A GOSSIPY LETTER.
O'NEILL AS A GUIDE.--MEN MANGLED HERE.--NOUN HUNGER.--KINDSCH
GEWORDEN.--A ROMMEL.--HOME-MADE BERLITZ.--SPOORWEG BEPALINGEN.--THE
GROOTE WATER-BAAS.--TWO THOUSAND NEW WORDS.
"Don't talk any more about that grammar-book," I interposed. "It's all
very well in its way, but it doesn't account for half Jack's adventures.
Now I can let you into a secret. Please don't look so apprehensive,
O'Neill! As it happens, I had a descriptive letter from Enderby just
about the time that Jack was making the most brilliant progress with
his Dutch vocabulary. It gave me a vivid picture of what was going on
in the Hague when this linguist of ours got really started to work.
Here are two of these long epistles. In the first he tells me all
about the MacNamaras--Jack's cousins, you know--who came across from
Kilkenny, for a trip to Holland. They were at the Oude Doelen when he
wrote, and our friend Jack was posing as a great Dutch scholar and
showing them the sights.
(From Enderby to Cuey-na-Gael)
Doelen Hotel,
The Hague.
My dear Cuey-na-Gael,
You would be amazed to see the confidence with which O'Neill acts as
guide to the MacNamaras.
MacNamara +pere+ is mostly buried in museums, or is on the hunt for
archaeological papers, so Kathleen and Terence are left on Jack's hands.
He has been everywhere with them, and has evidently impressed them with
his astounding Dutch. To them it seems both correct and fluent. They
have only had three days of it as yet, and haven't had time to find him
out. Kathleen is as haughty as ever; and I can see she chafes at being
obliged to submit to the direction of a mere boy, as she regards Jack.
She was furious the day before yesterday, when in passing through one
of the back streets he asked her if she had ever noticed what the Dutch
Government printed in front of the surgeries.
She glanced up and, to her horror, read: "Hier mangelt men." It was
only a momentary shock; she guessed soon enough what it meant; but it
gave her a turn all the same. Perhaps it wasn't a very finished kind
of joke, but she needn't have been quite so fierce about it.
"You're cruel," she said, "cruel and heartless! Why even your dogmatic
and intolerable chum, Mr. van Leeuwen wouldn't have been so harsh as
that."
Now it was that little speech of hers that suggested something to me.
Was there ever anything between her and van Leeuwen? They were at the
University about the same time, and it seems van Leeuwen was a great
friend of the father, who had him down to his place in the country and
showed him his manuscripts. But I believe Kathleen couldn't stand him.
They used always to be arguing about the Suffragettes, and passed for
official enemies, in a way,--at least as uncompromising leaders on
opposite sides. She was fond of saying that van Leeuwen was a standing
proof that mere learning couldn't enlarge the mind. Once in a private
debate she referred to him as a "learned barbarian and a retrograde
mediaevalist."
She was called to order for it, of course; but her apology didn't
amount to much. She said she wouldn't mind dropping the adjectives, but
she would stick to the nouns.
I believe van Leeuwen was quite content, however, and congratulated his
witty antagonist on the fact that she would mellow with time.
We always thought in those days they were sworn foes, and always would
be. But I have a dim idea there is now more friendly interest on both
sides. And, by the way, van Leeuwen has been carrying on brisk
correspondence with O'Neill, especially since he heard the MacNamaras
were expected. He has offered his services, and those of his motor, to
all and sundry, especially if they hail from Dublin: so I don't think
he can be keeping up very much of a grudge.
But I was going to tell you about Jack.
Lately I had noticed that his Dutch vocabulary was growing very rich.
He seemed to have quite a hunger for nouns, and he used to ask the
names of everything. But I have no idea of what he was up to. To day
I'll find out and write you.
Much haste. Yours as ever.
Enderby.
(From Enderby to Cuey-na-Gael)
Dear Cuey,
I've just been at the Doelen Hotel--and the Macs are gone! Very sudden
I must say. I suppose Kathleen has got tired of Holland; or is she
trying to avoid van Leeuwen?
You see MacNamara +mere+ had written me a friendly little note from
Kilkenny, telling me that the Doctor--as she always calls her
husband--had got a trifle absent-minded since his deafness became
troublesome, and would I look him up occasionally during his stay in
the Hague, and give him some advice about the Rhine.
Well, when I reached Vieux Doelen, the birds were flown. Gone at six
o'clock, I was told--the three of them--to Cologne! Quick work, I
thought; so I made a bee-line for O'Neill's. He surely would know about
this sudden departure.
And in any case I wanted to get a glimpse of his new mysterious studies.
Just fancy! The landlady met me at the door with tears in her eyes.
"O Mijnheer, Mijnheer!" she exclaimed half-sobbing. "Ik vrees voor
mijnheer O'Neill. Hij studeert te veel, of ik weet het niet--maar het
is niet goed met hem. Ik geloof", and here her voice sank to a
horrified whisper, "dat hij een beetje kindsch geworden is; want hij
heeft speelgoed gekocht, en hij maak overal zoo een rommel."
"Ja, juffrouw," I strove to explain, "Mijnheer studeert natuurlijk."
But she persisted, "Oh mijnheer! studeeren is het niet. Hij ziet het
scherm voor een kachel aan, en verknoeit alles. Ik ben zoo bang, zoo
benauwd! Ik durf het huis niet uit, van Maandag af al!"
Rather flustered by all this, I promised to call the doctor if it were
necessary; then climbed up the stairs to O'Neill's door.
All was still. I knocked and entered. What a sight met my eyes! Indeed
it was enough to astonish more experienced people than the landlady.
Neatly fastened on one side of the table was a model train, engine and
all. Beside it was a toy house, with yard, garden, and stiff wooden
trees. Then there was a bit of a doll's room with a kitchen stove. And
verily to every one of these articles there was a label affixed.
There sat the student, pen in hand, with a dictionary and a gum-bottle
at his elbow. Snippets of paper littered his writing-desk and the floor
around. His unfinished lunch (labelled too) looked down reproachfully
from a pile of books built on the table.
Over the gorgeous screen that hid the hearth a conspicuous card was
hung, bearing the mystic inscription, "What ought to be here--Kachel."
No wonder the careful hospita was upset. It would have been hard to say
whether the apartment was more like a museum or an auction room.
He glanced up with a sort of blush when I came near; but raised his
hand to enjoin silence, as he found the word he was in search of, and
wrote it down.
Half expecting to see prices marked, I examined some of the labels.
Nearly every thing had its Dutch name gummed on to it, such as 'spiegel
lijst,' 'behangsel,' 'schotel of bakje,' and even on his sleeve 'mouw
van mijn jas.'
"It's all right!" he burst forth enthusiastically. "Doing Berlitz
Dutch, you see! Self-taught, too! Splendid plan. Three hundred words
a day. I'll have two thousand new nouns at my fingers' ends before the
Macs are back from the Drachenfels. Precious few things in the ordinary
way of life, I won't know then! Eh, what?"
Then it dawned upon me he was getting up vocabulary.
"Nouns, of course," he said. "All nouns. That's the secret. True basis
of any language.
"It's a discovery of my own. If you know the names of two or three
thousand material things, you can never be at a loss. But I stick in a
proverb, too, here and there, wherever it comes handy. See?"
He held up the sleeve of his dressing-gown on which the candid
announcement was made in bold round-hand: "Ik heb het achter de mouw",
and pointed to his bread-knife, which was tastefully adorned with the
words: "Het mes op de keel zetten."
Yes, I saw.
Well; then he explained, and argued, and tried to proselytize me. He
was making hay while the sun shone--which meant that he was preparing,
in the absence of Terence and Kathleen, for his famous cycling-tour;
getting on his armour, in fact.
In such spirits I had never seen him.
And, I must say, he made out a good case for his method. It seems he
had anticipated most of the queries he might be obliged to put during
his travels. He had docketed every part of a railway carriage, and even
mastered all sorts of regulations, from those of the Luxe-trein to
Buurtverkeer, and from the yearly ticket to the humble perronkaartje.
It looked very thorough, and I understood that he had treated his cycle
the same way. But I have grave doubts! I am the more confirmed in my
scepticism from what the landlady told me at the door. After reassuring
her on the score of O'Neill's health, I emphasised the fact that he was
going on a trip, and must practise Dutch by way of preparation.
That was worse than all, she thought; as Mijnheer O'Neill would
certainly come to harm. "Hij is zoo veranderd! He! Het is zoo eng."
Yesterday he had asked her about the print of a sea-fight that her
little boy had put up in the hall. She said it was de Ruyter; and began
to expatiate on that hero's achievements.
But he cut her short with: "Een beroemde man was hij zeker; misschien
de grootste _water-baas_ van zijn tijd."
I explained that he probably meant _zee-held_; but not remembering the
right term in time, had taken one like it.
But the landlady could not be pacified.
"Het doet mij huiveren te denken dat hij op reis gaat!" she said.
I was not without my apprehensions either. For he means to start out
next week with two thousand new words.
He'll probably find that such hastily acquired information is not
without its drawbacks.
But more again.
Vale, vale.
As ever yours,
Phil Enderby.
P. S. The Macs are gone to Bonn, where your uncle expects to find
wonderful manuscripts. Not much fun for Kathleen though! And Terence
will be bored to death. Why doesn't O'Neill bring him back to Holland
and show him Amsterdam and other towns?