When Howard came back from Cambridge he had a long talk with Maud over
the future; it seemed almost tacitly agreed that he should return to
his work there, at all events for a time.
"I feel very selfish and pompous about all this," said Howard; "MY
work, MY sphere--what nonsense it all is! Why should I come down to
Windlow, take possession, and having picked the sweetest flower in the
garden, stick it in my buttonhole and march away?"
Maud laughed and said, "Oh, no, it isn't that--it is quite a simple
matter. You have learnt a trade, a difficult trade; why should you give
it up? We don't happen to need the money, but that doesn't matter. My
business is to take off your shoulders, if I can, all the trouble
entailed on you by marrying me--it's simply a division of labour. You
can't just settle down in the country as a small squire, with nothing
much to do. People must do the work they can do, and I should be
miserable if I thought I had pulled you out of your place in the world."
"I don't know," said Howard; "there seems to me to be something rather
stuffy about it: why can't we just live? Women do; there is no fuss
made about their work, and their need to express themselves; yet they
do it even more than men, and they do it without priggishness. My work
at Cambridge is just what everyone else is doing, and if I don't do it,
there will be half a dozen men capable of doing it and glad to do it.
The great men of the world don't talk about the importance of their
work: they just do whatever comes to hand--it's only the second-rate
men who say that their talents haven't full scope. Do you remember poor
Chambers, who was at lunch the other day? He told me that he had
migrated from a town parish to a country parish, and that he missed the
organisation so much. 'There seems nothing to organise down in the
country!' he said. 'Now in my town parish there was the whole machine
to keep going--I enjoyed that, and I don't feel I am giving effect to
the best part of myself.' That seemed to me such a pompous line, and I
felt that I didn't want to be like that. One's work! how little it
matters! No one is indispensable--the disappearance of one man just
gives another his chance."
"Yes, of course, it is rather hard to draw the line," said Maud, "and I
think it is a pity to be solemn about it; but it seems to me so simple
in this case. You can do the work--they want you back--there is no
reason why you should not go back."
"Perhaps it is mere laziness," said Howard, "but I feel as if I wanted
a different sort of life now, a quieter life; and yet I know that there
is a snare about that. I rather mistrust the people who say they must
get time to think out things. It's like the old definition of
metaphysics--the science of muddling oneself systematically. I don't
think one can act by reason; one must act by instinct, and reason just
prevents one's making a fool of oneself."
"I believe the time for the other life will come quite naturally
later," said Maud. "At your age, you have got to do things. Of course
it's the same with women in a way, but marriage is their obvious
career, and the pity is that there don't seem enough husbands to go
round. I can sit in my corner and placidly survey the overstocked
market now!"
Howard got up and leaned against the chimneypiece, surveying his wife
with delight. "Ah, child," he said, "I was lucky to come in when I did.
I shiver at the thought that if I had arrived a little later there
would have been 'no talk of thee and me' as Omar says. You would have
been a devoted wife, and I should have been a hopeless bachelor!"
"It's unthinkable," said Maud, "it's horrible even to speculate about
such things--a mere question of proximity! Well, it can't be mended
now; and the result is that I not only drive you back to work, but you
have to carry me back as well, like Sindbad and the old man of the sea."
"Yes, it's just like that!" said Howard.
He made several attempts, with Mr. Sandys and with his aunt--even with
Miss Merry--to get encouragement for his plan; but he could obtain no
sympathy.
"I'm sick of the very word 'ideal,'" he said to Maud. "I feel like a
waiter handing about tumblers on a tray, pressing people to have
ideals--at least that is what I seem to be supposed to be doing. I
haven't any ideals myself--the only thing I demand and practise is
civility."
"Yes, I don't think you need bother about ideals," said Maud, "it's
wonderful the depressing power of words; there are such a lot of fine
and obvious things in the world, perfectly distinct, absolutely
necessary, and yet the moment they become professional, they deprive
one of all spirit and hope--Jane has that effect on me, I am afraid. I
am sure she is a fine creature, but her view always makes me feel
uncomfortable--now Cousin Anne takes all the things one needs for
granted, and isn't above making fun of them; and then they suddenly
appear wholesome and sensible. She is quite clear on the point; now if
SHE wanted you to stay, it would be different."
"Very well, so be it!" said Howard; "I feel I am caught in feminine
toils. I am like a child being taught to walk--every step applauded,
handed on from embrace to embrace. I yield! I will take my beautiful
mind back to Cambridge, I will go on moulding character, I will go on
suggesting high motives. But the responsibility is yours, and if you
turn me into a prig, it will not be my fault."
"Ah, I will take the responsibility for that," said Maud, "and, by the
way, hadn't we better begin to look out for a house? I can't live in
College, I believe, not even if I were to become a bedmaker?"
"Yes," said Howard, "a high-minded house of roughcast and tile, with
plenty of white paint inside, Chippendale chairs, Watts engravings. I
have come to that--it's inevitable, it just expresses the situation;
but I mustn't go on like this--it isn't funny, this academic
irony--it's dreadfully professional. I will be sensible, and write to
an agent for a list. It had better just be 'a house' with nothing
distinctive; because this will be our home, I hope, and that the
official residence. And now, Maud, I won't be tiresome any more; we
can't waste time in talking about these things. I haven't done with
making love to you yet, and I doubt if I ever shall!"