1
It was yesterday. When I woke, the cornfield under my windows, which
seemed a steadfast sea of gold, had already half disappeared. The
scythes flashed in the sun; and the ripe corn fell in great unresisting
masses.
The smallest details of that meeting are present in my memory; and I do
not weary of living every moment of it over again. The air was cool. I
still feel the caress of my sleeves, which the wind set fluttering over
my arms. I drank the breeze in great gulps. It filled me, it revived me
from head to foot. My skirts hampered me and I went slowly, holding my
hat in both hands before my face and vaguely guided by the little
patches of landscape that showed through the loose straw: a glimpse of
blue sky, of swaying tree-tops, smoking chimneys and a dim horizon.
I have come to the far end of the field, where the reapers are. It is
the hour of the first meal. The men have laid down their scythes, the
girls have ceased to bind the sheaves and all are sitting on the slope
beside the road.
Curious, I go closer still. A young woman, whom the others call
"mademoiselle," is kneeling a few steps away from me, in front of the
provision-basket; she has her back turned to me and is distributing
slices of bread and cream-cheese to the labourers; she hands the jug
filled with cider to the one nearest her, who drinks and sends it round.
For one second the movement of her arm passes between the sky and my
gaze, which wavers a little owing to the brilliancy of the light; and
that arm dewy with heat appears to me admirably moulded, with bold, pure
lines.
She is dressed like her companions, in a coarse linen skirt, whose
uncouth folds disguise her hips, and a calico smock imprisoned in a
black laced bodice, a sort of shapeless, barbarous cuirass. A
broad-brimmed straw hat, adorned with a faded ribbon, casts its shadow
on her shoulders; but, when she bends her head, I see the glint of her
hair, whose tightly bound and twisted masses shine like coils of gold.
The rather powerful neck is beautifully modelled. It is delicately
hollowed at the nape, where a little silver chain accentuates the
gentle curve. I can see almost nothing of her figure under the clumsy
clothes, but its proportions appear to me accurate and fairly slender.
I feel inclined to go away without a word; my fastidious eyes bring me
misgivings. When the first taste is good, why risk a second? But one of
the reapers has seen me. He bids me a friendly good-morning; and, before
I have time to answer, she has turned round.
It is so rare, in our country districts, to see a beautiful woman that,
for an instant, I blame the charm of the hour and accuse the friendly
light of complicity. But little by little her perfection overcomes my
doubts; and, the more I watch her, the lovelier I think her. The almost
statuesque slowness of her movements, the vigorous line of her body, the
glad colours that adorn her mouth, her cheeks and her bare arms seem to
make her share in the health of the soil. The fair human sheaf is bound
to nature like the golden sheaves that surround it.
Without stirring, we two stand looking at each other face to face.
2
O miracle of beauty, sovran of happiness and magnet of wandering eyes,
that day it shone in the noon-day sun like a star on the forehead of
that unhappy life; and it and it alone stayed my steps!
But for it, should I have dreamt, in the presence of that humble girl,
of one of those quests which appeal to the hearts of us women, hearts
fed on eternal illusions? But for it, should I have suspected a
sorrowing soul in the depths of those limpid eyes? And, at this moment,
should I be asking of my weakness the strength that constrains, of my
doubts the faith that saves, of my pity the tenderness that consoles and
heals?
3
I had moved to go, happy without knowing why; I hastened my steps. With
my soul heavier and my feet lighter than before, I walked away, glorying
in my meeting as in a victory over chance, over the thousand trifles,
the thousand blind agencies that incessantly keep us from what we seek
and from what unconsciously seeks us.
I could have laughed for joy; and it would have been sweet to me, when
I passed into the garden, to proclaim my glee aloud. But the peace of
things laid silence upon me. I slowly followed the paths, bordered with
marigolds and balsam, that lead to the house; and, when I passed under
the blinds, which a friend's hand had gently drawn for me, I heard my
everyday voice describing my discovery and my delight in sober tones.
And yet the moment of exaltation still charged my life; it seemed to me
clearer and deeper; and I thought that enthusiasm is in us like a
too-full cup, which overflows at the least movement of the soul.
4
I made enquiries that same evening; and all that I learnt encourages me.
She lives at the end of our village of Sainte-Colombe. She was brought
up at the convent in the town hard by and left it at the age of
eighteen. Since then, she has not been happy. On Sunday she is never
with the merrymaking crowd. She has never been seen at church. She
neither prays nor dances.