After dinner Rayel and I went at once to our stateroom.
“I am out of patience with myself,” said he, as soon as we were seated.
“My mind is failing me just when I need it most. I have grown dull and
stupid. For more than a week I have been trying to find out that man's
secret. I knew that he had a secret, and that it concerned us. Not until
to-night was I certain that I had found it out. Once I could see the
truth clearly. No matter how deeply it was buried under lies--I could
see it. But now there is something like a mist before my eyes, and I am
sure of nothing. Perhaps it is because I am now a liar myself, as bad as
any of them. God have mercy on me!” said he, rising, and speaking with
much animation. “I know now what is blinding my soul. When a man lies
he loses some degree of his power to distinguish between truth and
falsehood.”
He stood looking into my face impatiently, as if waiting to hear what I
would say to his remark.
“That would be the natural result, I have no doubt,” said I; “but
are you not trying to convict yourself of too much wickedness and
stupidity?”
I had never considered the misfortune of knowing too much--of being able
to detect every difference between word and thought, between appearance
and reality. That was the power which Rayel possessed, and it increased
his moral responsibility by as much as it transcended the power common
to others. Here, indeed, was a man ripe for the fate of a martyr.
“Won't you tell me Fenlon's secret, if you have found it out?” I asked.
“I've been thinking about it night and day since we first saw him.”
“Be wise! Don't try to learn too fast, Kendric” said he. “You shall know
it soon, I am sure of that--indeed, I promise that you shall.”
“I am quite willing to wait on the future for everything if you think it
is best,” I said.
We sat for a long time, making plans for our future life in England. It
was near midnight when we retired to our berths, but we were up early
in the morning, eager to catch the first sight of land. On reaching the
deck we were overjoyed to see the distant spires of Southampton glowing
in the morning sun.