Pay-day’s done and I’ve had my little fun--
I’ve had my monthly row--
And they put me in “the mill” and they told me, “Peace be still,”
And--I am on the Water-wagon now.
_Oh I’m on the Water-wagon and the time is surely draggin’_
_And I’m thirsty as I can be;_
_And I’m nursing of an eye that I got for being fly,_
_And I’m bunking back o’ bars exclusively._
Now wouldn’t it upset you--now wouldn’t it afret you
If they jugged you ’cause you got a little tight,
And a zig-zag course you laid when doing Dress Parade,
And you really thought Guide Right was _Column_ Right.
_Oh I’m on the Water-wagon but the trial is surely laggin’_
_And I’m dryer than the Arizona dust_,
_And my throat is full o’ hay and I’m choppin’ wood all day_
_‘Cause the Sergeant of the Guard, he says I must._
The Jug is rank and slummy and I’m sitting like a dummy
Looking over at the barracks where I hear the mess-tins clang:
And the fool I am comes o’er me, as I chant the same old story,
The Ballad of the Guard-house--until I go and hang:--
_“Oh I’m on the Water-wagon, you’ll never see me saggin’,_
_I am glued and tied and fastened to the seat ...”_
_And I hear the fellers snicker where the two lone candles flicker,_
_And I shut-up like a soldier--with the Ballad incomplete._