The prospects of the forthcoming campaign in the East Worcestershire
Division have been greatly brightened by the decision of the
well-known sportsman, Mr. Otis Q. Janaway, to stand as an Independent
Candidate with the express purpose of speeding-up the British
Legislature. Mr. Janaway, who graduated in sociology at the University
of Pensacola, and has recently been naturalised as a British subject,
has brought with him a team of baseball players, four white and four
coloured prize-fighters, and a chorus of variety artistes who will
appear and sing at all his meetings. He is a powerful speaker with a
great fund of anecdote, and his programme includes Compulsory Phonetic
Spelling, the establishment of Christian Science, Electrocution, and
the introduction of College Yells in Parliament. If her husband is
elected, Mrs. Janaway has announced her intention of embracing the
Speaker at the earliest opportunity.
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Professor Thaddeus Mulhooly, who was until recently President of the
University of Tuskahoma, has taken up his residence at Ballybunnion
with a view to qualifying as Parliamentary Candidate for North Kerry.
Professor Mulhooly, whose grandparents resided at Tralee, has made
a very favourable impression by the filial affection shown in his
election war-cry, which runs, "Tralee, Trala, Tara Tarara, Tzing Boum
Oshkosh." His platform is that of a Pan-Celtic Vegetarian, and he has
secured the influential support of Mr. UPTON SINCLAIR, who is acting
as his election agent, and who publicly embraced him at a meeting at
Dingle last week.
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General Amos Cadwalader Stunt, the well-known Colorado mining magnate,
who recently purchased the Isle of Rum, has announced his intention
of contesting the Elgin Burghs in the Liquid Paraffin interest. At a
political meeting at Lossiemouth last week he held the attention of
a crowded audience for upwards of an hour, during which his bodyguard
serenaded him with mouth-organs and banjos, the interruptions of
hecklers having been effectually discounted by a liberal distribution
of chewing gum. At the close of this great effort General Stunt was
publicly embraced by his wife's mother, Mrs. Titania Flagler.
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The by-election campaign at Hanley opened auspiciously on Thursday
with a demonstration in favour of Mr. Cyrus P. Slocum, the eminent
Pittsburg safety razor magnate, who has been selected by the
Association of American Manufacturers in England to represent their
interests at Westminster. Before Mr. Slocum rose the audience sang "My
Country, 'tis of Thee" continuously for forty-five minutes and waved
the Stars and Stripes for fully twenty minutes longer. Finally, the
popular candidate was carried shoulder-high from the platform to
his motor and smothered with kisses from his compatriots, the vast
assemblage dispersing to the jocund strains of "John Brown's Body."
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Great satisfaction is felt in American golfing circles at the
announcement that Mr. Olonzo Jaggers has decided to contest the
Tantallon Division of Haddingtonshire. Mr. Jaggers, who has recently
erected a tasteful châlet on the Bass Rock, has just issued his
election address. The two main planks of his platform are the
legalising of the Schenectady putter for all golf meetings, and of
megaphones and mouth-organs in the House of Commons.
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[Illustration: AN UNTRUSTWORTHY WITNESS.
_Mother._ "GERALD, A LITTLE BIRD HAS JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE BEEN A
VERY NAUGHTY LITTLE BOY THIS AFTERNOON."
_Gerald._ "DON'T YOU BELIEVE HIM, MUMMY. I'LL BET HE'S THE ONE THAT
STEALS OUR RASPBERRIES."]
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