation_ for your Purser, and _Punctuality_ for your Pilot--they
will put you into the track of _Preferment_; and if you mind that your
vessel is well ballasted with _Integrity_, you may carry almost what
Sail you will with safety, and soon hope to cast anchor for Life in the
Bay of Independence.’”
_When you order your Coachman to call for you_, tell him to send
you notice of his arrival as soon as he comes, and that within Two
minutes after you hear of it, you will either come or send to him--if
you do not, to conclude that you have not been told, and desire him
peremptorily to order that you may be informed of it, for some people
are Rude enough to desire their Servants not to tell their Guests that
their Carriage is come, until just such time as they wish them gone.
The surest plan of protecting yourself from the tricks of such folks,
and of knowing when your Carriage is come, is to give your Coachman a
LETTER directed to you, on which is written “_An Immediate Answer is
desired_.” Direct him to deliver this wherever you are, with a special
request that it may be _given to you directly, as it requires an
Immediate Answer_: this may also serve the purpose of furnishing you
with an excellent excuse to get away as early as you please.
Do not order your Carriage till you actually want it; and enter it the
moment it comes to the Door, especially in Cold and Wet Weather.
Have a _Good going Clock_ placed where it may be easily seen by all the
Members of your Household; by which let them set their Watches. Desire
your Coachman, when he comes for Orders, to set his by this Clock; and
then, if he is a steady fellow, by referring to your own, you will
see when he comes for you. Let his Watch be so regulated, that it may
rather gain than lose. If it be not a very good one, if it is set every
morning by a good clock, it will answer almost all the purposes of a
_Good_ one. Keep it _five minutes too Fast_, and tell him to keep all
appointments by its Dial, as if it shewed the True time.
Before you start from home, give your Coachman distinct directions
when to come for you; and do this yourself: if you do it by deputy, or
when you get out of your Carriage, and probably in a hurry, a mistake
is easily enough made. When he is to call for you at any place with
which you are not quite certain that he is acquainted, let the plainest
possible Direction thereto be given him in Writing.
An experienced Driver can always calculate how long he will be in
going; and when you tell him to come for you, you may be certain that
he need never be more than five minutes after the time you order him:
thus, you will be independent of any information from the Servants at
the House where you visit.
“_Punctual Masters make Punctual Servants._”
_If you go out to Dinner in London_, a distance exceeding Three Miles,
it is more advisable to put up your Horses, than to send them Home,
as the wear of the Carriage in doing the double work of going home
and coming again for you, will cost as much as you will be charged
for Hay at a Livery Stable, which will not be more than Two Shillings
(including 6_d._ to the Hostler). Moreover, it is convenient to have
the power of returning home sooner or later, as you like, without
danger of your Servants and Horses catching Cold in waiting for you.
It is customary to allow the Coachman some refreshment when your Horses
are put up, while you are at Dinner. Whatever you choose to give, give
in Money.
_If you go out to Dinner in the Country_, your Nags will like to Dine
too, and have half a peck of Corn and some Hay also. Different Inns
vary in their charges from 2_s._ 6_d._ (including 6_d._ to the Hostler)
to 3_s._ 6_d._
_When you go out to Dinner in the Environs of Town_, where you have not
been before, and are unacquainted with the Topography of the Country,
start at least a quarter of an hour earlier than you may think is
absolutely necessary, that you may have time to find the House, which
is not always very easy, especially if your friend has only lately
resided there.
_Those who dwell in Suburban Villas_, have (or ought to have) engraved
on the back of their Cards, _a Map of the Road from the Stones’ end to
their House_. This would save their Visitors a vast deal of trouble,
and they would not have their Dinner spoiled quite so often, by their
Guests not arriving in time, from not knowing the way.
_Persons dwelling four or five Miles from Town, and those who invite
Friends from the Country to dine with them_, should Dine, and have all
such Parties at least an Hour or two earlier than the fashionable town
time, so that their Guests may get home at their usual hour of retiring
to Rest.
For people who live half a Dozen Miles from the Standard in Cornhill,
to invite you, or you to invite them, to a _Dinner Party_ later than
Four o’clock, or an _Evening Party_ later than Seven, is one of the
most ridiculous affectations imaginable! Courteous Reader, summon
resolution enough to _set a Good_ Example:--surely this cannot require
more Courage than it does to _follow a Bad_ Example.
“And leave the folly of Night Dinners
To Fools, and Dandies, and old Sinners.”
Desire your Coachman to give you notice a day or two before the Horses
will want
SHOEING,
that you may appoint a convenient time for that purpose. See _Obs. on
Shoeing, in the Chapter on Horses_.
_If you think that you may want your Carriage earlier than your usual
time of going out in the Morning_, give your Coachman notice over
Night; or when you send in the Morning, expect (and don’t be uselessly
angry if you get) for an answer, “John is gone to the Blacksmith’s,” or
“to the Coachmaker’s,” or “to the Hay Market,” or to any other Market
that the person who serves Fudge for him, happens to think of first. If
any such Answer be given, desire that as soon as he returns, he will
come for Orders; you will then know how long he has been absent.
LENDING YOUR CARRIAGE.
As soon as you set up a Carriage, lots of Idle and Impertinent People,
and all the various branches of “the _Skin Flint’s_,” and “the _Save
All’s_,” are up early on the alert, setting all kinds of Traps to ride
at your cost.
Caution those Friends to whom you may give such accommodation, not to
mention it: if they trot about, telling every one that they and you
know, that “_Mr. Benevolus_ was so good as to lend us his Carriage, and
we had such a nice ride all round here and there, and &c.”
If any of the numerous members of the “_Free and Easy_,” or “the _Save
All_” families, who happen to have the slightest acquaintance with
you, hear that you have given this accommodation to some very old and
excellent Friend, who may have honestly earned every attention that
you can possibly offer:--I should not wonder, if they were to Whisper
to one another, “Oh, oh! is it so?--well,--I have really a vast respect
for Mr. B.--hav’nt you? And if he is so exceedingly fond of Lending
his Leathern convenience, don’t you think that we ought to do him the
favour to Borrow it?--it will be so exceedingly convenient when we go
to our Uncle _Makefeasts_--for we can’t hire a Glass Coach to take us
Ten Miles and back under _Thirty_ Shillings, you know!”
_If you have any regard for Punctuality_, take care who you carry with
you, especially _when going out to Dinner_!
If you undertake to carry people to one place, some unreasonable
selfish beings are, not seldom, so pleased at an opportunity of
shewing off “_en carrosse_,” that they will plague you with perpetual
solicitations to stop at almost every Door they pass;--Aye, and act as
if they fancied that they were jumping in “_an Errand Cart_.” Tell such
Free and Easy folks very plainly, that _you must be at a certain Place
at a certain Time_, and have not a moment to spare.
If you have any Mercy for your Horses, lend them not to others,
unless you limit the _Time_ they are to be out, and the _Distance and
Pace_ they are to go; say not exceeding ten Miles. Consider, you may
be called upon to go a long Journey to-morrow, and if your Horses
are over-worked to-day, how are you to get on? This caution to your
Coachman is quite necessary, my good Reader; for those who borrow
Horses and Carriages have been found willing enough to work them hard
enough! If those who borrow it ask the Coachman to do any more work
than you have directed him, tell him if he does it, it is at the peril
of losing his place, and desire him to say plainly, “Such are my
Master’s orders; if I disobey them he will discharge me the moment I
return home.”
Forbid your Coachman receiving any present from those he carries.
_Give him yourself, before he goes_, the same perquisite that you
would give another person’s Servant who had driven you as far as he is
going to drive your Friends, who will be Shabby companions indeed, if
they do not offer him something, and who will tell you if he refuses
to take it.--If they are not furiously anxious to acquaint you with
your Servant’s _Integrity_, they, most likely, may have _Self-Love_
enough to wish to prove to you their own liberal intentions.--On such
occasions, tell your Servants to say gently and respectfully, “I am
much obliged to you, Sir--I am equally obliged to you, but my Master
has already paid me extra for attending upon you.”
“_Edmund Burke_ brought with him and retained the hospitable customs
of his Country. I knew an old School-fellow of his, who used almost
annually to go to London from Ireland, frequently with some of his
Family: they used to lodge at his house. Mr. Burke sent his Servants
and Carriage with them to a considerable distance from Town, when the
Guests, on parting with the Footman, expressed their obligations for
the attention shewn them, and put a piece of Gold into the Coachman’s
hand. ‘I cannot receive this, Sir: it would displease Mr. Burke
exceedingly.’ ‘But I don’t intend ever to let him know any thing about
it.’ ‘Sir, I should use my Master extremely ill were I to consent: for
he gives me extra Wages, on the express condition of my not receiving
any thing from those who visit him.’ ‘Thou art right, and I will report
thy Integrity to thy Master.’”--_Dr. Walker’s Fragments_, 8vo. p. 118.
1802.
“Many are the tricks of Coachmen,” says the sagacious DEAN SWIFT.
“If they are not in the humour to Drive, they will tell their Master
that the Horses have caught Cold--are off their Feed--want Shoeing--the
Harness is out of order--Wet Weather roughens their Coats: and if any
body takes a liking to one of your Nags, and they can get a Guinea by
selling it, will persuade you to part with it, by telling you that he
is beginning to be touched in his Wind, or Foundered, or is so Vicious
that it has become dangerous to drive him.”
FIFTEEN THINGS
WHICH
(MR. JARVIS SAYS)
A GOOD COACHMAN WON’T DO.
1. He _will not_ gratify a greedy Innkeeper, Hackneyman, Hay Farmer,
Coachmaker, Sadler, or other Tradesman, at the expense of his Employer;
but, in laying out his Master’s Money, will be as careful as if it was
his own.
2. _He will not_ leave his Master to the care of the Waiter and his
Horses to the Hostler, and think only of Himself; but take care and
attend to both, and be particularly careful that his Horses are well
dressed, well fed[20], and well littered, and that their Shoes,
Saddles, &c. are in proper condition to continue their Journey.
3. _He will not_, in disagreeable weather, urge the Hostler to say the
Roads are bad, in order to detain him till the weather is better, or to
go round a particular way.
4. _He will not_ recommend Strong Beer to his Horses, or Brandy to
their Heels, in order to gratify a thirsty palate, at the expense of
his own Head, and his Master’s Pocket.
5. _He will not_ contrive to have a Horse’s Shoe loose, or drive in a
Stone to make him halt, in order to shorten or delay a day’s Journey;
or advise his Master to stop under pretence of the Horses being faint
and weak.