THE BIG PIKE AND THE PRIZE RAM
It was not very long after our adventure with the shark, described last
week, that Dave o' th' Damside and I had a "go" with a monster pike. This
pike was caught in the old river at Utley by Sam Friar. It was of a
tremendous size, and, no doubt, had a good history; for, among other
things, the fish was short of one eye. Dave and I obtained possession of
the pike, and we had it on exhibition one Saturday in the Market-place. I
was again put in to describe the show, and I have no doubt that I made
the most of the "recommendations" of the "one-eyed" monster. At night we
cut the fish up and sold it; and many would be the Sunday dinners that
the big pike would provide. Hey and your humble servant next turned their
attention to a fine large ram, which had been purchased by Mr Patrick
McShee at a sale of the farm stock of Mr Thomas Brigg, Calversyke Hill.
The ram had won many prizes at agricultural shows, and we had it on
exhibition in a shop in North-street, now occupied by Mr Whitworth,
tobacconist. At the time, the Tichborne case was in the public mind, so
we gave the sheep the name, "Sir Roger Tichborne." Many people came to
see the prize ram, the visitors including farming gentlemen of the town
and district; so that we fared very well with our show. Then we added a
monkey and a bull-dog, and, what with the ram, monkey, and bull-dog,
there was a glorious row! But the greater the noise the greater was the
desire of the public to pay a visit to the show, and this continued the
case, to our unqualified satisfaction, for some time. The sheep, being a
prize animal, had clearly fared wisely and well in Mr Brigg's possession,
and, whether it was from heart-ache at the loss of a good home or what
else, the animal soon pined away, refusing to eat or drink, and its
death, I think, marked the termination of the connection of Dave o' th'
Damside and Bill o' th' Hoylus End with "show business."
MR LEACH AND THE BATHS AND WASH-HOUSES
Soon after my worthy friend, Mr James Leach, betook himself from "show
land," he commenced in earnest the study of politics and local affairs.
He managed, with my assistance, &c., to obtain a seat on the Board of
Guardians, and also on the Local Board of Health. Then, there was a great
agitation concerning the health and cleanliness of the people, and it was
"ordained by the elders of the Senate that baths and wash-houses should
be erected and built throughout the length and the breadth of the land."
According to the "Chronicles of Keighley," "the governors of the city did
not think it meet to comply with the law of the Senate, and refused so to
do. Whereupon other elders of the city gathered themselves together, and
determined in their hearts that baths and wash-houses should be built,
and that the cost thereof should be defrayed out of the tax imposed on
the relief of the poor in the land." This use, or misuse, of the public
money caused strife among the people, who for the most part opposed the
scheme. A vestry meeting, however, was called, and though very thinly
attended, the opportunity was taken to elect the Commissioners of the
Baths and Wash-houses, and it was decided to proceed with the erection of
the building, the cost of which was estimated at 6,000 pounds. But when
this money had been expended the baths and wash-houses were far from
completed, and, at the request of the Commissioners, another 2,000 pounds
was granted for the work. Still this proved sadly insufficient, and "the
inhabitants of the land began to be mightily displeased at the conduct of
the Commissioners, by reason that they demanded more gold." The people
were for the third time called to a vestry meeting, and on this occasion
there was a large and animated attendance. The Commissioners asked for
2,500 pounds, and this, amid great tumult and shouting, the people
emphatically declared they would not lend: "One named Leach sware that no
more gold should be granted." After much lively demonstration, the
meeting ended with the decision "that the matter should not be
entertained until the end of that day twelve months." When that time came
round the people were once more called together. The money was still
refused, and it was ordered that a poll of the town should be taken. The
poll showed a great majority against granting the money, and the result
of this decision was that the baths and wash-houses had to remain in
their unfinished state for seven years. At the end of the seven years the
building was, some way or other, completed; and thus an end was put to
one of the greatest farces and pieces of blundering and mismanagement
that has occurred in the town--before or after.
ASTROLOGY AND BUMPOLOGY
It was a co-worker of mine, Joseph Hopkinson ("Joe Hobble"), a
warpdresser, of Haworth, who introduced me to Jack Kay and Harry Mac, two
fortune tellers who were in Haworth. Harry Mac had a book with which he
told fortunes, and this book, which was an English translation of a Greek
work on astrology, Joe Hopkinson borrowed for me. I perused the book in
the hope of one day being able to do a little fortune telling. Harry Mac
and Jack Kay had done very well out of the book, and their knowledge of
it; but my object in learning to presage events, was not as a means of
livelihood, but in order to appease my appetite for a bit of fun. It was
while I was "reading, learning, and inwardly digesting" the contents of
the book that Professor Fowler, the well-known phrenologist, came to
Keighley and gave lectures on the science of bumps, or phrenology, in the
old Mechanics' Hall--now the Yorkshire Penny Bank. I attended one of
those lectures in company with Morgan Kennedy, a Keighley man, who
afterwards became a professional phrenologist. When the time came for
practical demonstrations the audience called out for me to go on the
platform. I complied, and the Professor set himself to "feel my bumps."
In the first place he told the audience that "this was one of the few
heads that he had had the opportunity of examining," which, of itself,
was neither very favourable, nor very unfavourable. But there was
suppressed tittering among the audience when he continued, "I have been
on the Continent, and have examined the heads of Louis Napoleon, Victor
Hugo, Garibaldi, and Louis Kossuth. This head, I may venture to say,
rather touches upon those." I felt that the Professor had got out of his
reckoning in making these comparisons; for although I had done a little
soldiering, and was a poet in my own rough way, I knew that I had no
claim whatever to be a governor, seeing that I had never been able to
govern myself. However, I got through the ordeal. The result of my visit
to Professor Fowler was that I combined the study of bumpology with that
of astrology, and I got on very well, and had some nice quiet fun, with
telling people--mostly servant girls in public-houses--their fortunes,
and describing their bumps. Many people, I know, really thought I was a
"nap-hand" in the work. One incident I remember well. A young man of the
name of Tom Smith, a warpdresser, one night came to ask me to rule the
planets and tell him whether he and his wife would ever live together
again. I told my visitor that I could do nothing for him that night, but
if he would call the following evening I should then be prepared to
"invoke the infernal regions." He was at my house the next night, and
asked me whether "ahr Emma" would ever live with him again. I said "Well,
Tom, the first thing you will have to do is to go upstairs blindfolded."
I placed a bandage over his eyes, and sent him upstairs, having told him
to walk quietly across the middle of the chamber floor. I had suspended
the beam of a warp-dressing frame from the ceiling. Tom walked against
this beam, which swung back upon him, and, apparently, greatly frightened
him, for of all the screaming I ever heard, it took place that night in
that chamber. Tom was blindfolded, and, in addition to that, the room was
in darkness; and when he was able to pick his way out of the "chamber of
horrors," he beat a hasty retreat from the house. This is a sample of the
fun I had during my experiences as a humble advocate (?) of the "art of
professing to reveal future events in the life of another."
ALONE IN LONDON
Many townsfolk will remember Jim Blakey. He was a young fellow who had
many peculiarities in his composition. One of these was that his mind was
for ever bent upon travelling, and, not being short of money, he was
often able to gratify his desires. Knowing that I had travelled a little,
he would have me to accompany him to London. After certain adventures on
the way we got to the big city, and secured lodgings. Blakey was not
altogether well, so I left him at our hotel while I went for a walk
through some of the parts of London I was already acquainted with. When I
got back, however, Blakey had "gone--left no address," and, besides, he
was the paymaster, and the only money I had was 2.5d. So that I could
truly appreciate the situation of being "alone in London." I was
wandering about the city all night, and in the morning found myself going
towards Fulham. I was wearing a good big overcoat, and had also in my
possession a new copy of "Goldsmith's poems:" these I had resolved to
leave with my "uncle." On the road, however, I fell in with a wedding
party, and disposed of the volume of poems for 3s 6d to the bridegroom,
who said he should make a present of it to his bride. Going on to Fulham
I fell in with an old friend from Keighley. I stayed a day or two with
him, and then sailed from London Bridge to Hull. From Hull I walked to
Keighley _minus_ my overcoat. I found that Blakey had not come home, but
he returned in a day or two, and said he had looked all over London for
me. I thought he had deserted me on purpose; so when we were in Edinburgh
together shortly afterwards, I arranged with a Leeds guard whom I knew to
put Blakey into a North of Scotland train instead of the one for
Keighley. This the guard managed all right, poor Blakey being taken 200
miles further from home. When he at last got into the south train he was
taken on to Bradford, and he told me that the ten miles' walk from
Bradford to Keighley at midnight was worse than travelling the whole 400
miles. Notwithstanding these differences, we continued good friends until
he finally left Keighley for Leeds, where he died after a few years.