LETTER FROM COLONEL PARKER TO AURELLE
"Tout homme de courage est homme de parole."--Corneille
Stapleton Hall, Stapleton, Kent.
_April --, 1920._
My Dear Aurelle,--Much water has passed beneath the bridges since
your last letter. For one thing, I have become a farmer. When I left
my staff job I thought of rejoining my old regiment; but it wasn't
easy, as the battalion is crammed full of former generals who are
only subalterns.
They are treating the army very unfairly here. Our damned Parliament
refuses to vote it any money; very little is required of it, it's
true--it has merely to maintain order in Ireland and to guard the
Rhine, Mesopotamia, India, Egypt, Turkey, Palestine, Silesia, the
Caucasus and a few other countries the names of which I can't
remember! All I can say is, God help England!
We farmers also can do with His help. April is the month for sowing,
and fine weather is necessary. As far as I am concerned, I had a
hundred acres of potatoes to sow, and I had made detailed
preparations for my spring offensive. But, as always happens when the
poor British start attacking, rain began falling in bucketfuls the
very first day of operations. The advance had to be stopped after a
few acres, and public opinion is really much exercised about the
matter.
Now I want to answer your letter. You say, "Some of you in England
seem astonished that we refuse to trust the Germans. We are accused
of a lack of generosity. What a splendid piece of unconscious
humour! I'd like to see you in our shoes--suppose there were no sea
between those chaps and yourselves!"
My dear Aurelle, I have often asked you not to confuse the English
people with their cursed Puritans. There have always been in this
country a large number of men who have done their best to destroy the
strength and reputation of our Empire. Up to the time of good Queen
Bess, these scoundrels were kept in their place, and I often regret I
was not born in those times. Since then the Puritan element has on
every occasion displayed its narrow-mindedness and its hatred of
patriotism and of everything beautiful and joyous. The Puritans
prefer their opinions to their country, which is an abominable
heresy. They brought the civil wars upon us at the time of the
Stuarts; they helped the rebels during the American War of
Independence and the French during their Revolution. They were
pro-Boers in the South African War, conscientious objectors in this
one, and now they are supporting the republican murderers in Ireland,
trying to undermine the British workman's faith in his King and
county cricket, and doing their best to encourage the Germans by
creating difficulties between France and ourselves.
But you must not forget that the magnificent indifference and
ignorance of our race makes these pedants quite harmless.
You ask me what the average British citizen thinks about it all.
Well, I'm going to tell you.
What interests the average British citizen beyond everything is the
match between England and Scotland, which is to be played next
Saturday at Twickenham, the Grand National, which is to be run next
week at Liverpool, and Mrs. Bamberger's divorce, which fills the
newspapers just now.
What does the British citizen think? Well, he went to the war without
knowing what it was all about, and he has come back from it without
having gathered any further information. As a matter of fact, he is
beginning to wonder who won it. You say it was Foch, and we are quite
ready to believe you; still, it seems to us that our army had a
little to do with it. The Italians say _they_ struck the decisive
blow; so do the Serbians and the Portuguese, of course. The Americans
go about wearing little badges in their buttonholes which proclaim,
"_We_ did it." Ludendorff claims that the German army won the war.
I am beginning to ask myself whether _I_ was not the victor. As a
matter of fact, I'm inclined to think it was you. You kept the Infant
Dundas quiet; if you hadn't repressed him, he would have kept
General Bramble from working; the general would have been nervous
at the time of the attack in April '18, and all would have been lost.
As to international politics I have very little to tell you. I am
observing the bucolic mind, and am noticing with some anxiety that
the brain of the countryman is very much like the turnip he grows
with such perseverance. I am hoping I shall not also develop any
vegetable characteristics.
You ask whether we are forgetting France. I don't think we are. Do
you know that we were ready to remit your war debts if America had
agreed? Not so bad for a nation of shopkeepers, is it? We don't brag
about our devotion, but we will be with you if anything goes wrong. I
trust you know us well enough to be quite assured of that.
I am very busy this morning with my favourite sow, who has just
borne a litter of twelve. She immediately squashed one of them; King
Solomon was not such a clever judge as he looked, after all. Au
revoir.