PLAYING THE CLOWN AND EVADING THE IMPOSSIBLE
I left the employ of my friend the Frenchman, and joined "Mother" Beach's
"grand theatrical combination." The business was formerly owned by Mr
Beach, and at his death the widow undertook the management of the
concern, with assistance from her son William, whose stage cognomen was
"Little Billy Beach." Mr Beach, junior, was a better class comedian. The
company consisted of, in addition to the last-named, Tom Smith, Jonas
Wright, Edward Tate, Jack Buckley, John Spencer, Arthur Bland and myself,
and a quartette of ladies, viz.--"Bella," afterwards Mrs William Beach;
Ann Tracey, afterwards Mrs John Spencer; and Mrs Wright and "Mother"
Beach, who were sisters. Certainly not a very powerful company as regards
numbers! We visited such towns as Batley, Adwalton, Gomersal, &c. Well do
I remember being with the company at the Roberttown Races. Races were not
actually run there at the time of our visit, but they had been, and the
name was kept up. It was really the Feast or Tide, for which Roberttown
was somewhat notorious, and the old race course was used for the fair
ground. There was a conglomeration of scores of twopenny circuses, penny
"gaffs", round-abouts, swings, cocoa-nut shies, shooting ranges, &c.
People flocked from far and near to the Fair. Our company made a great
"hit." It was the custom for a few of us, myself included, to promenade
in front of the assembled crowd, in "full dress," and then, after we had
executed a picturesque Indian dance, the manager would strongly recommend
the people to "Come forward, ladies and gentlemen, the show's just
a-going to begin." The performance consisted of a short play, a comic
song by "Billy," and a portion of the pantomime, "Jack and the
Beanstalk," the whole lasting under half-an-hour. We gave about a score
performances a day: it was very hard work, and, what was more, hot
weather. I don't want to figure in these pages as a champion boozer--for
I know that the _Herald_ is a warm advocate of temperance
principles;--but it is nevertheless a fact that one hot day I drank no
less than three shillings' worth of "shandy-gaff," at a penny per pint.
It was dry work I can tell you, and made a dry stomach. Just before the
close of the fair, strangely enough, there was a split in our ranks owing
to the "matron" having engaged new blood, in the shape of three
fellows--Harry McMillan, Tom Harding, and Paddy Crotty--who were to play
the leading parts. It has always been said that much jealousy exists
among the theatrical profession, and jealousy existed and caused an
"eruption" among us. We had a "regular rumpus," and Spencer, Buckley, and
myself seceded and "set up" on our own account. In the evening of the
very day of the upheaval, we made a pitch on the greensward opposite to
the theatre we had seceded from. Spencer, I ought to mention here, was
"the great man of strength;" Buckley, the "marvellous jumper;" while I
myself filled a double role--being both the "clown" and "cashier" of the
establishment. The latter is generally a safe post to hold. Spencer would
willingly allow a stone to be broken on his chest with a sledge hammer,
bend bars of iron across his arm, and the like; and Buckley would
volunteer to jump over as many as five boat horses. But now it comes to
myself. I have to confess I was always rather backward at coming forward.
Suffice it to say that I didn't make a bad clown; which, perhaps, is not
so much to be wondered at seeing that I was said to have been "born so."
Our entertainment took immensely. We removed to Skelmanthorpe, near Denby
Dale, where we put the inhabitants into a state of great excitement. On a
large board we writ in chalk that on such a night we would "give a
wonderful entertainment" in the backyard of the tavern at which we were
staying; John Spencer, the great man of strength, would pull against five
horses, and as a grand _finale_, Jack Buckley would jump over five
horses, and a cab thrown in. I, albeit the poor clown, saw that this was
a gigantic fraud, and, fearing unpleasant consequences, I cast about for
some scheme to make our position safe. I arranged with a policeman, by
putting half-a-crown into his hand (from behind, of course) for him to
show himself in the backyard just as that part of the performance was
commencing, and solemnly pretend to stop the performance in the course of
duty. Well, the entertainment was begun before a crowded "house," and
when the particular part in question was coming off, Mr Policeman, true
to his promise, stepped forward, and said he would not see anybody
killed. Spencer had got ready to draw against _one _horse when he was
interfered with by the gentleman in blue--good soul! There's many a warm
heart beats beneath blue cloth and plated buttons. The audience took as
gospel the interference on the part of the law, and duly dispersed after
witnessing other "harmless" portions of the entertainment.
CLOWNS AT A DISCOUNT
Next morning we were up betimes and on our way to Halifax, where we knew
it was the Fair Day. We had an inkling that we might be able to engage
ourselves at some of the shows. And so it came to pass. Spencer
re-engaged with Wild's, and Buckley got a situation at Pablo Franco's.
But clowns were at a discount.
SEEKING AND FINDING
However, there happened to be on the Fair Ground the proprietress of a
new theatre. She was in search of "talent"--you know what I mean--eh? Oh,
yes! The theatre was a wooden one, in Barnsley. It was not quite
finished, but would be ready for opening in a week or so, and the old
lady--"Virgin Mary," I believe she was commonly called--wanted to get a
company together in time for the opening. She fully explained matters to
me, and, as a result I was engaged--that is to say I was professionally
engaged by her.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
She, of course, saw the whole of my personal belongings at first sight.
And it is often said that first impressions are lasting. She paid my
railway fare and gave me a "lift" of half-a-crown, and also mentioned, by
the way, that I might walk over to Barnsley if I liked and expend the
amount of the fare on myself. With this understanding we parted company.
Next morning I started for my new sphere of life, deciding to utilise
SHANKS' PONY
It was a glorious morning. When I set off, my feet were encased in a pair
of high Wellington boots, but as I walked along one of the boots began to
pinch my foot very badly, so I stopped somewhere between Halifax and
Brighouse and changed the offensive boot for one of my stage pumps.
THE GREEN BAG
The Wellington I deposited in my green bag, which by the way, contained
my stage "properties," to wit, tights, tunics, and the like. About this
time I was overtaken by a man who would have me believe he had seen me
before somewhere. I didn't like the look of that man a bit. He told me he
was walking to Sheffield and would have no objections to accompanying me
as far as I was going. I should liked to have told him that I was of
opinion that "one's company, two's none," yet his request of itself was
not in any way a peculiar one. So we jogged on together for some time. He
noticed that I limped somewhat, and in consideration thereof, I, on his
invitation, allowed him to carry my green bag--my only belongings--my
all. We chatted very pleasantly on the road, and it was agreed, with no
dissentient, that I should call at the first tavern we came to in
Brighouse, and do a bit of busking. He said he did not care to call at
the tavern, seeing that he was so shabbily dressed: he would _wait_ at
the other end of the town. Of course I took in all he said as gospel, or
the next approaching it. I entered the first tavern that hove insight, he
promising to "stay about."
ENTERTAINING STRANGERS
There was a "druffen Scotchman" in the house, and as soon as he became
aware that I had read much about the Land o' Cakes and Barley, he showed
a kind of rapturous paternal affection for me. When he learned that I
could "recite a wee bit," his delight knew no bounds. I recited several
pieces for the entertainment of the company, such as "Young Lochinvar"
and "Jock o' Hazeldean," and they rewarded me with fifteen pence for my
efforts, besides treating me to some light refreshment.
THE BAG MYSTERY
But I became anxious to join my travelling companion, whom I had left
waiting outside--or who had left me waiting for him. So I bade the
company "Adieu!" and quitted the tavern; but loo! my anonymous friend had
_vanished_ like a vision from my sight. I searched for him high and low
in the "publics" at "the other end of the town," but all in vain.
Meanwhile it had begun to dawn upon me that the stranger wasn't _my_
friend at all. What greatly disheartened me was to know that he had my
green bag, containing my stock-in-trade, in his possession wherever he
was. This was a great blow to me. Having satisfied myself that he was not
in Brighouse I pushed on my journey. I asked each person I met if he had
seen a man with a green bag, but none of them seemed to remember having
seen either a green bag or a man carrying one of those articles. I now
began to think I was truly on my "last legs."
AT WARP-DRESSING AGAIN
But I did not utterly forget the sentiment of Shakespeare--"There is a
tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to
fortune." I stayed the night at a little village called Kirkburton, and
the following morning I walked to Clayton West. Here, I found out, a good
deal of fancy weaving was carried on; and, looking at my case from all
its bearings, I came to the conclusion that it was advisable for me to
abandon my theatrical career, for the present at least, and try my hand
at warp-dressing again. This was duly resolved upon. Accordingly, I
applied at a factory at Clayton West, belonging I believe, to Mr Norton.
I got employment without much trouble: luckily they were in want of a
"man o'my sort."
A MINISTERING ANGEL
I started work at noon and worked during the dinner-hour. The first of
the hands to return from dinner was a good-looking young wench, a
twister-in. She thoughtfully asked if I had had my dinner. Of course I
didn't think I had, as it was too far to go home to it. "Oh! but you
shall have some dinner" says the big-hearted factory-lass; "for I'll go
home and bring you something." "Thank you," said I, and she was gone. But
not for long; not many minutes elapsed before she was by my side with a
big jug of coffee and a goodly-sized, appetising, real Yorkshire pasty,
the size of an oven-tin or thereabouts. I don't want to go into
fractions, besides, it isn't at all necessary. Suffice it to say that I
presented her with my heart felt thanks.
Bards hev sung the fairest fair,
Their rosy cheeks an' auburn hair,
The dying lover's deep despair,
Their harps hev rung;
But useful wimmin's songs are rare,
An' seldom sung.
Low is mi lot, and hard mi ways
While paddlin' thro' life's stormy days;
Yet ah will sing this lass's praise
Wi' famous glee.
Tho' rude an' rough sud be mi lays
Sho'st lass for me.
As to the repast itself--well I enjoyed that with much warmth, as we
sometimes say. Then I resumed the work which had been set out for me, and
finished by five o'clock in the afternoon. There I left off until next
morning. I had obtained in advance a few shillings to tide me over the
night.