BEATRICE’S JOURNAL CONCLUDED.
September 7, 1849.--[This part begins with a long account of her escape,
her fortunes at Holby and London, and her recapture, which is here
omitted, as it would be to a large extent a repetition of what has
already been stated.]--After Brandon left me my heart still throbbed
with the fierce impulse which he had imparted to it. For the remainder
of the day I was upheld by a sort of consciousness of his presence. I
felt as though he had only left me in person and had surrounded me in
some way with his mysterious protection.
Night came, and with the night came gloom. What availed his promise?
Could he prevent what I feared? What power could he possibly have in
this house? I felt deserted, and my old despair returned.
In the morning I happened to cross the hall to go to Mrs. Compton’s
room, when, to my amazement, I saw standing outside the Hindu Asgeelo.
Had I seen Brandon himself I could scarcely have been more amazed or
overjoyed. He looked at me with a warning gesture.
“How did you get here?” I whispered.
“My master sent me.”
A thrill passed through my veins.
“Do not fear,” he said, and walked mysteriously away.
I asked Mrs. Compton who he was, and she said he was a new servant whom
_He_ had just hired. She knew nothing more of him.
September 12.--A week has passed. Thus far I have been left alone.
Perhaps they do not know what to do with me. Perhaps they are busy
arranging some dark plan.
Can I trust? Oh, Help of the helpless, save me!
Asgeelo is here--but what can one man do? At best he can only report to
his master my agony or my death. May that Death soon come. Kindly will I
welcome him.
September 15.--Things are certainly different here from what they used
to be. The servants take pains to put themselves in my way, so as to
show me profound respect. What is the meaning of this? Once or twice I
have met them in the hall and have marked their humble bearing. Is it
mockery? Or is it intended to entrap me? I will not trust any of them.
Is it possible that this can be Brandon’s mysterious power?
Impossible. It is rather a trick to win my confidence: But if so, why?
They do not need to trick me. I am at their mercy.
I am at their mercy, and am without defense. What will become of me?
What is to be my fate?
Philips has been as devoted as ever. He leaves me flowers every day. He
tries to show sympathy. At least I have two friends here--Philips and
Asgeelo. But Philips is timid, and Asgeelo is only one against a crowd.
There is Vijal--but I have not seen him.
September 25--To-day in my closet I found a number of bottles of
different kinds of medicine, used while I was sick. Two of these
attracted my attention. Once was labeled “_Laudanum_,” another was
labeled “_Hydrocyanic Acid--Poison._” I suppose they used these drugs
for my benefit at that time. The sight of them gave me more joy than any
thing else that I could have found.
When the time comes which I dread I shall not be without resource.
_These shall save me._
October 3.--They leave me unmolested. They are waiting for some
crushing blow, no doubt. Asgeelo sometimes meets me, and makes signs of
encouragement.
To-day Philips met me and said: “Don’t fear--the crisis is coming.” I
asked what he meant. As usual he looked frightened and hurried away.
What does he mean? What crisis? The only crisis that I can think of is
one which fills me with dread. When that comes I will meet it firmly.
October 10.--Mrs. Compton told me to-day that Philips had gone to London
on business. The poor old thing looked very much troubled. I urged her
to tell me what was the matter, but she only looked the more terrified.
Why she should feel alarm about the departure of Philips for London
I can not imagine. Has it any thing to do with me? No. How can it? My
fate, whatever it is, must be wrought out here in this place.
October 14.--The dreaded crisis has come at last. Will not this be my
last entry? How can I longer avoid the fate that impends?
This afternoon He sent for me to come down.
I went to the dining-room expecting some horror, and I was not
disappointed. The three were sitting there as they had sat before, and
I thought that there was trouble upon their faces. It was only two
o’clock, and they had just finished lunch.
John was the first to speak. He addressed me in a mocking tone.
“I have the honor to inform you,” said he, “that the time has arrived
when you are to be took down.”
I paid no attention whatever to these words. I felt calm. The old sense
of superiority came over me, and I looked at Him without a tremor.
My tyrant glanced at me with a dark scowl. “After your behavior, girl,
you ought to bless your lucky stars that you got off as you did. If I
had done right, I’d have made you pay up well for the trouble you’ve
given. But I’ve spared you. At the same time I wouldn’t have done so
long. I was just arranging a nice little plan for your benefit when
this gentleman”--nodding his head to Clark--“this gentleman saved me the
trouble.”
I said nothing.
“Come, Clark, speak up--it’s your affair--”
“Oh, you manage it,” said Clark. “You’ve got the ‘gift of gab.’ I never
had it.”
“I never in all my born days saw so bold a man as timid with a girl as
you are.”
“He’s doin’ what I shouldn’t like to try on,” said John.
“See here,” said my tyrant, sternly, “this gentleman has very kindly
consented to take charge of you. He has even gone so far as to consent
to marry you. He will actually make you his wife. In my opinion he’s
crazy, but he’s got his own ideas. He has promised to give you a tip-top
wedding. If it had been left to me,” he went on, sternly, “I’d have let
you have something very different, but he’s a soft-hearted fellow, and
is going to do a foolish thing. It’s lucky for you though. You’d have
had a precious hard time of it with me, I tell you. You’ve got to be
grateful to him; so come up here, and give him a kiss, and thank him.”
So prepared was I for any horror that this did not surprise me.
“Do you hear?” he cried, as I stood motionless. I said nothing.
“Do as I say, d--n you, or I’ll make you.”
“Come,” said Clark, “don’t make a fuss about the wench now--it’ll be all
right. She’ll like kissing well enough, and be only too glad to give me
one before a week.”
“Yes, but she ought to be made to do it now.”
“Not necessary, Johnnie; all in good time.”
My master was silent for some moments. At last he spoke again:
“Girl,” said he. “You are to be married tomorrow. There won’t be any
invited guests, but you needn’t mind that. You’ll have your husband, and
that’s more than you deserve. You don’t want any new dresses. Your ball
dress will do.”
“Come, I won’t stand that,” said Clark. “She’s got to be dressed up in
tip-top style. I’ll stand the damage.”
“Oh, d--n the damage. If you want that sort of thing, it shall be done.
But there won’t be time.”
“Oh well, let her fix up the best way she can.”
At this I turned and left the room. None of them tried to prevent me. I
went up to my chamber, and sat down thinking. The hour had come.
This is my last entry. My only refuge from horror unspeakable is the
Poison.
Perhaps one day some one will find my journal where it is concealed. Let
them learn from it what anguish may be endured by the innocent.
May God have mercy upon my soul! Amen.
October 14, 11 o’clock.--Hope!
Mrs. Compton came to me a few minutes since. She had received a letter
from Philips by Asgeelo. She said the Hindu wished to see me. He was at
my door. I went there. He told me that I was to fly from Brandon Hall at
two o’clock in the morning. He would take care of me. Mrs. Compton
said she was to go with me. A place had been found where we could get
shelter.
Oh my God, I thank thee! Already when I heard this I was mixing the
draught. Two o’clock was the hour on which I had decided for a different
kind of flight.
Oh God! deliver the captive. Save me, as I put my trust in thee! Amen.