reached Halberstadt, the town where I was from Easter 1816 to June
1821, at the Cathedral Classical School. I went to a certain small
inn, known to me from the time that I lived at Halberstadt, both for
the sake of quietness and to save expense, as I knew it to be more
like a private boarding-house than an inn. After having had my
supper, the innkeeper, who seemed to me a quiet and unassuming
person, came into the room where I was, and began conversation with
me. After a few moments I recognised in him a former schoolfellow of
mine. The Lord now enabled me to tell him of my gay life, my
conversion, my subsequent going to England, and of some of the Lords
dealings with me there. He listened with great attention, and was
evidently affected by what I said. May the Lord bless to him my
testimony for Jesus! I was thus afresh reminded of what grace has
done for me. How kind of the Lord to direct me to that place!
March 1. This morning I saw an old friend of mine, a missionary to
the Jews at Halberstadt. When first he went there he held meetings,
which the few Christians of the town attended; but of late he has
been obliged by the police to give them up. In that town of about
15,000 inhabitants, with, I think, seven large Protestant churches,
there is not one converted clergyman, as this brother told me; and
the few Christians that are there are not permitted to assemble
themselves together. Brethren, you who live in Great Britain, be
thankful for your religious liberty, and make use of it while the
days of outward peace last!--About twelve this morning I left by the
mail for Brunswick. The Lord enabled me to preach Christ to a young
man, a painter, who, for the sake of improvement in his art, had
travelled far and wide, and was now returning home from Vienna to his
parents. He listened very attentively, in which I had a fresh proof
that one never ought to look at natural appearances in proclaiming
the truth; for I judged, before I began to speak to him, from his gay
appearance, that he would quite laugh at what I might tell him about
Jesus.--I saw again this afternoon, at Wolfenbuttel the inn from
whence I ran away, when in debt, in the year 1821, and praised the
Lord for His goodness to me since that time. Now, this evening, I am
at Brunswick, and shall have again, through the Lords kindness, rest
during the night, as the mail does not leave for Hamburg until nine
tomorrow morning.
March 8. London. I left Brunswick on the 2nd, and arrived at Hamburg
in 24 hours. As there was ice in the Elbe, the London steamer could
not get up to Hamburg, and I had therefore to go alone, in a hired
carriage to Cuxhaven, about eighty miles, the most expensive journey
that ever I made in my life, for it cost above 3l. 10s. Thus I had to
travel three days and two nights, with the interruption of only five
hours at Hamburg. I reached Cuxhaven at half-past eight in the
evening on March 4th.--The fact of having thus to travel from Hamburg
to Cuxhaven, that being the only way in which I could have got there
in my circumstances, without losing the steamer, showed me afresh how
one is step by step cast upon the Lord. A month since the Elbe was
cleared of ice, and now, contrary to the expectation of all, the cold
had returned to such a degree, that it was a second time innavigable.
March 3. I embarked this morning for London. I had conversation with
two Russian Jews, who listened with great interest to all I said to
them; but I did not tell them plainly that I believed Jesus of
Nazareth to be the Messiah, as I fully purposed to do at the next
conversation. After I had left them, they conversed with each other,
and I could see from their countenances, that they either took me for
a baptized Jew, or for a missionary to the Jews, on account of the
peculiar way in which I had conversed with them. Presently one of
them came and asked me what I thought of that Jesus. No sooner had I
owned Him as the true Messiah and as my Lord and my God, than he
began to blaspheme; and from that time, as long as we were on board,
they shunned me; and I also felt that all I had to do was to show
kindness to them by actions, but no more to converse with them about
the Messiah, in order to keep them from blaspheming that holy name
which is dear to my heart. My conversation with them had, however, an
unexpected effect in another way. At the dinner table I was asked by
one of the passengers about those Jews, who they were, etc., as my
long conversation with them on the deck had been noticed. This led
me, (in order that the conversation might be turned to profitable
subjects, and that I might discover whether there was a Christian at
the table), to throw out the remark, "how remarkable it is that the
Jews, in all parts of the world, can be recognised as such; and are
not mixed with other nations," etc. Immediately the captain replied,
"this can only be explained by the Scriptures, and shows the Bible to
be true," or something to that effect. I now, in agreeing with the
captain, followed up the subject, and both after dinner and
repeatedly during the passage had long and most interesting
conversations with the captain, whom I found to be a true brother in
the Lord, and from whom I separated most affectionately on our
arrival in London.
On March 7th I landed in London, where I found two letters from my
dear wife, from which I saw that up to the last the Lord had been
dealing with her, as well as with me, in the greatest kindness, and
had given also an abundance for the Orphans during the whole time of
my absence.
March 9. I left London this morning, arrived this evening in peace in
Bristol, and found my dearest Mary and all in peace. Truly, the Lord
has abundantly blessed me and them while I have been from home!
During the whole time of my absence the Lord not only supplied all
the need of the Orphans, but on my return I found more in hand than
there was when I left. The donations, which came in during my
absence, amount to between 80l. and 90l.
March 11. Today I received 19l. 19s., being a legacy left to me by a
brother who fell asleep the beginning of last December. How richly
does the Lord supply all my own temporal necessities!
March 22. Today, when there was not a penny in hand for the Orphans,
I received the following donations: 3l. as the produce of the sale of
ladies baskets, an old crown piece, an old half-crown piece, and a
Spanish dollar. Also 1s. With Eccles. ix. 10, was given 2l. 10s.
March 23. Today came in still further 1l. 2s. 6d.
March 25. All money was now again given out, when today came in by
the sale of Reports 8s. 9d., and in small donations 1l. 5s. 11d.
March 26. On the 17th of this month 1 received the following letter,
from a brother who several times had been used by the Lord as an
instrument in supplying our need, and who also two months since sent
30l.
"I have received a little money from ----. Have you any present need
for the Institution under your care? I know you do not ask, except
indeed of Him whose work you are doing; but to answer when asked
seems another thing, and a right thing. I have a reason for desiring
to know the present state of your means towards the objects you are
labouring to serve: viz, should you not have need, other departments
of the Lords work or other people of the Lord may have need. Kindly
then inform me, and to what amount, i. e. what amount you at this
present time need, or can profitably lay out."
At the time when this letter came, we were indeed in need, or at
least it was desirable, as far as I had light, to have means, as I
was just on the point of establishing an Infant-School, and as again
some sorts of Bibles were needed in order to go on with the
circulation of the Scriptures. Also in the Orphan-Fund there was only
2s. 3 1/2d. Nevertheless I considered that, as I have hitherto acted,
(i. e. telling the Lord alone about our need), I ought to continue to
do, as otherwise the principal object of the work, to be a help to
the saints generally, by seeking to lead them to increased dependence
upon God alone, through this Institution, would be frustrated. I
answered therefore the letter, in substance, as follows:
"Whilst I thank you for your love, and whilst I agree with you, that,
in general, there is a difference between asking for money, and
answering when asked, nevertheless in our case I feel not at liberty
to speak about the state of our funds, as the primary object of the
work in my hands is, to lead those who are weak in faith to see that
there is reality in dealing with God alone."
After having sent off the answer, I was again and again led to pray
to the Lord in this way: "Lord, thou knowest that for Thy sake I did
not tell this brother about our need. Now, Lord, show afresh that
there is reality in speaking to Thee only about our need, and speak
therefore to this brother, so that he may help us."
Today, in answer to this my request, this brother sent 100l., of
which sum I shall take 20l. for the Orphans, and 20l.. for each of
the other objects. Thus I have means for establishing the
Infant-School, and for ordering more Bibles. Also the Orphans are
again supplied for a week; for when the money came in there was not
one penny in hand for them.
April 7. This evening I received information from my little half
brother that my dear father died on March 30th. He was taken worse a
few days after I left him. How kind of the Lord to have allowed me
once more to see him! Had I gone to Germany at the time I first
intended, he would most likely not have been alive to see me.--As I
know not of one believer in the whole town where he lived, I cannot
for a certainty ascertain any thing about his state before his death;
but that which I do know gives me no proof of his having died in the
faith of Christ. As to myself, I am sure of this, that it becomes me
to adore that wonderful grace which plucked me as a brand out of the
burning, and to say in reference to my dear departed father: "Shall
not the judge of all the earth do right?" and in submission to the
will of God to be satisfied with His dealings. This, through grace, I
am able to do. Every true believer who has unconverted parents, for
whose spiritual welfare he is concerned, can understand what joy it
would have been to me to have heard a satisfactory account of a true
change of heart in my dear father before his end; but as it has been
otherwise, I know nevertheless that God will be eternally glorified
even in this dispensation. During no period did I pray more
frequently or more earnestly for the conversion of my dear aged
parent, than during the last year of his life; but, at all events, it
did not please the Lord to let me see the answer to my prayers.
April 9. Through the 20l. which came in on March 26, and a number of
smaller and larger donations since then, we have had for the last
twelve days more than usual. But now today our means were again
reduced to 7s. 10d., when the Lord sent in 5l. through a brother in
Bristol, who during this year also, as at former times, has been the
instrument in the hands of God of repeatedly supplying our need when
we were very poor.
We are on the point of sending some money to the East Indies for
Missionary objects. Whilst I was on my knees respecting this object,
5l. was brought for it.
April 10. Today came in still further for the Orphans, with Eccles.
ix. 10, 5l.; also 2l.
April 19. For several months past it had appeared to brother Craik
and me, and to several other brethren who help us in the work of
caring for the saints, that a part of the church meeting together at
Gideon Chapel was a hinderance to our giving that clear and distinct
testimony respecting the principles on which we meet, which we desire
to give to the world and to the church at large in this city. As the
Lord, however, had so abundantly blessed our labours in that place,
in the conversion of sinners, and also in the building up of many
saints, we felt that we ought to act in this matter with the greatest
prayerfulness and consideration; and we had therefore many meetings
for prayer and deliberation with several brethren. On this account it
was likewise, that though we came as early as the 17th of January to
the conclusion that it would be better to relinquish Gideon as a
meeting place, we still deferred the matter for two months and a half
longer, before we even mentioned our difficulties publicly. At last,
on March 30th, we assembled with all the saints, and brother Craik
and I stated to them our difficulties. The following is the substance
of what was stated at the meeting.
Brief statement of certain difficulties connected with our continuing
to retain the occupancy of Gideon Chapel, Newfoundland Street,
Bristol.
In order to enter into the force of the following particulars, it is
necessary to keep in mind the position which, as a body of saints, we
seem called upon to maintain, in this city, before the church and the
world. We meet simply as believers in Christ, without reference to
any sectarian distinction, maintaining the Scriptures as our only
rule of doctrine and discipline, and affording freedom for the
exercise of any spiritual gift which the Lord may be pleased to
bestow. We thus hold out a gathering place for all who believe in the
Lord Jesus, and desire to confess His name, by obedience to His
authority. Whatever impedes us, in this our great work, can only be
suffered to continue, if the Lord Himself lays it upon us as a burden
or chastisement. Nothing but necessity can justify our putting any
obstacles in the way of the saints in this city, who, feeling the
obligation of separating from every sectarian bond of union, would
desire to meet with us.
I.
1. There seems no sufficient reason for holding our Lords day
morning meetings, for the breaking of bread, in two different places.
See 1 Cor. xi. 20. The number is not too large to assemble in one
place, and the extent of locality is not so great as to prevent it,
except in the ease of invalids or of very aged persons: and the
disadvantages of two meeting places are very serious. In this way of
meeting the gifts are needlessly divided, as the gifted brethren are
in two places instead of one; discipline is rendered very difficult
to be executed, as it can scarcely be ascertained who absent
themselves, etc.; and impediments are thrown in the way of mutual
intercourse and acquaintance, as the saints sometimes go to the one
place, and sometimes to the other.
2. There are only four ways in which we can so arrange as to assemble
every Lords day morning, as a church, together. a, Bethesda may be
given up, and the meeting of the saints maybe at Gideon. b, The
meetings maybe alternately at each place. c, The meetings may be held
at a third place intermediate, in respect of locality, between the
two. d, Gideon may be given up, and Bethesda alone become the place
of meeting for breaking of bread.
--In regard to the first two of these four arrangements, the size of
Gideon puts a complete obstacle in the way, as there would not be
sufficient room, were the saints and others, who would still attend,
to meet together in that place. The third plan appears to be freest
from all objections, could it be accomplished; but there is no one
other place to be obtained sufficiently large for our purpose, and
therefore, if it be granted that the profit of the saints and the
glory of Christ seem to require our having one gathering place, till
the number of the saints and the extent of locality on which they
reside shall force us to have more than one: the only way in which,
for the present, this can be accomplished is by our relinquishing
Gideon, and having Bethesda as our only place of meeting.6
II.
But the above are not the only reasons why we should no longer
continue to retain Gideon as a meeting place for the church.--We have
reason to believe that several of our dear brethren, who have been in
the habit of assembling there for worship, do not see with us in
reference to the great leading principles on which we professedly
meet. Ever since the removal of any restraint upon the exercise of
whatever gift the Spirit may bestow, in connexion with the practice
of weekly communion at Gideon, there has been dissatisfaction on the
part of some. A few have left and gone to other places, some have
been in the habit of remaining only as long as there is teaching or
exhortation, and then leaving without breaking bread. We have reason
to believe that several do not, in heart, acknowledge us as taught of
God in regard to the changes, which we have introduced; or, if they
feel unwilling to say so, yet they are inclined to retain their old
way. Now, spiritual rule can only be continued over those who yield
willing subjection: an unwilling submission on the part of those who
are in the place "of the ruled," we deem no true subjection at all.
Therefore, those who do not believe that matters are conducted
amongst us in a Scriptural way, cannot comfortably continue in
fellowship with us: and by yielding up to them the use of the Chapel,
we take away all just cause of complaint.--On account of these
reasons there would be no need of leaving a meeting place under other
circumstances; but as, when brother Craik and I came to Gideon
Chapel, we found saints there assembled together in fellowship who
had contributed towards the purchasing and fitting up of the Chapel,
and who had been in the habit of meeting together on different
principles, it seems not Christlike either to force our light upon
them, or to constrain them to leave us; but to give up the Chapel to
them, as they do not, in heart, go along with us. It cannot be
expected that, for the sake of pleasing even those whom we love in
Christ, we should shrink back from carrying out any truth which the
Lord may lead us into; and, therefore, if our brethren cannot
heartily go along with us, it is better that nothing should be
imposed upon them contrary to their convictions. If it should be said
that for the sake of a few we thus separate from many: our reply is,
that we separate from none of the saints; we only withdraw from a
building, because it appears to us a hinderance to the manifesting of
the truth, and, at the same time hold out a gathering place for all
who feel that it would be for the edification of their souls, and the
glory of God, that they should continue to meet with us. We invite
all those who conscientiously can submit to the order which obtains
amongst us, to continue in fellowship with us; and we purpose to
provide a place of meeting to suit the convenience of the feeble and
aged who would feel the distance of Bethesda to be an obstacle to
their meeting habitually with the saints there.
III.
But in addition to those already mentioned, there is a third class of
difficulties connected with retaining Gideon. The present character
of the meeting for the breaking of bread there, is very far from
fully exhibiting the principles on which we meet together.
Unbelievers sitting among the saints, hinders our appearing to meet
for the breaking of bread, and renders it necessary that a disturbing
pause should intervene between the act of breaking bread and the
other part of the meeting. We cannot have the breaking of bread at
the commencement of the meeting, because of the confusion occasioned
by the intermixture of those who are not in fellowship with us. To
alter this, and to request all who are not in fellowship with us
(except those belonging to the families of the saints) to sit by
themselves, as is the case at Bethesda, would, we fear, produce
increased dissatisfaction. Such a request moreover would not be
Christlike, as long as from the construction of the building no
comfortable sittings were reserved for any besides the saints
themselves. Thus, by retaining Gideon, we are under the necessity of
either marring our testimony to the church at large, or of deepening
the dissatisfaction prevalent among several who are already in
fellowship with us.--Again, the very construction of the place renders
it unsuitable for a meeting of saints. Part of the sittings being
pews, necessarily tends to give the appearance of a distinction
between the very poor and the more respectable class. This
distinction would need to be done away, and we have every reason to
fear that some might feel personally aggrieved by the pews being
taken away and replaced with benches. We have only of late understood
that some of the pews are looked upon as private property. This is
such a violation of the statement that the sittings are all free,
that it could no longer be permitted. To require these unscriptural
practices to be renounced, we have reason to apprehend, would be
considered as an arbitrary act of rule, and might alienate the minds
of those of our dear brethren who are still, in heart, attached to
that to which they hare been accustomed in former years.
If it can be shown that the above difficulties are capable of being
removed, or that any greater evil would attend the yielding up of
Gideon than the evils which necessarily accompany our retaining it,
then we are bound not to give it up. But, according to our present
light, we see no way of reconciling the two objects, viz.: the
retaining of Gideon, and the exhibiting a full, unhindered testimony
to the truth of God. We repeat it, that we do not separate from any
single individual in fellowship with us, we only leave the walls of a
building, and invite those who feel called upon to separate from
every sectarian system, and to meet where free exercise is afforded
for every spiritual gift, to assemble with us at Bethesda.
In the case of those who are in ordinary health, the inconvenience
attending the locality of Bethesda is a matter of very little
consequence. Half an hours earlier rising on the morning of the
Lords day, would be sufficient, in most cases, fully to meet the
difficulty; and the consciousness, that the glory of Jesus and the
true welfare of His church were thereby promoted, would far more than
compensate for the amount of self-denial which the inconvenience
arising from the distance would impose.--In reference to the weak,
the sickly, and the very aged, who reside in the neigbourhood of
Gideon, we trust, in the strength of the Lord, to make such ample
provision for their comfort on the Lords day, that they may have no
reason to regret that Gideon has been relinquished. Lastly, as it
regards the opportunities which will be lost, by giving up Gideon, of
proclaiming the truth among believers, as well as preaching the
gospel to the world, we intend, according to our ability and the
measure of gift amongst us, to open places for those purposes in
different parts of the city.