[Illustration: A]A serious accident to the double-bass was the
extraordinary occurrence alluded to in our last chapter. It appeared that,
contrary to the _usual_ custom of the class of musicians that attend
evening parties, the operator upon the double-bass had early in the
evening shown slight symptoms of inebriety, which were alarmingly
increased during supper-time by a liberal consumption of wine, ale, gin,
and other compounds. The harp, flageolet, and first violin, had prudently
abstained from drinking--at their own expense, and had reserved their
thirstiness for the benefit of the bibicals of the "founder of the feast,"
and, consequently, had only attained that peculiar state of sapient
freshness which invariably characterises quadrille bands after supper, and
had, therefore, overlooked the rapid obfuscation of their more imprudent
companion in their earnest consideration of themselves.
Bacchus has long been acknowledged to be the cicerone of Cupid; and
accordingly the God of Wine introduced the God of Love into the bosom of
the double-bass, who, with a commendable feeling of sociality, instantly
invited the cook to join the party. Now Susan, though a staid woman, and
weighing, moreover, sixteen stone, was fond of a "hinnocent bit of
nonsense," kindly consented to take just a "sip of red port wine" with the
performer upon catgut cables; and everything was progressing _allegro_,
when Cupid wickedly stimulated the double-bass to chuck Susan's double
chin, and then, with the frenzy of a Bacchanal, to attempt the
impossibility of encircling the ample waist of his Dulcinea. This was
carrying the joke a _leetle_ too far, and Susan, equally alarmed for her
reputation and her habit-shirt, struggled to free herself from the embrace
of the votary of Apollo; but the fiddler was not to be so easily disposed
of, and he clung to the object of his admiration with such pertinacity
that Susan was compelled to redouble her exertions, which were ultimately
successful in embedding the double-bass in the body of his instrument. The
crash was frightful, and Susan, having vainly endeavoured to free herself
from the incubus which had fastened upon her, proceeded to scream most
lustily as an overture to a faint. These sounds reached the supper-room,
and occasioned the diversion in John's favour; a simultaneous rush was
instantly made to the quarter from whence they proceeded, as the whole
range of accidents and offences flashed across the imaginations of the
affrighted revellers.
Mrs. Waddledot decided that the china tea-service was no more. Mrs.
Applebite felt certain that "the heir" had tumbled into the tea-urn, or
had cut another tooth very suddenly. The gentlemen were assured that a
foray had taken place upon the hats and cloaks below, and that cabs would
be at a premium and colds at a discount. The ladies made various
applications of the rest of the catalogue; whilst old John wound up the
matter by the consolatory announcement that he "know'd the fire hadn't
been put out by the _in_gines in the morning."
The general alarm was, however, converted into general laughter when the
real state of affairs was ascertained; and Susan having been recovered by
burning feathers under her nose, and pouring brandy down her throat,
preparations were made for the disinterment of the double-bass. To all
attempts to effect such a laudable purpose, the said double-bass offered
the most violent opposition, declaring he should never be so happy again,
and earnestly entreated Susan to share his heart and temporary residence.
Her refusal of both seemed to cause him momentary uneasiness, for hanging
his head upon his breast he murmured out--
"Now she has left me her loss to deplore;"
and then burst into a loud huzza that rendered some suggestions about the
police necessary, which Mr. Double-bass treated with a contempt truly
royal. He then seemed to be impressed with an idea that he was the index
to a "Little Warbler;" for at the request of no one he proceeded to
announce the titles of all the popular songs from the time of Shield
downwards. How long he would have continued this vocal category is
uncertain; but as exertion seemed rather to increase than diminish his
boisterous merriment, the suggestions respecting the police were ordered
to be adopted, and accordingly two of the force were requested to remove
him from the domicile where he was creating so much discord in lieu of
harmony.
Double-bass still continued deaf to all entreaties for silence and
progression, and when a stretcher was mentioned grew positively furious,
and insisted that, as he had a conveyance of his own, he should be taken
to whatever destination they chose to select for him on, or rather in,
that vehicle. Accordingly a rattle was sprung, and duly answered by two or
three more of those alphabetical gentlemen who emanate from Scotland-yard,
by whose united efforts the refractory musician was carried out in
triumph, firmly and safely seated in his own ponderous instrument, loudly
insisting that he should be conveyed
[Illustration: WITH CARE--THIS SIDE UP.]
The interruption occasioned by this interesting occurrence was productive
of a general clearance of 24, Pleasant-place; and the apartments which
were so lately filled with airy sylphs and trussed Adonises presented a
strange jumble of rough coats, dingy silk cloaks, very _passé_ bonnets,
and numerous heads enveloped in faded white handkerchiefs. Everything
began to look miserable; candles were seen in all directions flickering
with their inevitable destiny; bouquets were thrown carelessly upon the
ground; and the very faintest odour of a cigar found its way from the
street-door into the drawing-room. Then came the hubbub of struggling
jarvies; the hoarse, continued inquiries of those peculiar beings that
emerge from some unknown quarter of the great metropolis, and "live and
move and have their being" at the doorsteps of party-giving people. What
tales could those benighted creatures tell of secret pressures of hands,
whispered sentences of sweet words, which have led in after-days to many a
blissful union! What sighs must have fallen upon their ears as they have
rolled up the steps and slammed to the doors of the vehicle which bore
away the idol of the evening! But they have no romance--no ambition but to
call "My lord duke's coach."
Then came the desolate stillness of the "banquet-hall deserted;" the
consciousness that the hour of grandeur had passed away. There was nothing
to break the stillness but Mrs. Applebite counting up the spoons, and Mrs.
Waddledot re-decanting the remainders.
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