when one of his wives detected the fragrance of another woman's sachet
on his coat lapel.
Every man "rocks the boat" of happiness at least once during a love
affair--usually by trying to leap out of it before it lands in the port
of Matrimony. All a man needs in order to win any woman is a little
audacity, a little mendacity and plenty of pertinacity.
The only chain that can bind love is an endless chain of compliments.
When a woman doesn't marry it is usually because she has never met the
man with whom she could be perfectly happy; but when a man remains
single it is usually because he has never met the woman _without_ whom
he could _not_ be perfectly happy.
Most men expect to "reform" between the last dose of medicine and the
last breath.
Speaking of the modern advance in the "arts and crafts" it requires more
art to get a husband and more craft to keep one nowadays, than it ever
did.
A frank man may be the noblest work of God, but he is as much of a
nuisance in feminine society as a woman on a fishing trip.
There is always a chance that a man may escape from the bonds of
matrimony; but an old bachelor is wedded by all the bonds of nature to a
collection of habits from which nothing but death can divorce him.
By the time he marries, a bachelor's heart has been pressed, cleaned and
mended so often that it will barely hold together through the
honeymoon.
It seems so unreasonable of man to expect a woman to think straight,
walk straight, or talk straight, considering that she was made from his
rib--the crookedest bone in his body.
Motto for a married man's den: "Others love your wife, why not _you_?"
A man's idea of being perfectly loyal to a woman is to "think of her
always"--even when he is kissing another woman.
Love is just a glittering illusion with which we gild the hard, cold
facts of life--until all the world seems bright and shining!
Most men are so busy dodging one love affair that they step right back
under the wheels of another, and are fatally mangled.
A brave man is always ready to "face the music"--provided it isn't that
old tune from Lohengrin.
If married couples would show as much respect for one another's personal
liberty, habits and preferences as they do for one another's
toothbrushes, love's young dream would not so often turn into a
nightmare. It is the Siamese twin existence they impose on themselves
that drives them to distraction or destruction.
A man kills time with a golf stick; a woman with a lip-stick.
It is foolish to fancy that a man is thinking of proposing to you; a man
never proposes to any woman, until he has gotten past "thinking."
If a man would employ a little more commonsense before marriage and a
little more _incense_ afterwards, matrimony would be more of an
inspiration and less of a visitation.
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
The man who takes a kiss "for granted" doesn't stand a chance beside the
man who takes it before it is granted.
Husband: A miniature volcano, constantly smoking, usually grumbling, and
always liable to violent and unexpected eruptions.
On the journey of matrimony, there are no garages where punctured
illusions can be patched up, shattered ideals mended, and empty hearts
refilled.
Of course a man is not as jealous as a woman--because it's so hard for
him to believe that a girl on whom he bestows himself could possibly
wish for anything better.
The making of a husband out of a mere man is not a sinecure; it's one of
the highest plastic arts known to civilization.
Before marriage a woman says sweetly, "I understand you!" After marriage
she says coldly, "I see through you!"
Oh, what is so stupid as last year's song,
So foolish as last year's fashion,
So completely forgotten as last year's girl,
And so dead as a last year's passion?
CURTAIN
[Illustration]
OTHER BOOKS BY HELEN ROWLAND
THE SAYINGS OF MRS. SOLOMON
Being the confessions of the 700th wife. A book that is much appreciated
and is destined to entertain Helen Rowland's fast growing audience for
years to come.
"Yet whichever he weddeth, he regretteth it all the days of his life."
From the Sayings of Mrs. Solomon
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL
Clever, cynical and witty, with a philosophical trend that will
entertain men and woman alike--the older ones--the younger ones. Read
this book for a mirror likeness to yourself.
Border decorations in color size 5 x 7-1/2.
A Laugh on Every Page
THE WIDOW (TO SAY NOTHING OF THE MAN)
Here is a little book of delightful love stories, brimful of clever,
witty epigrams. The Widow is--well, say that she is lovable--only more
so; and the Man--read, know and love both.
Illustrated bound in boards 4-1/2 x 7-1/4.
RUBAIYAT OF A BACHELOR
An exceedingly clever parody both in verses and illustrations. Every
yearning, timorous bachelor should read and ponder; so, too, each
damsel, read and--"then, in your mercy, Friend, forbear to smile."
Illustrations and border decorations by Harold Speakman, attractively
bound in cloth with inlay in color size 5-3/4 x 7-1/2.
A Laugh on Every Page
[Illustration]
* * * * *
Transcriber's Notes:
Page 7, "discoverd" changed to "discovered" (Who has discovered)
Page 32, extraneous closing quote removed from text. Original read:
"guide," philosopher and friend"
Page 73, "Corespondence" changed to "Correspondence" (from the
Correspondence)
Text uses both caveman and cave-man, commonsense and common-sense,
goodby and good-by.