"Yes, I do! Get me something!" she retorted wilfully. "If you don't, I
shall die. I MUST sleep."
They went in, and Lapham asked for something to make a nervous person
sleep. Irene stood poring over the show-case full of brushes and
trinkets, while the apothecary put up the bromide, which he guessed
would be about the best thing. She did not show any emotion; her face
was like a stone, while her father's expressed the anguish of his
sympathy. He looked as if he had not slept for a week; his fat eyelids
drooped over his glassy eyes, and his cheeks and throat hung flaccid.
He started as the apothecary's cat stole smoothly up and rubbed itself
against his leg; and it was to him that the man said, "You want to take
a table-spoonful of that, as long as you're awake. I guess it won't
take a great many to fetch you." "All right," said Lapham, and paid and
went out. "I don't know but I SHALL want some of it," he said, with a
joyless laugh.
Irene came closer up to him and took his arm. He laid his heavy paw on
her gloved fingers. After a while she said, "I want you should let me
go up to Lapham to-morrow."
"To Lapham? Why, to-morrow's Sunday, Irene! You can't go to-morrow."
"Well, Monday, then. I can live through one day here."
"Well," said the father passively. He made no pretence of asking her
why she wished to go, nor any attempt to dissuade her.
"Give me that bottle," she said, when he opened the door at home for
her, and she ran up to her own room.
The next morning Irene came to breakfast with her mother; the Colonel
and Penelope did not appear, and Mrs. Lapham looked sleep-broken and
careworn.
The girl glanced at her. "Don't you fret about me, mamma," she said.
"I shall get along." She seemed herself as steady and strong as rock.
"I don't like to see you keeping up so, Irene," replied her mother.
"It'll be all the worse for you when you do break. Better give way a
little at the start."
"I shan't break, and I've given way all I'm going to. I'm going to
Lapham to-morrow,--I want you should go with me, mamma,--and I guess I
can keep up one day here. All about it is, I don't want you should say
anything, or LOOK anything. And, whatever I do, I don't want you
should try to stop me. And, the first thing, I'm going to take her
breakfast up to her. Don't!" she cried, intercepting the protest on
her mother's lips. "I shall not let it hurt Pen, if I can help it.
She's never done a thing nor thought a thing to wrong me. I had to fly
out at her last night; but that's all over now, and I know just what
I've got to bear."
She had her way unmolested. She carried Penelope's breakfast to her,
and omitted no care or attention that could make the sacrifice
complete, with an heroic pretence that she was performing no unusual
service. They did not speak, beyond her saying, in a clear dry note,
"Here's your breakfast, Pen," and her sister's answering, hoarsely and
tremulously, "Oh, thank you, Irene." And, though two or three times
they turned their faces toward each other while Irene remained in the
room, mechanically putting its confusion to rights, their eyes did not
meet. Then Irene descended upon the other rooms, which she set in
order, and some of which she fiercely swept and dusted. She made the
beds; and she sent the two servants away to church as soon as they had
eaten their breakfast, telling them that she would wash their dishes.
Throughout the morning her father and mother heard her about the work
of getting dinner, with certain silences which represented the moments
when she stopped and stood stock-still, and then, readjusting her
burden, forced herself forward under it again.
They sat alone in the family room, out of which their two girls seemed
to have died. Lapham could not read his Sunday papers, and she had no
heart to go to church, as she would have done earlier in life when in
trouble. Just then she was obscurely feeling that the church was
somehow to blame for that counsel of Mr. Sewell's on which they had
acted.
"I should like to know," she said, having brought the matter up,
"whether he would have thought it was such a light matter if it had
been his own children. Do you suppose he'd have been so ready to act
on his own advice if it HAD been?"
"He told us the right thing to do, Persis,--the only thing. We
couldn't let it go on," urged her husband gently.
"Well, it makes me despise Pen! Irene's showing twice the character
that she is, this very minute."
The mother said this so that the father might defend her daughter to
her. He did not fail. "Irene's got the easiest part, the way I look
at it. And you'll see that Pen'll know how to behave when the time
comes."
"What do you want she should do?"
"I haven't got so far as that yet. What are we going to do about
Irene?"
"What do you want Pen should do," repeated Mrs. Lapham, "when it comes
to it?"
"Well, I don't want she should take him, for ONE thing," said Lapham.
This seemed to satisfy Mrs. Lapham as to her husband, and she said in
defence of Corey, "Why, I don't see what HE'S done. It's all been our
doing."
"Never mind that now. What about Irene?"
"She says she's going to Lapham to-morrow. She feels that she's got to
get away somewhere. It's natural she should."
"Yes, and I presume it will be about the best thing FOR her. Shall you
go with her?"
"Yes."
"Well." He comfortlessly took up a newspaper again, and she rose with a
sigh, and went to her room to pack some things for the morrow's journey.
After dinner, when Irene had cleared away the last trace of it in
kitchen and dining-room with unsparing punctilio, she came downstairs,
dressed to go out, and bade her father come to walk with her again. It
was a repetition of the aimlessness of the last night's wanderings.
They came back, and she got tea for them, and after that they heard her
stirring about in her own room, as if she were busy about many things;
but they did not dare to look in upon her, even after all the noises
had ceased, and they knew she had gone to bed.
"Yes; it's a thing she's got to fight out by herself," said Mrs Lapham.
"I guess she'll get along," said Lapham. "But I don't want you should
misjudge Pen either. She's all right too. She ain't to blame."
"Yes, I know. But I can't work round to it all at once. I shan't
misjudge her, but you can't expect me to get over it right away."
"Mamma," said Irene, when she was hurrying their departure the next
morning, "what did she tell him when he asked her?"
"Tell him?" echoed the mother; and after a while she added, "She didn't
tell him anything."
"Did she say anything, about me?"
"She said he mustn't come here any more."
Irene turned and went into her sister's room. "Good-bye, Pen," she
said, kissing her with an effect of not seeing or touching her. "I
want you should tell him all about it. If he's half a man, he won't
give up till he knows why you won't have him; and he has a right to
know."
"It wouldn't make any difference. I couldn't have him after----"
"That's for you to say. But if you don't tell him about me, I will."
"'Rene!" "Yes! You needn't say I cared for him. But you can say that
you all thought he--cared for--me."
"O Irene----"
"Don't!" Irene escaped from the arms that tried to cast themselves
about her. "You are all right, Pen. You haven't done anything.
You've helped me all you could. But I can't--yet."
She went out of the room and summoned Mrs. Lapham with a sharp "Now,
mamma!" and went on putting the last things into her trunks.
The Colonel went to the station with them, and put them on the train.
He got them a little compartment to themselves in the Pullman car; and
as he stood leaning with his lifted hands against the sides of the
doorway, he tried to say something consoling and hopeful: "I guess
you'll have an easy ride, Irene. I don't believe it'll be dusty, any,
after the rain last night."
"Don't you stay till the train starts, papa," returned the girl, in
rigid rejection of his futilities. "Get off, now."
"Well, if you want I should," he said, glad to be able to please her in
anything. He remained on the platform till the cars started. He saw
Irene bustling about in the compartment, making her mother comfortable
for the journey; but Mrs. Lapham did not lift her head. The train
moved off, and he went heavily back to his business.
From time to time during the day, when he caught a glimpse of him,
Corey tried to make out from his face whether he knew what had taken
place between him and Penelope. When Rogers came in about time of
closing, and shut himself up with Lapham in his room, the young man
remained till the two came out together and parted in their
salutationless fashion.
Lapham showed no surprise at seeing Corey still there, and merely
answered, "Well!" when the young man said that he wished to speak with
him, and led the way back to his room.
Corey shut the door behind them. "I only wish to speak to you in case
you know of the matter already; for otherwise I'm bound by a promise."
"I guess I know what you mean. It's about Penelope."
"Yes, it's about Miss Lapham. I am greatly attached to her--you'll
excuse my saying it; I couldn't excuse myself if I were not."
"Perfectly excusable," said Lapham. "It's all right."
"Oh, I'm glad to hear you say that!" cried the young fellow joyfully.
"I want you to believe that this isn't a new thing or an unconsidered
thing with me--though it seemed so unexpected to her."
Lapham fetched a deep sigh. "It's all right as far as I'm
concerned--or her mother. We've both liked you first-rate."
"Yes?"
"But there seems to be something in Penelope's mind--I don't know--"
The Colonel consciously dropped his eyes.
"She referred to something--I couldn't make out what--but I hoped--I
hoped--that with your leave I might overcome it--the barrier--whatever
it was. Miss Lapham--Penelope--gave me the hope--that I
was--wasn't--indifferent to her----"
"Yes, I guess that's so," said Lapham. He suddenly lifted his head,
and confronted the young fellow's honest face with his own face, so
different in its honesty. "Sure you never made up to any one else at
the same time?"
"NEVER! Who could imagine such a thing? If that's all, I can easily."
"I don't say that's all, nor that that's it. I don't want you should
go upon that idea. I just thought, may be--you hadn't thought of it."
"No, I certainly hadn't thought of it! Such a thing would have been so
impossible to me that I couldn't have thought of it; and it's so
shocking to me now that I don't know what to say to it."
"Well, don't take it too much to heart," said Lapham, alarmed at the
feeling he had excited; "I don't say she thought so. I was trying to
guess--trying to----"
"If there is anything I can say or do to convince you----"
"Oh, it ain't necessary to say anything. I'm all right."
"But Miss Lapham! I may see her again? I may try to convince her
that----"
He stopped in distress, and Lapham afterwards told his wife that he
kept seeing the face of Irene as it looked when he parted with her in
the car; and whenever he was going to say yes, he could not open his
lips. At the same time he could not help feeling that Penelope had a
right to what was her own, and Sewell's words came back to him.
Besides, they had already put Irene to the worst suffering. Lapham
compromised, as he imagined. "You can come round to-night and see ME,
if you want to," he said; and he bore grimly the gratitude that the
young man poured out upon him.
Penelope came down to supper and took her mother's place at the head of
the table.
Lapham sat silent in her presence as long as he could bear it. Then he
asked, "How do you feel to-night, Pen?"
"Oh, like a thief," said the girl. "A thief that hasn't been arrested
yet."
Lapham waited a while before he said, "Well, now, your mother and I
want you should hold up on that a while."
"It isn't for you to say. It's something I can't hold up on."
"Yes, I guess you can. If I know what's happened, then what's happened
is a thing that nobody is to blame for. And we want you should make
the best of it and not the worst. Heigh? It ain't going to help Irene
any for you to hurt yourself--or anybody else; and I don't want you
should take up with any such crazy notion. As far as heard from, you
haven't stolen anything, and whatever you've got belongs to you."
"Has he been speaking to you, father?"
"Your mother's been speaking to me."
"Has HE been speaking to you?"
"That's neither here nor there."
"Then he's broken his word, and I will never speak to him again!"
"If he was any such fool as to promise that he wouldn't talk to me on a
subject"--Lapham drew a deep breath, and then made the plunge--"that I
brought up----"
"Did you bring it up?"
"The same as brought up--the quicker he broke his word the better; and
I want you should act upon that idea. Recollect that it's my business,
and your mother's business, as well as yours, and we're going to have
our say. He hain't done anything wrong, Pen, nor anything that he's
going to be punished for. Understand that. He's got to have a reason,
if you're not going to have him. I don't say you've got to have him; I
want you should feel perfectly free about that; but I DO say you've got
to give him a reason."
"Is he coming here?"
"I don't know as you'd call it COMING----"
"Yes, you do, father!" said the girl, in forlorn amusement at his
shuffling.
"He's coming here to see ME----"
"When's he coming?"
"I don't know but he's coming to-night."
"And you want I should see him?"
"I don't know but you'd better."
"All right. I'll see him."
Lapham drew a long deep breath of suspicion inspired by this
acquiescence. "What you going to do?" he asked presently.
"I don't know yet," answered the girl sadly. "It depends a good deal
upon what he does."
"Well," said Lapham, with the hungriness of unsatisfied anxiety in his
tone. When Corey's card was brought into the family-room where he and
Penelope were sitting, he went into the parlour to find him. "I guess
Penelope wants to see you," he said; and, indicating the family-room,
he added, "She's in there," and did not go back himself.
Corey made his way to the girl's presence with open trepidation, which
was not allayed by her silence and languor. She sat in the chair where
she had sat the other night, but she was not playing with a fan now.
He came toward her, and then stood faltering. A faint smile quivered
over her face at the spectacle of his subjection. "Sit down, Mr.
Corey," she said. "There's no reason why we shouldn't talk it over
quietly; for I know you will think I'm right."
"I'm sure of that," he answered hopefully. "When I saw that your
father knew of it to-day, I asked him to let me see you again. I'm
afraid that I broke my promise to you--technically----"
"It had to be broken." He took more courage at her words. "But I've
only come to do whatever you say, and not to be an--annoyance to
you----"
"Yes, you have to know; but I couldn't tell you before. Now they all
think I should."
A tremor of anxiety passed over the young man's face, on which she kept
her eyes steadily fixed.
"We supposed it--it was--Irene----"
He remained blank a moment, and then he said with a smile of relief, of
deprecation, of protest, of amazement, of compassion--
"OH! Never! Never for an instant! How could you think such a thing? It
was impossible! I never thought of her. But I see--I see! I can
explain--no, there's nothing to explain! I have never knowingly done or
said a thing from first to last to make you think that. I see how
terrible it is!" he said; but he still smiled, as if he could not take
it seriously. "I admired her beauty--who could help doing that?--and I
thought her very good and sensible. Why, last winter in Texas, I told
Stanton about our meeting in Canada, and we agreed--I only tell you to
show you how far I always was from what you thought--that he must come
North and try to see her, and--and--of course, it all sounds very
silly!--and he sent her a newspaper with an account of his ranch in
it----"
"She thought it came from you."
"Oh, good heavens! He didn't tell me till after he'd done it. But he
did it for a part of our foolish joke. And when I met your sister
again, I only admired her as before. I can see, now, how I must have
seemed to be seeking her out; but it was to talk of you with her--I
never talked of anything else if I could help it, except when I changed
the subject because I was ashamed to be always talking of you. I see
how distressing it is for all of you. But tell me that you believe me!"
"Yes, I must. It's all been our mistake----"
"It has indeed! But there's no mistake about my loving you, Penelope,"
he said; and the old-fashioned name, at which she had often mocked, was
sweet to her from his lips.
"That only makes it worse!" she answered.
"Oh no!" he gently protested. "It makes it better. It makes it right.
How is it worse? How is it wrong?"
"Can't you see? You must understand all now! Don't you see that if she
believed so too, and if she----" She could not go on.
"Did she--did your sister--think that too?" gasped Corey.
"She used to talk with me about you; and when you say you care for me
now, it makes me feel like the vilest hypocrite in the world. That day
you gave her the list of books, and she came down to Nantasket, and
went on about you, I helped her to flatter herself--oh! I don't see how
she can forgive me. But she knows I can never forgive myself! That's
the reason she can do it. I can see now," she went on, "how I must
have been trying to get you from her. I can't endure it! The only way
is for me never to see you or speak to you again!" She laughed
forlornly. "That would be pretty hard on you, if you cared."
"I do care--all the world!"
"Well, then, it would if you were going to keep on caring. You won't
long, if you stop coming now."
"Is this all, then? Is it the end?"
"It's--whatever it is. I can't get over the thought of her. Once I
thought I could, but now I see that I can't. It seems to grow worse.
Sometimes I feel as if it would drive me crazy."
He sat looking at her with lacklustre eyes. The light suddenly came
back into them. "Do you think I could love you if you had been false
to her? I know you have been true to her, and truer still to yourself.
I never tried to see her, except with the hope of seeing you too. I
supposed she must know that I was in love with you. From the first
time I saw you there that afternoon, you filled my fancy. Do you think
I was flirting with the child, or--no, you don't think that! We have
not done wrong. We have not harmed any one knowingly. We have a right
to each other----"
"No! no! you must never speak to me of this again. If you do, I shall
know that you despise me."
"But how will that help her? I don't love HER."
"Don't say that to me! I have said that to myself too much."
"If you forbid me to love you, it won't make me love her," he persisted.
She was about to speak, but she caught her breath without doing so, and
merely stared at him. "I must do what you say," he continued. "But
what good will it do her? You can't make her happy by making yourself
unhappy."
"Do you ask me to profit by a wrong?"
"Not for the world. But there is no wrong!"
"There is something--I don't know what. There's a wall between us. I
shall dash myself against it as long as I live; but that won't break
it."
"Oh!" he groaned. "We have done no wrong. Why should we suffer from
another's mistake as if it were our sin?"
"I don't know. But we must suffer."
"Well, then, I WILL not, for my part, and I will not let you. If you
care for me----"
"You had no right to know it."
"You make it my privilege to keep you from doing wrong for the right's
sake. I'm sorry, with all my heart and soul, for this error; but I
can't blame myself, and I won't deny myself the happiness I haven't
done anything to forfeit. I will never give you up. I will wait as
long as you please for the time when you shall feel free from this
mistake; but you shall be mine at last. Remember that. I might go
away for months--a year, even; but that seems a cowardly and guilty
thing, and I'm not afraid, and I'm not guilty, and I'm going to stay
here and try to see you."
She shook her head. "It won't change anything? Don't you see that
there's no hope for us?"
"When is she coming back?" he asked.
"I don't know. Mother wants father to come and take her out West for a
while."
"She's up there in the country with your mother yet?"
"Yes."