INTRODUCES THE HEROINE OF THIS NARRATIVE
It has been said by those who ought to know that, if the most painful
quarter of an hour in a man's life comes when he is screwing himself up
to proposing-point, the corresponding period in a woman's is that
immediately preceding her first dinner-party in her own house.
Granting the unpleasantness of both these chastening but necessary
experiences, a mere male may be excused for inquiring why the second
should be ear-marked as the exclusive prerogative of the opposite sex.
There is no more morbidly apprehensive creature under the sun than the
undergraduate about to give a state luncheon-party which is to be graced
by the presence of his beloved.
Hughie Marrable sat back in his hansom with knitted brow, and checked
some hieroglyphics on the back of an envelope.
"Let's see," he murmured to himself, "_Dressed crab_. Can't go wrong
there. Told the cook to be sure to send it up in the silver scallops
with the College crest on. After all, it's the trimmings that really
appeal to a woman. Not the food, but the way you serve it up. Rum
creatures!" he added parenthetically. "_Prawns in aspic_. That always
looks nice, anyway, though not very filling at the price. I remember
last year Kitty Devenish said it looked simply--"
Hughie checked his soliloquy rather suddenly, and, if any one else had
been present in the hansom, would probably have blushed a little. Miss
Kitty Devenish was what cycle-dealers term "a last year's model," and at
the present moment Hughie was driving to meet some one else. He
continued:--
"_Cutlets à la reform_. Quite the best thing the kitchens turn out, but
not so showy as they might be. Still, with old Huish's Crown Derby
plates--it was decent of the old man to lend them; I hope to goodness
Mrs. Gunn won't do anything rash with them--they ought to do. _Grassy
corner pudding_. That always creates excitement, though it tastes
rotten. _Fruit salad_; _crême brûlé_. That's safe enough. _Macaroni au
gratin_. She won't touch it, but it'll please Uncle Jimmy and Jack Ames.
Wish I could have some myself! Never mind; only about six hours more!"
Hughie smacked his lips. It is hard to sit among the flesh-pots and not
partake thereof. His fare at this feast would be cold beef and dry
toast.
He turned over the envelope.
"H'm--drink. Don't suppose she'll have anything, but I can't take that
for granted. There's a bottle of Berncastler Doctor and some Beaune. I
wonder if it would be best to have them open before I ask her what
she'll drink, or ask her what she'll drink before I open them. I'll have
'em open, I think. She might refuse if she saw the corks weren't drawn.
Anyhow Mrs. Ames will probably take some. But, great Scott! I must ask
Mrs. Ames first, mustn't I? That's settled anyway. She'll probably take
whatever Mrs. Ames takes.
"Then there are the table decorations. I wish to goodness I could
remember whether it _was_ wall-flower she said. I think it must have
been, because I remember making some putrid joke to her once about like
attracting unlike. Anyhow, it's too late to change it now. I've plumped
for wall-flower, and the room simply stinks of it.
"Then the seats. Me at the head, with Mrs. Ames on one hand and her on
the other. Uncle Jimmy at the end, with Ames on his left and Dicky Lunn
between Mrs. Ames and Uncle Jimmy. Yes, Ames _must_ sit there. Lord
knows, Dicky Lunn should be safe enough, but you never know what sort of
man a girl won't take a fancy to. And after all, Ames is married," added
the infatuated youth.
"Then Mrs. Gunn. I think I've told her everything." He feverishly ticked
off his admonitions on his fingers. "Let me see,--
"_One_: not to put used plates on the floor.
"_Two_: not to join in the conversation.
"_Three_: not to let that wobbly affair in her bonnet dip into the food.
"_Four_: not to breathe on things or polish them with her apron, except
out of sight.
"_Five_: not to attempt on any account to hand round the drink.
"_Six_: to go away directly after lunch and not trot in and out of the
gyp-room munching remains.
"The tea-hamper should be all right. Trust the kitchens for that! I must
remember to stick in a box of chocolates, though. And I don't think I
need bother about dinner, as they are going to send in Richards to wait.
Anyhow, I shall have the boat off my chest by that time. That will be
something, especially _if_--"
Hughie lapsed into silence, and for a moment a vision of love requited
gave place in his imagination to the spectacle of the Benedictine crew
going Head of the river.
His reflections were interrupted by the arrival of his equipage at that
combined masterpiece of imposing architecture and convenient
arrangement, Cambridge railway station. The platform was crowded with
young men, most of them in "athletic dress," waiting for the London
train. The brows of all were seamed with care, partaking in all
probability of the domestic and amorous variety which obsessed poor
Hughie.
The train as usual dashed into the station with a haughty
can't-stop-at-a-hole-like-this expression, only to clank across some
points and grind itself to an ignominious and asthmatic standstill at a
distant point beside the solitary and interminable platform which,
together with a ticket-office and a bookstall, prevents Cambridge
railway station from being mistaken for a rather out-of-date dock-shed.
Presently Hughie, running rapidly, observed his guests descending from a
carriage.
First came a pleasant-faced lady of between thirty and forty, followed
by a stout and easy-going husband. Next, an oldish gentleman with a
white moustache and a choleric blue eye. And finally--pretty, fresh, and
disturbing--appeared the _fons et origo_ of the entire expedition, on
whose account the disposition and incidents of Hughie's luncheon-party
had been so cunningly planned and so laboriously rehearsed--Miss Mildred
Freshwater.
The party greeted their host characteristically. His uncle, even as he
shook hands, let drop a few fervent anticipatory remarks on the subject
of lunch; Mr. Ames, who was an old college boat captain, coupled his
greeting with an anxious inquiry as to the club's prospects of success
that evening; Mrs. Ames' eyes plainly said, "Well, I've _brought_ her,
my boy; now wire in!" and Miss Freshwater, when it came to her turn,
shook hands with an unaffected pleasure and _camaraderie_ which would
have suited Hughie better if there had been discernible upon her face
what Yum-Yum once pithily summed up as "a trace of diffidence or
shyness."
Still, Hughie was so enraptured with the vision before him that he
failed to observe a small and shrinking figure which had coyly emerged
from the train, and was hanging back, as if doubtful about its
reception, behind Mrs. Ames' skirts. Presently it detached itself and
stood before Hughie in the form of a small girl with coppery brown hair
and wide grey-blue eyes.
"Joey!" shouted Hughie.
"She would come!" explained his uncle, in the resigned tones of a strong
man who knows his limits.
The lady indicated advanced to Hughie's side, and, taking his hand,
rubbed herself ingratiatingly against him in the inarticulate but
eloquent manner peculiar to dumb animals and young children.