Eulalia. How many monethes old is it.
Xantip. It lacketh lytle of. vii.
Eula What a tale is this, ye reken the monethes by nightes
and dayes double.
Xantippa. Not so.
Eula. It can not be none other wyse, yf ye reken from the
mariage day.
xantippa. yea, but what thē, I spake with him before we
were maried.
Eulalia. Be children gotten by speakinge.
xantip. It befell so that he mette me alone and begon to
ticke at me, and tickled me vnder the arme holes and sydes to make
me laugh. I might not awaie with ticklynge, but fell downe
backewarde vpon a bedde and he a lofte, neuer leuinge kyssynge on
me, what he did els I can not saye, but by sayncte Marie within a
while after my bely beganne to swell.
Eula. Go now and disprayse thine husbāde whiche yf he
gette children by playe, what wyll he do whē he goeth to it in
good ernest.
[Illustration]
xantippa, I fere me I am payed agayin.
Eula. Good locke God hath sent a fruitfull grounde, a good
tylmā.
Xantip. In that thing he might haue lesse laboure and more
thanke.
Eula. Few wyues finde at theyr husbandes in that behalf but
were ye thē sure togither.
xanti. yea that we were
Eula. The offence is the lesse. Is it a man chylde.
xantip. yea.
Eula. He shal make you at one so that ye wil bow &
forbere. What saieth other mē by thin husband, they that be his
cōpanions, they delite with him abrode
xā, They say that he is meruelous gentyl, redy to do
euery man pleasure, liberal and sure to his frende.
Eula. And that putteth me in good cōfort that he wyll be
ruled after our counsayll.
xantip. But I fynde him not so.
Eula. Order thy selfe to him as I haue tolde thee, and cal me
no more true sayer but a lier, if he be not so good vnto the as to
anie creature liuinge Again cōsidre this he is yet but a
childe, I thinke he passethe not.
[Illustration]
xxiiij. the blacke oxe neuer trode on hys fote, nowe it is but loste
laboure to recken vpon anye deuorse.
xantippa. Yet manye a tyme and ofte I haue troubled my
braynes withal
Eulalia. As for that fantasye whensoeuer it commeth into your
mynd first of all counte how naked a thynge woman is, deuorsed from
man. It is the hyghest dignitie that longethe to the wyfe to
obsequyous vnto her spouse. So hath natyre ordeined so god hath
appoynted, that the woman shoulde be ruled al by the man loke onely
vppon this whiche is trouth, thine husbande he is, other canste thou
none haue. Againe forgette not that swete babe be gotten of both
your bodies what thin beste thou to do with that, wilte thou take it
awaye with thee? Thou shalte bereue thyne husband his ryght wylt
thou leue it with hym? thou shalt spoile thy self of thy chefeste
Jewell thou haste. Beside all this tell me trueth hast thou none
euyll wyllers, Besyde all thys tell me trueth, hast thou none euyll
wyllers.
[Illustration]
xan. I haue a stepdame I warrant you, and myne husbandes
mother euen such another.
Eula. Do they hate the so deadly.
xantip. They woulde se me hanged.
Eula. Thē forget not thē what greater plesure
couldest thou shew them then to se the deuorsed from thine husband
and to led a wydowes lyfe. Yea and worse thē a wydow, for
wydowes be at their choise.
xantippa. I holde well with youre coūsell, but I can not
awaye with the paynes.
Eulalia. yet recken what paines ye toke or ye colde teache
your paret to speake.
xantippa. Exceadynge much.
Eu. And thinke you much to labour a lytel in reforming your
husbād with whō you may liue merely all the dayes of your
lyfe. What busines doe mē put thē self to be wel &
easly horsed & shal we think our selues to good to take paines
that we mai haue our husbādes gētil & curteise vnto
vs.
xantip. What shal I do.
[Illustration]
Eu. I haue told you al redy, se that al thing be clene &
trim at home, that no sluttysh or vnclenlye syghtes dryue hym oute a
dores. Be your selfe alwayes redy at a becke, berynge continuali in
minde what reuerēce the wife oweth vnto her husbād. Be
neyther in your dūpes, nor alwayes on your mery pinnes go
nether to homely nor to nycely. Let your meat be cleane dressed, you
know yourhusbādes diet. What he loueth best that dresse.
Moreouer shewe your selfe louinge and fayre spokē vnto thē
where he loueth, call them now and thē vnto your table. At
meate, se that al thinges be well sauored, and make good there, And
whē that he is toppe heuy playing on his lute, sytte thou by
and singe to him so shalte thou make hym keepe home, and lessen hys
expences This shall he thynke at length, in faythe I am a fonde
felowe that maketh suche chere with a strumpet abroode with greate
lossee bothe of substance and name, seyng that I haue a wyfe
[Illustration]
at home bothe muche fayrer, and one that loueth me ten times better,
with whome I may be both clenlyer receiued and dayntelier cherisshed
xantip. Beleuest thou that it will take and I put it into a
profe.
Eulali. Looke on me. I warrante it or ought longe I wyll in
hande with thyne husbande, & I will tell hym his part.
xantippa. ye marie that is well sayde. But be wyse that he
espie not our casle, he would plaie his fages, all the house should
be to lytle for hym.
Eulalia. Take no thoughte. I shall so conuey my matters, that
he shall dysclose all together hym selfe, what busynesse is betwene
you, that done I wyll handell him pretelie as I thinke beste, and I
truste to make him a new man for the and when I se my time I wyl
make a lie for thee, how louinge thou hast spoken of him.
xantippa. Chryst spede vs and bringe our pupose well aboute.
Eulalia. He will not fayle the so thou do thy good wyll.
[Illustration]
There was a man that maried a woman whiche hadde great riches and
beawtye. Howe bee it she hadde suche an impedyment of nature that
she was domme and coulde not speake, whiche thynge made him ryghte
pensyfe, and sayd, wherfore vpon a daye as he walked alone ryght
heuye in hearte thynkynge vpon his wyfe. There came one to hym and
asked him what was the cause of his heuynesse whiche answered that
it was onely bycause his wife was borne dōme. To whome this
other said I shal shewe the soone a remedy and a medicyne (therfore
that is thus) go tak an aspen leafe and lay it vnder her tōge
this night shee beinge a sleape, and I warrant the that shee shall
speake on the morowe whiche man beyng glad of thys medycyne prepared
therfore and gathered aspen leaues, wherfore he layd thre of them
vnder her tonge whan shee was a sleape.
[Illustration]
And on the morow when he him selfe awaked he Desyrous to know how
hys medicine wrought being in bed with her, he demaunded of her how
she did, and sodēly she answered and sayd, I beshrewe thy harte
for waking me so early, and so by the vertue of that medycyne she
was restored to her speche. But in cōclusion her spech encresed
day by day and she was so curst of cōdycyon that euery daie she
brauled and chyd with her husbande, so muche at the laste he was
more weped, and had much more trouble and disease wyth her shrewed
wordes then he hadde before whē she was dumme, wherfore as he
walked another time alone he happened to mete agayne with the same
personne that taught hym the sayde medycine and sayde to hym thys
wyse. Syr ye taught me a medicin but late to make my domme wyfe to
speake, byddynge me lay an aspen leafe vnder her toūg when she
sleapte, and I layde three Aspen leaves there.
[Illustration]
Wherfore nowe she speaketh. But yet she speaketh soo much & so
shrewdlye that I am more werier of her now, then I was when she was
dōme: Wherfore I praie you teache me a medycine to modyfye her
that she speake not so muche. This other answered and sayd thus. Sir
I am a deuyl of hel but I am one of thē that haue least power
there. Al be yet I haue power to make a womā to speake, but and
yf a woman begin ones to speake, I nor al the deuyls in hel that
haue the mooste power be not able to make a woman to be styll, nor
to cause her to leue speakyng.
The end of this pleasant dialogue declaryng the seueral properties
of ye two contrary disposers of the wyues aforesayde.
Imprinted at London in Paules
church yearde, at the sygne of
the Sunne, by Antony
Kytson.