explanation for you, but cannot. Silence is safest, if the true cause
is not suspected; if it is, all stories will be sifted to the bottom.
Do you remember our cousin's first proposition?--think of it.
The following, which appeared on the 19th of the same month, is written in
plain language, and is evidently a specimen of the marplot advertisement
before alluded to:--
Cenerentola, what nonsense! Your cousin's proposition is absurd. I
have given an explanation--the true one--which has perfectly satisfied
both parties--a thing which silence never could have effected. So no
more such absurdity.
The secret of this cipher consisted in representing each letter by the
twenty-second onward continually. One more specimen of these singular
advertisements and we have done. On Feb. 20, 1852, there appeared in the
_Times_ the following mysterious line:--
Tig tjohw it tig jfhiirvola og tig psgvw.--F. D. N.
The general reader, doubtless, looked upon this jumble of letters with
some such a puzzled air as the mastiff gives the tortoise in a very
popular French bronze; but not being able to make anything out of it,
passed on to the more intelligible contents of the paper. A friend of
ours, however, was curious and intelligent enough to extract the plain
English out of it, though not without much trouble, as thus:--If we take
the first word of the sentence, Tig, and place under its second letter i
the one which alphabetically precedes it, and treat the next letters in a
similar manner, we shall have the following combination:--
T i g
h f
e
Reading the first letters obliquely we have the article "The;" if we treat
the second word in the same manner, the following will be the result:--
T j o h w
i. n. g. v.
m. f. u.
e. t.
s.
which, read in the same slanting way, produces the word _Times_, and the
whole sentence, thus ingeniously worked out, gives up its latent and
extraordinary meaning, thus--
"The _Times_ is the Jefferies of the press."
What could have induced any one to take so much trouble thus to plant a
hidden insult into the leading journal, we cannot divine. "East," "He
Blew," "Willie and Fanny," "Dominoes," and "My darling A.," need not feel
uncomfortable although we know their secrets. We have said quite enough to
prove to these individuals that such ciphers as they use, are picked
immediately by any cryptographic Hobbs; indeed, all systems of writing
which depend upon transmutations of the letters of the alphabet, or the
substitution of figures for letters, such as we generally find in the
_Times_, are mere puzzles for children, and not worthy of the more cunning
or finished in the art.
It is not to be expected, with all the caution exhibited by the morning
papers to prevent the insertion of swindling advertisements that rogues do
not now and then manage to take advantage of their great circulation for
the sake of forwarding their own nefarious schemes. Sir Robert Carden has
just done good service by running to earth the Mr. Fynn, who for years has
lived abroad in splendour at the expense of the poor governesses he
managed to victimize through the advertising columns of the _Times_. One's
heart sickens at the stream of poor young ladies his promises have dragged
across the continent, and the consequences which may have resulted from
their thus putting their reputation as well as their money into his power.
Such scandalous traps as these are, of course, rare; but the papers are
full of minor pitfalls, into which the unwary are continually falling,
sometimes with their eyes wide open. Of the latter class are the
matrimonial advertisements; here is a specimen of one of the most artful
of its kind we ever remember to have seen:--
To Girls of Fortune--Matrimony.--A bachelor, young, amiable, handsome,
and of good family, and accustomed to move in the highest sphere of
society, is embarrassed in his circumstances. Marriage is his only
hope of extrication. This advertisement is inserted by one of his
friends. Ingratitude was never one of his faults, and he will study
for the remainder of his life to prove his estimation of the
confidence placed in him.--Address, post-paid, L. L. H. L., 47, King
Street, Soho.--N.B. The witticisms of cockney scribblers deprecated.
The air of candour, and the taking portrait of the handsome bachelor,
whose very poverty is converted into a charm, is cleverly assumed. An
announcement of a much less flattering kind, but probably of a more
genuine and honourable nature, was published in _Blackwood_ some time ago,
which we append, as, like Landseer's dog-pictures, the two form a capital
pair illustrative of high and low life.
Matrimonial Advertisement.--I hereby give notice to all unmarried
women, that I, John Hobnail, am at this writing five-and-forty, a
widower, and in want of a wife. As I wish no one to be mistaken, I
have a good cottage, with a couple of acres of land, for which I pay
2_l._ a year. I have five children, four of them old enough to be in
employment; three sides of bacon, and some pigs ready for market. I
should like to have a woman fit to take care of her house when I am
out. I want no second family. She may be between forty and fifty if
she likes. A good sterling woman would be preferred, who would take
care of the pigs.
The following is also matter of fact, but it looks suspicious:--
Matrimony to Milliners and Dressmakers. A young man about to EMIGRATE
to SOUTH AUSTRALIA would be happy to form an alliance with a young
woman in the above line possessing 60_l._ or 100_l._ property. Any one
so disposed, by applying by letter (post-paid) to T. Hall, 175, Upper
Thames Street, till Saturday next, appointing an interview, may depend
on prompt attention and strict secrecy.--_Times_, 1845.
The matrimonial bait is so obviously a good one, that of late years we see
advertisements of institutions, at which regular lists of candidates for
the marriage state, both male and female, are kept, together with
portraits, and a ledger in which pecuniary and mental qualifications are
neatly posted. Such springes are only suited, however, for the grossest
folly; but there is another class of advertisements which empties the
pockets of the industrious and aspiring in a very workmanlike manner: we
allude to such as the following:--
Gentlemen having a respectable circle of acquaintance may hear of
means of INCREASING their INCOME without the slightest pecuniary risk,
or of having (by any chance) their feelings wounded. Apply for
particulars, by letter, stating their position, &c., to W. R., 37,
Wigmore Street, Cavendish Square.
Gentlemen whose feelings are so delicate that they must not be injured on
any consideration, who nevertheless have a desire for lucre, we recommend
not to apply to such persons, unless they wish to receive for their pains
some such a scheme as was forwarded to a person who had answered an
advertisement (enclosing, as directed, thirty postage-stamps) in _Lloyd's
Weekly Journal_, headed "How to make 2_l._ per week by the outlay of
10_s._":--
"First purchase 1 cwt. of large-sized potatoes, which may be obtained
for the sum of 4_s._, then purchase a large basket, which will cost
say another 4_s._, then buy 2_s._ worth of flannel blanketing, and
this will comprise your stock in trade, of which the total cost is
10_s._ A large-sized potato weighs about half a pound, consequently
there are 224 potatoes in a cwt.
"Take half the above quantity of potatoes each evening to a baker's,
and have them baked; when properly cooked put them in your basket,
well wrapped up in the flannel to keep them hot, and sally forth and
offer them for sale at one penny each. Numbers will be glad to
purchase them at that price, and you will for certain be able to sell
half a cwt. every evening. From the calculation made below you will
see by that means you will be able to earn 2_l._ per week. The best
plan is to frequent the most crowded thoroughfares, and make good use
of your lungs; thus letting people know what you have for sale. You
could also call in at each public-house on your way, and solicit the
patronage of the customers, many of whom would be certain to buy of
you. Should you have too much pride to transact the business yourself
(though no one need be ashamed of pursuing an honest calling), you
could hire a boy for a few shillings a week, who could do the work for
you, and you could still make a handsome profit weekly.
"The following calculation proves that 2_l._ per week can be made by
selling baked potatoes:--
"1 cwt., containing 224 potatoes, sold in two
evenings, at 1_d._ each £0 18 8
Deduct cost 0 4 0
-------
£0 14 8
3
-------
Six evenings' sale £2 4 0
Pay baker at the rate of 8_d._ per evening for
baking potatoes 0 4 0
-------
Net profit per week £2 0 0"
One more specimen of these baits for gudgeon, and we have done. We
frequently see appeals to the benevolent for the loans of small sums. Some
of these are doubtless written by innocent persons in distress, who
confide in the good side of human nature; and we have been given to
understand that in many cases this blind confidence has not been
misplaced; for there are many Samaritans who read the papers nowadays, and
feel a romantic pleasure in answering such appeals: at the same time, we
are afraid that the great majority of them are gross deceptions. The
veritable whine of "the poor broken-down tradesman" who makes a habit of
visiting our quiet streets and appealing, in a very solemn voice, to "my
brethren" for the loan of a small trifle, whilst he anxiously scans the
windows for the halfpence, is observable, for instance, in the following
cool appeal:--
To the Benevolent.--A Young Tradesman has, from a series of
misfortunes, been reduced to the painful necessity of asking for a
trifling SUM to enable him to raise 10_l._ to save himself from
inevitable ruin and poverty; or if any gentleman would lend the above
it would be faithfully repaid. Satisfactory references as to the
genuineness of this case.--Direct to A.Z., Mr. Rigby's, Post-Office,
Mile-end Road.
The receipt of conscience-money is constantly acknowledged in
advertisements by the Chancellor of the Exchequer of the day, and the sums
which in this manner find their way into the Exchequer are by no means
inconsiderable. It is honourable to human nature, amid all the roguery we
have exposed, to find that now and then some conscience is touched by a
very small matter, and that great trouble and no little expense is often
gone to in order that others may not suffer through the inadvertency or
carelessness of the advertiser. The following is a delicate example:--
To Hackney-Coachmen.--About the month of March last, a gentleman from
the country took a coach from Finsbury Square, and accidentally broke
the glass of one of its windows. Being unwell at the time, the
circumstance was forgotten when he quitted the coach, and it would now
be a great relief to his mind to be put in a situation to pay the
coachman for it. Should this meet the eye of the person who drove the
coach, and he will make application to A. B., at Walker's Hotel, Dean
Street, Soho, any morning during the next week, before eleven o'clock,
proper attention will be paid to it.--_Times_, 1842.
The more curious advertisements which from time to time appear in the
public journals, but particularly in the _Times_, do not admit of
classification; and they are so numerous, moreover, that if we were to
comment upon one tithe of those that have appeared within the last six
years, we should far exceed the limits of this article. We make no
apology, therefore, for stringing together the following very odd lot:--
Do you want a servant?--Necessity prompts the question.--The
advertiser OFFERS his SERVICES to any lady or gentleman, company, or
others, in want of a truly faithful confidential servant in any
capacity not menial, where a practical knowledge of human nature, in
various parts of the world, would be available. Could undertake any
affair of small or great importance, where talent, inviolable secrecy,
or good address would be necessary. Has moved in the best and worst
societies without being contaminated by either; has never been a
servant; begs to recommend himself as one who knows his place; is
moral, temperate, middle-aged; no objection to any part of the world.
Could advise any capitalist wishing to increase his income, and have
the control of his own money. Could act as secretary or valet to any
lady or gentleman. Can give advice or hold his tongue, sing, dance,
play, fence, box, or preach a sermon, tell a story, be grave or gay,
ridiculous or sublime, or do anything, from the curling of a peruke to
the storming of a citadel, but never to excel his master.--Address, A.
B. C., 7, Little St. Andrew Street, Leicester Square.--_Times_, 1850.
The Mighty Angel's Midnight Roar.--"Behold the Bridegroom cometh, go
ye out to meet him." This awful cry, as is demonstrated, will very
shortly be heard, viz.: at the commencement of "the great day (or
year) of God's wrath," or the last of the 2,300 days (or years) in
Daniel's prophecy. By the authors of "Proofs of the Second Coming of
Messiah at the Passover in 1848." Price 6_d._ Fourth Edition.
This is a Muggletonian prophecy of the destruction of the world at a
certain date. The prediction failed, however, and the prophet found it
necessary to explain the reason:--
The Mighty Angel's Midnight Roar.--The authors, owing to their
disappointment, most sedulously investigated its cause, and instantly
announce its discovery. Daniel's vision, in chap. 8, was for 2,300
years, to the end of which (see 5-12) the "little horn" was to
practise and prosper, after which comes the year of God's wrath, which
was erroneously included in the 2,300 years, and thus the midnight cry
will be a year later than stated.--_Times_, 1851.
To P. Q. How Is Your Mother? I shan't inquire further, and must
decline entering upon the collateral branches of the family.--_Times_,
1842.
To Widowers and Single Gentlemen.--WANTED, by a lady, a SITUATION to
superintend the household and preside at table. She is agreeable,
becoming, careful, desirable, English, facetious, generous, honest,
industrious, judicious, keen, lively, merry, natty, obedient,
philosophic, quiet, regular, sociable, tasteful, useful, vivacious,
womanish, xantippish, youthful, zealous, &c.--Address, X. Y. Z.,
Simmond's Library, Edgeware Road.--_Times._
The Title of an Ancient Baron. Mr. George Robins is empowered to SELL
the TITLE and DIGNITY of a BARON. The origin of the family, its
ancient descent, and illustrious ancestry, will be fully developed to
those and such only as desire to possess this distinguished rank for
the inconsiderable sum of 1,000_l._ Covent-garden Market.--_Times_,
1841.
Postage stamps. A young lady, being desirous of covering her
dressing-room with cancelled POSTAGE STAMPS, has been so far
encouraged in her wish by private friends as to have succeeded in
collecting 16,000! these, however, being insufficient, she will be
greatly obliged if any good-natured persons who may have these
(otherwise useless) little articles at their disposal would assist in
her whimsical project. Address to E. D., Mr. Butt's, glover,
Leadenhall Street; or Mr. Marshall's, jeweller, Hackney.--_Times_,
1841.
To the Theatrical Profession.--WANTED, for a Summer Theatre and
Circuit, a Leading Lady, Singing Chambermaid, First Low Comedian,
Heavy Man, Walking Gentleman, and one or two Gentlemen for Utility. To
open July 9th.
Address (enclosing Stamp for reply) to Mr. J. WINDSOR, Theatre Royal,
Preston, Lancashire.--_Era_, July 1, 1855.
Wanted a Man and his Wife to look after a Horse and Dairy with a
religious turn of mind without any incumbrance.
The variety is perhaps as astonishing as the number of advertisements in
the _Times_. Like the trunk of an elephant, no matter seems too minute or
too gigantic, too ludicrous or too sad, to be lifted into notoriety by the
giant of Printing-house Square. The partition of a thin rule suffices to
separate a call for the loan of millions from the sad weak cry of the
destitute gentlewoman to be allowed to slave in a nursery "for the sake of
a home." Vehement love sends its voice imploring through the world after a
graceless boy, side by side with the announcement of the landing of a
cargo of lively turtle, or the card of a bug-killer. The poor lady who
advertises for boarders "merely for the sake of society" finds her "want"
cheek-by-jowl with some Muggletonian announcement gratuitously calculated
to break up society altogether, to the effect that the world will come to
an end by the middle of the next month. Or the reader is informed that for
twelve postage stamps he may learn "How to obtain a certain fortune,"
exactly opposite an offer of a bonus of 500_l._ to any one who will obtain
for the advertiser "a Government situation." The _Times_ reflects every
want, and appeals to every motive which affects our composite society. And
why does it do this? Because of its ubiquity: go where we will, there,
like the house-fly or the sparrow, we find it. The porter reads it in his
beehive-chair, the master in his library; Green, we have no doubt, takes
it with him to the clouds in his balloon, and the collier reads it in the
depths of the mine; the workman at his bench, the lodger in his two-pair
back, the gold-digger in his hole, and the soldier in the trench, pore
over its broad pages. Hot from the press, or months old, still it is read.
That it is, _par excellence_, the national paper, and reflects more than
any other the life of the people, may be gathered from its circulation.
They show in the editor's room a singular diagram, which indicates by an
irregular line the circulation day by day and year by year. On this sheet
the gusts of political feeling and the pressure of popular excitement are
as minutely indicated as the force and direction of the wind are shown by
the self-registering apparatus in Lloyd's Rooms. Thus we find that in the
year 1845 it ran along at a pretty nearly dead level of 23,000 copies
daily. In 1846--for one day, the 28th of January, that on which the report
of Sir Robert Peel's statement respecting the Corn Laws appeared--it rose
in a towering peak to a height of 51,000, and then fell again to its old
number. It began the year 1848 with 29,000, and rose to 43,000 on the 29th
of February--the morrow of the French revolution. In 1852 its level at
starting was 36,000, and it attained to the highest point it has yet
touched on the 19th of November, the day of the Memoir of the Great Duke,
when 69,000 copies were sold. In January, 1853, the level had arisen to
40,000; and at the commencement of the present year it stood at 58,000, a
circulation which has since increased to 60,000 copies daily!
Notwithstanding all the disturbing causes which make the line of its
circulation present the appearance of hill and dale, sometimes rising into
Alp-like elevations, its ordinary level at the beginning of each year for
some time past has constantly gone on advancing; insomuch that within ten
years its circulation has more than doubled by 7,000 daily.
This vigorous growth is the true cause of that wonderful determination of
advertisements to its pages, which have overflowed into a second paper, or
supplement, as it was formerly called. That this success has been fairly
won, we have never ourselves doubted; but a fact has come to our knowledge
which will pretty clearly prove that this great paper is conducted on
principles which are superior to mere money considerations; or rather its
operations are so large that it can afford to inflict upon itself
pecuniary losses, such as would annihilate any other journal, in order to
take a perfectly free course. In the year 1845, when the railway mania was
at its height, the _Times_ advertising sheet was overrun with projected
lines, and many a guess was made, we remember, at the time as to their
probable value; but high as the estimates generally were, they came far
short of the truth. We give the cash and credit returns of advertisements
of all kinds for nine weeks:--
Sept. 6 £2839 14 0
" 13 3783 12 0
" 20 3935 7 6
" 27 4692 7 0
Oct. 4 6318 14 0
" 11 6543 17 0
" 18 6687 4 0
" 25 6025 14 6
Nov. 1 3230 3 6
During the greater part of the time that the proprietors were reaping this
splendid harvest from the infatuation of the people, the heaviest guns
were daily brought to bear from the leading columns upon the bubbles which
rose up so thickly in the advertising sheet. The effect of their fire may
be measured by the falling off of nearly 3,000_l._ in the returns for a
single week. A journal which could afford to sacrifice such a revenue to
its independence, certainly deserved some consideration from the
Government; but, on the contrary, it appears to have been singled out for
annoyance by the act which relates to newspapers. We see certain trees on
our lawns whose upshooting branches are by ingenious gardeners trained
downwards, and taught to hold themselves in a dependent condition by the
imposition of weights upon their extremities. The state gardeners have
applied the same treatment to the journal in question, by hanging an extra
halfpenny stamp upon every copy of its issue--a proceeding which, in our
opinion, is as unfair as it is injudicious: and this they will find in the
future, when the crowd of mosquito-like cheap journals called forth by the
measure, and supported by the very life-blood of the leading journal,
begin to gather strength and to attack Whiggery with their democratic
buzz.
We have dwelt chiefly upon the advertising sheet of the _Times_, because
it is the epitome of that in all the other journals. It must be mentioned,
however, that some of the morning and weekly papers lay themselves out
for class advertisements. Thus the _Morning Post_ monopolizes all those
which relate to fashion and high life; and the _Morning Advertiser_, the
paper of the licensed victuallers, aggregates to itself every announcement
relating to their craft. _Bell's Life_ is one mass of advertisements of
various sports; the _Era_ is great upon all theatricals; the _Athenæum_
gathers to itself a large proportion of book advertisements. The
_Illustrated News_ among the weeklies, like the _Times_ among the dailies,
towers by the head above them all. A hebdomadal circulation of 170,000
draws a far more cosmopolitan collection of announcements to its pages
than any of its contemporaries can boast. We have said nothing of the
advertisements in the provincial journals; but it is gratifying to find
that they have more than kept pace with those which have appeared in the
metropolitan papers. Their enormous increase is best shown by the returns
of the advertisement duty; from which it appears that in 1851 no less than
2,334,593 advertisements were published in the journals of Great Britain
and Ireland--a number which has vastly augmented since the tax upon them
has been repealed.