_Old_ Laroon, Jourdain, Isabel, _a Priest_, _Young_ Laroon, Martin,
_and_ Beatrice.
_Mart._ Whither would you pull me?
_Yo. Lar._ Villain, I'll shew thee whither.
_Mart._ Ha!
_Yo. Lar._ Down on thy Knees, confess thy self the worst of Villains, or
I'll drive this Dagger to thy Heart.
_Priest._ He needs not confess, our Ears are sufficient Witnesses
against him.
_Old Lar._ Huzzah! Huzzah! The Priest is caught, the Priest is caught.
_Jourd._ I am Thunder-struck with Amazement.
_Old Lar._ How durst you attempt to debauch my Son, you black Rascal: I
have a great Mind to make an Example of you for attempting to dishonour
my Family.
_Priest._ You shall be made a severe Example of for having dishonour'd
your Order.
_Mart._ I shall find another time to answer you.
_Old Lar._ Hold, Sir, hold. I have too much Charity not to cleanse you,
as much as possible, from your Pollution. So, Who's there? [_Enter
Servants._] Here take this worthy Gentleman, and wash him a little in a
Horse-pond, then toss him dry in a Blanket.
_1 Serv._ We will wash him with a Vengeance.
_All._ Ay, ay, we'll wash him.
_Mart._ You may repent this, Mr. _Laroon_.
SCENE _the Last_.
_Old_ Laroon, _Young_ Laroon, Jourdain, _Priest_, Isabel, _and_
Beatrice.
_Priest._ Tho' he deserves the worst, yet consider his Order, Mr.
_Laroon_.
_Old Lar._ Sir, he shall undergo the Punishment, tho' I suffer the like
afterwards. Well, Master _Jourdain_, I hope you are now convinced, that
you may marry your Daughter without going to Purgatory for it.
_Jourd._ I hope you will pardon what is past, my good Neighbour. And
you, young Gentleman, will, I hope, do the same. If my Girl can make you
any amends, I give you her for ever.
_Yo. Lar._ Amends! Oh! She would make me large Amends for twenty
thousand times my Sufferings.
_Isa._ Tell me so hereafter, my dear Lover. A Woman may make a Man
amends for his Sufferings before Marriage; but can she make him amends
for what he suffers after it?
_Yo. La._ Oh! think not that can ever be my Fate with you.
_Old Lar._ Pox o' your Raptures. If you don't make her suffer before
to-morrow-morning, thou art no Son of mine, and if she does not make you
suffer within this Twelve-month: Blood she is no Woman--Come, honest
Neighbour, I hope thou hast discovered thy own Folly and the Priest's
Roguery together, and thou wilt return and be one of us again.
_Jourd._ Mr. _Laroon_, if I have err'd on one side, you have err'd as
widely on the other. Let me tell you, a Reflexion on the Sins of your
Youth would not be unwholesome.
_Old Lar._ 'Sblood Sir! but it wou'd. Reflexion is the most unwholesome
thing in the World. Besides, Sir, I have no Sins to reflect on but those
of an honest Fellow. If I have lov'd a Whore at five and twenty, and a
Bottle at forty; Why, I have done as much good as I could, in my
Generation; and that, I hope, will make amends.
_Isa._ Well, my dear _Beatrice_, and are you positively bent on a
Nunnery still?
_Bea._ Hum! I suppose you will laugh at me, if I shou'd change my
Resolution; but I have seen so much of a Priest to-day, that I really
believe, I shall spend my Life in the Company of a Lay-man.
_Old Lar._ Why, that is bravely said, Madam, S'bud! I like you, and if I
had not resolv'd, for the Sake of this Rascal here, never to marry
again, S'bud! I might take you into my Arms: And I can tell you, they
are as warm as any young Fellow's in _Europe_--Come, Master _Jourdain_,
this Night, you and I will crack a Bottle together, and to-morrow
morning we will employ this honest Gentleman here, to tack our Son and
Daughter together, and then I don't care if I never see a Priest again
as long as I live.
_Isa._ [to _Yo. Lar._] Well, Sir. You see we have got the better of all
Difficulties at last. The Fears of a Lover are very unreasonable, when
he is once assured of the Sincerity of his Mistress,
For when a Woman sets her self about it,
Nor Priest, nor Devil can make her go without it.
_FINIS._
Transcriber's Notes:
Text in italics is surrounded with underscores: _italics_.
Inconsistencies in spelling have been retained from the original.
Obvious typographical errors have been corrected as follows:
Page 37: Assignanation changed to Assignation