I will tell you all about an affair--important as it proved to me; but
you must not hurry me. I have never been in a hurry since then, and
never will. Up till that time inclusive, I was always in a hurry; my
actions always preceded my thoughts; experience was of no use; and
anybody would have supposed me destined to carry a young head upon old
shoulders to the grave. However, I was brought up at last 'with a
round turn.' I was allowed a certain space for reflection, and plenty
of materials; and if it did not do me good, it's a pity!
My father and mother both died when I was still a great awkward boy;
and I, being the only thing they had to bequeath, became the property
of a distant relation. I do not know how it happened, but I had no
near relations. I was a kind of waif upon the world from the
beginning; and I suppose it was owing to my having no family anchorage
that I acquired the habit of swaying to and fro, and drifting hither
and thither, at the pleasure of wind and tide. Not that my guardian
was inattentive or unkind--quite the reverse; but he was indolent and
careless, contenting himself with providing abundantly for my
schooling and my pocket, and leaving everything else to chance. He
would have done the same thing to his own son if he had had one, and
he did the same thing to his own daughter. But girls somehow cling
wherever they are cast--anything is an anchorage for them; and as
Laura grew up, she gave the care she had never found, and was the
little mother of the whole house. As for the titular mother, she had
not an atom of character of any kind. She might have been a picture,
or a vase, or anything else that is useless except to the taste or the
affections. But mamma was indispensable. It is a vulgar error to
suppose that people who have nothing in them are nobody in a house.
Our mamma was the very centre and point of our home feelings; and it
was strange to observe the devout care we took of a personage, who had
not two ideas in her head.
It is no wonder that I was always in a hurry, for I must have had an
instinctive idea that I had my fortune to look for. The governor had
nothing more than a genteel independence, and this would be a good
deal lessened after his death by the lapse of an annuity. But sister
Laura was thus provided for well enough, while I had not a shilling in
actual money, although plenty of hypothetical thousands and sundry
castles in the air. It was the consciousness of the latter kind of
property, no doubt, that gave me so free-and-easy an air, and made me
so completely the master of my own actions. How I did worry that
blessed old woman! how Laura lectured and scolded! how the governor
stormed! and how I was forgiven the next minute, and we were all as
happy again as the day was long! But at length the time of separation
came. I had grown a great hulking fellow, strong enough to make my
bread as a porter if that had been needed; and so a situation was
found for me in a counting-house at Barcelona, and after a lecture and
a hearty cry from sister Laura, a blessing and a kiss from mamma, and
a great sob kept down by a hurricane laugh from the governor, I went
adrift.
Four years passed rapidly away. I had attained my full height, and
more than my just share of inches. I already enjoyed a fair modicum of
whisker, and had even made some progress in the cultivation of a pair
of moustaches, when suddenly the house I was connected with failed.
What to do? The governor insisted upon my return to England, where his
interest among the mercantile class was considerable; Laura hinted
mysteriously that my presence in the house would soon be a matter of
great importance to her father; and mamma let out the secret, by
writing to me that Laura was going to 'change her condition.' I was
glad to hear this, for I knew he would be a model of a fellow who was
Laura's husband; and, gulping down my pride, which would fain have
persuaded me that it was unmanly to go back again like the ill
sixpence, I set out on my return home.
The family, I knew, had moved to another house; but being well
acquainted with the town, I had no difficulty in finding the place. It
was a range of handsome buildings which had sprung up in the
fashionable outskirt during my absence; and although it was far on in
the evening, my accustomed eyes soon descried through the gloom the
governor's old-fashioned door-plate. I was just about to knock, really
agitated with delight and struggling memories, when a temptation came
in my way. One of the area-windows was open, gaping as if for my
reception. A quantity of plate lay upon a table close by. Why should I
not enter, and appear unannounced in the drawing-room, a sunburnt
phantom of five feet eleven? Why should I not present the precise and
careful Laura with a handful of her own spoons and forks, left so
conveniently at the service of any area-sneak who might chance to pass
by? Why? That is only a figure of speech. I asked no question about
the matter; the idea was hardly well across my brain when my legs were
across the rails. In another moment, I had crept in by the window; and
chuckling at my own cleverness, and the great moral lesson I was about
to teach, I was stuffing my pockets with the plate.
While thus engaged, the opening of a door in the hall above alarmed
me; and afraid of the failure of my plan, I stepped lightly up the
stair, which was partially lighted by the hall-lamp. As I was about to
emerge at the top, a serving-girl was coming out of a room on the
opposite side. She instantly retreated, shut the door with a bang, and
I could hear a half-suppressed hysterical cry. I bounded on, sprang up
the drawing-room stair, and entered the first door at a venture. All
was dark, and I stopped for a moment to listen. Lights were hurrying
across the hall; and I heard the rough voice of a man as if scolding
and taunting some person. The girl had doubtless given the alarm,
although her information must have been very indistinct; for when she
saw me I was in the shadow of the stair, and she could have had little
more than a vague impression that she beheld a human figure. However
this may be, the man's voice appeared to descend the stair to the
area-room, and presently I heard a crashing noise, not as if he was
counting the plate, but rather thrusting it aside _en masse_. Then I
heard the window closed, the shutters bolted, and an alarm-bell hung
upon them, and the man reascended the stair, half scolding, half
laughing at the girl's superstition. He took care notwithstanding to
examine the fastenings of the street-door, and even to lock it, and
put the key in his pocket. He then retired into a room, and all was
silence.
I began to feel pretty considerably queer. The governor kept no male
servant that I knew of, and had never done so. It was impossible he
could have introduced this change into his household without my being
informed of it by sister Laura, whose letters were an exact chronicle
of everything, down to the health of the cat. This was puzzling. And
now that I had time to think, the house was much too large for a
family requiring only three sleeping-rooms even when I was at home. It
was what is called a double house, with rooms on both sides of the
hall; and the apartment on the threshold of which I was still
lingering appeared, from the dim light of the windows, to be of very
considerable size. I now recollected that the quantity of plate I had
seen--a portion of which at this moment felt preternaturally heavy in
my pockets--must have been three times greater than any the governor
ever possessed, and that various pieces were of a size and massiveness
I had never before seen in the establishment. In vain I bethought
myself that I had seen and recognised the well-known door-plate, and
that the area from which I entered was immediately under; in vain I
argued that since Laura was about to be married, the extra quantity of
plate might be intended to form a part of her _trousseau_: I could not
convince myself. But the course of my thoughts suggested an idea, and
pulling hastily from my pocket a tablespoon, I felt, for I could not
see, the legend which contained my fate. But my fingers were
tremulous: they seemed to have lost sensation--only I fancied I did
feel something more than the governor's plain initials. There was
still a light in the hall. If I could but bring that spoon within its
illumination! All was silent; and I ventured to descend step after
step--not as I had bounded up, but with the stealthy pace of a thief,
and the plate growing heavier and heavier in my pocket. At length I
was near enough to see, in spite of a dimness that had gathered over
my eyes; and, with a sensation of absolute faintness, I beheld upon
the spoon an engraved crest--the red right hand of a baronet!
I crept back again, holding by the banisters, fancying every now and
then that I heard a door open behind me, and yet my feet no more
consenting to quicken their motion than if I had been pursued by a
murderer in the nightmare. I at length got into the room, groped for a
chair, and sat down. No more hurry now. O no! There was plenty of
time; and plenty to do in it, for I had to wipe away the perspiration
that ran down my face in streams. What was to be done? What _had_ I
done? Oh, a trifle, a mere trifle. I had only sneaked into a
gentleman's house by the area-window, and pocketed his tablespoons;
and here I was, locked and barred and belled in, sitting very
comfortably, in the dark and alone, in his drawing-room. Very
particularly comfortable. What a capital fellow, to be sure! What an
amusing personage! Wouldn't the baronet laugh in the morning? Wouldn't
he ask me to stay breakfast? And wouldn't I eat heartily out of the
spoons I had stolen? But what name is that? Who calls me a
housebreaker? Who gives me in charge? Who lugs me off by the neck? I
will not stand it. I am innocent, except of breaking into a baronet's
house. I am a gentleman, with another gentleman's spoons in my pocket.
I claim the protection of the law. Police! police!
My brain was wandering. I pressed my hand upon my wet forehead, to
keep down the thick-coming fancies, and determined, for the first time
in my life, to hold a deliberate consultation with myself. I was in an
awkward predicament--it was impossible to deny the fact; but was there
anything really serious in the case? I had unquestionably descended
into the wrong area, the right-hand one instead of the left-hand one;
but was I not as unquestionably the relation--the distant
relation--the very distant relation--of the next-door neighbour? I had
been four years absent from his house, and was there anything more
natural than that I should desire to pay my next visit through a
subterranean window? I had appropriated, it is true, a quantity of
silver-plate I had found; but with what other intention could I have
done this than to present it to my very distant relation's daughter,
and reproach her with her carelessness in leaving it next door?
Finally, I was snared, caged, trapped--door and window had been bolted
upon me without any remonstrance on my part--and I was now some
considerable time in the house, unsuspected, yet a prisoner. The
position was serious; but come, suppose the worst, that I was actually
laid hold of as a malefactor, and commanded to give an account of
myself. Well: I was, as aforesaid, a distant relation of the
individual next door. I belonged to nobody in the world, if not to
him; I bore but an indifferent reputation in regard to steadiness; and
after four years' absence in a foreign country, I had returned idle,
penniless, and objectless--just in time to find an area-window open in
the dusk of the evening, and a heap of plate lying behind it, within
view of the street.
This self-examination was not encouraging; the case was decidedly
queer; and as I sat thus pondering in the dark, with the spoon in my
hand, I am quite sure that no malefactor in a dungeon could have
envied my reflections. In fact, the evidence was so dead against me,
that I began to doubt my own innocence. What was I here for if my
intentions had really been honest? Why should I desire to come into
any individual's area-window instead of the door? And how came it that
all this silver-plate had found its way into my pockets? I was angry
as well as terrified: I was judge and criminal in one; but the
instincts of nature got the better of my sense of justice, and I rose
suddenly up, to ascertain whether it was not possible to get from the
window into the street.
As I moved, however, the horrible booty I had in my pockets moved
likewise, appearing to me to shriek, like a score of fiends, 'Police!
police!' and the next instant I heard a quick footstep ascending the
stair. Now was the fateful moment come! I was on my feet; my eyes
glared upon the door; my hands were clenched; the perspiration had
dried suddenly upon my skin; and my tongue clave to the roof of my
mouth. But the footstep, accompanied by a gleam of light,
passed--passed; and from very weakness I sat down again, with a
dreadful indifference to the screams of the plate in my pockets.
Presently there were more footsteps along the hall; then voices; then
drawing of bolts and creaking of locks; then utter darkness, then
silence--lasting, terrible, profound. The house had gone to bed; the
house would quickly be asleep; it was time to be up and doing. But
first and foremost, I must get rid of the plate. Without that hideous
_corpus delicti_, I should have some chance. I must, at all hazards,
creep down into the hall, find my way to the lower regions, and
replace the accursed thing where I found it. It required nerve to
attempt this; but I was thoroughly wound up; and after allowing a
reasonable time to elapse, to give my enemies a fair opportunity of
falling asleep, I set out upon the adventure. The door creaked as I
went out; the plate grated against my very soul as I descended the
steps; but slowly, stealthily, I crept along the wall; and at length
found myself on the level floor. There was but one door on that side
of the hall, the door which led to the area-room--I recollect the fact
distinctly--and it was with inexpressible relief I reached it in
safety, and grasped the knob in my hand. The knob turned--but the door
did not open: it was locked; it was my fate to be a thief; and after a
moment of new dismay, I turned again doggedly, reached the stair, and
re-entered the apartment I had left.
It was like getting home. It was snug and private. I had a chair there
waiting me. I thought to myself, that many a man would take a deal of
trouble to break into such a house. I had only sneaked. I wondered how
Jack Shepherd felt on such occasions. I had seen him at the Adelphi in
the person of Mrs Keeley, and a daring little dog he was. He would
make nothing of getting down into the street from the window, spoons
and all. I tried this: the shutters were not even closed, and the sash
moving noiselessly, I had no difficulty in raising it. I stepped out
into the balcony, and looked over. Nothing was to be seen but a black
and yawning gulf beneath, guarded by the imaginary spikes of an
invisible railing. Jack would have laughed at this difficulty; but
then he had more experience in the craft than I, and was provided with
all necessary appliances. As for me, I had stupidly forgotten even my
coil of rope. The governor's house, I found, had either no balcony at
all, or it was too far apart to be reached. Presently I heard a
footstep on the _trottoir_, a little way off. It was approaching with
slow and measured pace: the person was walking as calmly and gravely
in the night as if it had been broad day. Suppose I hailed this
philosophical stranger, and confided to him, in a friendly way, the
fact that the baronet, without the slightest provocation, had locked
me up in his house, with his silver spoons in my pocket? Perhaps he
would advise me what to do in the predicament. Perhaps he would take
the trouble of knocking at the door, or crying fire, and when the
servants opened, I might rush out, and so make my escape. But while I
was looking wistfully down to see if I could not discern the walking
figure, which was now under the windows, a sudden glare from the spot
dazzled my sight. It was the bull's-eye of a policeman; and with the
instinct of a predatory character, I shrunk back trembling, crept into
the room, and shut the window.
By this time I was sensible that there was a little confusion in my
thoughts, and by way of employing them on practical and useful
objects, I determined to make a tour of the room. But first it was
necessary to get rid, somehow or other, of my plunder--to plant the
property, as we call it; and with that view I laid it carefully, piece
by piece, in the corner of a sofa, and concealed it with the cover.
This was a great relief. I almost began to feel like the injured
party--more like a captive than a robber; and I groped my way through
the room, with a sort of vague idea that I might perhaps stumble upon
some trap-door, or sliding-panel, which would lead into the open air,
or, at worst, into a secret chamber, where I should be safe for any
given number of years from my persecutors. But there was nothing of
the kind in this stern, prosaic place: nothing but a few cabinets and
tables, and couches, and arm-chairs, and common-chairs, and
devotional-chairs; and footstools, and lamps, and statuettes, and
glass-shades, and knick-knacks; and one elaborate girandole hung round
with crystal prisms, which played such an interminable tune against
each other when I chanced to move them, that I stumbled away as fast
as I could, and subsided into a _fauteuil_ so rich, so deep, that I
felt myself swallowed up, as it were, in its billows of swan's down.
How long I had been in the house by this time, I cannot tell. It
seemed to me, when I looked back, to form a considerable portion of a
lifetime. Indeed, I did not very well remember the more distant events
of the night; although every now and then the fact occurred to me with
startling distinctness, that all I had gone through was only
preliminary to something still to happen; that the morning was to
come, the family to be astir, and the housebreaker to be apprehended.
My reflections were not continuous. It may be that I dozed between
whiles. How else can I account for my feeling myself grasped by the
throat, to the very brink of suffocation, by a hand without a body?
How else can I account for sister Laura standing over me where I
reclined, pointing to the stolen plate on the sofa, and lecturing me
on my horrible propensities till she grew black in the face, and her
voice rose to a wild unearthly scream which pierced through my brain?
When this fancy occurred, I started from my recumbent posture. A voice
was actually in my ears, and a living form before my eyes: a lady
stood contemplating me, with a half-scream on her lips, and the colour
fading from her cheek; and as I moved, she would have fallen to the
ground, had I not sprung up and caught her in my arms. I laid her
softly down in the _fauteuil_. It was the morning twilight. The
silence was profound. The boundaries of the room were still dim and
indistinct. Is it any wonder that I was in some considerable degree of
perplexity as to whether I was not still in the land of dreams?
'Madam,' said I, 'if you are a vision, it is of no consequence; but if
not, I want particularly to get out.'
'Offer no injury,' she replied, in a tremulous voice, 'and no one will
molest you. Take what you have come for, and begone.'
'That is sooner said than done. The doors and windows below are locked
and bolted; and beneath those of this room the area is deep, and the
spikes sharp. I assure you, I have been in very considerable
perplexity the whole of last night;' and drawing a chair, I sat down
in front of her. Whether it was owing to this action, or to my
complaining voice, or to the mere fact of her finding herself in a
quiet tête-à-tête with a housebreaker, I cannot tell; but the lady
broke into a low hysterical laugh.
'How did you break in?' said she.
'I did not break: it is far from being my character, I assure you. But
the area-window was open, and so I just thought I would come in.'
'You were attracted by the plate! Take it, for Heaven's sake,
desperate man, and go away!'
'I did take some of it, but with no evil intention--only by way of
amusement. Here it is;' and going to the sofa, I drew off the cover,
and shewed her the plant.
'You have been generous,' said she, her voice getting quaverous again;
'for the whole must have been in your power. I will let you out so
softly that no one will know. Put up in your pockets what you have
risked so much to possess, and follow me.'
'I will follow you with pleasure,' said I, 'were it all the world
over;' for the increasing light shewed me as lovely a creature as the
morning sun ever shone upon; 'but as for the plunder, you must excuse
me there: I never stole anything before, and, please Heaven, I never
will again!'
'Surely you are a most extraordinary person,' said the young lady
suddenly, for the light seemed to have made a revelation to her
likewise: 'you neither look nor talk like a robber.'
'Nor am I. I am not even a robber--I am nothing; and have not property
in the world to the value of these articles of plate.'
'Then if you are not a robber, why are you here?--why creep in at the
area-window, appropriate other people's spoons, and get locked up all
night in their house?'
'For no other reason, than that I was in a hurry. I had come home from
Barcelona, and was going in to my guardian's, next door, when your
unfortunate area-window caught my eye, with the plate on the table
inside. In an instant, I was over the rails and in through the window
like a harlequin, with the intention of giving the family a pleasing
surprise, and my old monitress, sister Laura, a great moral lesson on
the impropriety of her leaving plate about in so careless a way.'
'Then you are Gerald, my dear Laura's cousin, so longingly
expected--so beloved by them all--so'----Here the young lady blushed
celestial rosy red, and cast down her eyes. What these two girls could
have been saying to each other about me, I never found out; but there
was a secret, I will go to death upon it.
She let me out so quietly, that neither her father nor the servants
ever knew a syllable about the matter. I need not say how I was
received next door. The governor swept down another sob with another
guffaw; mamma bestowed upon me another blessing and another kiss; and
Laura was so rejoiced, that she gave me another hearty cry, and forgot
to give me another lecture. My next four years were spent to more
purpose than the last. Being less in a hurry, I took time to build up
a flourishing business in partnership with Laura's husband. As for the
baronet's daughter--for we must get everybody into the concluding
tableau--why there she is--that lady cutting bread and butter for the
children, with as matronly an air as Werter's Charlotte: she is my
wife; and we laugh to this day at the oddity of that First Interview
which led to so happy a _dénouement_.