OUT OF THE DYING DAY
When the sheriff turned away, Jane had for an instant closed her eyes in
a prayer of happy thankfulness; but then a torture, a tearing and
racking mortification because she had proved herself so weak before the
mountain man so strong--and in contrast to Brent! (ah, God, what
sacrifice would he not make for her!)--thrust its claws into her
sensitive nature, and she blindly fled to the long room whose musty
silence promised solitude. At the far end of this she threw herself
straight out upon a sofa, and for more than an hour buried her face in
its linen coverlet. Her brows were drawn into a frown as she wilfully
shut out the image of Brent, for something sterner must first be faced.
Something must be done to re-establish Dale's faith in her, or she must
forever abandon him to other hands and other influences. Today--now--she
must act. And this left her helpless, because she could find no way. His
nature had made a complete revolution in that moment of crisis before
the sheriff came; his words had carried her beyond her understanding of
him! She did not know this new Dale, and how could she re-establish
faith with a stranger?
But at any hazard it must be tried. Were she to fail him, he would be
like a compass with no magnetic pole--spinning, vacillating. Suppose he
should go spinning off from his now safe orbit? And then suppose he
should come rushing back to her for help?--could she ever again enter
those former halls of confidence with this new, strange man, as he had
grown to be?
This was the price, she told herself, of having been weaker than he; of
having behaved more ignobly! The contemplation of it sapped her
self-assurance, and as self-assurance vanished there began to enter a
new feeling which she unwillingly recognized as fear.
She was not afraid of Dale--not the man! No personal element had ever
existed between them. But she was most decidedly afraid of the
far-reaching consequences which might be wrought by her failure to hold
him steadfast. For if he could rise to a place whose height had dazzled
her, why should she not in his eyes have sunk as astonishingly low? By
what incentive would he then come again for guidance? How could she have
the effrontery to offer it?
Between remorseless reasonings and the stings of wounded pride, she
pressed her face still deeper into the old sofa.
It must have been an hour later when she sprang up and looked anxiously
at the darkening windows. She had formed no definite plan, but her
dominant impulse was to act before he should have a night to analyse, to
settle, to censure. Stopping at the first wall mirror she made a few
touches to her hair and searched her face for signs of tears; then
passed out, closing the heavy door with a firmness which might have
meant all fears were shut within.
At the library she hesitated, experiencing a momentary relief when it
was found to be deserted. She went to the porch but it, too, was vacant;
and as far as she could see out through the grounds no one stirred. Yet,
as her search continued, her self-assurance came bounding back, and when
she started across the grass to an old arbor, where he had sometimes
been known to go at this hour, she became once more the courageous,
dauntless mountain girl.
He was there, just as she suspected. Through the gathering shadows he
could be seen leaning heavily against one of the upright posts, his
shoulders stooped, and his face set upon the west which was a fiery red.
Going softly along the tanbark path, and stopping within a pace of him,
she waited to see if he would turn; then asked:
"Were you watching the sunset?"
He answered "Yes," but it might have come from someone else, so little
did he seem to realize her presence.
"Was it beautiful?" she asked again.
"I don't know; I didn't see it."
"It is leaving a wonderful sky," she ventured, trying to come gracefully
to the things she wanted to say.
"Yes," he murmured, after another pause. "A kind of sky that makes me
sad--a sort of sadness very far from tears. I don't know what I mean;--I
don't reckon anyone knows what I mean!"
Her eyes did not leave their watchful gaze upon his shoulders. It might
have been that she expected to see him change again; to see him begin
another transformation back to the old Dale--for surely this was not the
schoolboy speaking now! And she wished he might come back, for then she
could talk to him. Again she was reminded of the precious minutes
passing. It would be easier to open with an attack.
"I shouldn't think you could be anything else but sad after the way
you've behaved," she said slowly, wondering if he would submit.
But he only murmured:
"I did all I could to pay the debt;--I thought I was doing my duty!"
If there were a qualm of conscience in the girl's heart she ruthlessly
murdered it, and evenly replied:
"Yes, I am proud of you for that. It was other things I meant."
He turned now, and slowly questioned her with his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want you to know about Tusk, and when
you took me by surprise that way, I reckon I acted rough! Who'd
a-thought we were born enemies!--an' after all you've done to help me!
But I tried, Gawd knows I tried, to pay the debt!"
A wave of pity thrilled her, but her voice was proportionately accusing
as she said:
"All you've tried can not atone for what you did."
"I know," he buried his face in his hands. "That was ignorance, an' I'm
payin' for it by havin' you turn away an' snap my future like a fiddle
string! Oh, how could my hand a-struck yoh people--even in black
ignorance!"
Her mental claws, which had bared at the approach of this interview, now
softly began to find their padded coverings. The anxious anticipation
which had armed her against an untested foe, now left but a sympathy
straining to take possession; because her instinct said there was to be
no resisting force, and the crushed attitude of the man before her
plainly told that she was still the unlowered, the unapproachable being
in his eyes. With her pride unhurt, her belligerency was unessential.
For a moment more she continued to let him suffer. She might have
relieved it now--she even wanted to--but the old savage spirit was still
unappeased, and a devil of the feud days made her ask:
"Where are you going, and what are you intending to make of your life?"
She might have expected some outburst as a result of this, for she
shrank slightly back; but he did not move. He seemed too crushed, and
pressed his hands more violently against his face, murmuring from the
depths of inordinate suffering:
"Oh, Gawd! That you an' I should be enemies!--that we were born to be
enemies!"
"Yes, I know," she faltered, looking away; for the sight of his grief
had conquered. "It's hard to believe--wretchedly hard--that you and I
should have been born to hate and destroy each other;--and that you,
with the hand I've so patiently taught to write, killed--him!" He
groaned. "But, Dale," she stepped closer, "I've just been facing facts,
and believe that our strong wills can adjust it all;--that through our
old feud may come a truer understanding, a surer sympathy, than enters
often into this _comedie humaine_. Those are the real things which make
life worth while; not inherited hatreds because our ancestors were at
war! It may be hard to forgive, furiously hard; but certainly it is
wrong to keep such ghastly things alive! The world is such a wide marvel
of the beautiful out-of-doors to wander in!--there is so much to do and
learn and see and be!--so much to read and think about and live for!--so
much of the glories of life--that surely you and I can be given the boon
of forgetfulness and the bounty of friendship! Go back to the house,
pick up the book I threw away, and look at the last line you read!--then
rub your eyes, and pretend you've just awakened from an ugly dream!"
He was slowly drawing his hands down from his face, and looking as
though this itself might be a dream. In bewilderment he asked:
"Is this true?"
"Ah, yes, yes," she hurriedly answered. "It is all true. The nobility
which made old Ben French and Leister Mann be friends, has reached into
the valley and calmed the hatred which by our law should live between
you and me. Go back to your book. Tomorrow when I see you, today will
not have been. No, don't thank me! You might--thank Ruth!" And quickly
she was gone.
But Dale was following. At the end of the arbor he caught her by the
shoulders, as he would have caught a fleeing boy. Springing about, she
saw the new light of happiness in his face, and her irritation at being
thus stopped changed almost into laughter.
"I will thank you anyhow," he said, with a silent chuckle of honest
fellowship. "This is like givin' me a new life after I'd been shot to
death. Just watch those lessons fly now!"
"But you mustn't stop ladies roughly that way!"
He stepped back, stammering and visibly embarrassed as she knew he would
be; and, believing it well for him to continue so to be, she went toward
the horse. But he was again at her side, not to apologize;--just humbly
to help her mount.
He watched as she cantered around the circle and passed between the old
gate posts; then threw back his head and gazed into the sky, solemnly,
earnestly; taking deep, deep breaths, as famished kine will dip their
muzzles in a stream and gluttonously swallow. After this he went slowly
to the library, took up the book, and reverently opened it at the place
where he had begun to dream a dream.