in de drummin’ department. We wasn’t in de fight, you know, sir, an’
I didn’t feel like I was learnin’ nuttin’ ’bout war, a-sittin’ down in
de shade an’ listenin’ to de fellies tell yarns dat was grey headed
w’en Noah was yachtin’ in de ark. So w’en de drum major started in to
get off de rattiest ches’nut o’ de season, I oozed out o’ sight behin’
a big tree, an’ from dat I skinned across to anodder one, an’ den I
sneaked it, t’rough de brush an’ over de fields, to where _A_ was
posted.”
“H’m!” muttered the colonel, frowning darkly. “How long is it,
Adjutant, since we’ve had to have a regimental court-martial?”
“I didn’t mean to do nuttin’ wrong, sir!” said Larry hastily. “I wasn’t
no use where I was, an’ I t’ought p’raps I c’d be some help to de cap’n
if I happened over dat way. I didn’t t’ink de drum major needed me any
longer, sir. An’ he didn’t say I couldn’t go. Hones’!”
“Well, you can thank your lucky stars that I didn’t catch you away
from your post,” said the colonel grimly. “This time I’ll overlook the
breach of discipline on account of your extreme youth, but you’ll do
well to be careful in the future. And now go on with your report.”
The adjutant quietly slipped out of the room, going in the direction
of the staff office. He was back again in an instant, and soon after
he had seated himself, Langforth, the paymaster, and Woodleigh, Q.M.,
casually put in an appearance and took possession of a couple of chairs
near the door.
“I--I don’ know,” said Larry hesitatingly, in response to the colonel’s
command, “jus’ exackly how to begin. I was dere, for a fac’, an’ seen
de whole scrap--but I aint used to makin’ reports.”
“You’ll begin,” said the colonel, slowly and impressively, “by
describing the _terrain_--”
“_W’at’s_ dat?” interrupted Larry most respectfully.
“It means the lay of the land,” said the colonel. “You’ll describe to
us the lay of the land. Then you’ll state the disposition of the troops
engaged. And then you’ll tell what those troops did, paying particular
attention to the operations of _A_ Company. Go on.”
Major Larry fumbled for an instant with one of the shining brass
buttons of his blue blouse, then stiffened his back, cleared his
throat, saluted, and began his account of the battle.
“I have de honor to report,” said he, “dat de follerin’ t’ings took
place, sir, jus’ two weeks ago yesterd’y, w’ich was Toosd’y.
“First, ’bout de lay o’ de lan’: it lain dis way. Dere was a big
hayin’ field, shaped somet’in’ like a big piece o’ pie wid a big bite
tooken out’n one end of it--dat is, out’n de small end o’ de wedge. De
roundin’ edge o’ de field, same’s de part o’ de pie dat comes nex’ de
rim o’ de plate, was composed of a river. Dis was ’bout two foot deep,
an’ it couldn’t be forded across by militia, ’count o’ de danger o’
wettin’ pants, w’ich is State propity. So’s dis part o’ de battle-field
was dead-safe. See?”
Rodman desisted for a moment from inscribing distorted fish-hooks
in his note-book, and glanced towards the colonel. The chief was
vigorously twisting his grey moustache in a vain attempt to maintain
his official composure.
“Nex’ dat roundin’ edge,” continued Larry with his eyes fixed upon
the golden eagle surmounting the regimental color which occupied one
corner of the room, “come a straight edge. Dat was a road, an’ where it
joined de roundin’ edge was at a bridge ’cross de river. Den come de
point w’ich had be’n bit off. W’at youse might call de mout’ful was a
sort o’ mixed-up mess o’ bushes an’ trees.
“Dis ’counts for de crust edge, an’ one side, an’ de bit place o’ de
piece o’ pie. De side dat’s lef’ was made by t’ree little hills, wid an
ol’ stone wall runnin’ up an’ down along de tops of ’em, like de stripe
on a sergeant’s trowsies. An’ dat was de way in w’ich de lay o’ de lan’
lain.”
Langforth rose and stepped over to the corner in which stood the
black-board on whose surface have been worked out so many problems in
regimental strategy. He made a few rapid passes with the chalk, and
there came into being a map of a range of three low hills, looking down
across a triangular field towards a highway, and flanked on one side by
a river, on the other by a patch of scrubby woodland.
“Dat’s de stuff!” commented Larry approvingly, as this example of
topographical art took form. “’Twas _jus’_ like dat.”
“Now,” said the paymaster to the boy, “you can put in your troops.”
Larry took the crayon in his unwilling fingers, and doubtfully advanced
upon the black-board. He often had seen officers lay off the broad
white lines denoting the positions of battalions and companies, but he
was not quite sure that he could perform the feat himself. However, he
was not going to give up without a trial, and so, bracing himself for
the effort, he slowly and carefully scraped the chalk across the black
surface before him.
“De sec’nd battalion was de enermy,” said he, after he had chalked the
map to his satisfaction. “Dat is, we was de enermy o’ de first an’
t’ird battalions. Dey, o’ course, was _our_ enermy. _G_ was on dis
hill, _H_ was on de middle ’un, an’ _L_ was on de one at de lef’. _A_
was deplored as skirmishers.”
“‘_Deplored_ as skirmishers!’” said the colonel softly. “Wonder how
Stearns would like that bit of description.”
“Oh, I mos’ forgot tellin’ ’bout de disposition o’ de troops,” said
Major Larry, suddenly recalling one of the chief’s requirements.
“Near’s I c’d make out, de disposition o’ most of ’em was fine. Our
fellies was disposed to knock de stuffin’ out’n de enermy, an’ if it
hadn’t be’n for de cap’n and de lieutenants we’d have started a private
dead-yard down in our corner w’en _K_‘s boys come chargin’ inter de
woods.
“An’ dis brings me to de report o’ de share _A_ took in de purceedin’s.
Dis is w’at _A_ done: de odder t’ree comp’nies was squattin’ down a-top
o’ de t’ree little hills, an’ _A_ was shooken out in a skirmish line,
down ’long by de bridge, to make it unhealt’y for de furriners w’en dey
come promenadin’ ahead to cross de river.
“Major Pollard, he comes ridin’ down from de hills, an he says, ‘Cap’n
Stearns,’ says he, ‘w’en you’re drove back from dis position, youse’ll
fall back down de road here, an’ take y’r command into de cover o’ de
woods on our right flank dere,’ pointin’ at it wid his sword. ‘Dat’s
a strong position,’ says he, ‘an’ de div’l himself couldn’t drive yer
out’n it if dis was really bizness. By doin’ dis youse’ll purtec’ our
flank from bein’ turned, an’ at de same time’ll uncover de front of us,
so’s dat we c’n play fire-works wid de enermy’s advance. See?’ An’ de
cap’n said he seen, an’ later he done so.”
Here Larry armed himself with the long, tapering pointer, and then
proceeded with his narrative. “W’en I come up to reenforce de comp’ny,
de enermy was jus’ marchin’ down to shove us away from de bridge.
It was a dandy sight! De two battalions looked bigger’n brigades,
an’ de colors was wavin’, an’--” here Larry was caught by a sudden
inspiration--“an de colonel was lookin’ elegant, on a big, white hoss,
an’--” with a second inspired utterance--“de newspaper men was hustlin’
’roun’ an’ gettin’ on to everyt’ing!”
This bit of spirited description was most favorably received. The
personages mentioned bowed their acknowledgments, while Langforth and
Woodleigh and the adjutant applauded generously, and shouted in chorus,
“_Hear! Hear!_”
“I’d make me oat’,” said Major Larry, thus encouraged, “dat dis is de
bes’ regiment in de State. W’y, de odder regiments isn’t got no use at
all for us! Dey isn’t in it wid us, an’ anybody wid bot’ eyes shut c’d
tumble to dat. See?”
“You’re not disputed, Major Callahan,” said the colonel, clasping his
hands across his chest. “Proceed with your report.”
“Well, de enermy kep’ moggin’ along down to de river,” said the boy
obediently, “an’ w’en dey was gettin’ good an’ handy de cap’n assembled
de comp’ny, an’ sung out, ‘Now youse’ll all set y’r sights at t’ree
hunderd, an’ every popper’s boy of youse must take aim careful. For de
nex’ act on de programme,’ says he, ‘is goin’ to be a volley exercuted
by de full strengt’ of all de artists in de troupe.’”
“Hold up for a minute, Larry,” broke in the colonel, when this truly
remarkable order was quoted. “Were those Captain Stearns’ exact words?”
“Well, no-o, sir,” admitted Major Larry. “P’raps dat aint jus’ w’at
he said, but it’s w’at he was gettin’ at, anyhow. He ’xplained to ’em
dat if ’twas truly fightin’, ’stead o’ bein’ de imitation, he’d keep
’em all under his t’umb, an’ not let ’em give no exhibition of a lead
shower-bat’, by squirtin’ bullets all over de lan’scape at deir own
sweet conveniences. In odder words, he give ’em to understan’ dat, w’en
it come to firin’ by comp’ny, w’at he said _went_!”
“Perfectly proper,” said the colonel, who is a thorough believer in the
virtues of controlled fire. “Perfectly proper. I noticed that Stearns
handled his practice very well when he was at the bridge.”
“We done t’ree or four volleys,” continued Larry, “but it was sort o’
discouragin’ bizness, ’cause we didn’t seem to see no corpses carted
off, an’ all we could do didn’t seem like it was hurtin’ de enermy’s
feelin’s much. So w’en dey kep’ gettin’ closer an’ closer, we seen dat
dey was boun’ to waltz over de bridge, spite of us, an’ de cap’n come
to de conclusion dat he’d done all dat a brave man could to stan’ ’em
off. W’ich bein’ so, he marched de comp’ny off an’ fell back down de
road, leavin’ de premises clear for de t’ree comp’nies on de hills to
show w’at dey was good for.
“Well, we was marched down de road, an’ formed up in line among de
trees, where it was cool an’ shady. An’ den we got de chance to see
sights. De attackin’ battalions come swarmin’ over dat bridge like a
big mob o’ de unemployed, an’ begun to push forward for de hills, an’
de rifles started goin’ _poppety-poppety-pop_! An’ dere we was sittin’
like an audyence in de gallery, takin’ in de whole show for nuttin’.
But we wasn’t quite out of it, for all of a sudd’n de cap’n says,
‘Here’s w’ere we wipes out dat fool flank comp’ny!’ An’ wid dat he has
us plug a volley square into ’em.
“Now, dat was like yellin’ ‘_Rats!_’ in t’rough de door of a Chinee
laundry! O’ course dey wasn’t nobody killed by dat volley, ’cause de
odder fellies was too far off to be hit by de wads. But de effec’ was
queer, an’ youse c’n bet y’r sweet natyral dat was de size of it!
“_K_ was de comp’ny dat happened to be on dat flank, an’ w’en we
plunked dat volley at ’em dey seemed like dey was excited. I guess dey
t’ought we was gettin’ too funny wid ’m, for dey swung back so’s to be
facin’ our way, an’ den begun poppin’ at us for all dey was wort’.
“But _dat_ never fazed us, ’cause we knew dat deir rifles didn’t have
no slugs in ’em, an’ dat we was pretty well out o’ sight amongst de
trees. An’ besides all dat, we also was aware dat de fellies in _K_
couldn’t shoot well enough to hit a mountain if ’twas pushed up to
’em on rollers. Huh! most o’ de men in _K_ handles deir rifles like
dey was crowbars, an’ a flock of elerphants flyin’ low c’d sail over
deir heads widout no occasion for worryin’!” This was taking a mean
advantage. Larry had a personal grievance against _K_ Company, and
sought revenge by improving the opportunity to slander that command in
his report.
“Now, after t’ings had be’n goin’ on in dis way for a little w’ile,”
continued Larry, “I seen a chance to tally one for our side. W’at I
mean is dis--Say, d’youse know Hickey, dat big, fat-headed corp’ral in
_K_?”
The colonel was compelled to disclaim the acquaintance of any such
person. The adjutant, however, whose knowledge of the regimental
_personnel_ was necessarily more extended, came to time promptly with
an affirmative nod.
“Well, he’s a dam’ chump!” said Larry, with emphasis. “Oh, ’xcuse me!”
he hastily added, as it dawned upon him that his language had been a
trifle unparliamentary; “I didn’t mean to say jus’ dat. But he’s a
reg’lar galvanized gazaboo, an’ nuttin’ else. See? Him an’ his gang had
fun wid me, one night last camp, tossin’ me in a blanket, an’ I’ve be’n
layin’ low for’m ever since dat. I’m like an Injun--‘I never forgets
de face of a foe!’” This evidently was a quotation from some modern
master-piece of literature, and Larry delivered it most impressively.
“But dis aint tellin’ w’at I seen.” Here the boy picked up the chalk,
and made a few additional marks upon the map of the battle-ground.
“It was like dis,” said he, stepping back a pace and resting one hand
easily upon his hip, while he gracefully wielded the pointer with the
other; “de fellies in _K_ was in plain sight, out in de sun, an’ I was
here, ’way down at de right o’ de line. See?” He indicated his own
position by means of the pointer. “Dey was a tree dere, growin’ out’n
a crack in a big rock, an’ I was camped down behin’ de whole bizness,
blazin’ away for glory, an’ makin’ every shot tell, w’en I seen--”
“Eh?” said the colonel. “What’s that? What were _you_ doing with a
rifle?”
“Shootin’, sir,” said Larry briefly.
“Yes, so it would appear,” said the colonel. “But how came you to be
armed?”
“W’y, Smit’y de Invalid--he’s de felly, y’know, dat’s always tryin’
to sneak off from doin’ any duty--he’d tol’ me dat he wasn’t feelin’
jus’ well, an’ I’d tooken his rifle to hold for’m w’ile he went off
huntin’ for a drink o’ cold water. He didn’t give me no ca’tridges, but
I’d jollied de boys out’n a pocketful, an’ had organized meself into a
Mosby gorilla. De cap’n, o’ course, he didn’t know nuttin’ ‘bout all
dis, or he’d a-be’n wild. Dat’s de reason I was ‘way off dere to de
right--to keep out’n de cap’n’s way. See?”
The colonel silently nodded. Apparently he “saw.” Major Larry, having
given this satisfactory explanation of matters, resumed the delivery of
his interrupted report.
“I tol’ yer dat I seen a promisin’ openin’ for stratergy,” he said;
“an’ dis was it: me bein’ off to de right of _A_ brought me facin’ de
lef flank o’ _K_, an’ _who_ should I discover opposite o’ me but dat
same Hickey! Now, seein’ Hickey so convenient set me to t’inkin’.
“‘Hickey, me ol’ sporty,’ says I to meself, ‘I’m on y’r trail. Youse
once had fun, heaps o’ fun, a-joshin’ me,’ says I, ‘but dis is de time
I’m comin’ back at you,’ says I. ‘Dat’s de kind of a Reuben dat _I_
am,’ says I. An’ wid dat I fired two blank ca’tridges at’m, aimin’
careful at his stummick, so’s to ease me min’. Den I hid me rifle in
de scrub, so’s de cap’n wouldn’t see me wid it, an’ slid along back to
de nearest boys on de right of _A_.
“Big Jonesey was dere, an’ McKenzie, an’ Schultz--all of ’em aimin’
an’ firin’ like dey was expectin’ to put medals onto deir dress-coats
t’icker’n de scales on a fish. Dere wasn’t an officer widin hearin’,
bot’ de lieutenants bein’ off to de centre consultin’ ‘bout somet’in’
wid de cap’n. W’ich was lucky.
“‘_Whis-st, boys!_’ says I careful, wavin’ me arm ’round me head
to signal ’em to rally up to me. Dey seen dat I meant somet’in’,
an’ closed up to-wards me. ‘Sa-ay, youse t’ink you’re doin’ fancy
work, a-shootin’ holes in nuttin’, doesn’t youse?’ says I, w’en
dey’d assembled on me. ‘Well, if youse’ll quit y’r foolishness an’
foller me,’ I says, ‘youse’ll wear di’mon’s. Come on lively, ’fore de
lieutenant gets back to miss yer,’ says I.
“Well, dey gives me a look, an’ den dey looks back t’wards de comp’ny
an’ sees dat de chances is dat dey’ll not be missed for a little w’ile,
an’ den de four of us takes a quiet sneak off t’rough de shrubb’ry.
“‘Now jus’ listen to me w’ile I gurgle,’ I says, w’en we’d got to de
place w’ere me rifle was hid. ‘D’youse see dat phernomenum out dere in
de horizon? Well, dat bird o’ paradise,’ I says, ‘is Hickey, Corp’ral
Hickey, o’ _K_ Comp’ny.’
“‘I want to know if it is!’ says Jonesey. ‘An’ have youse pulled us out
here to give us dat important information! I’m t’inkin’ o’ breakin’ y’r
back, Larry,’ says he, ‘an’ I would, too, if ’twasn’t for losin’ yer de
job o’ luggin’ de big drum.’
“‘Is dat _so_?’ says I, dodgin’ a swipe he made at me head. ‘S’posin’
youse wait for me to get t’rough! I’m not talkin’ to fill up no
fonygraft; I’m talkin’ _war_.’
“‘Leaf’m alone,’ says Schultz, ‘an’ see vat he hass upon dot gr-reat
mindt off his.’ An’ Jonesey, he lef’ me alone.
“‘Yes, dat’s Corp’ral Hickey,’ says I, indicatin’ me objective again
wid me rifle. ‘I know’m easy by de size of his ears. An’ if youse
fellies isn’t all stiffs, we c’n capture him alive. W’at d’youse say?’
I says. ‘Are youse mugs wid me, or agin me?’
“McKenzie allowed dat ’twould be sport if we could scoop in Hickey, an’
Schultz was agreeable to de scheme, so den I ’xplained w’at I wanted
’em to do, an’ we started in on de conspiracy. An’ all dis time, mind
youse, de battle was goin’ on hot an’ heavy. But we wasn’t mindin’
nobody’s funeral ’ceptin’ ours--an’ I was de undertaker!
“Dis is w’at I done wid de boys: I posted ’em behin’ bushes an’ trees,
right up close to de edge o’ de woods, but so far from w’ere de flank
of _A_ lain dat nobody ever’d catch on to deir bein’ dere. An’ den I
give me rifle to McKenzie, an’ strolled out into de field an’ over
’cross t’wards de lef’ o’ _K_.
“Wen I got widin ’bout fifty yards o’ Mister Hickey, bein’ kind o’
quarterin’n a’ off to one side of’m, I sings out an’ says ‘Does yoore
face pa-ain youse, Hickey?’ I says. ‘I notices dat it kind o’ gets
twisted out o’ shape in aimin’. By de way youse wrinkles up dat lef eye
I should t’ink dat one o’ y’r lights was went out,’ I says. Dat seemed
to catch de boys in Hickey’s squad, an’ dey give’m de gran’ laff.
“‘Go chase yerself off’n de field, Larry,’ says Hickey, answerin’ me
back. ‘Dis aint no place for kids. ’Tisn’t safe for youse ’round w’ere
I am. I’m feelin’ dryer’n a covered bridge, an’ ’twouldn’t take much to
make me catch yer an’ drink y’r blood.’
“‘_Ya-as, yer would!_’ says I, t’umbin’ me nose to’m. ‘Catch nawthin’!
Youse couldn’t catch a cooky at a cake-walk!’
“‘I’ll give yer jus’ t’irty secon’s to clear out in,’ says Hickey,
gettin’ kind o’ looney, ’cause de squad was snickerin’ again, ‘an’ if
y’aint disappeared by dat time, I’ll collar yer, an’ roll yer up into
a small an’ bloody bundle, an’ stuff yer inter me haversack for safe
keepin’.’
“‘Huh! w’at youse say cuts no ice wid me!’ says I, scornful. ‘It’s
clean nutty dat youse are. See? Holdin’ down a slab in de morgue’s all
youse c’n do graceful. Sure!’
“Dat was jus’ a little bit more’n Hickey was prepared to stan’. ‘Here,
hang on to me rifle,’ says he, handin’ it over to de neares’ man o’ de
squad, ‘an’ watch me capture de firs’ prisoner o’ de campaign.’ An’ wid
dat he gives a proud leer, an’ makes a break for me.
“‘Some o’ youse hol’ de watch on us,’ I sings out. ‘Dis is for de
amachoor sprintin’ rekid!’ An’ off I starts for de brush, towin’ me
victim along behin’ me.
“Oh, ’twas hot stuff! At firs’ I was ’fraid dat some of his officers
would catch onto’m an’ call’m back; but de smoke was driftin’ off our
way, an’ we was travellin’ away from de flank o’ de battalion, an’ so
nobody paid no ’tention to us ’cept a few o’ de boys down at dat end.
“Well, I kep’ humpin’ for all I was wort’, an’ Hickey, he was after
me for all _he_ was wort’, an’ fin’lly we strikes cover at ’bout de
same time. I makes a flyin’ dive inter de bushes, like a rabbit wid de
shakin’ jim-jams, an’ Hickey shoots’mself in after me--an’ lands up
against de muzzle o’ Jonesey’s rifle!”
“‘Halt!’ sings out Jonesey, ‘an’ surrender, you red-handed cut-t’roat!’
An’ Hickey halts--prompt, too. But ‘stead o’ surrenderin’, he turned
an’ started to take a travel back for de open. An’ jus’ den Schultz, he
rose up out’n de eart’ on de one side of’m, an’ McKenzie, he surrounded
’m on de odder side, an’ den poor Hickey seen dat his goose was cooked.
“‘T’row’m down, boys,’ I says. An’ dey t’run’m down, an’ de place w’ere
dey happened to t’run’m was boggy, so’s dat w’en he rose up he looked
like he hadn’t shooken hands wid a piece o’ soap for more’n a mont’.
“‘Boys, it’s me sorrerful dooty,’ I says, ‘to tell yer dat Hickey’s
drinkin’ again.’ An’ den I tol’m w’at he’d said ’bout capturin’ me an’
drinkin’ me blood. An’ dey was astonished an’ shocked.
“‘Is dis civerlized war?’ says McKenzie, glarin’ at de pris’ner.
‘You’re worse dan a Dahomey cannib’l--scarin’ de life out’n dis
innercent child! Shall we give ’m quarter?’ he says, turnin’ to de
odder fellies.
“‘I’ve got a few t’ousand in me clodes,’ I says, like I was
considerin’, ‘but I aint got no quarter for _him_. Away wid ’m!’ I says.
“‘Dammit!’ says Hickey, growin’ excited, ‘can’t youse quit y’r foolin’?
I mus’ be gettin’ back to de comp’ny or I’ll be losin’ me stripes!’
“‘Hear de hardened vilyun cursin’ w’en deat’ stares’m in de eye!’ says
McKenzie, holdin’ up his hands wid horror. ‘Oh, Hickey, Hickey, you’re
in danger o’ losin’ de number o’ y’r mess--den w’y worry ’bout a little
t’ing like a pair o’ miser’ble corp’ral’s stripes?’
“‘Boys,’ I says, ‘I pity dis poor mug. S’posin’ we fin’ out how he’s
feelin’ ’bout dis time?’ An’ I turned t’wards de pris’ner. ‘Hickey,’
I says, ‘are youse ever goin’ to preside over anodder blanket-tossin’
convention--I mean, one wid _me_ in it?’ An’ he swore dat he hones’
wouldn’t.
“‘Higky,’ asks Schultz, ‘vill you dot pecos off dis affair dere shall
no hart veelin’ pe?’ An’ Hickey said dat dere shouldn’t.
“‘Hickey,’ says McKenzie, w’en it come his turn at de bat, ‘if you’re
lucky ’nough to come out alive at de end o’ dis awful day o’ strife
will youse remember dat odder people ’sides y’rself has t’roats--w’ich
needs occasional wettin’?’ An’ Hickey give his word dat he’d set ’em up
for de crowd w’en we got back to town.
“‘Dis all bein’ so,’ says Jonesey, ‘an’ no objection bein’ made, we’ll
spare y’r wort’less life. But we’re under oat’ to do our full duty by
de Commonwealt’ for a term o’ t’ree years, an’ so we can’t let yer go.
Private McKenzie on de right, Private Schultz on de lef’, de pris’ner
betwixt youse--_fall in_!’ says he. An’ dey fell in, an’ started back
t’wards de comp’ny, wid Hickey a-kickin’ himself for a t’underin’
jackuss, an’ me a-follerin’, t’umpin’ meself wid joy.
“Well, we comes back to de comp’ny, an’ I makes a break for de head
o’ de percession--’cause ’twas _my_ entertainment, y’ know--an’ w’en
de fellies sees us marchin’ up, dey sets up a yell, for dey all knows
Hickey. An’ w’en we gets to de cap’n I salutes an’ says, ‘Cap’n, here’s
a spy,’ I says. ‘W’at’ll we do wid’m?’
“Cap’n Stearns, he looked Hickey all over, an’ seen de dirt on’m, an’
says, ‘Whew! he looks like he’d be’n huntin’ for trouble an’ foun’ it!
Are dey diggin’ a mine under us, or w’at? Take’m away,’ he says, ‘an’
play de hose on’m an’ don’t bodder me wid’m.’ An’ he had to laff.
“But he didn’t get no time for a real _good_ laff, ’cause jus’ den de
enermy begun to charge us, an’ he had his han’s full keepin’ de boys
from fightin’ in earnest. For our fellies wasn’t goin’ to let _K_ walk
on deir necks. But ’twas ’gainst orders for bayonets to be crossed, an’
so we played dat we was captured. But we wasn’t, all de same, for if’t
had b’en really _war_ we’d have kep’ a coroner’s jury busy for a week
sortin’ out de remains o’ _K_.
“An’ dat, sir,” said Major Larry, facing towards the colonel with a
final salute, “near’s I c’n remember, is w’at _A_ done, two weeks ago
yesterd’y, at de right o’ Major Pollard’s line o’ battle.”
The colonel brought out a half-dollar. “Larry,” said he, handing it to
the boy, “we all are greatly indebted to you for your excellent and
most technical report. For my own part, I can truthfully say that I’ve
learned a great deal about grand strategy. You are excused, with the
thanks of all present.”
Larry left the room with the step of a grenadier. Rodman closed
his note-book with a snap, saying softly, “That’ll be good for two
columns.” There was an instant of awed silence. And then the colonel
turned to the adjutant, and said, “Hereafter, Charley, there’ll be two
reports made of anything that _A_ may be concerned in--one written, and
one oral. That’s a standing order. _See?_”
Rodman’s notes worked up to two columns and a half of the next day’s
_Globe_, and for a second time Major Larry Callahan found himself
locally famous. What Captain Tom Stearns said when his eye fell upon
the marked copy of the paper which was thoughtfully mailed to him
by the adjutant, is not upon record. But it is a fact that he has
been more than prompt, of late, in the matter of forwarding required
reports.
SPECIAL ORDERS, NO. 49.